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Chapter 17: Answers

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Elise

"Remember, to be feared is better than to be loved."

I've never believed in those words.

At least I tried not to even when the man I dated was hanged in front of the masses. But now that I think about it, I don't know if he was dating me because he was actually in love with me or because he feared me.

But that doesn't matter now.

"And stop eating your nails or I'll rip them off!"

Those must be the kindest words I've heard when I was a child. My mother nor my father were found of affection and I am sure that just like me they didn't know what love was either. My parents hated each other and they probably do even today. Nothing has changed, maybe if I get to experience love I can break the cycle of hate.

I tried loving my parents and couldn't. I tried to love the servants but they feared me. I tried dating a man and I think he loved me ... I think.

I was tortured into confessing, but I was so used to the pain of broken bones that I was able to pull through it with my mouth shut.

But for him? One nail off and he confessed.

Well, too bad for him. Because although my parents hate me, they know they can't kill me.

But he was a simple military man ... and was hanged.

"You were supposed to marry the king and have his children! We would have been set up for life! But now we can't give you to him because you opened your legs too soon, you fucking whore!"

"Maybe we should sell her off, with her face she will be a good prostitute in the underground city."

I wasn't scared, at this point I had never expected much from my parents anyways. I was their only child at that time and killing me and end their bloodline wasn't in question.

And then I was forced to enter the Survey Corps, mostly for two reasons. So my family could keep me away with the hopes that one day a titan will eat me outside the walls, so they can say I died 'protecting humanity.'

The other was because my mother was pregnant and I wasn't needed in the family any longer.

And for three years, I trained. Perfection was never an option for me, it was the only option. Being imperfect, weak ... It's humiliating to me.

I graduated top of the class, something my parents didn't expect nor cared too much about it.

And as I joined the Survey Corps, as I came back from every outside the wall expedition unharmed, as I began to kill titans and have status ... They recognized me.

Not only my parents ... Everyone. Their eyes on me always, trying to be friends, maybe because they wanted status or power ... Or maybe just because they wanted to sleep with me and I didn't care.

I thought that maybe, out of those countless stand-up nights I had ... Someone may be able to love me.

"She is royalty! Come on! How many of you can say that you slept with someone from the royal families?"

"Not only that but she has a lot of money too! I heard she paid Leone's father hospital bills!"

"If you are lucky you can marry her and have all of her money!"

"What? No, I don't want to end up hanged! I just want to have a good time."

At that time I understood that the only way to receive some type of love was through putting up a facade. And it worked. I would give money for free, sleep with men whenever they wanted, be the perfect soldier.

And that got me the love I was craving. It wasn't real but it was enough for me.

And things would have been fine if they kept like that ... But then ...

He showed up.

"The name's Levi,"

I still remember the first time he showed up, I hated his guts. He believed he was better than everyone, that his skills were superior.

And I hate to admit it, but they were.

"Come on Dietrich, if you don't step up your game the newbie is going to take your place."

But of course, I wasn't going to allow that. I am always the best, I had to be the best to keep my style of life, the only thing I know is perfection and I must be so at everything.

I could have careless when Levi's friend died on the outside the wall expedition, I only talked to Furlan and Isabel a couple of times and they were no threat to me. Now that they were out of the way and Levi was affected by their deaths, I had the opportunity to take back my rightful place.

"If you keep your hips straight while using the 3D maneuver gear, that's only going to make you slower," Levi said as he approached me.

I had finish training by myself in the forest with the 3D maneuver gear, it was late at night and everyone had gone home.

"I don't need your advice creep," I said as I walked past him, I was wondering just what he was doing there late at night but I honestly could care less at the moment.

"If you listened to advise maybe you will able to accomplish that slaying technique but you can't," he said.

We weren't in the best of terms, this was probably the second time we have talked since our fight at the dining hall.

"It's like dancing, just move your hips along the flow of the wind," Levi took a few steps closers to me, he was a bit smaller but that didn't make him any less handsome.

"And what do you know about dancing?" I asked.

"Well, I may not know much about dancing, but I believe it's like making love," he says. "And believe me when I tell you I am really good at that too."

It was strange. From fighting each other every day to having sex on a regular basis.

Levi was a unique man, he seemed to not give a shit about anything. Maybe that's what attracted me to him in the first place. He wasn't with me for the money or anything like. Maybe it was only for the sex but there will be moments ... Moments in which he showed he wanted more.

"Yo Levi, so tell us ... What's your type?"

"My type?" Levi asks.

"On women!"

There were many things that I overhead that night. But something always stuck with me.

"I don't have a type, I don't believe in romance or love or any of that bullshit."

"Well, what about you and Elise?"

And an idea occurred to me. If I make Levi fall in love with me. Someone as cynical as him ... Would I be able to experience true love? At that point, I knew I had strong feelings for him.

But as I got to know him more. The times in which we were off the bed. The way he would care for me, the way he tried holding my hand, make tea for me. I just knew ... I just knew that he was the one.

"What about her?"

"You like her don't you?"

And everything could have been fine, I could have gotten back to him. If it wasn't because that whore came along.

I don't understand why ... What the heck does Levi sees in her? I am way prettier than her, stronger, and have had more impact on humanity than her. Fuck ,I am sure I am better at sex than her even.

I never thought I could hate someone to this extent.

Did Levi had any idea? Any fucking idea of what he was missing?

A happy life with me, we could have a nice house inside Wall Sina and lived happily ever after.

     Levi is very gullible so it's my responsibility to make him see that his life could be better. After everything he has suffered ... I know I can make him happy.

"Well, maybe she can be the exception."

At his words, I couldn't help but remember my dad's words.

"Remember, to be feared is better than to be loved."

And I can't wait to prove him wrong.

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The moment Levi woke up, he met dark blue eyes and red hair.

"Oh, seems like Maria has a thing for men with dark blue eyes," Nicholas kept looking down at Levi who has obviously seen better days. "We even have the same shade of blue ... Where is your family from?"

Levi didn't know what was going on, maybe he was dreaming or having a nightmare. The candlelight was dim and from what he could tell he was in a room, one he has never been into.

"My mom was a prostitute ... underground," Levi replied, he didn't even know why he was telling him this. Maybe because his head was hurting or just to be nice for once.

"... Interesting," Nicholas says as he stops looking at Levi. He straightens his back and walks back to his room's desk.

"Where am I?" Levi says as he blinks and sits on the bed, slowly his memories were going back to him.

"I was going to visit Maria after the snowstorm but then I found you in the middle of the road, asleep," Nicholas says as he noticed that Levi had his eyes on him. "I couldn't let you die there so I carried you and took you back to the Survey Corp's dorms ... You are in my room."

It was quiet for a second and it was even awkward, mostly because they weren't on the best of terms since their fight a few days ago.

"Also ... I found this next to you," Nicholas pulls out a small bag with brown powder on it. "This is going to end up killing you."

Levi had forgotten about the opium that he had consumed after he left Maria's house ... Ah, yes ... Maria.

"It was cold and I thought consuming it will make me feel warmer," Levi didn't even know why he was explaining himself to Nicholas of all people but what else could he do?

"Opium it's not like beer, it's not something you can consume on a regular basis," Nicholas says and he is quick to throw the opium on his room's trash can. "That's what sellers what you to think so you can keep buying ... And when you expect it the least, you are addicted to them."

"And you are telling me because?" Levi was thinking of just standing up and leave but he had to admit that his legs were too cold to move.

Nicholas lets out a heavy sigh, he didn't go to see Maria today and that made him be in a bad mood. "I used to consume opium and that caused the greatest mistake of my life ... I don't want you to go through that."

Levi looks away as he tried to get a little more time so his legs could warm-up and he could leave. However, his silence made Nicholas think that Levi wanted him to continue talking.

"If something happens to you, everyone will be sad and not only Maria ... People care for you, Captain Levi," Nicholas began to walk towards the door, ready to leave Levi. "Maria was there for me when that happened ... So, I guess I have to be here for you now."

Their eyes met for a moment, blue dark eyes met

"For how long have you been consuming opium?" Nicholas asks as he opens the door.

"A little more than a month," Levi responds. "And two times a week more or less."

"Well, it's not that much. You are lucky, you may not have developed an addiction yet," Nicholas says. "But just to make sure, you will be kept in my room for the rest of your suspension ... two weeks right?"

Levi looks at him with wonder in his eyes. It seemed like Nicholas knew so much but as far as Levi remembers, he doesn't remember telling him that Erwin had suspended him because of the fight.

"Erwin told Hange and she told me," Nicholas saw the surprise in Levi's eyes and decided to expand on his answer. "I also got a punishment but that's besides the point ... Feel like at home, Hange has also agreed for you to stay until you feel better."

Nicholas looks at Levi once again. It was strange, Levi reminded him of how he used to be four years ago. With the same lost look in his eyes ... the same blue.

The redhead sighed and before leaving the room he said,

"Everything is up to you now, Captain."

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The good news was that Levi was doing fine without the opium, he felt more frustrated at the fact that there was no tea at Hange squad's house. He was lucky as no addiction was developed and he promised himself to never consume anything that can harm his body. His body and face were doing better too, his bruises were slowly disappearing.

It had been a week in which Levi was not let outside of the house only with supervision. He had to admit that Nicholas was doing a good job of keeping up with him. Checking on him, feeding him, and even talking to him. During that time, Levi did a lot of thinking. Although all of his feelings were not figured out, there was something he wanted to do. If he was going to start moving on, he needed to start a new.

As a favor requested by Levi, Nicholas had gathered Hange, Erwin, Petra, Eld, Oluo and Gunther. All of them inside the same room. It was strange, everyone was in Hange's home. Silence and only the burning of logs coming from the fireplace could be heard. Everyone sat in the one-row of chairs.

"I know you are very busy," Levi interrupted the silence. This is something he won't normally do but at this point, he just learned that sometimes things like this were necessary. "But I thank you all for coming here."

"You all know that I don't like beating around the bush," Levi says and he lets out a sigh, all eyes on him. "I know that apologies are useless, but at this point, it's the only thing I can do ... I was a jerk to all of you, I hurt you all and I don't blame any of you if you hate me ... There's no excuse for the way I treated you."

Nicholas stood next to the fireplace as he watched the Captain talk to his friends. He wouldn't show it but Nicholas could tell Levi was nervous, he hid his hands on his back as they were trembling.

"Hange ... I didn't mean to offend you, you are by far one of the most incredible women I have ever met," Levi found it difficult to look at Hange in the eyes but somehow he found comfort in them. "I am sorry I didn't listen to you, If I had ... I would probably not be here."

He turns to look at his squad who all felt like crying at the moment, especially Oluo who secretly had a great appreciation for his Captain. 

"Petra, Eld, Oluo, Gunther ... You are my squad, you all gave me your support and trust ... But instead, I pushed you all away," he says. "I am sorry ... I've been a very bad leader."

Petra smiled at Levi while Eld nodded in agreement. Oluo and Gunther stood quiet but listen to every single word.

Levi turns to look at Erwin, who sat in the middle. He couldn't tell what he was feeling and his face showed no expression.

"Erwin ... I disrespected you, not only as my Commander but as my friend," Levi says as he takes a step closer to the group. "I am sorry I couldn't be a better friend."

Levi felt the eyes of the blond man on him, there was so much he wanted to say to him. But at the moment, only a few words could escape his mouth.

He then turns to face everyone, he spoke directly from his heart and he could only hope that his words can reach them. Levi was aware that he had messed up and the only thing he wanted was to start a new.

"You all were always there for me ... I was so blinded by my pain before that I hadn't realized that ... I always had people who supported me and loved me."

Letting out a sigh, he couldn't help but remember the brunette. Maria ... He missed her so much. But this is what she wanted right? This is what he wanted too.

"I know it's too much to ask, I know you are all angry at me ... But if you give me another chance ... I promise ... I'll do better ... I'll-"

Suddenly, Hange stands up from her chair and Levi thought that she was going to punch him. But that wasn't the case ... Hange wraps her arms across Levi, embracing him. He heard everyone stand up from their seats as well.

"We were never angry at you ... We were all sad and worried because we thought you had lost your way," Hange says. "We thought you would end up in a bad place."

"But look at you, you found your path again and you have developed so much," Hange looks at Levi with kind eyes as she parts from him, letting his other friends join their moment. "I was wrong."

Levi wasn't one for contact, especially when Hange wasn't one to bathe regularly. But at the moment he didn't mind too much.

"You are not the same man I met a year ago ... For you to stand up here and tell us you are sorry," Hange places a hand on his shoulder. "To be this vulnerable with us ... You trust us and love us don't you?"

At the moment, Levi couldn't speak. What Hange had said was true and he didn't know why but he felt a heavy knot being formed on his throat. As he couldn't speak, he nods and that's all the comfort everyone needed.

"You also felt scared and lost when Maria left right?" Petra was the one to speak now and he got Levi's attention. "You had nowhere else to go ... You didn't want to bother us with your problems."

Petra was right and Levi couldn't do anything but nod. He wasn't saying anything but everyone could tell by his eyes that he was containing himself.

"But it's ok Levi ... We will take care of you now," Eld says as to comfort the Captain. "We won't leave you, we promise."

"We love you, Captain!" Oluo and Gunther say in unison and they bounced off to hug him. Levi rolled his eyes, although he was a bit annoyed, he appreciated the thought.

For a moment, Levi's eyes met Erwin's who had a reassuring smile. "Welcome back, Levi."

Humanity's strongest soldier smile, finally knowing that these were the people who made him stronger. They were here for him and they were going nowhere. He had found his place, somewhere he was accepted ... His home.

"I am back."

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It was going better but saying that he had completely forgotten is wrong. He could still see her face on the morning sun, her laugh on the wind, her smell on the flowers.

He missed her so much, so much that it pained him.

But there was nothing he could do but to try and forget her ... Just as she had asked him.

It was going to be a long time before that happens but he could only hope that with time, things will go in his favor.

For now, the only thing he could do was to enjoy the pain that was left and re-live the memories they had together.

It was strange, that little by little he was doing better. He was eating properly, getting enough exercise, and was in a better mood over all. At some point, he didn't know if he was doing better because Maria had asked him to do so or because he actually wanted to be better.

But does it matter? Probably not.

The only thing that matter to him was that he was keeping his promise to her by forgetting her ... Do what she wanted him to do.

And it was sad because he wanted to feel sad, miserable even. But he couldn't. Not all.

All due to the brunette and their promise.

He really couldn't believe how much of a blessing Maria had been in his life.

One of the many things he had done during his recovery time was to apologize to Elise and even Nicholas. The redhead was surprised but there were no hard feelings between the two. Maybe they could have been great friends if they didn't love the same woman. Who knows, maybe in a couple of years all of this can be a funny story.

As for Elise, they decided to give their relationship another try. Slowly but it was there. Levi had stopped sleeping around, knowing that his promiscuous behavior wasn't a healthy copy mechanism.

Instead, he focused on cleaning and even had taken a liking to draw. Tragically he was never able to give Maria the drawing album he had made for her. Mostly for two reasons. The first one was that he didn't finish the drawings he had in mind and the second one was that he felt like his drawings weren't good enough for her.

It was his only way to keep his feelings at bay. Whenever he felt sad, he would take out his sketchbook and draw. They were bad drawings but it was a nice way to remember the good times and remember her face.

He still had the drawing they did together and that was probably the thing that kept him sane at the moment. Levi was just too scared of forgetting her face ... Just like how he forgot his mother's.

Levi was doing well at work now too. Training went smoothly, his squad and he was on good terms as well. The food at home was terrible. Maria used to take care of that but now that she wasn't here, everyone did their own thing. Levi was a terrible cook but from time to time he would receive food from the other house members. There was more work to do in the house and there were times in which they remembered the brunette and how much she used to do for them. It was sad but there wasn't much they could do but split the chores.

His relationship with Elise was stable too. He had learned to be more open with her and they even had gone on a simple normal date. Levi was aware that it was too soon to be in a new relationship but Elise insisted and if she was alright with it, he agreed to be with her.

Their intimate life was good, the sex was great but Levi couldn't help but feel like it wasn't the same. He knew that it was wrong but he couldn't help but think of Maria.

He felt miserable at the thought that will never be able to make love to the woman he loves. And even regretful because he was thinking of another woman while having sex with Elise.

Levi had been clear with Elise in that sense too and she had accepted that aspect of his life at the moment.

Or at least that's what he thought.

It was a weekend and Levi had just come back from town to buy food supplies. When he went back home he was surprised to see the door was left open. It was strange, Levi knew he was very picky about this kind of things. His team nor he would ever leave the door open. The instant he entered the house and felt the heat, he knew that there was someone certainly inside their home.

His heart couldn't help but feel hope that it was Maria. Maybe she had changed her mind and decided to come back, maybe she was sitting by the fireplace and decided to wait for him with some tea at her hands. Levi couldn't help it but smile just at the thought, of dropping the bags he was holding and run to her.

But it wasn't her.

Elise sat in front of the fireplace, her legs crossed and her back softly resting against the cross rail. She looked so refined and beautiful but there was something off about her. Her face wasn't delicate but vigorous. Her bright blue eyes showed such determination that Levi felt a little bit uncomfortable. It wasn't just like her.

And even so, she looked so relaxed, drinking tea out of a white teacup Levi knew very much. It was the cup Maria had given him, the one with the beautiful engraving. He loved that cup so much and he didn't even drink from that cup since he was scared of breaking it.

"What? Were you expecting someone else?" Elise says as she begins to flip the pages of the book she had on her lap. A book Levi knew too well, his sketchbook.

His face most have completely changed when he saw her because Elise was angry. More than that, furious.

"Did you forget our date today?" Elise says as she keeps her eyes on the sketchbook. "I was waiting outside and got cold, so I sneaked inside the house."

"I am sorry, I forgot about the date," Levi says as he places the bags he was carrying on top of the dining table. "I thought I had told you I was going to town with my squad."

"Well, where are they?" the blond woman asks.

"They stayed in town, they wanted to drink so-"

"Don't lie, Levi ... Have you been seeing Maria?" Elise asks as this time she looks up at humanity's strongest soldier.

"No, I haven't," he replies, getting a bit annoyed at her presumptions. "Also, I would appreciate it if you put that cup away ... And did you look into my stuff?"

If sneaking inside the house without permission wasn't enough, for Levi it was annoying that Elise had looked into his personal things.

"And what if I did? I am your girlfriend, I have the right to do so," she says as she closes Levi's sketchbook but still it lay on her lap.

"I don't think that's how it works."

"And I think the reason why you are being so defensive about it it's because you have something to hide," Elise wasn't backing away but Levi wasn't going to let her have her way either. "After all I've done for you ... You still think about her."

Levi was quiet as Elise lets out a heavy sigh. She looks at the teacup in her hand. Simple and beautiful just like the whore.

"To Levi, enjoy every day as if it was your one last time," Elise says. "Pathetic."

Elise then throws the teacup into the floor and it breaks completely. Levi was too in shock to even move and he couldn't react either when Elise threw his sketchbook into the bonfire, burning it.

"What are you doing?!" Levi screams at her as he gets closer to the bonfire, his sketchbook already beyond saving. He looks to the shattered teacup next to him and he couldn't help but feel terrible at the moment. "That was important to me! How could you?!"

"How could I?! How do you think I felt when I found this letter in your room?!" Elise pulls a paper out of her jacket's pocket, showing it to Levi who was still next to the fireplace. "You met her ... You made love to her ... and you ... you love her."

Levi stood quickly as he heard Elise's voice crack as she turns the letter to begin reading. "My heart won't ever be able to express how much sadness it feels knowing that we won't be together anymore. I am sorry, I am a coward and I didn't have the courage to tell you how much I love you."

"I told you ... I told you I still had feelings for her-" Levi wanted to justify himself but Elise didn't give him the chance to as she continues reading.

"Before, I thought that the portrait drawing we did together was stupid but now I can't imagine my life without it. I will forever hold into it, always with me wherever I go," Elise continues reading, not believing what she was reading. "I promise you to be happy and I think I will be because you are always with me, in my mind and heart ... always."

Their eyes met for a moment and it was silent. Only the cracking of logs could be heard, Elise tried containing her tears but couldn't.

"Since when did you learn how to write so well? Since when are you so open about your feelings?" She asked as she began to tear off the letter and threw it onto the fire. Another thing Maria will never be able to read.

"Elise I-"

"Give me the drawing," she says.

"What?"

"The drawing portrait ... You always have it with you, don't you?" Elise asks as she wiped away her tears. "You must even have it with you now ... So give it to me."

And she was completely right. Levi always had it with him, the drawing was in his black jacket's inside pocket. Right in his heart and well protected. It was a simple piece of paper but it meant a lot to him.

"No," Levi says, offended enough. He was willing to try to be good and have a good relationship with her but it seems like that wasn't going to happen.

"Give it to me!" Elise screams as she takes a step closer to him.

"No," Levi responded quietly but loud enough for her to hear.

"Why not?!"

"Because her memory is the only thing keeping me sane!" Levi screams, letting his feelings be known. "Because I can't imagine my life without her! Without the memory that she used to be a part of my life and just because someone is gone doesn't mean that the love you have for them it's over!"

"And what about us Levi?" Elise says as she grabs him by his shoulders. "Do you have any idea about the things I have done for you? About the love I have for you? You are going to throw all of that away for a fucking whore?"

"No Elise, she is not a whore and she has taught me many things," Levi couldn't help it but have a small smile on his face as he remembers the brunette. "You don't hurt the people you love, you don't possess them, you don't destroy the things that are important to them! She taught me that and much more."

Elise's hearts began to break as his words struck her like lightning. She couldn't contain the tears and what hurts the most is that she had never seen Levi as happy as this moment. Her plan was crumbling down.

"And it's not only that, love can come in many ways. In your job, your hobbies, friends," Levi says. "You love an individual for who they are and not for what they can give you back ... You don't have to possess someone. Fuck, you don't need to be with someone to love them ... As long as you know they are happy and safe ..."

Levi looks up to Elise who was speechless, her eyes trembled in sadness. A frown on her face who made look even more miserable.

"You can also find love in loving oneself but to be honest I don't think I will ever be able to do that ... But what I can do is accept who I am and know that even someone like me deserves respect."

"I thought that we could be good together. You know you always stood by my side and everyone deserves a second chance," Levi continues as he feels that Elise slowly loses her grip on his shoulders. "But you did this ... I think we made a mistake."

"What are you trying to say?" Her voice was a mess and puts her arms across her chest in a protective manner.

"I don't want to be with you anymore, I am breaking up with you," Levi says. "I think I won't be ready to be in a relationship any time soon ... We can be friends but that's about it ... I am sorry."

Levi saw something in Elise change, she immediately stopped crying and as she finally wiped away her tears, she stood tall. Trying to intimidate him, to show the hatred inside of her. But Levi felt nothing, he was sure of his feelings and of his decision. Before, he found it comforting that Elise always stood by his side. Whether it was a bad or good relationship, he was glad that she was there with him.

But now he couldn't accept it, now he knew that sometimes it was good to let go ... He had to let go.

"You will regret this," Elise says as their eyes meet.

Levi wanted to end this on better terms but he couldn't do anything as Elise was already on the door.

As she opens the door to leave, their eyes meet for one last time.

"I promise."

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After weeks, Nicholas was looking for Levi like crazy. It was late at night and Nicholas had gone out of his way to talk to Captain Levi. He thought he was exaggerating at first but after what he received in the mail today, he knew he had to speak to Levi.

He knocked on his house's door multiple times desperately. Holding onto his brown bag that contained the thing he received today. Finally, the short man he was looking for opened the door.

"Flaherty? Levi says as he looks up to the redhead. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you, in private," Nicholas responds as he looks down at Levi.

"I haven't had my evening tea, can you wait-"

"It's about Maria."

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After a few minutes of walking, Nicholas and Levi were on top of a hill. The hill in which Levi had planted a tree as a memoir for Isabel and Furlan. The tree was bigger and Levi will even go as far as to say that he was proud of how healthy the tree looks. But right now there wasn't time to think about that.

"Look, I'll be clear with you ... I've been looking for Maria for weeks now," Nicholas says as he looks around the place, only grass around them and the moon above. "Whenever I go visit her, she's not there. At first, I thought she was just busy shopping or that she had gone on a trip and I had tried looking for her in town but nothing and today I received this ..."

At that moment, Nicholas opens up his brown bag and puts his hand inside of it. Levi waited un-patiently and he felt that his heart could explode at any second due to the anticipation.

But his heart didn't explode, it had stopped. His breathing was none existent and his hands began to shake.

"Is that ..."

Nicholas reveals what he is hiding in his bag, it was hair. Beautiful, long brown hair tied together with a white ribbon.

"It's Maria's hair," Nicholas murmurs as he still didn't believe what he was holding.

"What happened?" Levi began to feel desperate, as he walked towards Nicholas and took the hair out of his hands. The moonlight shone on it and he just knew it was her hair. He had brushed it so many times, he just knew the texture and look of it. "Nicholas tell me what happened?!"

"I am not supposed to say anything but I have no choice ... Levi there's a reason why Maria left you the way she did," Nicholas's voice trembled a little at the thought of Maria. "It was because I was stupid ... And because of Elise."

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"Do you know about the recent murders and kidnappings going around? Survey Corps' family members are persecuted and soon it will be all military branches," Elise walked around Maria as her boots impacted the grass underneath her. "What would you do ... If you were to find out that Levi is the one behind those crimes?"

Maria felt the air leave her lungs, she just knew that it wasn't possible. That Levi could never do such a thing. "That's not true."

"Of course it's not. But that's not what everyone is going to think," Elise says as she stands behind Maria, looking at the tree in front of her. "The planning took a long time but everything is done."

"What do you mean?"

"I went around finding reliable people ... Eyewitnesses who will say that the person who commits the murders looks very much like Captain Levi," Elise turns her body to face the brunette. She couldn't see her face but only her back. "And if that's not enough, I have a written letter from him confession the murders to you."

"That's not true! He never-"

"Yes, he never did," Elise enjoyed seeing the panic face of the brunette. It had been six months and everything was paying off. "Levi sent you letters six months ago when you lived with Hange's squad, didn't he? And don't lie ... I am friends with the mailman and told me about it."

Maria stood quiet as she watched Elise walk playfully around the tree, just like a little girl.

"The Survey Corps' mailman will be an honest witness ... It took me three months to copy and perfect Levi's handwriting," Elise says. "And of course, going inside his office was also complicated ... But he really should more careful. He left his official seal stamp on the first drawer of his desk."

"Levi used to be a criminal. Once the Military Police finds out, he will either be sent to prison for life or be hang," Elise begins to walk in front of Maria, her hair bangs covering her face and she showed no reaction. "And of course Levi won't even have the back up of the Survey Corps ... After all, they are the ones affected ... Erwin maybe the Commander but even he knows that he needs the support of his soldiers if he ever wants to do something meaningful for humanity."

"I can also place the murder knife under his bed if necessary," Elise added as she got closer to the brunette, her smile never disappearing.

"Isn't your family powerful?" Maria asked as she looks down at her feet, it was cold but right now that didn't matter. "Why go through all of this trouble if you can just put anyone in jail?"

Elise lets out a heavy sigh as she tried her best to get a good look at Maria as the moonlight was the only source of light at the moment. "My parents once sent the Military Police to kill the man I was dating ... They said that he conspired against the king, of course, that was a lie. You see, when there's no proof, people start talking ... I just can't afford those types of rumors about me nor my family ... Not anymore."

Maria begins to tremble and she didn't know if it was because it was cold or because she was scared, maybe both. She had come to trust Elise but now all of that was shattered.

"You kidnapped and killed all of those people ... Just so you could have Levi at your feet?" Maria says, her eyes trembled and she still couldn't believe this was happening.

"Actually, I had planned something else ... Killing isn't my thing but it was going to happen anyway so ..."

"What?" Maria asks. "What do you mean it was going to happen anyway?"

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"Elise has another plan ... And that's where I come in," Nicholas looks away, he was trying to contain his feelings but as he retold the story to Levi, it was becoming more difficult.

"You see, she is a really smart woman ... If only I had known ... If I had been more careful ..."

Levi felt like he was going numb, that was too much information to take in and at the moment he didn't know what to feel.

"Six months ago, I was cleaning the library as my punishment," Nicholas felt like vomiting just at the thought, of how repulsive a person could be. "Elise would come to visit me and help me .... Eventually we became good friends and I opened my mouth when I shouldn't."

"I told her that when I used to date Maria, I had an opium addiction and that I had gotten in trouble with the people selling it."

Nicholas felt conflicted because four years ago he promised to never tell anyone about Maria's secret. And this was selfish of him, he knew that Maria would have wanted for him to not say anything to Levi.

But how couldn't he? When he would tremble in fear just at the thought that she might be in danger?

"I am the only one who knows about this but ... Four years ago ... Maria was raped," Nicholas says. "Of course, I didn't tell Elise about that but she figured it out."

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"I heard Nicholas before talking to himself ... about wanting to kill a bastard who hurt you," Elise says as she feels the wind dance through her golden hair. "And after he told me he used to have an opium addiction, I connected the dots."

"God, men are so stupid," she lets out a sigh as she got closer to the brunette. She wanted to see her face when she tells her the news. "My family is the biggest distributor of opium in all of the walls ... That's when I remembered that Mr. Alon Ackerman used to take care of that business for us."

It seemed like Maria had also begun to connect the dots because her face was filled with horror as her brown eyes met Elise's light blue ones.

"I talked to him and at the mention of Nicholas Flaherty, Mr. Ackerman told me ..." Elise continued. "How perfectly he remembers raping Nicholas' girlfriend because he didn't pay."

Maria began to shake, her legs began to tremble as she felt like she could faint at any moment. She fell to the ground and she could feel the cold grass touch her body.

"Mr. Alon has his own reasons for wanting to kill people, something along the lines of getting revenge for his clan, honestly I didn't care too much to listen ... But I connected everything and that's how this plan came to be." Elise enjoyed seeing the brunette broken like this. On the ground, she couldn't even cry because she didn't believe it.

"You are so stupid! You married your own rapist!" Elise screamed at Maria, knowing that the place was too remote for anyone to hear them. "You have his last name! And you are going to have to live with that for the rest of your life."

"If only you had gone to meet him, if only you hadn't trust Levi's judgment," She bent down to look at the brunette. With one hand, she held her chin up. Elise could see the tears coming from her eyes. "If only you had faced your problems since the beginning, we wouldn't be here."

Maria hasn't felt like this in years. She began to remember, the pain, the suffering, her traumas were coming back to her. The thing she wanted to forget the most ... It was coming back to kill her.

"Do you remember his face? Maybe you don't, maybe you have decided to block that memory, but it's alright. It doesn't matter now," Elise smiles at the house attendant. "Just know ... That if you don't stay away from Levi ... Your rapist is going to take you from here and make you live with him ... He has the right to do so, after all, he is your husband!"

Elise began to laugh as she stands up from the ground, leaving the brunette broken. She had to admit, that she felt a little sad seeing the woman like this ... Just a little. After all none of this would have happened if Maria had stayed away from Levi since the beginning.

Maria did not know what to think. There was no escape, what could she do? If she tells Levi, there is no doubt he will confront Elise. If that happens will end up in jail or worse, dead. And she will be sent to live with her rapists and live her life in the agony of having to remember her misfortune. 

"At least, let me break up with Levi," her voice cracked as she grabbed into Elise's leg. She wanted to beg but even she was aware that someone like her won't budge.

Her feelings were messed up and she felt stupid and betrayed ... Because deep down she really thought Elise had changed and had become her friend.

"No, no ... You have to leave him, just disappear on him," Elise kept her smile, it was nice. So nice being the one with the power. "Levi loves you too much, I have to admit that."

Elise looks around the grass field, it really was empty, cold and she thought that it could start snowing at any moment now.

"Even if you were to break up with Levi, he will be in pain but he will pull through as long as he can see you, as long as he knows you are fine," it was one of the things she hated about Maria. That she had Levi's unconditional love. But she had to use that against the brunette. Love can either heal you or broke you. If Levi was broken then she will have the opportunity to manipulate him at her will.

"That's why you are going to write him a letter, saying that you don't love him and that you will be with Nicholas," Elise says as she looks down at Maria again. Wow, the woman was broken. She remembered a time when the brunette was full of life and even had some bravery.

Now all of that was gone. All because she was afraid of a man.

"Because betrayal is the fastest way to hate someone ... trust is broken ... and no matter what, it will never be the same," Elise couldn't help it but really enjoy the pathetic look on Maria's face. "Whatever happens from now on ... It doesn't matter ... I have already won!"

"Please ..." Maria had tears in her eyes. She couldn't stop them. She felt like she could die at any second, her hands began to tremble, she began to sweat even when it was freezing. She was having a panic attack but Nicholas wasn't here, nor Levi ... She was alone. "Please ... I don't want to see him, I don't want him to touch me, please don't."

She was having flashbacks of that day ... Of the day that ruined her life. "Please, please ... stop, it hurts."

Anyone else would have felt bad and pity for the brunette but Elise could careless.

"And don't even think about divorce, it's not going to happen," Elise looks down at Maria with disgust. "Both parties need to consent for that to happen and I am sure Mr. Ackerman won't want to let go of his wife."

Now that she had finished, it should be good to show some mercy for the brunette. She didn't want her to go crazy ... at least not now.

"Don't worry, I won't leave you on the streets," Elise says. "I'll give you a house, I'll make sure to keep an eye on you and your friends can visit you ... You should be happy! After all, you will have your happy ending with Nicholas! It's ok, you can tell him about this, it's not like he can do much either."

Elise looks down at the brunette who still seems to be trapped in a trance. She had curled up in a small ball, murmuring things to herself. Maybe she would faint, maybe she would die. The beautiful woman didn't know, but one thing she was sure of was that Maria was a strong woman, she will pull through this one.

"Come on, Levi wouldn't want to see you like this," Elise bends down to give Maria a small path of her back. "Now go back to being yourself and go to Levi, he must be waiting for you ... You should leave as soon as you can."

But Maria wasn't responding.

"Oh, for all my goddess," Elise sighs in disappointment, and rolls her eyes in annoyance as she says, "Pathetic."

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"I never knew who the man was ... Maria never wanted to talk about it and I even think she blocked that memory. She never told me how he looked like nor anything of that matter."

Levi stood quiet as he felt his heart had stopped beating. For a moment, nothing existed, not this world nor his life.

Maria had gone through all of this alone? All of that trauma, her pain, her tears ... He wasn't there. He couldn't protect her ... He failed and she was suffering the consequences.

"You told me once that you wished you were me," Nicholas says. "But honestly, I wish I was you ... After what happened to her, she had never been with any other man ... You were the first one."

"Do you have any idea how much trust she has in you? How safe she feels with you? At ease? At peace? Do you have any idea about the love she has for you? How important you are to her?" Nicholas's voice break as tears came out of his eyes. "Can you imagine ... Just how much she loves you? Do you understand that now?"

And just like that ... All of Levi's walls broke down. As if they were paper as if nothing had existed before. And there ... Levi found himself. His most pure and vulnerable form.

"I live with this never-ending guilt," Nicholas falls to his knees as Levi stood in front of him. "I hurt the person I love the most twice ... The only thing I wanted to do was to protect her but I have failed ... So please ... I beg you ... Help me find her."

Levi wanted to comfort the man, to tell him that the begging wasn't necessary. That it doesn't matter how long it takes he won't ever stop until he finds her. He needs to find her, Levi knew in that exact moment that there was no one, no one could ever replace the love he has for her.

She had given everything to him, her life, her mental stability, her trust, and love ... And he can't let all of that go. He can't let the person who has loved him the most go.

Of the person he loves.

Levi didn't believe in anything divine but at that moment he hoped there was something out there, anything. Anything that could hear his screams and prayers of desperation in the hopes of Maria's safety.

"There's no time to waste," Levi says. "Let's find her."

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Levi decided to go by himself to look for Elise. He didn't think twice about getting a horse and going to her dorm. The only thing that will be complicated will be having some privacy. What could he say to her? It was very late at night, around 3 am and if he wasn't careful enough, her squad might start to suspect something. At this point it was better to keep everything on the low, Levi didn't know how Elise was going to react and the last thing he wanted was to do something that might trigger Elise.

A part of him still didn't believe it and if he was completely honest he didn't want to believe it.

But if he thought about it deeply, everything made sense. From her change of heart six months ago to the reason why Maria left.

Levi dismounted his horse with a small jump, he landed nicely on the ground. Walking in front of Elise's home, he was about to knock on the wooden door but the neigh of a horse interrupted his actions.

It wasn't his horse the one that neighs, Levi would have recognized it otherwise. He turns his head slowly, to find Elise softly galloping her horse towards him.

"You missed me already?" Elise smiles as she comes off from her horse, the moonlight shone on her hair that was in a beautiful ponytail. It was cold and although she wanted to go inside her home, she knew she wasn't doing that any time soon.

"Where were you?" Levi asks, he didn't know how he should start the conversation. He needed to be careful with his words and he hated that. He wished he could scream and ask her where Maria was.

"I think you already know that," Elise says as she walks closer to Levi. Her boots made a sound every time it touched the soil and snow on the ground. "Nicholas must have talked to you by now."

Levi lets out a heavy sigh as he tried to contain himself.

"Then just tell me what I need to know and I'll be on my way."

"You know that's not going to happen," Elise has a small smile on her face as she moves a strand of hair behind her ear. "I wonder what they are doing right now ... Mr. Alon must be having his fun with her."

At her words, Levi couldn't hold himself any longer. He was fast and with his strength, he picks Elise up by her shirt's collar. Elise had never seen Levi like that, so vexed with her, and if looks could kill she will be long dead. And even like that ... Elise wasn't scared of him.

"Elise, tell me where she is!" he screams at her, desperately.

"And if I don't what? What are you going to do?" Elise laughs a little as she places her hands oh Levi's. "A better question ... What can you do?"

She was right. What can he do? If Elise doesn't tell him what can he do? It's not like he can force her to say anything. If he is not careful enough, he didn't know what other things Elise might end up doing. He hated how unbothered she seems. It was as if she enjoyed it, seeing him in pain and hurt.

Levi lets her go and Elise's feet touch the ground. She lets out a heavy sigh as she was finally able to breathe properly.

"I can't do anything, if you don't tell me, then I'll have to find her myself ... someway or another," Levi's voice almost cracks, his eyes trembled at just the thought of what the brunette maybe going through right now.

"But I beg you ... I'll do anything ... If you had any love for me ... Any true love ... Please."

Elise had never seen Levi like that. She had seen many sides of him, his best and worst. But never like this. So, desperate, confused, hurt, lost. His dark blue eyes were becoming dull, his mouth had a frown and his forehead had wrinkles.

The air felt heavy between them and Elise just couldn't help but wonder ... Just why? Why can't Levi be like this for her too? Was there a moment in which he ever felt like that for her?

"Why?" Elise whispers. "Why could you never love me? Why couldn't it be me? The only thing I wanted was your love! That's it! Why can't you give your love to me?"

"You can't force me to love you!" Levi raised his voice but not too much. They were in front of Elise's house and he didn't want to wake up her squad. "But you know what? I think that maybe I could have ... these past six months you showed me a better version of yourself, you were kind and understanding ... but after this ... After what you have done ..."

Levi looks up at her bright blue eyes, there was no doubt in his words.

"Any type of love I had for you is gone."

He saw her face change, her eyes began to fill with tears, and her lips have an upside-down smile.

"How? How can't you love me when I am perfect?!" Elise yelled as she didn't care if someone heard them, she didn't care about anything but the man in front of her. "You love me, you just don't realize it because that fucking whore is manipulating you!"

"I don't love you because I fear you!" Levi says. "Now that I look back at it, even your friends, your squad ... they don't respect you, they fear you and I fear of what you can do to the people I love."

This moment Elise realized ... That her whole life was a lie. That no matter how much she tried ... that no matter how perfect she is ... She can't be loved. Love does not exist for her, it will be a sentiment that she will never be able to feel.

"Remember, is better to be feared than to be loved."

"I'll tell you where she is," her posture changed, her tears had completely subsided and she looked at Levi with numb eyes. "But you have to do something for me ... You have to promise me you will do it."

Levi was hesitant, he knew that Elise was completely out of her mind. But at the moment he was so desperate that Levi would do anything to find Maria. He just wanted to see the brunette, to know that she is safe ... It was something his body and soul craved.

"What is it?" he asks.

It took a few minutes of explanation. Elise pronounced words that were gone as the cold wind pass. Levi couldn't believe her request, it was something he wasn't expecting. Something that will pain him to do, something he has to live with for the rest of his life.

But for Maria, he will do it. Maria sacrificed everything for him and now it was his turn.

"I'll do it when the time comes," Levi says as he takes a step closer to Elise, finally intimidating the beautiful woman.

"Now tell me ... Where is she?"

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A/N: Finally answers. What is going to happen now? I feel really bad for Maria she has being through so much. Next chapter we will see what happened to her. I don't want to write too much on this section as to prevent myself from writing spoilers lol

I have other things to reveal for the final chapter and that's as much as I can say for now lol.

Also, wow Elise kinda crazy right? Surprisingly enough, I enjoy writing her so much! She is a complex character so it's entertaining, but it's completely alright if you dislike her, she crazy after all. Especially after what she did to Maria.
(I also enjoyed writing her point of view, so might I might write in first point of view for other characters as well)

I don't know, strangely enough I am not completely satisfied with this chapter maybe because we don't get to see a lot of Maria.
But anyways, this chapter is shorter than usual, but it's ok! I kinda wanted to give you all an extra chapter for this week lol.

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you all are enjoying the last chapters of One Last Time.

3 more chapters left!

As always, I encourage you to comment and tell me your theories about the ending! What type of ending would you all like?

I already know how I want the ending but of course, things can change.

Anyways, thank you all for reading and see you next week!