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#CLARISSA'S POV#

        
"Mummy, my teacher said a family should consist of a father, mother and the child and you do say we are a family but where is my daddy?" I remember asking my mum as soon as I got back home from school that very faithful day. How old was I then? Oh, I guess I was four years old.

"Darling, your dad has travelled really far." She replied. My smile widened at that.

"Can't we put a call through to him?" I asked cheerfully with a cute pout while playing with the belt of my gown.

"No baby, we can't call him." At that a tear slipped from my eye. "If we call him we would distract him. He is on a duty and when he is done he would return to us. If we call him or go to meet him we would distract him and he would not be able to complete his work on time so as to return to us quickly. Do you understand?" Mum cooed as she cleaned my tears. Her eyes were moist too and I did not want to see her cry so I had to agree.

"OK mummy." I replied while nodding my head.

"The earlier he completes his work the better, right?" She asked and I nodded. I kept on praying to God that my daddy completes his work on time.

"So you won't bring this up again, right sweetie?" She asked. I nodded again with a smile. She reciprocated my smile with a smile as she engulfed me in a warm hug.
      
As I grew older and smarter, I began asking more questions till she told me my daddy had died before I was born. I wanted to ask more questions such as how did it happen and I wanted to ask her for pictures of my daddy but I didn't. Now, I regret it. I don't know what had stopped me from asking but I guess it was that raw pain in her eyes as she proclaimed him dead that stopped me from digging deeper.
           
Now, it's all clear. My father was dead not physically but in my mum's mind. It's not fair at all! I feel the tears streaming down my cheeks and staining my T-shirt. All this years, I had always been jealous of a father to child relationship! I envied girls in my class whose father came to pick them up! I had never for a moment liked Father's day and every other activity associated with it! I never liked grandfather attending as my proxy father! But I never complained neither did I ever ask questions that would make my mum uncomfortable! So couldn't she have been considerate too?
              
More tears stream down my cheeks as I hug my legs to my chest and rest my head on my knees staring at the floor board. I'm sure you don't understand how this feels. The feeling one have when one finds out that her confidant, friend, best friend, gist partner, strength provider, mum, father and sibling at the same time has been lying to her from birth. It's just not fair at all!

As I keep staring at the floor, it clicked in my brain that I had not heard the sound of the door closing meaning mum is still outside in the cold. I try to fight the idea of going to call her in. She lied to me about my father and a twin sister! Didn't she? Who dare try to break a twin bond?! Can you imagine having a sister from the same womb that you never knew about? We could have played house and dress up games. What about holding a tea party? Fighting over things that make no sense one minute and settling it the next minute? Wearing same dresses? Helping to style each other hairs? Standing up for each other? Sharing household chores? Fighting about who is the oldest? And so many other things I had missed out on all because of my mum.
             
The memory of her saying he is lying flashes for a moment in my mind and guilt try to eat me up. The guilt about me really misunderstanding the whole situation. I try to fight against the guilt but I lose as I soon find myself out of my room and heading to the front door to check up on mum. I halt in my steps once I hear a car pulling up in the driveway. I run over to the window. Through the hole between the binds, I try to peep.
            
Alvin gets out of the car. "Erica!" He screamed as he ran. My eyes followed his legs and that led me to where mum is sitting. My heart broke as I drank in her sight. Her eyes are red and swollen. Through the hole, I manage to see her dried up tears on her cheek.
          
Silently Alvin held her up. It took me two seconds to realise they were planning to enter the house. I ran to my room as quick as my little legs could. I left the door slightly opened out of curiosity. Despite the guilt in me, I was still annoyed at her so I did not want to meet her for now.
From the little hole left between the door and the doorpost, all I can see his him hugging her. I lean away from the door as I walk over to my bed and sit on it. I stare around my room and imagined how it would have been with a twin sister here. There would have been a twin bunk bed or two single bed side by side instead of my King size heart shaped bed. There would have been two dressing stool. I wonder how my twins look like. Do we look alike? Is she taller than me? Is she a tomboy? Is she a girlish girl who likes putting different flashy colours of ribbon on her hair. I giggled at that. And like that I let my thought drift off to how life would have been with a father and twin sister till a husky but melodious voice brought me out of my reverie. I ran to the door to peek at what was happening in the sitting room.

♪ "So break down in shudders, if
you need to, it's fine.
♪ It's al... It's al... It's al...It's alright
to cry.
♪ It's al... It's al... It's al...It's alright
to cry.
♪ It's alright to cry
♪ It's alright to let tear drop far
from your eyes
♪ Even the darkest night would
find their light
♪ It's alright to cry..."
           
I smiled at Alvin's attempt to soothe mum. I guess so far, he has been the greatest man mum has ever dated. But now things were bound to change as a father and twin daughter is already in the picture. How and when is what I don't know but things were certainly going to change for I, mum and Alvin. I smile sadly at Alvin. He is a great man and I don't think he deserves what is to come. I take a last look at mum's crying face before closing my door and locking it.
I return to my bed and cover myself with the duvet not wanting to think of anything. I guess I dozed off because when I woke up, the last thing I remembered was trying to block out all uncomfortable thoughts. I try to force myself to sleep again till I heard what had disturbed me in the first place. Someone was knocking. I headed towards the door while scratching my eyes with my arm.
      
"Alvin?" I asked in shock as soon as I opened the door.
      
"Hey! Just woke up?" He chuckled awkwardly.
       
"Yes." I replied. We stayed that way with a dark silence looming over us. I know mum must have told him what had happened and he is here to scold me. If he scolds me, I promise to flare up. I am tapping my feet continuously on the floor in anticipation of him criticizing me for what is none of his business.
      
"Hey relax! It's like you are ready for an argument!" He chuckled pointing at my feet. "Well I come in peace ooh!" He playfully said while raising both hands as a sign of defeat accepted. I guess it was at that point my body relaxed.
      
"Can I come in?" He asked with a smile. I readily nodded as I left the door open.
      
"Wow, you have a very beautiful shelf." He exclaimed as he examined my dolled up shelf.
     
"Mum designed that herself!" I replied cheerfully, glad that someone appreciates the beauty. Now that I think about it, I guess he is the first male to enter my room apart from granddad and Uncle Justin.
     
"Wow! I never knew Erica loves designing!" He said. He selected a book from the shelf. Curious to know what book attracted his attention, I bent to check the book's back cover.
     
"Do you know the author?" I asked while staring at his widened eyes.
    
"Why did you ask?" He asked still not removing his eyes from the book.
    
"Well, your dilated pupil seems to tell more than it want to." I replied smartly.
   
"Gosh!" He laughed. "Your mum must be really glad to have you."
    
"I'm not sure about that anymore." I shrugged as I settled down on my reading chair.
    
"Why?" He asks as he returns the book that had piqued his interest back to the shelf.
   
I just shrugged. He motioned with his hands to ask if he can sit on my bed and I nodded.
    
"I just realised she has been keeping secrets from me." I took interest in the fountain pen on my desk so I started twirling it in my hands trying to avoid Alvin's eyes.
     
"She was keeping it from you for your own sake. She wanted to keep you cocooned from the heartlessness of this world." He cooed softly.
    
"But I'm smart..." My voice cracked.        
"I'm smarter than most kids my age so I would have understood if she had just told me." I soon got fed up with the fountain pen so I picked up my belt from my lap.
       
"So you expected her to say; 'Your dad denied our existence, Clarissa. He denied ever knowing me. '?" His voice took a harsh turn.
      
"No..." I cried out anguished.
     
"Then what?" He asked immediately. I raised my eyes from my lap to have a glimpse of his face before returning them back.
     
"Your mum wanted an happy childhood for you. It's better you think your dad is dead than he abandoned you." He said softly, trying to catch my gaze.
       
'No more crying. ' I repeatedly said to myself like a mantra so as to keep my tears at bay.
    
"You are pinning me out to be the bad one." I muttered on between sniffs. He quickly covered the distance between us. Wrapping my hands in his, he gently patted it.
    
"No, I'm not. I'm sorry if you felt that way. I just don't want you to lock your mum out. You two should have a conversation. She is as pained as you are or more, Agreed?" He asked while wiping my tears with a tissue paper I did not know he had.
        
"I will try." I mutter.
       
"Thanks." He replied.
     
"What about my twin?" My croaked voice asked. "Is it true? Did she deliberately keep that away from me too?"
     
"Only she can give answers to your questions and that is why it is vital for you both to have a discussion." He said seriously but with a playful smile lingering at the corner of his eyes.
    
"Mum must be really glad to have you." I blurted out.
     
He chuckled lightly. "Of course, she is."
  
A comfortable silence settled over us till I broke it. "Aren't you scared?"
   
"Hmm?"
    
"With the new take of events, aren't you scared your place would be replaced?"
    
"I would be lying if I declare overconfidence. Things are bound to change but I hope positively." I nodded at that.
    
"Should we go to your mum now?" He asked.
     
"Can you give me a few seconds to compose myself?"
     
"Of course. See you outside." He said as he strolled leisurely out of my room. I kept to my request and only used a few seconds to compose myself before coming out to join him.
       
The sight we found in the living room is so peaceful, majestic and eye-catching. Mum was sleeping so carefree. It didn't look like she cried out her eyes some moments ago.
    
"I'm so lucky to have her." He muttered as he gathered her stray hair behind her ears.
   
"Eew!" I muttered while he chuckled.
    
"You must be hungry by now. Let me make you something." He declared as he headed towards the kitchen.
    
"No, I'm not hu..."
    
"What would you like to eat?"
  
"Ca..."
    
"Instead, what does your mum like eating when she is exhausted?" He cut me off with a question again. Now, I get it.
 
"You are not cooking for me, right? I'm just an excuse to cook for my mum, right?" I asked with crossed arms around my chest and a quirked eyebrow.
    
He tousled my hair lightly. "You are indeed smart. So now that I have just been found out, would you do me the favor of telling me your mum's favorite when she is exhausted." He puts on the pink apron with the inscription; 'I Can't Cook But I can Cook. You Are Going To Eat Whatsoever I Give To You, Edible Or Not.'
   
"What is so funny?" He asks.
     
"The inscription on the apron you chose to wear. Why do I feel like you are warning me ahead of the disastrous end of the food you will cook?" I kept on laughing.
   
"You would be shocked by my fantastic cooking skills. So what does your mum like to eat when she is exhausted?" He asked again.
     
"When she is exhausted she prefers something simple that is not as complicated as her feelings so I guess paratha and egg would do."
   
"Right on to it." He said with a smile.
    
"What can I help with?" I asked as I unknowingly put on an apron with the inscription; 'Join Me In Pretending To Cook' Alvin laughed at me till we were done with preparing the meal and setting the table.
    
I sat on the set table while Alvin went to wake mum up. There is some murmurs then dragging of feet. Each seconds seemed shorter as I nervously waited. The dragging of feet stopped at the entrance of the dining room. I looked up to find mum staring at me too.
   
"Clarissa and I put a lot of efforts in making you a simple food to ease your complicated feelings." Alvin butts in.
    
"Really?" Mum asked him, her eyes still glued on my face.
    
"Of course. So, may I lead milady to lunch?" He asked with a lush British accent. Mum eyes' were still on mine as she ran across the dining room to engulf me in a warm hug.
   
"Oh... I'm sorry... My baby." She cooed as she patted my hair that is buried in her warm chest.
   
"I'm sorry mum... For not listening, for drawing up conclusions, for shouting at you, for..." She cuts me off.
    
"You don't have to apologize for anything, my baby. It's all mum's fault for keeping things from her baby."   The hug is so soothing that amidst tears we both smile.
     
Alvin cleared his throat. " The food is getting cold and I'm sure you are both hungry so why don't we proceed?" He said jokingly.
   
"OK." Mum said as she proceeded to filling up my plate and hers.
   
"But I wanted to feed you." I heard Alvin mutter. I almost choked on what I'm chewing but mum's immediate heavy pat on my back saved me.
    
"Did you say something?" Mum asked Alvin casually.
   
He childishly pointed to her plates. "I would love to feed you." He repeated. I glared at him while he grinned widely. Mum took a quick look at me while I pretended to not be listening. I'm sure she must be crimson red now.
  
I shake my head at them as I continued eating dreading the conversation that is to come when I'm done with eating. Do I really want to know the truth? Yes. Am I scared? Yes, very scared. The truth is I'm scared to know the truth. What if I really have a twin sister and she detests me? What if my biological father likes my twin sister more than me? What if my biological father still does not want to have anything to do with me? What if he is harsh and violent? And the one I fear the most, What if at the arrival of a twin sister, I have to fight for mum's attention? The thought of that makes me sick to the stomach. I take a glance at the lovebirds who did not notice the battle I'm currently fighting and I look back to my plate with blurry eyes.
       
The 'what if's' are just so much that I have lost my appetite but to put mum at ease I try to gulp it down. Each of the forkful I put in my mouth tastes bitter as the last option looms over my head. I take another glance at mum who is laughing so cheerfully. I can't hear what they are talking about even though I try to hear but the 'what if' ringing in my ear has blocked me out. Would a time come when I have to fight for mum's attention with a twin sister? Would a time come when I become invisible to mum? I feel what I have eaten coming back to my mouth but I force down with a lit of water. I don't want to make mum afraid.
       
"Are you done with eating?" Mum asks. I did not know who she was talking to at first but on looking at her, I realized they were both looking at me.
    
"Huh?? Me?" I asked as I looked behind me. Mum looked at my still full plate and back to my face and the worried look etched to her face.
     
"The food is so sweet that I don't want to finish it." I replied with fake sweetness that did not convince mum. I took a forkful that was still bitter but to convince mum, I smiled while eating it with closed eyes as if to savor the delightful taste. I did it four consecutive time and when I opened my eyes the next time, mum was back to discussing cheerfully with her boyfriend. I grip the chair I'm sitting on tightly so as to keep the vomit threatening to pour at bay. Is a twin sister going to be a blessing or not? I guess only time can tell. And I dread that time.

I'm very very sorry for the delay. I have written the earlier part of this chapter long before now but I was having writer's block trying to think of what Alvin was going to say to Clarissa in her room. So you tell me, did I try?
     
Who is forever shipping for Alvin and Erica? Because Alvin is just so adorable!
       
What should we do for our poor Clarissa? She is scared of what a twin sister would bring along. Lol! We have all passed through that stage in life, some are still passing through it. The stage where you are scared of the path ahead.
     
Thanks for reading this chapter😘😘