This one shot is connected to Backfire, it's from Zayn's perspective once that Alex and Niall get together. It breaks my heart but it's essential for the sequel of Backfire, "Misconceptions" that you all can read after Backfire.

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I Wish - Zayn

“Good luck,” she says kissing him in the lips and I have to turn around because it hurts. “You’re gonna be brilliant tonight. Now blow my mind in this sound-check,” she adds and I feel my heart sinking at her words. I can’t stop asking why him? Why not me?

I look at her as Niall walks towards us. Her black hair with those red locks, her deep and so beautiful green eyes, that contagious and friendly smile that can be so cheeky sometimes, her long eyelashes that she adores to cover up with a bit of mascara, those full lips, her neck, her curvy body so natural, so beautiful. She’s beautiful even if she doesn’t notice it, even if she tries to hide it.

Niall is so lucky.

I see the way she looks at him, how those green eyes sparks and how her features soften every time they are together. And that is killing me slowly. I know she doesn’t see me like that, I’m only a good mate for her even if I want to be more than that. For Alex, Niall is the one who steals her breath. He is the one I want to be.

“You okay, mate?” Liam asks putting his hand on my shoulder and making me look at him.

All them know about my ‘little crush’ on Alex, and I swear I’m working on forgetting about her, but it’s so difficult when she’s so close all the time, when I see her everyday. Every time we bump into each other and she smiles at me so awkwardly I just want to hug her and tell her to choose me over Niall. He’s one of my best mates and I’m happy for him, but his happiness is killing me because he gets the girl I want so bad.

“Yeah, same thing, as usual,” I reply glaring at the floor and he squeezes my shoulder a bit.

“It’s gonna be okay, mate, you know that,” he says and I can detect the reassuring smile in his voice. I feel his support but it doesn’t do much to help me in this moment.

“I hope,” I whisper but it has been a couple of days since Alex and Niall got together and it’s not getting easier. On the contrary, every time I see them together it hurts even more because I only wish I could be him.

“Okay, lads. Let’s start with ‘I Wish’,” I groan at the instruction. Lately that song is haunting me and I’m starting to hate it due to how accurate it is.

I take a deep breath and put the mic closer to my lips because I open that song.

He takes your hand

I die a little.

I watch your eyes

And I’m in riddles.

Why can’t you look at me like that?

I sing that part and I can’t help it, my eyes look for Alex and she is glaring at Niall who is smiling like stupid while Liam sings his part. He even waves at her and the smile on her face is so beautiful, so lovely, so precious that my heart flips in my ribcage. How can she have such effect on me?

I see the way they look at each other an my chest hurts badly because I want to be the one whom she smiles at, I want to be the one waving at her from the stage, throwing kisses at her.

But I see you with him slow dancing

Tearing me apart

Cause you don't see.

Whenever you kiss him

I'm breaking,

Oh, how I wish that was me…

We all sing and I feel how those words come from the deeps of my soul. There, looking at Alex whilst I sing, I’ve never felt so connected to a song.

Cause I got three little words

That I've always been dying to tell you…

I sing and it seems that she feels my stare because for a few seconds our eyes meet and her expression changes. She knows how I feel and she pities me because she doesn’t love me back. It’s a shame because I can love her so much, I’d love to be with her, cuddle with her, show her how much she means to me, how she makes me feel every time her eyes meet mine. I want to tell her how beautiful she is every minute till she believes me. I want… I just want to be with her.

But she is with Niall and I can’t do anything about that because even if I want to be with her so bad, I want her to be happy and I’m no fool, I know she’s happy with him. It’s evident, it’s written all over her face when they are together. And if the price for her happiness is mine, then I’m willing to pay it.

“Oh, how I wish that was me…” I sing finishing the song and feeling my heart aching as her eyes meet mine again and I see how sorry she is, but we can’t do anything about it. She’s not mine and she'll never be.