Over the past few weeks, we finally got everything done. The baby's room was finished, the baby shower was over with, I had no more appointments. Not that I needed any, for the baby should be arriving sometime within the month.

It was an exciting, yet terrifying moment. I was ready to be a mom but at the same time I didn't want to be. I didn't want to fuck up and end up ruining this baby's life. What if I turn out to be a terrible mother? What if this child hates me? Or worse, becomes me? I don't want the child to grow up with all the insecurities that I had and still have. I don't want them growing up with depression and anxiety. What if they don't have any friends in school? What if people begin to hate them?

Was I truly ready to be a mother?

"Hannah." The sudden touch of his grip on my shoulder caused my heart to skip a beat. "You okay?"

I turned my head towards him, his brown eyes showing concern. Nodding hurriedly, my gaze shifted away from him. I couldn't bring myself to speak. It felt as if I were to breakdown into a sobbing mess if I were to open my mouth.

"You're scared." He gently puts his hand under my chin, turning my head back to facing him. A soft smile appears on his lips. "Its okay to be scared."

A tear falls down my cheek at the thought of it all again. Maybe I'll just give this baby away once its born? No, Hannah you can't do that. But I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I can be committed to raising a child. Its a commitment you chose to take before you were even aware of it. Now that its pretty much just around the corner, I don't know if I'd be able to. You will. How do you know? Because you have someone who loves you unconditionally by your side to care for this child with you. You won't have to do this alone.

"Hannah, you're not going to be doing this alone." Brendon repeats what the voice in my head was telling me. And I could feel my nerves relax as he wraps me in a warm embrace. "I'm going to be right by your side. This child is going to have an amazing life, raised by the best and most amazing mother."

"I...I don't want it." My voice felt like it was gone. The words that fell out of my mouth were barely a whisper. But he still manages to hear me, for he held me closer, my head now resting against his chest.

"Don't say that." He spoke softly and calmly. "Hannah, I know you're second guessing yourself about this decision. But things will all fall into place. I promise."

"What if they don't?" My voice cracked as a stream of tears fell down my face. "What if there's something wrong with this child because of what happened?" I pull the sleeves of my hoodie over my hands and wipe away a few tears.

"Hannah, the doctor said that the baby was growing healthy and normal." He took a few strands of my hair, twisting it around between his fingers. "It'll be okay. Everything will turn out perfect. You know why? Because they're going to have the best parents they could ever ask for."

Nothing was said after that. I couldn't bring myself to speak, and Brendon was comforting me. I was a wreck. This isn't a way to act when your child will be born any time now.

There was a part of me that regretted all of this. I couldn't help but to wonder where I'd be right now if I weren't pregnant. Maybe Brendon and I would be off on some sort of vacation, or maybe visiting his family. But instead, we're here. On the couch, watching who knows what on the television, waiting for this baby to be born. That was about it. Nothing more, nothing less.

The bright side. I have to look at the bright side of this. Maybe it won't be as awful as I'm imagining it to be.

"Hannah, why don't you get some rest?" A yawn escaped Brendon's mouth, his eyes were starting to droop.

It was at that moment that I realized we had been sitting there on the couch for quite a long time. And now that I think about it, I was pretty tired. Stressing about all of this took its toll.

"C'mon, babe." His hand grabbed mine as he stood up. "Let's go to bed." He never broke the contact as I got up to follow him. We slowly made our way upstairs and into our bedroom, passing by the baby's room which caused my heartbeat to quicken.

Deep breaths, Hannah. Its a new experience. Everything will turn out to be fine.

There was nothing else that was said between us as we both got into our pajamas. Which for me consisted of sweat pants and a baggy T-shirt. And just boxers for Brendon.

As soon as we lied down, it was only a matter of seconds before Brendon had passed out. I think he meant that he needed to get some rest.

~~~

As much as I was tired, both mentally and physically, I just couldn't bring myself to sleep. For hours I was just laying in bed, tossing and turning, not being able to find a comfortable position. But Brendon on the other hand, was fast asleep next to me, every once in awhile letting out a small snore. At least one of us was getting some sleep.

I try to get out of bed as quickly and quietly as I could so I didn't wake Brendon up. Maybe if I walk around for a little bit, I could get tired enough to fall asleep.

A few minutes passed of me just walking back and forth around the bedroom. I was feeling no difference from before. Maybe sleep just wasn't one to come tonight?

But standing soon felt extremely uncomfortable. And so did sitting down when I sat on the edge of the bed. What the fuck was happening? Why was it like this all of a sudden? A few hours ago I felt fine and now...I just couldn't seem to do anything to be comfortable anymore. I should probably make my way downstairs so that I don't bother Brendon while he sleeps.

But before I could even open the bedroom door, there was a slight pain in my back and lower abdomen. I tried to hold in a yelp as it only lasted a few seconds.

Shit.

What if it was just a false alarm? It wasn't actually happening, was it? It couldn't be. It was too early. I still had a week and a half until my due date.

I passed back and forth around the bedroom again, not wanting to go downstairs without Brendon now. But I didn't want to wake him up. Not yet.

"Hannah, is everything okay?" The small lamp on his side of the bed suddenly turned on illuminating the room. He rubbed his eyes tiredly, letting out a yawn. Well I guess I woke him up anyway.

"I don't know." I never stopped pacing. In fact, I think I sped up. "I don't know. I don't know." I couldn't form any other words at the moment. I was confused and a bit scared.

Brendon threw the blanket off of himself and hurried over to my side, gripping my upper arms causing me to stop pacing around. But that discomfort slowly arose again. I need to keep walking.

"Hannah, its okay." His voice was calm and soothing. "What happened?"

"I think...I think I had one." I shifted my eyes over in his direction. He nodded his head now at an understanding.

"Why don't we go downstairs alright?" He waits for me to nod in approval before he smiles. "Let me get dressed and then I'll help you."

As soon as he let's go of my arms, my feet moved away from him to walk around again. Brendon quickly threw on some plaid pajama pants and a white T-shirt.

"Alright, let's go." He takes my hand and guides me out of the room and down our stairs. My legs were shaking with every step. I probably would have fallen down if Brendon didn't have a tight grip on me. "Pace around if you need to. I'm going to get a notebook and record the time of when it happens. Just in case this is the real thing." And he disappears into another room. About a minute later he comes back with an old notebook and a pen. He flipped open to a random page and started scribbling something down.

"Bear." It was a nickname that I rarely ever called him. "I'm scared." My body began to shake even more so than it already was.

"Hun, there's nothing to be afraid of." He placed the notebook down on the coffee table and walked over to me. His touch caused me to flinch. "Why don't we sit down and get a little comfortable before the next one happens?"

"I can't get comfortable." I move my arm away from him and walk down the hallway.

"Why don't we sit down," Brendon starts again. "And I can turn the TV on. Maybe it can distract you a bit?" He takes my hand and pulls me along into the living room. Maybe he was right. Maybe I needed to just relax my nerves a little.

And so I sat down on the couch with him, even though the discomfort was still there, I wasn't willing to get back up.

Brendon was flipping through the channels when another painful sensation went through my abdomen. This time it was a little worse than the first. I clutched my lower stomach in hopes that the pain would go away. But it never did.

Brendon held me tight in his arms as the pain subsided, and he reached over to jot down the time of when it happened.

~~~

"C'mon Hannah." Brendon got up from the couch, notebook in hand. "I think its time we go to the hospital." He looks up from the notebook at me pacing the living room.

At this point the contractions were about ten minutes apart. And each one was worse than the last. It was almost unbearable.

But I followed Brendon out to the car without a fuss. The quicker I was able to get this thing out of me the better.

It didn't take too long to get to the hospital, though I'm surprised I didn't scare Brendon with my sudden outbursts of pain. This entire thing was making me feel dizzy. I was extremely tired and Brendon had to practically drag me inside.

It only took about a minute for nurses to surround us and put me on a gurney. Brendon held my hand the entire time, refusing to let go as they wheeled me into an empty room. I was stripped of my clothes and was put into a hospital gown.

"Ma'am, would you like an epidural to help with the pain?" The doctor asked me as I sat up in the hospital bed, for another contraction began.

"Please." I forced the words from my mouth as I practically squeezed Brendon's hand with all my might. But he didn't make a peep, maybe scrunched up his face in pain, but not a word.

It took awhile for my eyes to get dilated enough to "get prepared." But it was finally happening. I wasn't worrying about the things I was worked up about earlier, I just wanted this to be over with.

"Just a little bit more, baby." Brendon held my hand with both of his. He wore a cheery smile across his face. "You've been so strong so far, only a little bit more to go."

"Alright, Hannah." The doctor spoke up this time. She placed a pair of rubber gloves onto her hands and tied one of those surgical masks around her face. "I'm going to need you to start pushing now." And I did as I was told, gripping Brendon's hand tighter and tighter as I did so.

It seemed as though it lasted forever. And I was never so delighted to hear the sound of a baby crying in my life.

"Its a girl!" The doctor exclaimed.

"Did you hear that!?" Brendon exclaims excitedly. "We had a little girl!" He leaned over and kissed my forehead.

"Here you are." The doctor gently placed the small being into my arms. She was still crying as I held her. She was so small and fragile. And she was mine.

"She's beautiful. Just like her mother." Brendon's smile never faded from his face. "What should we name her?" He inches closer to the bed. Looking from me to her. A name. That was something that I never took into consideration. Where would you even start?

"Melody." The name rolled off my tongue perfectly.

Melody Rose Urie
Born March 5th, 2015
At 6:25am