We had all figured Tobirama wouldn't come to work.

I had found him in Hashirama's kitchen eating cornflakes on Monday. But on Tuesday, I was back at work with Hashirama. To my great relief, Merlin didn't show up, either, probably waiting until it had all died down a little and he could come back as a fucking saviour, fixing up this kitchen. Didn't he understand that there were people more competent than him to fix things? Me, for example. Not to even speak of Hashi.

"Do you...", I began asking Hashirama, leaning my head on his shoulder; we were good after our fight. "Do you want to take the lead?"

Hashirama thought for a while, then shook his head.

"No", he said. "You do it."

"Was Merlin here yesterday?" I asked.

"No", he said. "He wasn't."

I couldn't help but feel relief but also a slight disappointment. God l, I wanted him to be in my close proximity so the hate I radiated would affect him more strongly.

On Wednesday, Hashirama left for his home country. Without both him and T, I felt comprehensively alone. But I was surprised to find how supportive everyone else in the kitchen were, feeling my disdain.

"Tell me if you need help with anything."

"Do you need to rest?"

"Don't forget to take your lunch break, Chef."

"I made you dumplings."

"Good job everyone", I said tiredly at the end of the night. How did T do this fourteen hours a day, six days a week, for years? I was exhausted.

"Chef Uchiha."

I looked up, and to my great surprise saw that everyone had gathered around in a half-circle around me.

"We don't believe Merlin."

I had no idea those words would affect me as much as they did. I felt beyond grateful, and for the first time I saw another aspect of my working life other than just cooking, and that was the community. I realised I loved my colleagues. And that on its own was now a reason to get up every morning. I had thought a lot about mine and Hashirama's fight, and knew he was right in that I had been unfair to believe such a thing of T. I wanted to apologise to Tobirama, but decided to wait until Sunday to calm down.

Hurry up! my future self screamed. You don't have until Sunday!

Of course, I didn't hear.

We were all surprised to see Tobirama come into the kitchen on Friday. And what was even more, he looked happy. I frowned in surprise before I had time to contemplate that in front of me was the man I loved.

Run to him! my future self screamed. Run to him and throw yourself into his arms! Tell him you love him! Make him stay!

I still didn't hear.

He just seemed to want to check up on us, to see that we were doing fine. Had anything become different had he noticed it was chaos? Should I have pretended I had no control? That I didn't know what to do?

It might not have made any difference.

But I couldn't help but feel relief when I saw how calm he was, how well he handled the situation.

He turned to leave.

"Tobirama, wait!!"  I screamed.

But he had already left.

And my future self was crying. 

That short meeting with T made me feel excited for Sunday. My plan was to meet Hashirama at the airport in the afternoon, then go with him to Hashirama's apartment, where Tobirama would still be, according to Hashirama.

"You sure you don't want to meet him by yourself?" Hashirama asked on the phone when I called him on the Friday. I hadn't told him Tobirama had come to work that day; I simply didn't think about telling him. I had just been so excited about fixing things between us all. Maybe, if I had told him then...

"I'm sure", I said. "I still want it to be the three of us. I want to solve this with you there. You're part of us."

I suddenly missed Hashirama terribly.

Saturday was agony; never had time passed so slowly. After work, I felt I couldn't sleep so I went to the gym, working out until past midnight. After tossing and turning in bed, I finally fell asleep and slept until noon. I showered, got dressed in trousers and a shirt and went out. I bought flowers, one two-coloured rose for Hashirama for picking him up at the airport and one sunflower for Tobirama to apologise. I honestly didn't know if men bought flowers for each other; during my drive to the airport I humoured myself by trying to imagine how Hashi and T would react, respectively. For Hashirama, it would be the most natural thing in the world. He would accept it, smile and thank me. Tobirama would stare at me in surprise, then look at the sunflower as if though he didn't understand what it was for, then he would melt, hugging me close, whispering his thanks into my ear.

I smiled.

Hashirama's flight was on time. I bought him a large tea with oat milk; it was a long flight for him and flying west-to-east always took its toll on your inner clock, more so than flying east-to-west so I figured he needed some caffeine. I held his rose and waited in the arrivals area. My phone pinged.

Hashi <3: Landed. Will just pick up my luggage.

Me: I have missed you

Hashi <3: I am so excited to meet you. I hope you're excited for Tobirama

I shivered; I definitely was.

Me: The things I want to do to you. That I want Tobirama to do to me...

Hashi <3: I hate waiting for luggage

As soon as Hashirama came out, I saw him looking vigorously for me. When he caught sight of me and the rose he beamed and ran towards me, and I ran towards him until we collided. It was ridiculous, really, two grown men, but I had missed him so much during this time, during the time Tobirama had been accused of all the terrible things. And Merlin! I hadn't even realised how heartbroken Hashirama must be because of his betrayal. I tried to squeeze comfort into him as I hugged him close, the smell of different colognes on his black summer coat intoxicating.

"God, I missed you", I breathed.

"I missed you too. How is Tobirama?"

The three of us ended there. 

Had I known that that was the last sentence before everything happened...

Had I known it was the last glimpse of happiness...

Had I known about the anxiety that that particular sentence would induce...

I would have clung to Hashirama, begged him to wait, to not speak, to just wait a bit longer, let us pretend everything was as it should be just a little more.

Of course, I didn't know.

"Tobirama seemed very happy on Friday", I said.

And that turned upside down on everything.

Hashirama took a step back, looked at me, suddenly worried.

"What do you mean?" he asked darkly. His irises were just thin rims; his pupils were ginormous.

"He came in to check up on us. Seemed very happy."

"What did he say?"

Hashirama's voice was wobbly, and I was becoming increasingly stressed.

"I don't know! Something about his presence being abundant or something of the sort! Hashirama, what's going on?!"

He thought frenetically.

"When I opened my phone, he'd texted me. Two hours ago..." he said.

Hashirama grabbed my shoulders.

But dread had already clenched and my heart.

An ice cold hand grabbed my intestines and squeezed.

My diaphragm was paralysed.

My eyesight blackened in fear.

Because I had realised.

I had realised what Hashirama had realised.

We stared at each other for a fraction of a second that felt like an eternity, like going by a boat over all of the oceans of the earth with only one hand as an oar.

Then, Hashirama whispered.

"Madara, we have to run..."

And we took off. 

"I'll drive", Hashirama said; he knew I wasn't in any state.

I couldn't even speak. I opened my mouth to say something but all that came out was incomprehensible nonsense.

Hashirama buckled in, started the engine and roared away. I hid my face in my hands, breathing ragged breaths through my teeth.

"No", Hashirama said simply. "No. You are not allowed to panic, Maddie. Not here. Not now." He took my hand, braided our fingers together, squeezed so harshly it almost hurt. The fact that his hands were larger and tougher than mine even if I topped him always made me very self-conscious, even now, despite the terrible situation, or maybe because of it. "I need you", he said, eyes on the road, leaning forwards furiously as if that would increase the speed; he was already going far, far above the limit.

And just like that, the panic went away, fizzed out before it had even stated to burn. Hashirama needed me. I would not leave him to deal with this alone.

We reached Hashi's apartment in fifteen minutes instead of twenty-five and ran up the stairs. My lungs were bleeding as we came up, but I didn't care. Hashirama's hand shook as he unlocked the door, threw it open...

His apartment was empty. Or, Tobirama's things were still there, but nothing else. Something within me wanted to just stay, in this apartment, forever, locked in among his things, pretending he would be home any minute. Luckily, my better one-third (the other one being Tobirama) still had his wits with him.

"Let's go to his."

We ran all the way down, into the car and Hashi drove like a madman through the Parisian streets which was impressive for a man who didn't come from here and also only owned a bicycle; Paris traffic was insane.

But suddenly, he made a sharp turn as if making a last-second decision, causing several cars to honk their horns angrily at us from all directions. The sound freaked me out, made me hold my hands over my ears.

"What are you doing!?" I screamed; I could form words again.

"It won't be there."

My blood froze to ice as he said it, not he.  

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Too big a risk that his daughter will come. He told me this morning he was supposed to pick her up today. It won't be at his house. It will be in the kitchen."

And somewhere deep down, something clicked.

Yes... Yes, it's there.

My better third parked illegally outside the kitchen, unbuckled his seatbelt, but I couldn't move; I was in frozen fright. I didn't want to go in there, couldn't go in there because I knew what I would see and I knew there was no way, none at all to unsee it.

"Madara, move!" Hashirama screamed and when I didn't, he came to my side of the car, unbuckled my seatbelt, grabbed my hand and dragged me out.

He ran, and I staggered after him. It was like walking though syrup but without the sweetness. I tripped, fell down on my hands and knees. Hashirama bent down next to me, freaking out. I vomited, several times until I felt my throat starting to bleed.

"We have to go", I said weakly.

Hashirama pulled me up, and together we half-ran, half-staggered to the back door, Hashirama supporting me.

I had left my heart and soul on the ground behind me, as well as Tobirama's sunflower.

We didn't allow ourselves a single breath to prepare before using the keys in the door, shutting the alarm off, so much safety due to the unfathomably expensive ingredients we hosted making the kitchen very desirable for burglary. Hashirama took my hand, and we went into the kitchen.

And my world ended.