"So youre meeting Lopez. This is the chance we've been waiting for. As soon as we have something we move in." Voight explains as we get back to intelligences garage. He dismisses us all and Jay nods taking his vest off, before taking off upstairs.

"Jay?" I call out, following him. He doesn't answer, he doesn't stop walking and the pain in my chest returns. I can't do this, I can't lose him. I follow him upstairs into the locker room.

"Jay stop. Please." I state watching him take his shirt off, frustration oozing from him. His eyes meet mine as he pulls on a clean shirt ready to clock out.

"What do you want me to say huh?" He scoffs, and my heart breaks.

"I was undercover! Would you rather me be made?" His jaw clenched at my words and he shakes his head, agitated blue eyes meeting mine.

"Of course not Ash. This isn't even about that. We were good, so good.. until he shows up. Now you're distant, you don't talk to me and you're always throwing yourself in these dangerous situations. You're always in danger. I don't want to be that guy, but I care about you Ashley. I told you I love you." His voice radiates the pain I've put him through and that's not what I wanted at all. After all the pain I've been through, meeting him here has been lifesaving.

"Jay i care about you too. So much. Please— there's just so much going on right now. But once this case is closed, I promise you we'll sort it out." I try and negotiate.

"Right." He scoffs, turning to leave the locker room. In seconds he's gone, and I'm alone. Tears prick at my eyes and all I want is for everything to be okay, but I don't even know what that entails.

"Fuck sake." I curse to myself, hitting my locker in frustration. This has to be rock bottom. I have to sort my life out, I have to decide what I want.

"You good?" Kevin states, startling me as he enters the locker room. I sigh nodding leaning my head against my locker.

"Yeah, I just need a beer and a good sleep." I scoff faking a smile and looking up at Kev.

"I hear that." He smiles, i nod before leaving the room. I can't cope with all these lies, these fake smiles. Maybe the end of chicago is near, maybe I should up and leave again. Destruction and pain just seems to follow me.

I walk down to the car park, guilt and pain flooding me with every step. The cold air sends a shiver down my spine as I walk toward my Nissan. Sighing, i catch sight of Brian leaning against it.

"What are you doing?"  I ask.

"You heading to Kelly's or yours?" He questions completely ignoring mine.

"Mine, i gotta start tidying and sorting out what Theo did." I scoff leaning against my car beside Brian.

"Want some help?" He asks with that signature smile.

"You just don't wanna stay in whatever shitty hotel you're stuck in." I chuckle, deciding it's too cold to stay out and walking to the drivers side of my car and opening the door. Brian just shrugs, and i just can't seem to stop myself making bad decisions.

"Alright, get in. You're sleeping on the couch." Brian smiles rounding the car to get in the passenger side.

"Of course, I am a gentleman." He smiles securing his seatbelt as we both get in my car. A comfortable silence lingers as we drive to my apartment and a small part of me wishes I was going to jays instead of home.

When we arrive at my apartment and get out of the car a wave of unease washes over me. We walk up to my apartment and the second we're inside i undo my converses pulling them off my feet.

Walking to the kitchen i pull out two coronas handing one to Brian before I open my own taking a couple of gulps to hopefully ease the guilt.

"You're dating Jay aren't you?" Brian questions and i have to hold back my eye roll. Are you fucking kidding me? I don't even have the energy to lie anymore.

"We kinda were yeah, but I don't really know what's going on between us right now" i sigh taking another few sips of my beer.

"You love him?"

I'm actually going to lose my shit.