Every moment is a fresh beginning. - T.S Eliot

T W O - Bang Bang

Walking back to my car I see a big black bag on the side of it. Picking up the bag hesitantly, I put it in the hood of the car and untied it. Looking inside the blacked out bag I pulled out whatever that was in there.

Lifting up a dress I stare at it and looking around the area to see if anyone was still around. I didn't see anyone so I shrugged. I am very grateful for whoever who left these items.

Continuing to look through the bag, I come across many beautiful clothing and shoes. Grabbing one of the dress I get into the car and cover up the windows with a blanket and proceed to change my clothes.

Gasping at how well the dress fit my plus size curvy figure I smile to myself. "I finally have new clothes to wear," I mumble to myself.

Going through the other article of clothing I find out that all the clothes fit except for two outfits. I got out of the car with the two outfits that couldn't fit and went walking around until I found another homeless person.

"T-thank you so much ma'am." I smiled and nodded at the woman who seemed to be shaking due to cold weather.

Walking back to the car, I come across a prostitute and some guy fighting. Walking pass as if I saw nothing, I get into my car and lock the door behind me.

Being homeless is such a life changing event. I mean from someone who grew up with a roof of their head to someone that has to worry about where their next meal will be, where will they find shelter, will they be harmed through the night.

I think people take life for granted sometimes. We don't value what's important until it's taken away. I wish I could change things, but at the moment I can't. I want to apologize for all the stupid and childish things I've done. I want to apologize for laughing and mocking people who are homeless.. Because now I'm the one who is struggling everyday of every hour by every minute.

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Yawning as I stretch my arms and legs, I slowly open the car door and is instantly blinded by the suns light,. Covering my eyes, I look the other way and take all the blankets off the windows.

Having no work today I decided to take a few dollars and go spend it on myself. I never spend money on myself, I've been saving up money for 8 months to buy an apartment. But things are going slower than usual.

I put on the dress I received last night and some shoes and walked to the nearest baño aka bathroom. Washing up I put everything back on and re styled my hair letting it flow down my back.

I ended up walking to a coffee shop near by and ordered a Carmel frappe and a steak egg bagel sandwich.

Sitting by the window in the coffee shop I stared down at my phone and messaged Alana, my friend from college. I placed my phone down when I see the guy from yesterday walk up to the counter and order something.

He looked around and he met my eyes. I instantly looked away and finished up with my food. I stood up and threw away the garbage and made my way back to my car.

I grabbed a scrunchy and put my hair up and grabbed a sweater, closing the door I begin to walk towards a park. I took a seat at one of the benches and looked at the kids play.

"Excuse me, do you mind if I sit here?" I looked up and saw a blonde woman maybe 5'8 with a cigarette in her hand. "Sure," I say as I move over a little bit. She takes a seat and crosses her thin legs over another as her long finger drags out the cigarette from her slightly pale lips.

"So which one is yours?" She looks across the playground. "Hmm?...OHH!" "No, um I don't have any kids." I state and she nods her head still smoking the cancerous stick. "You know, having kids is quite difficult. I thought I once wanted 4 and now I have 2 and I'm DONE!" She frowns shaking her head.

"How come?" I ask. Even though I shouldn't even care. I don't even know this woman nor want kids.

"Well, because they are the antichrist. They eat sleep shit..break EVERYTHING!; I honestly wish I knew how hard being a mother would be before joining the parent team." I looked at her like she grew two heads. I knew absolutely nothing about raising a kid let alone know how to handle one 24/7. I kinda felt bad for her. This is exactly why I never wanted to have kids, the thought of pushing a baby out of my small virgin vagina is horrific to think about. Let alone raising ANOTHER me! Haha plus no one would want to sleep with someone like me.

Coming out of my thoughts I  noticed the woman was gone. She must have thought I was ignoring her or maybe thought I was judging her. Truth is I have zero reason to judge someone I just met on how she feels about her kids. As long as she is treating them like human beings that's all that matters.

Sighing I get up and begin my walk back to my car. I stick my chubby cold hands into my pockets and kick the rocks on the pavements like I use to do when I was a kid. If only I could move as I use to back then.

"BANG!"...