˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚ CHAPTER ONE:
THE BOY AND THE GIRL.

If there was ever a world, or timeline, where Five Hargreeves didn't land Stella Windsor in shit, she'd like to go there. Only for a short while, a week or two at most. Stella doubted one existed. Her husband as dear to her as he was had been her greatest tribulation since their unfortunate meeting forty-two years ago.

"I knew I shouldn't have had that hot chocolate," Stella clutched her stomach as if she was physically holding in her last meal and found her feet. She swayed to the left, her sight hindered by her red hair.

Red hair.

Red.

Stella's free hand flew to her hair, the shock grounding her as she stared at the strands. It had been some years since her hair had been so red. So long that Stella had forgotten the exact shade.

"Shit," Five muttered.

Releasing her hair, and her stomach, Stella looked at Five. He, a grey-haired fifty-eight year old man some seconds ago, stood before her as the Five Hargreeves she'd first encountered. His hair was black, sweeping over his unwrinkled forehead and his grey moustache had thankfully not accompanied them to 2019.

Stella cocked her head, her brows raising as if to say, 'I told you so'. Five's glare burned the freckles on her face, enticing a smile to tug at the corners of her lips. His harsh stare, softened by his wife's smile, disappeared as he turned away from her and with some difficulty — his shoes now three sizes too big — stalked indoors.

His siblings gathered like ducklings in the courtyard, watched Five pass them and when the door of their home, The Umbrella Academy that Stella had heard so much about, closed behind him their attention turned back to the strange red-haired girl.

"And who are you?" Diego, Stella recognised him to be, pointed at her with one of his many knives. Stella took a step. "Hey, Red, I'm talking to you".

"Oh, I didn't realise," Stella didn't answer his question. Why? She couldn't tell you. Maybe it was the irritated twitch of Diego's nose as she passed him or simply because she did not care to greet her in-laws. They could be assholes, Stella had been informed.

Following Diego, his knife clutched in his hand, the rest of Five's siblings trailed after Stella. She entered their home through the same door. It was a back entrance into the basement, dimly lit but awfully homely. On one end was a pool table sat opposite a two seater couch and a large cabinet filled with books and other items collected over the years and presented for all to see behind glass. The other end was the kitchen with a family-size dining table smack in the middle and a row of kitchen cabinets (a sink, fridge and oven included) against the wall.

Five stood on a stool, searching through the half stocked top cabinets. Stella, not needing to make her presence known to Five as Diego did it for her, made herself comfortable on the couch with a cushion propped under her head.

"Who's the girl?" Diego asked.

"Stella" Five blinked from the stool and reappeared at the end of the table, holding four slices of bread. He placed them on the chopping board he'd already set out as his siblings crowded the other end, sitting and standing wherever. Stella waved, Klaus waved back with his skirt tassels. "What's the date? The exact date," Five asked.

"The 24th," Vanya answered. She was sitting in one of the dining chairs, her arms folded on the table.

"Of what?" Five asked. The 24th was too vague.

"March," Vanya clarified.

Five nodded. They had enough time. A little more time wouldn't hurt but eight days would be plenty. Hopefully.

"So, are we gonna talk about what just happened?" Luther asked. Five was silent as he cut the crusts off two of the slices and pushed them aside. Luther rose from his seat, towering over Five. "It's been 14 years".

Five scoffed, "It's been a lot longer than that," He stated. He blinked in front of Luther and reappeared behind him again, finding the marshmallows he'd seen while looking for the bread.

"I haven't missed that," Luther mumbled.

"Where'd you go?" Diego asked.

"The future. It's shit, by the way".

Five blinked back to the end of the table with the packet of marshmallows.

Klaus raised their hand. "Called it," He said.

Five sighed and he stepped across to the fridge in search of the peanut butter. "I should've listened to the old man. You know, jumping through space is one thing, jumping through time is a toss of the dice," Five looked up at Klaus, "Nice dress," He said.

"Oh," Klaus picked up a handful of the tassels and spun them with a small smile, "well, danke!" He said as Allison shook her head. She would never see it in her closet again.

"Wait, how did you get back?" Vanya asked.

Spreading peanut butter onto two of the slices, Five answered, losing his siblings and his wife with every word spoken, "In the end, I had to project my consciousnesses forward into a suspended quantum state version of myself that exists across every possible instance of time".

"That makes no sense," Diego said.

"Well, it would if you were smarter".

Diego stood, hands itching to punch or strangle the boy in front of him. Luther extended his arm out, holding Diego in his place. They needed answers, not a bloodbath.

"How long were you there?" Luther asked.

"Forty-two years. Give or take," Five spoke as if he had been asked the weather forecast on a gloomy day.

Luther and Diego sunk back into their seats, their expressions matching their siblings. Stunned was the only word to describe their wide eyes and open mouths.

"So what are you saying? That you're fifty-eight?" Luther asked.

"No, my consciousness is fifty-eight," Five placed the marshmallows on top of the peanut butter before laying the final two slices on top to complete the sandwiches. Stella rose from the couch, shredding her suit jacket from her body. The knife in her pocket clicked against the stray paper clips and odd pieces of jewellery that Stella may have or may not have swiped from oblivious victims during her last solo mission in Paris. "Apparently, my body is now sixteen again".

Five handed Stella the crustless sandwich and picked up the other for himself. Peanut butter and marshmallows had never truly been a favourite of Stella's, she stuck to the classics. A good chicken sandwich could make her day so much better. Five, however, had never shook his childlike tendencies when it came to food, similarly to how Stella had always detested the taste of the bread crusts and blamed her mother Estelle. She was fourteen, and incredibly naive, when she came to realise that her hair would not fall out if she did not eat the crust.

"Wait, how does that even work?" Vanya asked.

"I did say the equations were off," Stella sat back on the couch, studying the strange layers of her sandwich. "Good riddance to that hideous tash," Stella faked a shiver and took a bite of the sandwich.

Five looked over his shoulder at her, "Keep laughing and I'll grow it back much sooner".

Stella scoffed and hid her mouth behind her hand, "Your top lip is going to be very lonely for a while," Five's siblings watched their interaction, trying and failing to understand why there was a stranger in their basement. "You didn't have facial hair until well into your twenties".

"Do you want to go back to the sixties?" Five instantly regretted his choice of threat. He could see the cogs turning behind Stella's blue eyes, her smirk taking up most of her face.

"I'm not glueing your moustache back on for you," Stella took another bite. Five rolled his eyes, muttering 'Very funny' under his breath.

Luther cleared his throat and Diego spoke. "To interrupt whatever the hell this conversation is. Five, you still haven't told us who she is," Diego pointed at Stella, this time without the knife.

"Oh," Eating his sandwich, Five looked from Diego to Stella and then back to Diego. "She's my wife".

There was a heart beat of silence and then, as expected, a chorus of "Wife?" echoed back.

In legal terms, they were not married. With only bugs as their witnesses and a handmade wire ring that Five had crafted one night, their marriage was anything but official. Over the years as they moved from one spot to the next, the ring was lost amongst rubble and forgotten in the endless world of destruction. But they did not need a piece of scrap metal nor a marriage licence to say they were husband and wife. They were married, end of.

Five picked up a folded newspaper. On the front cover under the large heading that read 'CITY SAYS GOODBYE REGINALD HARGREEVES' was a photo of their father. The article on the left stated that he was found dead in his home. "Guess I missed the funeral," Five said.

"How'd you know about that?" Luther asked.

"What part of the future do you not understand?" Five retorted. "Heart failure, huh?".

"Yeah," Diego said.

Luther, believing their father's death was not of natural causes, disagreed, "No," Luther said, glancing at Diego.

Five sat the newspaper down with a hum. "Nice to see nothing's changed," Five spoke as he walked toward the basement stairs. His siblings still had a hundred questions, many pertaining to their new sister-in-law.

"Uh, that's it? That's all you have to say?" Allison asked.

Five didn't stop or turn around. Stella continued eating her sandwich, studying a rather interesting dog picture hung on the wall behind the couch.

"What else is there to say?" His voice grew quieter as he walked up the stairs, "The circle of life," He said.

"Well," Luther nodded, "That was interesting".

Sliding off the table, Klaus looked toward the staircase and when Five's footsteps had completely disappeared, he scampered across the basement, the tassels of his dress swishing around their calves.

"So, Stella," Klaus dragged out the syllables in her name as they threw themself on the couch beside her. Stella shifted back on the couch, giving herself an inch of personal space. "Sister," Klaus shimmed his shoulders, leaning in closer.

"Klaus," Stella copied him, dragging out his name as she finished off her sandwich.

Diego walked around the table and stood in front of the couch. He pulled a knife from the back of his black leather tactical harness — the front was decorated with another half a dozen knives, all at his disposal. He flipped the knife between his fingers, making a performance of the power he'd been born with.

"You know our names?" Diego asked.

Klaus groaned. They threw their head back against the couch, irritated with their brother for interrupting.

"Five talked about us?" Vanya asked.

Stella half nodded. That wasn't the only reason she knew their names. "My father bought me one of those 'Umbrella Academy'," Stella raised her brows slightly and spoke in a deeper pitch to mimic her father's "figurine collection".

Klaus and Allison shared a look, they hadn't realised people actually bought the academy's merchandise.

"It was truly a sad day when we dropped it off at the landfill".

Luther's eyes widened and he pointed at Stella with his long arm extended the full length, "They are rare".

Stella stood, she scooped up her suit jacket and a pearl necklace that had slipped out of her pocket. She tucked it back in and threw the jacket over her arm. "I will admit, Luther. Yours made a decent necklace stand".

Klaus pulled his knees up to their chest, their dirty shoes lifted up and planted on the edge of the seat. Stella scooted past him and the Hargreeves siblings, no more informed of the future than before, watched Stella exit the basement, seemingly following a literal trail of breadcrumbs up the stairs.

"Well," Klaus dropped his feet to the floor with a thud. "I like her," He declared.

Authors note!
Chapter one. Done. This chapter is a little shorter than I'd hoped but if I keep going it's going to be far too long. Also, to clarify Viktor will be referred to as Vanya up until season 3 and I will write Klaus with he/they pronouns as I should have done in Divorce but didn't as I was unaware.