Another day of school and another day of pretending. Zayden sighed and opened his locker to begin sorting through his books to find what he needed for class.

"Hey, gorgeous, what's happening?"

He peered around the door of his locker and grinned at his best friend, Alyssa. "Hey, Lyssie. Doesn't Josh get tired of hearing you refer to me as gorgeous?" he asked with a chuckle.

"Nah, he knows it's him I'm romantically dedicated to." She winked at him and propped herself against the locker beside his. "So, are you bringing Candy Cane to Josh's party this weekend?"

He shook his head. "First of all, it's rude to call her that and secondly, Candy and I broke up."

"Aww come on, you only went on two dates, you didn't even give it a chance!"

He shrugged. "There wasn't anything there. I don't need to go on a dozen dates to know if I like someone enough to keep seeing them. It's either there or it isn't."

She snorted. "Right. You do remember that I thoroughly despised Josh before you convinced me to take a chance on him."

He laughed. "You didn't despise him, you didn't want to admit you had the hots for the sexy baseball player. If I remember correctly you wrinkled your nose and told me jocks were overrated."

"Okay, you know what, as my bestie you shouldn't remind me of such things, you should support me unconditionally!"

"Ah see but that goes both ways, you need to support my decision not to continue to date Candy."

"Fine," she grumbled. "Ooh, see now that right there is a total waste."

He glanced over his shoulder, following the direction of her gaze. The moment he figured out who she was referring to, he snapped his head back around and concentrated on the books in his locker. He did not want to get caught staring. "Why?"

"Come on, Weston Sawyer is the epitome of hotness. The dude could have posed for Michelangelo's David statue. Even you have to admit he's hot."

"I do not need to admit to anything."

Another snort issued from her. "Look, Zay, you've gone through how many girlfriends now since we've been friends? You barely gave any of the relationships a chance. If there's something you want to tell me, I'm all ears."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Sure you don't. I'm here for ya, bestie, forever and always. I've got to go meet Josh before my history class. See you later!" She spun and shoved her way through the crowded hallway. Despite the fact she was all of four foot ten people cleared a path for her. Lyssie was a force to reckoned with, like Yoda she could kick your ass before you even realized she was doing it. The girl was a Jedi if he ever saw one. He'd seen her talk down two of the football players who were twice her size when they wanted to throw down in the cafeteria. The girl stepped right between them and shoved them apart and they allowed it. He shook his head and pulled his books for first and second periods from his locker.

His eyes tracked down the hallway to where West stood with some of his friends. The guy was confident in who he was. Zay knew he was the opposite of Weston, yeah he knew who he was but he continued to hide it from the world because he feared what would happen if he stopped hiding.

West had announced to everyone Freshman year he was gay and he took whatever backlash there was, which admittedly wasn't much. People liked West and they accepted him for who he was. That wouldn't happen if he came out, at least at home. His parents would ship him off to some religious camp meant to spiritually shove the thought of being gay from his very soul. They were devoutly religious and to them, homosexuality was a sin. If he wanted them to pay for college then he had to continue to pretend he was something he wasn't.

It was a burden, pretending to be hetero, pretending to be interested in girls when he'd rather jump Weston. He sighed, slammed his locker shut, and made his way down the hallway toward his class while trying to ignore the group that included West as he passed them by. He'd had a crush on the guy since eighth grade before he even knew West was gay. Still, he couldn't admit to it because it would destroy everything in his world. Why couldn't he have different parents? Parents who could accept him for who he is? Nope, he'd gotten stuck with the God-fearing Christians who belonged to a fanatical church and they would see him flogged rather than accept that he's gay. Their church was strictly against homosexuality, they couldn't accept that the world was changing and the priest regularly preached against the sins of same-sex relationships. They even wanted them outlawed. He'd been forced on more than one occasion to attend protest rallies where they hurled insults and condemnation down on people who belonged to the LGBTQ+ community. It was mortifying and he did his best to hide in the crowd and remain as quiet and out of sight as possible.

He slipped into his seat in class and released a sigh. He'd spent most of his life keeping his desires locked away to avoid making waves, to avoid seeing the condemnation in his parents' eyes. Maybe even to avoid admitting to himself he was too afraid to see how the world would react and if it would accept him. The bell rang and class began, he shoved his depressing thoughts aside and concentrated on what the teacher was saying.

***

Josh waved his sandwich at Zay. "You are very quiet today."

He shrugged. "Just thinking. I've got three papers due next week."

"Sure you aren't regretting dumping Candy?" Josh asked with a bounce of his eyebrows.

"Can everyone let that go already? We didn't click, that's all. I'm not going to get back with her because you guys think I was too hasty about breaking up with her."

Josh shrugged. "You do you, man. Hey, at least you'll be free to hook up with whoever you want to at the party this weekend." He grinned. "You can go sow some wild oats or whatever it is."

"Har har, you are so funny." Zayden shook his head.

"I know, I should begin my stand-up career now."

Lyssie rolled her eyes. "You'd flop the minute someone heckled you."

Josh shoved his lower lip out in an exaggerated pout. "That's mean."

"So are hecklers," she told him with a grin. "So, Zay, seriously, you are still coming to the party?"

"Yes, of course. After all the elaborate lies I told my parents, why waste that?"

She laughed. "There was nothing elaborate about telling them you're staying over at Josh's, technically you are. You simply left out the bit about his parents being out of town on a cruise for two weeks and that a party was happening."

"Yeah, because they'd lock me in my room and pray for my soul if they knew the truth." And that was exactly what they'd do. They consider any attempt by him to be a normal teenager as acting out and would react accordingly. Their church was more of a cult than anything, the preacher was very strict about God's teachings and he adhered to what he taught with no room for interpretation. He sighed and sank slightly in his seat.

"You sure you're okay, man?" Josh asked.

He smiled. "Yeah, a little tired I guess. Too much going on at once."

"Well, this weekend is party time. You can relax and forget all the school bullshit for a bit."

He nodded, but he didn't feel much like partying. He caught sight of West sitting among his group of friends across the cafeteria, a smile on his face as he spoke to a couple of girls sitting with him. He glanced up and Zay quickly looked away, praying he hadn't been caught staring like a fool.

"Zay?"

"Hmm?"

Alyssa shook her head. "Your brain wandered off. I asked if you were coming with us, Josh and I are gonna go sit outside until the bell rings."

"No, go ahead. I'd rather not watch the two of you play kissy-face for the rest of the period."

She puckered her lips and made kissing sounds. "Aww, but we're so adorable!"

He made a face. "Yes, as adorable as a couple of leeches."

She threw her head back and laughed. "I love you, I really do." She stopped and bent to hug him before she and Josh left.

His eyes went back to West and he sighed. Yeah, he was pathetic, sitting here wishing for something he could have if he was brave enough to reach for it, but he wasn't. He was a complete wimp, afraid to stand up to his family. After a few more minutes spent torturing himself by staring at West, he tossed his trash and left the cafeteria.

The rest of the day moved slowly, as school days do when you want nothing more than for it to end. By the end of the day he was moving rapidly toward full-blown depression and he knew he had to shove it off before he got home. It was stupid to dwell on things he was too afraid to change. If his parents suspected anything was bothering him they'd sit him down and force him to talk about it. If that happened he'd wind up blurting out that he was gay. He pulled his car into the driveway, parked, and headed inside.

"Hey, sweetie, how was school?" his mother asked as he came through the door.

"The usual. Too much homework, Josh and Lyssie were sickeningly adorable, all in all, a normal day."

She laughed. "They are adorable. I do hope they're waiting until marriage for sex, I'd hate to see them wander from God's path before giving their relationship a real chance."

He rolled his eyes. "Just because a couple has sex before marriage it doesn't mean the relationship is automatically over."

She pinned him with a hard stare. "And how would you know that, young man?"

He shrugged. "It's logic, Mom. People have been having sex for generations and yet marriages still thrive."

"Not as they used to. Divorce is rising rapidly every year, it's a shame people don't try and stick it out. They should remain together."

"People make mistakes, lives change, they shouldn't be forced to remain together if there's nothing left of their relationship," he reasoned.

"It doesn't say 'till death do us part' in the wedding vows for no reason."

"I'm not going to have this debate, I have a ton of homework to do. I'll be in my room until dinner." He left his mother in the living room. Debates with his parents over beliefs happened most days, though he avoided the homosexual one as often as possible so he didn't tip his hand there. As he settled at his desk, his phone rang.

"Yes, Lyssie, what do you want now?" he asked as he answered the phone.

She laughed. "Just checking in on you."

"You don't need to check up on me. I'm fine."

"Zay, look ... I don't want to push you or anything but—"

He cut her off before she could finish. "I'm fine, there's nothing to discuss."

"I'm not an idiot, I'm your best friend and I'm also female."

"Your point?" he asked.

"My point is, that's all we've ever been. Right from the start, you've never made a pass at me, never tried to change the nature of our relationship."

"Why would I? Lyssie, you aren't my type that's all there is to it," he insisted.

"You have better taste in clothes than any straight guy I know and I see the way you watch Weston. If you're gay you can tell me, I'm not your parents and there will be no judgment. Pretending I don't know is getting old."

"Having good taste in clothes doesn't automatically make me gay, that's stereotyping."

"Do I need to repeat, I'm your best friend, I'll be here for you no matter what."

"We are not having this conversation, Lyssie. There's nothing to your deductions."

"Your favorite movie is The Proposal," she added.

"Your point? It's a good movie!"

"It's a chick flick! Not to mention, Ryan Reynolds is hot."

"Right, this conversation is over. Good night, Lyssie I'll see you at school tomorrow." He disconnected the call before she could respond. She was his best friend, had been since Freshman year. It seemed as if they'd known one another forever when in reality it had only been a few years. She'd never blab his secret, he knew that, but he still couldn't bring himself to admit to it. He'd become so used to denying who he was that it was natural to continue to deny it even when someone wanted to support him. He yanked his laptop from his backpack and kicked the pack beneath his desk. Fuck homework, he didn't care enough to concentrate on it. Instead, he opened his laptop and clicked on his video file folder. Lyssie was right, The Proposal was his favorite movie and it wasn't simply because Ryan Reynolds was hot. He loved the story because of the character development, because Sandra Bullock's character starts out denying her feelings for him, but realizes, in the end, Ryan's character is who she wants in her life.

He carried his laptop over and got comfortable on his bed before he hit play. He had all week to finish the assignments that were currently pending for his classes, tonight he was going to forget everything and watch his favorite movie and pretend his life didn't suck.