Once there was an ugly barnacle

He was so ugly

that everyone

DIED.

The End

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Wait, wait, wait. That's not all. Supposed you haven't heard the real story of the Ugly Barnacle.

Greaser style.

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So, as the story goes,

Once there was an Ugly Sociable

His name was Bob,

Bob Sheldon to be exact.

Now, Bob was an ordinary young fellow

With madras shirts and flooded pants

And don't forget the cool blue Mustang.

His friend in tow,

Randy Adderson

Was an ugly sociable too.

So both Bob and Randy were ugly sociables.

Ugly not based on looks,

just

UGLY.

Now one night,

Bob and Randy and their fellow gang

Took their girls,

Cherry Valance and Marcia,

out to the drive-in theater

which permitted uglies.

So, along with Bob and Randy's interesting drinking problems,

they could not enter.

They let Cherry and Marcia left on their lonesome

watching some beach movie.

Now that same night,

when Bob and Randy were getting drunk

in the cool blue mustang,

three non-uglies hung out with Cherry and Marcia.

The three non-uglies,

which were greasers

another name for non-uglies,

were getting to know the girls.

Ponyboy Curtis, the first non-ugly

Johnny Cade, the second

and Dallas Winston, the third

had a pretty non-uglified night with the girls.

Dallas got splashed with Cherry's coke,

and soon left to go slash Tim's tires

another non-ugly.

Ponyboy chatted with Cherry,

and Johnny tagged along.

Then, another non-ugly joined,

Two-Bit Mathews,

and was flirting with Marcia the entire time.

Now, when the movie ended,

The three non-uglies offered to walk

the two girls home.

All five were walking on the sidewalk,

when suddenly

the uglies came back.

The cool blue mustang

Bob's mustang

drove up to where they were,

and Bob and Randy got out,

uglier and drunker than anything.

It was a hideous sight.

Bob exclaimed,

"Cherry, what're you two doing near these uglies?"

Then Cherry spat,

"The only uglies here are you two, Bob."

It was a burning BURN.

Bob was hurt--

--was he really that ugly?

Bob was offended and insisted Cherry and Marcia

to come in the car with them.

Cherry said goodbye to Ponyboy,

who was much disgusted

that Cherry was forced to go in a car

with a pack of ugly sociables.

Two-Bit said goodbye to Marcia,

and Johnny stood scared

because Bob and his gang

were the uglies who beat him up

just because they were jealous

of Johnny's non-ugliness.

So, Cherry and Marcia were sped away

in that cool blue mustang

leaving Ponyboy, Johnny, and Two-Bit

walking alone to their house.

Two-Bit arrived safely at home

when Ponyboy and Johnny decided to visit the vacant lot,

which was only for non-uglies

so they would be safe.

They lied in the lot sleepily

and dreamed of a world without uglies,

and damn, was it a good dream.

But good dreams always come to an end,

and Johnny woke Ponyboy up

because they had to go home.

Johnny stayed in the lot for he didn't have a home,

but Pony had to go

or else his non-ugly brother,

Darry,

would be pissed.

So, when Ponyboy arrived home,

his two non-ugly brothers were there.

Darry yelled but Sodapop was trying to keep peace,

and in a second,

Ponyboy was hit by Darry.

It was punishment for hanging around uglies.

Ponyboy then showed some sass,

and ran out of the house

back to Johnny in the lot.

Ponyboy and Johnny then took a walk to the park

just to cool themselves down.

Then, Bob and Randy and their gang,

the ugliest of all gangs

intruded the park.

Bob spit at Ponyboy,

"You know what a greaser is?

Not ugly."

Ponyboy scoffed,

"You know what a soc is?

An ugly sociable."

Then Ponyboy grimaced at Bob's ugliness,

and Bob charged at him.

Randy had Johnny down at the ground,

and Bob and the three other uglies

were trying to drown Ponyboy

in a fountain.

"Let's see how you like to be an ugly!"

Bob screamed.

Randy was sure Johnny had enough

so he joined his ugly gang

in drowning Ponyboy

to become an ugly.

But,

Johnny stood up from the ground,

pulling out a switchblade,

the finest of blades

to kill the ugliest

of uglies.

Johnny was behind Bob's back in a second,

and shooting back his arm,

Johnny screamed,

"DIE UGLY!"

Johnny stabbed Bob

in the chest

killing Bob and his ugliness

away from the world.

Randy and the rest of the uglies

dodged the place

for they did not want to get killed

for being an ugly.

Johnny looked utterly pleased with himself

as Bob died

falling on the ground

blood everywhere.

Johnny saved Ponyboy from the fountain too,

and they both watched in awe

as Bob,

the ugliest of all the uglies

was now dead.

There was a celebration the next morning in all of Tulsa.

The End

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A/N:

Well. I don't know what to say. This was interesting to write . . .

This was not supposed to offend anyone, if you were thinking. All people are beautiful and definitely not ugly. Whoever is a true Outsiders fan will understand this more . . . I mean come on people, who likes Bob anyway?!

Stay gold, and this was a REALLY long wait for an update!

-Amanda :)