Shelly

Being near our family's was a change in our dynamic. Everything was changing. For the past month, we had been going back and forth to each other's houses. The only difference was that in my house, the door had to stay open.

We'd watch movies or do our homework while sneaking kisses. My mother didn't like how quick this had changed. But I like to believe it was more than that.

She didn't like how I wasn't spending so much time with her. It wasn't like I was trying to get away from her, Tanner just made my heart race and trip over itself.

And that was why I told him that we could only ever meet a few days a week. Three the most. It was a good thing to separate ourselves before we got too attached. I didn't want anything wrong to happen.

With my mom in my room, I hadn't found myself itching for Tanner. I always did but it wasn't as bad when I wasn't thinking of him. This was healthy, I didn't need to spend all of my time with him. We didn't need to become one person. We could handle our separation time.

"Since we are alone, I need to tell you something," my mom said as she sat up on my bed.

"What?"

Her knuckles were white as she clasped them together. She bit her lip hard and avoided eye contact. I felt my heart thump loudly in my chest, afraid something wrong was going on.

"Mom, you are scaring me. What's wrong?" My voice wavered.

"It's nothing big, nothing to do with you, but I figured you should know. Your father is coming back."

My head jerked back a bit. Stomach turning, heart palpitating faster, my eyebrows went out as her words sunk in. My eyes were running back and forth before my body was.

She was lying. He wasn't coming back. I hadn't thought about him much since he left. He didn't deserve to come back.

"That's not all."

"What...what else is there?"

My throat was closing up on me quickly gulping was hard. We had been fine without him, why would she let him back? He left me, us, why would he come back if he didn't want us in the first place?

"Don't be mad because I'm not. If anything, I'm grateful they are both healthy."

"Both?"

She looked caught before her body relaxed. Things were changing yet again and I wished that I didn't tell Tanner we needed time apart. I didn't need him there all of the time, I was strong on my own. But I needed him now.

"He has a child. He's five."

I froze. He cheated on my mother. With my jaw clenched, I walked myself to the bathroom. I needed a second alone.

Hearing no knocking on the door, I slid down it. A stream turned into a waterfall within a second. My breathing came up short that I had to gasp for each one.

Was that why he left? He didn't want me, he wanted a son, and so he left. A son. My father left his daughter because he had a son who he wanted. Was I just a trial run?

And then my mother. He lied to her, cheated on her, and had a child. How was she not mad? Had she known all these years?

But the feeling of unwantedness came forward. He didn't say a word as he left, a kiss on the forehead was it. I had cried for days over him that my throat and eyes were dry.

Did he ever love me? When had he realized I wasn't who he wanted? Should I have been a better child?

Sobs pierced the air as they flew out of my mouth. I had never cried like this for my mother to hear. It was always in a shower, water blocking my sobs so that she wouldn't worry about me. But I didn't care this time.

I was hurt. I was already insecure, already felt the unwanted feeling, I didn't want to go through it again. The motions were not what I wanted.

My nose started running and I wiped it away with the back of my hand, grimacing as I saw the mucus on the back of my hand glistening with the light. Gasps and hiccups bounced back at me. My throat hurt from getting dryer and dryer as my face got wetter and wetter.

My eyes felt strained as the tears were flowing out. Closing them didn't help as more fell out. Wrapping my arms around my legs, I comforted myself.

No more bad thoughts, no more self-pity anymore.

I've always been enough. It was my father's fault for being unfaithful. This child had nothing to do with us. They didn't know who our father was and neither did I apparently.

Standing on wobbly feet, I stood in front of the mirror. My lip quivered as I looked into my eyes. They had the same slant and same shape as my father's but his were not red where they were supposed to be white.

You can do this. You are perfect. You have a mother, a boyfriend, and his sister and his parents. Maybe not all the friends you want but one is better than none. We can do this.

You are enough Shelly, and you always will be.

I let the tears fall out before splashing warm water on my face and drying it with the bottom of my shirt. I washed my hands after, almost forgetting the mucus. My sobs had died down to gasps that caused ripples in my chest. Everything was going to be fine.

And then I opened the door.

******

A/N:

The more and more I edit, the more I realize Shelly is another character I created based on myself.