Chapter Fourteen

Los Angeles - Malibu - Santa Cruz

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"I'm just exactly where I want to be." Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind - Ellis

Malibu, Pacific Coast Highway, 4pm - August 26th

Ellis

"Whatcha looking at?" 

Jessie peers over my shoulder and gives me the fright of my life. 

I tuck my phone back into my pocket and shrug, "Catching up with what's going in the rest of the world."

"Forget about the rest of the world, isn't this enough for now?" She shields her eyes from the sun and stares out at the golden lined shores of Malibu beach where we've parked up for a quick lunch and to take brag worthy pictures of the Atlantic Ocean. 

I wish it were. And I wise I didn't have to lie but unfortunately, my heads a mess from all the congratulatory text messages from my folks about the University brochure that's landed through my door, ready and waiting for me when I get back home. They tell me they're surprised it's not one I'd ever mentioned before but they're happy for me. 

Mum's pretty ecstatic about it. Mainly because it means she get's a spare room for all her car-boot sale boxes and trinkets.

I've had to keep all of this hidden from Jessie still, which I hate, more than anything. But maybe not more than how much I hate myself right now. Sun, sea and surf can't wash away the guilt I feel. 

And I swear I would have told her the day we left San Diego or during our first night in Los Angeles but I couldn't heap more misery on poor Jessie and so, she remains in the dark about everything. 

Battling through a nasty case of food poisoning and finding out that your best friend, and now kissing partner and potentially more is running off to a Uni half away up the country isn't how I want her to remember this part of the trip or the long drive from LA to San Francisco. 

Today is the first day that she's looked like herself, with colour back in her cheeks. About as spritely as anyone can be whilst stuck in a stuffy hot car for hours as we drive along the Pacific Coast Highway. 

"Come here," Jessie says, pulling me in close so she can rest her head against my chest. Yes, she's definitely feeling better. Or at least her wandering hands are. 

"We should get going soon, if we want to make it to San Luis before it get's dark," I say, breathing in the scent of salt and suncream on her sun-drenched skin. "Got to find our motel too."

"Another day, another motel," she huffs though she chuckles. "I mean, right now it's like 'eugh, I wish I had my own bed' but in a week or less I'm going to be crying into my pillows at home because I'll want to be back here."

"Same."

"The only thing that I won't complain about though is getting to share a bed with you."

I gently kiss her forehead. "Even though you say my snoring sound like a motorbike engine starting up?"

Jessie nods. "Even in spite of that and little sleep." And then I feel her body tense. When she glances up she's got that mischievous look in her eyes and I know exactly what she's thinking. No matter that the our last and only attempt ended with her mum interrupting despite the distance. 

No matter that she's spent the last two days in LA curled up in bed, drifting in and out of dazed sleep. 

"When we do get to San Luis, I'm taking a bath. The longest bath," she drawls, as if she's been denied one her whole life. 

"I'm sure that can be arranged."

"I may need some company too," Her breath is warm against my cheek as she wiggles her eyebrows. "What do you say?"

I say nothing because my tongue is tied and once again I am over thinking a million and one things. 

I'll tell Jessie about my University switch-a-roo after she's had a good soak. When she'll be too relaxed to lay into me.

With my fingers crossed behind my back, I bend my head and whisper that I like the sound of that very much. 

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San Luis Obispo, Pismo Beach, 9.30pm - August 26th

Jessie wipes the bubble beard away from her jaw and flings it at the tiled wall. She reclines back into the hot, soapy water. Her feet graze my hips and I pretend like they didn't only because it'll drive me crazy otherwise. More so. 

I'd been sorting out my backpack when I got the call to come into the small bathroom of our cutesy little motel room. And I'd slipped in to join her on the condition that she'd keep her eyes closed and not peek. 

I can't be sure she didn't but by the time I was under the mix of bubbles and shampoo stolen from the swanky hotel back in New York, her eyes were fully open and so was her mouth. 

"When we get home it's going to suck," she announces, rather sadly as she traces circles in the water. Jessie looks beautiful and it makes everything much harder to concentrate. "I'm going to miss this place. And all the others. And the feel of it."

"The feel of it?"

"Yeah, America. How it feels and tastes and smells and just everything."

I tuck free an arm from the water and rest it along the bathtub. "I'm curious. What does America taste and smell like? Greasy chips?"

Jessie gently slaps my thigh, before realising that it could very easily not be my thigh. There's too many bubbles. "No, no. It's like a weird combination... Grape bubblegum and empty soda cups and hot leather diner booths and musty motel carpets and-"

"The open road and gas station bathrooms," I joke. "And your stinky feet after a long day and all the wet towels you leave constantly lying around..."

"Hah hah. No, what I mean is that it has a way of wrapping itself around you. I don't want to lose that. I don't want to go home. Back to reality."

As her fingertips find mine along the edge of the tub, I smile and nod. I don't want to either. I wish we could stay here forever.

Reality can take a hike.

With cheeks rosy from the steam and her hair up in a twist, Jessie leans forwards and laps of bath water spill over onto the cold, white tiles. "I hope that was your foot."

I laugh, playfully shrug, "Maybe."

'Maybe?"

"Why don't you find out for yourself." The words escape from my mouth before I've time to register how bold and brazen I'm being. Jessie stares at me with intensity, as if she can't believe I've said such a thing but it doesn't stop her from dipping her hand into the water. 

"Wait," I say, breathless, my heart practically beating out of my chest. "We should probably get out of here first."

"Why?" She continues to lean closer towards me. 

"Because it's an accident just waiting to happen," I quietly laugh, nodding towards the slippery wet floor and how small the bathtub actually is. There's no room to manoeuvre without some serious  Gymnastic skills. 

"Okay."

"Actually, wait here for a sec." My mind races trying to remember where I might have stashed condoms and when I leave the bathroom, wrapping a towel round myself for modesty, I start the search. Ten minutes later and I've all but turned the room upside down. I've unpacked my suitcase and there's nothing. Not a single one or a strip. 

There might still be one in my wallet from a high school sex education talk but that's probably long since expired. 

Oh god. 

Obviously neither of us were thinking clearly the other night. If we were then it wouldn't of had to be Jessie's mum to put a pause on our activities. 

"Okay, so, some bad news," I begin, wedging the bathroom door with my foot. "Um... Well, it seems that I didn't actually pack any-"

"Ellis," Jessie cuts in and I finally look at her. She's sat on the toilet, lid down, with toilet tissue wrapped round her knee. Her voice is wobbly and she frowns.

"Shit, what's happen?" I carefully step over puddles of water and bend down before her. "You're bleeding.

She sods and pushes out her bottom lip. "I got a bit impatient and thought I'd surprise you and then I kinda slipped and smashed my knee into the sink. It hurts like a motherfucker." When she pulls the tissue away, her knee cap is glowing red and grazed. 

I squeeze her arm and sit on the floor next to her. "Ouch."

"I think I'm cursed."

"Why?"

"Because every time I initiate... anything between us, something terrible always happens or get's in the way," she says with a huff and a wince. "

"Uh, hmmm. Well, you may have a point," I glance back at the room and the mess from my fruitless search. "We kind of couldn't, you know, do anything, even if we wanted to because I don't have anything to do it with..."

Jessie laughs like she might start crying. "Oh god, how useless are we both? Cursed! Just like I told you."

"I can get some tomorrow, like from a CVS or from one of those dispensers in a men's gas station bathroom."

She rolls her eyes. "I guess, yeah."

I can tell she's deflated and tired and annoyed. I am too. Frustration boils beneath my skin. 

"Wanna just watch a TV movie, eat some crisps and then crash out?" She says after a long pause of silence. "This knee is killing me."

I kiss it better and wrap fresh tissue paper round it. 

"Sounds wonderful."

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Santa Cruz, 11.20pm - August 28th

"Are you sure we're going the right way?" 

Jessie tilts her head down at the map spread across her lap and sighs. "I have no idea."

It's been like this for over an hour. Ever since we decided to take a detour, along the slightly more scenic coastal road all the way to San Francisco. Collectively it's not been our best idea. Especially since we've already lost a day to a rental car with a dodgy back wheel, which we had to leave overnight in San Luis. 

And without any other choice but to wait around we'd spent our morning locating a CVS and our afternoon down at Pismo Beach, slurping milkshakes and playing old arcade games at a tiny little burger joint near the shore. 

Now, we're behind schedule and we're lost. Driving in circles, in the dark with just the headlights guiding us along the bumpy terrain. 

Jessie thinks we're somewhere near Santa Cruz but we've taken a road I doubt we're supposed to be on. Earlier before the sun went down there were forrest trees, real tall buggers in the distance and now that their gone I'm pretty sure we're heading in the wrong direction. 

"I think it's going to thunder," Jessie helpfully announces as I take my foot off the gas slowly so I don't drive us right into the dense bushes either side of the road. She licks her finger and sticks it in the air. "Yup. Maybe even some rain."

I don't disagree. It's been downcast all day with air that's thick and humid. I wouldn't be surprised if we're driving right into the heart of it.

"At this rate we'll never make it to San Jose," she says, shimmying out of her jumper to throw it on the back seat. "Or San Francisco. Might even have to sleep in the car."

"I really hope not."

"Oh shit! Ellis, did you see that lightning ?" 

The rain starts. It's so heavy and ominous it sounds like rocks instead of rain against the roof and bonnet of the car. 

"Woah," I gasp. Lightning streaks across the black sky and though she grimaces and recoils away from it, as if it might strike her, she soon begins to gaze in wonder. 

I hate thunder. 

"I love a good storm," she squeals, tapping the steering wheel as we come to a clearing and wide rocks. As I wind up the window so I don't get soaked, salty air flurries in. We must be close to the coast again. 

As I slowly put on the brakes to park up until it passes, Jessie tugs my arm and I know exactly what she's thinking. 

"Come on, let's go before it stops!"

I beg her to stay in the car. "But you'll get drenched and it's dark out there."

"Oh stop being such a worrywart!" I don't have time to reach out. She's already got the passenger side door open, her tongue out, ready to taste the storm. Before the door slams shut she's soaked. 

I dim the headlights so not to blind her and I watch as she spreads her arms out to twirl round. Her hair soon tamed by the heavy, humid rain. And I can't look away. 

Jessie is a vision under statically charged skies and thunderous applause. 

When she crosses over to the drivers side, her eyes wide and wanting, I cut the engine and take a deep breath. Counting to three, I allow her to pull me out into her arms and into the storm.