(Trigger Warning: Self-harm, Abused)

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MACKENNA

A COMPLETE FAMILY DOES NOT need to be perfect; rather, it only needs to be united. And sadly, the word "united" is alien to my family because we've lost touch with its meaning for a long time, ever since they abandoned me one by one.

But... I'm willing to forgive and forget, as if nothing happened.

For the sake of Savanna and her child, I will choose to forgive her. Gusto kong maibalik 'yung dating pagkakaisa naming dalawa. 'Yung nagtutulungan kami sa kahit na anong problemang haharapin namin, hindi 'yung ganito. Na nagtutulukan kami palayo sa isa't isa.

She's the only family that I have. And I know what she did to me might be unforgivable to others, but she's still my sister. Siya na rin ang may sabi sa'kin noong huling beses kaming magkausap na kinakailangan niyang gawin 'yun.

And I know Savanna. She's the type of person who will go to any lengths to accomplish her goals. And unfortunately, miski sa'kin ay nagawa niyang gumawa ng masama para lang hindi sila maghiwalay ni Foster.

But then again, I'm not in her position, so I can't really judge her actions. Maybe, just maybe... she did what she had to do because she was just so desperate to have a complete family she never had.

Savanna is pregnant with Foster's baby and is in love with him. And I'm sure she's afraid of having yet another broken family. She is just scared that her kid will grow up without a father.

So, I've decided to see and talk to her kahit na ipinagtatabuyan na niya ako. Naisip ko na baka kaya niya ako pinagtatabuyan dahil nahihiya siya sa nagawa niya sa'kin. At isa rin 'yon sa mga dahilan kaya gusto ko siyang kausapin, para malaman niyang handa akong kalimutan 'yon basta maging maayos lang ulit kami.

Savanna is still my anchor. No matter how hard she pushes me away. She's still my sister, and I love her.

I miss my life before. 'Yung tipong kahit kaming dalawa lang ni Savanna ang magkasama at nagdadamayan ay masaya naman kami at kuntento ako. 'Yung sakaniya ko lang nao-open up 'yung mga problema ko nang hindi natatakot at nahihiya. 'Yung siya ang una kong nilalapitan kapag may magandang nangyari sa araw ko.

And probably that's why I became a burden to her. I became too much to handle for her.

"Sav!" I beamed as I ran towards her and gave her a big bear hug from behind. She's washing the dishes, and I just got home from work with a huge grin on my lips.

She chuckled as I snuggled her from behind. "What's up with you? Did something good happen to you today?" She asked. I nodded my head.

"My boss complimented me, said I was doing a good job, and gave me a raise!" I exclaimed. Umalis ako sa pagkakayakapmula sa likuran niya. Pinunasan niya muna 'yung kamay niya sa dishwashing cloth at saka siya humarap sa'kin para yakapin ulit ako.

This is my very first job, and I work as a server in a restaurant. I just started almost a month ago, so this raise is really a big achievement for me.

"I'm so proud of you, Kenna! You worked hard for that." Savanna congratulated me and patted my back.

Every accomplishment, every praise and success, every milestone that I will reach, I want Savanna to be right there with me.

Because my success is also her success. We are in this together. Always.

"Let's order some midnight snacks! My treat!" I exclaimed when we pulled away from the hug.

"Okay! Pizza and beer?" She asked, smiling, and I gave her a nod as she grabbed her phone to order our food.

I really miss Savanna, and I missed her even more last night since she was the only one I wanted to talk to about Ryder and Scout. Hindi ako makatulog nang maayos kagabi dahil nalulungkot ako. That's why today I woke up with swollen eyes because of how hard I cried last night.

With a sigh, I didn't waste any more seconds and got off my bed to get ready to go to Savanna's place.

I kept rehearsing in my head the questions I wanted to ask her and how I would stop her from pushing me away while getting dressed.

I briefly checked my phone as I was leaving. Ryder had already texted me his usual morning greeting, asking what my plans were for the day, but I had yet to respond. Scout is no exception. I just read his messages and did not respond to any of them.

I quickly hailed a taxicab and gave the driver the address. After 45 minutes, I stepped out of the taxicab and stood in front of their house. Just like the first time I came here, I stood there staring at their home, my pulse racing furiously.

Hindi ko mabilang kung nakailang buntong-hininga ako bago ako nagkaroon ng lakas ng loob para maglakad palapit sa bahay nila at kumatok sa pintuan.

Maya-maya pa at nakarinig ako nang yabag papalapit sa'kin bago bumukas ang pintuan. Savanna's eyes widened in surprise.

"Hi." I greeted her.

"I told you not to come back here." She said and slammed the door shut, but I used my right arm to stop her. I whined in pain because of the impact.

"What the hell, Mackenna?!" Savanna exclaimed because of what I did. "Nababaliw kana ba?! Bakit mo biglang nilagay 'yung kamay mo!"

"Because I'm desperate to talk to you, Sav. So, please, pagbigyan mo na 'ko na makausap ka nang maayos." I pleaded habang hawak 'yung kanang kamay ko na naipit sa pintuan.

She sighed deeply, contemplating if she's going to open the door and letting me in.

"Please, Savanna. I really miss you and I'm ready to listen to you. Gusto ko lang malaman lahat ng dahilan mo para mas maintindihan kita."

"You will never understand me. You... you just can't."

"I can and I will." I stand firmly. "Just let me in so we can talk." I begged with pleading eyes.

I stared at Savanna, noting how much thinner she had become since the last time I saw her. Ilang araw palang noong huling beses kaming magkita, pero mas lalo lang siyang pumayat. Mas lalo akong nag-aalala sakaniya lalo pa't buntis siya.

"Wala na akong sasabihin pa sa'yo kaya mas mabuti pang umalis ka nalang." matigas na sabi niya. My eyes shifted from her face down to her forearm and noticed the cut marks she had, particularly near her wrist. Hindi na ako nagdalawang isip pa na itulak 'yung pinto para pumasok sa loob at mabilis na hinawakan ang kamay niya.

"What the hell is this?!" I angrily asked while holding her arm. "Tell me the truth, Savanna! Sinasaktan ka ba ni Foster kaya mo nagawa 'to?!"

She pulled her arm furiously and glared at me. "H'wag kang magsasalita nang ganyan kung wala ka namang alam!"

I clenched my fist and gritted my teeth. May hinala na ako noong umpisa kong makita ang mga pasa sa braso ni Savanna, pero iba na 'to ngayon! She's hurting herself! She almost took her own life. Her baby's life...

"Make me understand, Sav. Please, I'm begging you to talk to me. I'm your sister and there is no one else in this world who will understand you as much as I do."

Mabilis siyang umiling. "Hindi mo ako maiintindihan, Mackenna."

Tears began to flow down her cheeks, and I had to bite the inside of my cheeks to hold back my tears. I wanted to be the strong one for Savanna if she couldn't be.

I'm so upset and furious right now that all I can think about is punching Foster in the face. How could he do such a thing to my sister?!

"Savanna... please,"

"He's not hurting me, Kenna. I promise."

"Then, why?" I sobbed. "Why would you do that to yourself?" Humahagulgol na tanong ko. Hindi ko na napigilan pa 'yung mga luha ko. Kung nasasaktan ako ngayon, sigurado akong mas nasasaktan si Savanna.

But she remained silent. We were both just standing while quietly sobbing. And then, after a few more seconds, I just gave up trying to get an answer from her and walked towards her and hugged her so tight.

"I'm here, Sav... You always have me." I mumbled in between my tears as I caressed her back.

"I'm so sorry, Mackenna. I'm sorry for leaving you like that. I'm sorry for robbing you."

"Shh... it's okay," I hushed her. "I know you have your own reasons,"

Savanna's face was buried in my chest, sobbing so bad. We remained in that position for I don't know how long. Hinayaan ko lang siyang umiyak nang umiyak hanggang sa mailabas niya lahat nang nararamdaman niya sakit.

For years, she became my anchor. The one that I always have whenever I need someone. And right now, I want to be her anchor. Gusto kong sa'kin naman siya sasandal at hihingi ng tulong. I want her to rely on me this time.

Nang kumalma na si Savanna ay dinala ko siya sa kuwarto nila. Alam kong hindi gusto ni Savanna na pumasok ako sa loob ng bahay nila, pero dahil wala na siyang lakas ay hinayaan nalang niya ako.

"Drink this." I said, handing her a glass of water that I took from their kitchen.

"Thanks," she said, before taking a sip.

I sighed as I stared at her. Kung titignan mo si Savanna, hindi mo aakalain na buntis siya ngayon dahil mas mukha pa akong malusog sakaniya. Para bang hindi siya kumakain dahil sa sobrang payat. Hindi ko alam kung ilang buwan na siyang buntis, pero wala akong makitang umbok sa tiyan niya.

"I'm 5 months pregnant." napatingin ako kay sakaniya nang bigla siyang magsalita. I took the glass of water from her and placed it on the bedside table. "I didn't know that I was pregnant when we left. Nalaman ko nalang na buntis ako nang bigla akong dinugo isang araw habang namimili ako sa grocery store. Mabuti nalang at may tumulong sa'kin na idala ako sa hospital kaya walang nangyaring masama sa baby ko."

I had a lot of questions that I wanted to ask, but I remained silent and just listened to her.

"I didn't tell Foster that I'm pregnant because he doesn't want to have kids. Matagal na naming napag-usapan ang tungkol sa pag-kakaroon ng anak, pero ayaw niya talaga. At natatakot akong sabihin sakaniya dahil alam kong hihiwalayan niya ako kapag nalaman niya ang tungkol sa bata."

"But how long can you keep the baby secret? In less than 4 months, you'll give birth."

"I know," she sighed, and gave me a faint smile. "I know that, Mackenna."

"Si Foster din ang dahilan kung bakit mo 'ko ninakawan hindi ba?" Nasabi na niya sa'kin noong unang beses kaming magkausap ang tungkol dito, pero gusto ko pa rin marinig 'yung buong dahilan niya ngayon.

Bumuntong-hininga siya at saka malungkot na tumango. "I don't have enough money. And he doesn't want me to come with him to Brooklyn unless I pay for my own expenses. So, I had no choice but to steal from you."

"You could've told me—"

"I could have, but I'm also sure that you wouldn't let me leave if I told you about it." She cut me off. I bit my lower lip because I knew what she said was right. Kung sinabi niya sa'kin ang tungkol do'n ay baka pinigilan ko siya. "Hindi pa rin pumayag si Foster na sumama ako noong sabihin ko na ako ang magbabayad at gagastos para sa sarili ko. He said that we had another problem and that he was only going to stay with one of her co-workers' studio apartment, and he wouldn't let me live with them. Kaya nangako ako sakaniya na ako ang magbabayad nang apartment na kukunin namin dito sa Brooklyn basta hayaan lang niya akong sumama sakaniya."

Nakakuyom ang mga kamao ko habang pilit na kinakalma ang sarili ko dahil sa mga naririnig ko mula kay Savanna. He's manipulating her, while she's... she's so blindly in love with him.

Nakinig lang ako sa mga kuwento ni Savanna kahit na sobrang nanginginig na ako sa galit. Hindi na ako nagtanong pa ulit tungkol sa mga pasa niya na nakita ko noon dahil sigurado akong hindi naman siya aamin sa'kin na sinasaktan siya ni Foster. Kaya hanggang umalis at makauwi ako sa apartment ko ay hindi nawawala ang galit na nararamdaman ko.

I must help Savanna. I need to persuade her and show her that she is worth more than what she is getting now. That she and her baby deserve so much more, and that I'll do whatever it takes, even if it means dragging her back to Vegas with me.

W H A T Y A S E Y