Chapter 07

Hug

Mila jolts awake when she hears a soft noise. The sunlight pouring between the heavy curtains hit her face as soon as she lifted her head from the couch. She winces when her head aches from the sudden movement, forcing her to squeeze her eyes shut for a moment. "Abe?" She calls for him, aware of the fact that she wasn't alone in the house and the only other person was probably him.

"Yeah? Nasa kitchen ako," he replies.

Despite feeling like her head could split into two, Mila forces her body to get up and walk towards the kitchen where she sees Abe preparing breakfast. He flips the eggs on his pan and sets it back on the stove, all the while he was also busy mixing a bowl of fresh tomatoes, onion, and corn.

"Sorry kagabi," she apologizes before she even pulls out a chair. "'Di ko na matandaan pa'no ako nakauwi." She vaguely remembers telling Fatima that she was already sleepy after a few shots, and then she was resting her head against her friend's shoulders, and then the memory fades into hazy shapes and voices that she could barely make out.

"It's fine." His curt reply shakes Mila awake. Even as she sat down, hindi siya nito nilingon at patuloy lang sa ginagawa sa kalan. What's wrong with him? May hindi ba siya nagawang maganda kagabi kung kaya't hindi siya nito pinapansin? She doubts it, otherwise he'd tell her immediately.

She clears her throat and pulls the plate in front of her. "Did. . . uhm, did Fatima say anything?" Her conversation with Fatima suddenly replays itself in her mind. She pulls at her sleeves at the thought of being vulnerable again in front of somebody. The embarrassment tugs at her stomach. She told Fatima what she felt–about Jachin–and even though she trusts her to keep it safe, the thought of anyone finding out made her skin crawl. Vulnerability is a point often exploited.

For the first time today, Abe glances at her. "No, she didn't." Then without waiting for her to say something again, tumalikod na ito at nagpatuloy sa pagluluto.

"May pasok ka today?" She tries again, following his movements around the kitchen in hopes of catching his eyes again. But he doesn't spare her a glance even as he places another plate in front of her, but this time, with two pieces of toasted bread, eggs, and the salad he was making.

"I have," he says, and then lifts his eyes to meet hers. "Later."

Tumango si Mila at nagsimulang kumain. Her heart drops when Abe finishes everything and sits on the other side of the kitchen island, away from her. Inilabas din nito ang laptop and opens a document that she couldn't see, probably one of his reviewers.

She wasn't used to this silence–tense and intruding–between them. Sanay siyang kinukulit niya si Abe habang may ginagawa ito, at sanay siyang binibigyan siya nito ng atensiyon kahit ano pa ang ginagawa nito. But right now, she feels as though she's invisible, and she doesn't know why. May nasabi ba siya? Pinahirapan ba niya ito kagabi mag-alaga? Surely there's something she did.

Her thoughts and her sudden quietness must've been obvious because not long after, Abe speaks. "Do you like the salad? I'm not sure kung kumakain ka niyan but I wanted you to have a proper meal. Especially after drinking."

She quickly turns to him and scoots her chair closer to where he was. "I do like it. Kahit sa tingin mo 'di ako kumakain ng gulay. I do eat."

"Good."

"Abe?" she calls for him, not wanting the conversation to end because he might return to that cold, and quiet guy again.

He takes his eyes off the screen of his laptop and turns his attention to her. "Hmm?"

"Sasabihin mo naman sa 'kin kung may nagawa akong mali 'di ba?" she asks in the most quiet voice she ever made. Sometimes, she can be so wrapped around by her own mind that she forgets everything else. She becomes so selfish she hardly recognizes herself in the mirror.

Her heart leaps at her throat when he only stares at her. He stares at her like he wants to say something, and Mila silently prays that he does. She'd rather that he speaks to her, kahit pa hindi niya gusto ang sinasabi nito, kumpara sa katahimikan. Silence was hard to read.

"Of course."

Mila lets out a heavy breath, unaware that she was holding it until an answer–anything–slips out of his mouth. "I don't trust myself to see what I'm doing wrong. Kaya minsan. . . minsan may nasasaktan na ako nang hindi ko nalalaman." The truth forces its way out of the deepest parts of her, the parts that she refuses to swallow her whole again. "I don't want to repeat what–"

What she did to Jachin.

Kahit na hindi niya itinuloy ang sasabihin, Abe nods in understanding. "I'm sorry for making you think you did something. 'Di lang ako nakatulog kagabi. I was busy. . . reading."

The corner of her lips twitches. "So workaholic. Baka sa panaginip mo nag-aaral ka pa rin." The man's world revolves around his academic goals, and one that she used to share with him back in high school. Pero ngayon nag-iba na ang priority niya sa buhay. She wants to help her mom get better first, even if it meant that she'd have to stop going to school for a little while.

Mahinang natawa si Abe at isinara ang laptop niya. "That has happened. Minsan nga raw kapag nakatulog ako sa library, nagsasalita ako ng medical terms sabi ni Anthony."

"He sounds like a funny guy," she says.

Agad na kumunot ang noo ni Abe. "No. He's not." He refused adamantly that it made her think that he truly was a funny guy, pero sadyang nakukulitan na si Abe sa kaibigan kaya kontra ito.

"Maybe one day magkita kami," she teases him and Abe rolls his eyes in annoyance.

⚘

Mila busies herself with the paperwork for their house and as the time moves, so does her return to the US. Ang dapat isang linggo lang niya sa Pilipinas ay naging tatlong linggo na and even then she wasn't sure if it would make it in time or if she needed to adjust her schedule accordingly.

The truth, however, was different.

The truth was that she didn't want to go back just yet.

Was it selfish to detach herself for a while from her mother? From taking care of her? Nalulunod siya habang iniisip na babalik na naman siya sa bahay na hindi pamilyar sa kanya, makikisalamuha sa mga taong hindi niya kilala. She was tired. She was at the brink of everything when she left.

Pero sa tuwing naalala niya ang nanay niya ay nadudurog ang puso niya.

She took it upon herself to make sure that her Dad knew about her mother's recent development at sinabi niya na ipaalam sa dalawa niyang nakakababatang kapatid. And even then, she felt guilty just reaching out to them to inform them against her mother's wishes.

And at that point, she also realized that even if you've spent your entire childhood with someone, and in her case, her siblings, you can still feel estranged after spending years apart with no contact. Siguro kasalanan din niya bilang nakakatanda, but she was so tired of being blamed all the time.

She was tired of being in between her parents.

"Mila?" a soft voice pulls her out of her own head, and what she realized was the worst place to be in. She turned her head to find the voice and was surprised to find the person that unconsciously occupies her mind as of late.

"Hey." Jachin stood in front of her, his lips slightly gaping. May dala itong isang paper bag at mukhang kagagaling lang din sa isang store sa loob ng mall.

She decided to drop by the mall after finishing her paperworks para sana makapag-kape. "Jach!" Mabilis niyang niyakap ang kaibigan nang makita ito, falling back into a safe space that they can both stand on. Bumaba ang tingin niya sa paperbag na mukhang galing sa pet shop. "Supplies for Lulu?" She never got to bond with his dog, what with everything that went down between her and Jachin after his birthday, pero madalas itong magsend ng picture ni Lulu sa group chat nila. So in a way, it feels like she knows her too.

"At para kay Sugar. At kay Peach, Missy, Coco." Jachin enumerates all of their pets, laughing a little. "Sinabay ko na bilin ni Evie kasi paubos na pagkain ng mga pusa."

"Do they eat raw food?" she asks, just to keep the conversation going. It was easy to let herself forget that Jachin was her friend first, and that maybe that counts for something. Na kahit may nangyaring hindi maganda sa kanilang dalawa, they were friends first. So she doesn't forget.

Umiling si Jachin. "Hindi ko pa nasubukan. 'Di naman kasi lahat ng breed advisable na pakainin ng gano'ng diet."

"Remind me to buy something for Evie's cats bago ako umalis."

They started walking to nowhere in particular, and Mila was grateful for the company. "Oo nga pala. Anong nangyari? Ilang linggo ka pa dito?" he asks after a while.

A heavy breath escapes her lips. "Well, nagkadelay sa payment nung bibili ng bahay namin. . . some stuff with the bank, and truthfully," she pauses, her throat closing up at the force of the sudden desire to tell him. "Ayoko pa rin munang bumalik."

From the corner of her eye, she saw Jachin glance at her. "Why? I know you said okay naman kayo doon. You told us nakaka-adjust ka na sa States. So. . . why?" She can definitely tell that Jachin was serious this time with his question. She might've played it off last time sa rest house, but now that they're alone, he's more keen on knowing.

"I just need a break," she finally says. "Ako nag-aalaga kay Mommy since dumating kami do'n. In and out of the hospital to the point na may emergency bag na rin ako kasi hindi ko alam minsan kung kailan namin kailangang pumunta sa ospital ulit and for how long." She swallows hard, the corner of her eyes heating up with tears. She doesn't tell him how scared she was that she was the only one who decides for her mother; that she didn't have anyone she could ask advice for.

Or how lonely she felt.

Back then she had him to ground her back to reality, to share half of the strength to make decisions for her ailing parent. She had him.

"So here I am. Magkakape sana ako after ko lakarin ibang papel," she waves the folder that she was holding, steering the conversation further away from her. "May recommended coffee shop ka ba?"

Jachin seemed to be satisfied with her reason, however simple she made it look like so he wouldn't worry too much about her. Sandali itong nag-isip bago sumilay ang ngiti sa labi nito. "May alam ako. Tara."

They fall back into an easy conversation that Mila knew she would always have with Jachin, na kahit ang pangit ng nangyari sa kanilang dalawa, he'd always be the person she knew. And if she's honest, he's the one that's keeping their friend group together—a force so strong that it binds them all together in perfect harmony.

⚘

It was already dark by the time she got home dahil nag-ikot ikot pa sila ni Jachin at tinulungan pa niya itong pumili ng bag na bibilhin para kay Evie. He told her that Evie needed a new work bag at hindi pa nito naaasikaso dahil busy pa at wala silang time lumabas.

Jachin ended up buying a cute and durable backpack for his girlfriend na si Mila mismo ang pumili ng style at kulay. She found it to fit Evie's personality at dahil mahilig ito sa makulay na bagay.

He offered to drive her home but she promptly turned him down dahil out of the way pa ang bahay ni Abe, and because she didn't want anyone to think differently if he had driven her home.

"Ugh," she sits sluggishly on the couch, propping her feet up and resting her legs dahil napagod siyang maglakad sa mall. She huffs another sigh when the emptiness of the house becomes more noticeable. Naririnig niya mahinang tunog ng humidifier malapit sa sala, pati ang ceiling fan sa itaas niya.

She picks up her phone and pushes it in her chin, contemplating if it was a good time to send a text message to Abe. Baka nasa klase pa ito dahil usually inaabot ito ng gabi. She wonders if he already ate dinner so she can make something in case dumaan ito.

Against her better judgment, she hits send anyway. If he's busy, he can always reply later.

Mila
May class ka pa?

Not a second later, her phone rings with Abe's name and photo flashing on the screen. "Hello?" she answers almost immediately.

"Just finished my class. Why?" His voice envelopes her instantly, along with the familiar hum of his car.

"Wala naman. Naalala lang kita and I wanted to ask if kumain ka na ng dinner," Mila let the question hang between them, her heart slightly racing at the thought that maybe it was inappropriate to ask him that. She clears her throat to mask the sudden awkward air. "Abe?"

"Uh, no, not yet," he answers. Kumunot ang noo ni Mila nang umubo ito. His cough sounded bad. "Sorry."

"May sakit ka ba? You sound. . ." Different, her mind supplies. Nang hindi ito sumagot ay mas lalo siyang nag-alala. She stands up from the couch and checks her phone. The call is still connected. "Abe? Are you okay?"

She hears more rustling before his voice cuts through the noise. "Sorry, I was—I was leaning my head on the wheel." He was what? That's not good. Ni minsan hindi ito nagpapahalatang may sakit at palaging pumapasok so as to not taint his record, and oftentimes, pinagagalitan niya ito at sapilitang hinihila sa clinic.

"Nasa parking ka pa ba? Wait there, I'll go to you."

"What—" he starts to protest. Then she hears him sigh. "Mila, no. I can drive. Just give me a few minutes."

She squeezed her eyes shut, frustration crawling in her. "Abe, halos nakahiga ka na nga d'yan sa sasakyan mo. Do you think it's safe to drive?" Who does he think he is? Si Superman na walang makakapagpatumba? No. He's just a normal person who needs rest.

"I can drive," he says quietly. "I'll drive there and stay the night." He pushes for a compromise. Mila pulls on her lower lip, slowly giving in. She steps back and lowers herself on the couch, before finally speaking.

"Okay, but promise me na dito ka di-diretso. I'll cook something for you."

"Okay," he breathes out. "I promise."

Mila drops the call and runs towards the glass windows in front of the house. She tugs the curtain open so she can see outside, for when Abe arrives. Then, she went to the kitchen to fix him something to eat. She'd have to make him eat no matter what.

Not long after, dumating din si Abe, his headlights fanning over the window. Mila pulls the front door wide before he could even step out of his vehicle and waits barefoot on the foyer. Sa sobrang pagmamadali niyang makapagluto ay hindi na niya naisip na kumuha ng tsinelas, and her cardigan was slipping from her shoulders, but her gaze remained trained to where Abe was.

His eyes widen a little as soon as it met hers. Nakasukbit ang backpack nito sa isang balikat at marahang isinarado ang pinto ng sasakyan niya.

Humakbang ito papalapit sa kanya, his shoulders hunched forward. Mapupula ang pisngi nito, indicating that he had a fever. So as soon as he was within reach, Mila lifted her hands to hold his cheeks and check his temperature. "Abe, are you—" But before she could even ask, he wounds his arm around her waist and pulls her close.

Her breath catches. Napaatras siya para saluhin ang katawan nito, wrapping both of her arms around him, his head safely falling on her shoulders. The mess that is his hair tickles her cheeks a little.

Isiniksik nito ang mukha sa pagitan ng balikat niya. She feels his breath on her skin, steady and sure. The structure of her tank top allowed her to feel everything and her head spins, struggling to figure out what she should feel first: the worry that simmers in her stomach or the way her heart races as Abe tightens his arm around her, surrendering to exhaustion.

#omtlwp