Chapter 6

Someone

Abe didn't have the heart to tell Mila that eating the spaghetti she made for almost two hours was like shoving salt in his mouth straight from his palm. "Masarap ba?" she asks while twirling her own pasta noodles on her plate. He nods and pushes the whole meatball in his mouth in one go.

"You know, kanina ko pa gustong itanong sa 'yo, but who's Anthony?" she poses the question with a tinge of hesitation lacing her voice. "Nakita ko lang sa phone mo nung nakaraan. Is he your friend?"

"Yeah. Funny thing was, batchmates kami sa uni pero ngayon lang kami nagkausap. We both took the same undergrad and now, the same med school, apparently." Abe recalls how fast they both became comfortable in each other's presence. But mostly it was because of Anthony's personality. Maingay ito at pala-kaibigan kaya naman mabilis siyang nahila sa mga inuman. Siya rin ang nag-uuwi rito kapag sobrang lasing. Tipong may sticker na sasakyan niya sa village nito sa sobrang dalas nilang magkasama. "We sometimes joke na proxy namin isa't isa kasi wala kaming mga. . . girlfriend."

Mila releases a soft snort. "Bakit nga ba wala kang girlfriend?" She turns to him with her brow raised, shooting the question straight to him without warning.

His hand freezes on the spot as he's twirling the pasta. Bumaba ang tingin niya sa pagkain bago mahinang tumawa. Of course, he was the only one who knows why. But the question still manages to catch him off-guard because she was the reason why. "Just not interested in all that. 'Di ko alam kung pa'no nila nagagawang makipagkilala, go on dates, sleep with each other without ever really knowing the person." The explanation rolls off his tongue quickly, and it was something that he honestly didn't quite understand. But it was the perfect excuse for the real reason, though.

"Well, sometimes, hindi naman for long term."

He shrugs. "If it's not for the long haul, what's the point?" Nauubusan na siya ng mga salitang sasabihin kay Mila and he wishes she'd just skip to the next topic. "But that's just my opinion. I don't really care kung anong trip ng ibang tao."

"That or you're just waiting for 'the one' as they say." She moves her fingers to create an air quote and smiles, placing her chin on the heel of palm. "I'd love for you to have someone someday. Sobrang swerte nila siguro. You know how to build a home, to provide, to love. It's a crime that no one is at the receiving end of that."

Abe swallows hard, feeling his throat closing up. Biglang nanlamig ang kamay niya. Ikaw ang gusto ko, his mouth tries to say. Pinipihit ng puso niya ang mga mata niya patungo kay Mila, to the only person he wanted to become his someone. Pero alam niyang mali, kaya inilayo niya ang puso niya mula rito. He gaze slides to anywhere but her. "Ah, nga pala, 'yong guest room sa taas, sira 'yong aircon so doon ka muna matulog sa kwarto ko. Don't worry, hindi naman na 'yon occupied. May mga gamit pa ako, pero mostly mga libro na lang."

"Sa condo ka na talaga umuuwi? Hindi ka ba nag-iisa do'n?" she asks.

Umiling si Abe. "Not really. Mas nakakapag-aral ako do'n nang payapa. And it's not hard to maintain unlike itong bahay na 'to."

Her bottom lip protruds in a small pout. "'Di mo man lang ba ako sasamahan dito? Mag-isa lang ako, see!" She waves her arms around, motioning for all the space in the house that was unoccupied. It felt like someone lives here, but at the same time, no one at all.

"You can manage."

"Abe!"

⚘

Abe massages the bridge of his nose between his fingers. He's so tired he can barely function properly. Kanina pa pumipikit ang mata niya kaya nagpaalam muna siya sa mga kaibigan na matutulog muna saglit sa loob ng sasakyan niya. It was one of those days that meant his day didn't end after 24 hours, dahil after ng klase ay kailangan niya ulit mag-aral para sa sunod sunod na major exams kinabukasan.

He jolts awake when a knock on his window interrupts his sleep. Kumaway si Anthony sa labas kaya napilitan siyang buksan ang lock ng pinto. "May delivery sa 'yo, oy. Inabot sa 'kin nung guard sa building. Pagkain yata." Anthony settles on the passenger seat at inabot sa kanya ang paperbag. Abe grabs the bag and opens it. Kinuha niya agad ang note na nasa itaas ng isang take-out container. Kumain ka 😡 – Mila, it says on the note, in her own handwriting.

"Sino si Mila?" Anthony asks, halos nakadikit na ang mukha nito sa kanya sa sobrang pag-u-usyoso. Agad niyang nilayo ang note mula rito at binuksan ang pagkain. It was fried rice and orange chicken. She obviously didn't make it herself, but Abe's heart soared just seeing her name on the note. He hides the smile that blossomed on his lips.

"Siya ba 'yong sinundo mo sa airport nung nakaraan? Tapos nagbakasyon kayo sa beach?" Anthony pushes, a teasing smile evident on his face.

Nilingon niya ito. "Hindi lang kami 'yong magkasama. May ibang tao." Bago pa man nito lagyan ng malisya ay inunahan na niya. He knows his train of thought and somehow it always ends up in lewd scenarios. He badly needed a girlfriend, that's what Abe thinks. Una para hindi na siya nito laging inaaya sa mga inuman, at pangalawa para mabawasan ang kabastusan nito sa buhay.

Humagalpak ito ng tawa. "Wala pa nga akong sinasabi ang defensive mo! Inulit ko lang 'yong sinabi mo sa text nung isang araw."

Abe digs into his meal, the orange chicken which he doesn't often get, miraculously tasted so good. "Don't even think about trying to meet her. Puro kabastusan lang lumalabas sa bibig mo baka akalain no'n ganyan din ako 'pag kasama kita." He never adapted to his friend's way of speaking and the general direction of his thoughts, but he'd be lying if he said that his first year in med school was entirely innocent and that they just spent all of their time studying, when in fact, para silang mga hayop na nakakawala sa koral.

"Ah, so she's the lady you've been pining over?"

His chewing slows down and he lowers his spork. "Sort of. . . yeah. Yes. Alam mo namang kumplikado. And I don't want you telling that to her. Baka kung anong masabi mo."

"My mouth is zipped," Anthony closes his mouth and runs his fingers above it. "So bakit 'di ka pa rin umaamin? Nandito na, oh! If it ends badly, at least sinabi mo."

Easy for him to say, Abe thinks. Hindi naman siya 'yong may matagal nang may pagtingin sa tao. And what will he say anyway? Oh, Mila, I love you. I'm sorry I didn't admit sooner. What would that change? Hindi naman magbabago ang nararamdaman nito para kay Jachin. Admitting to her what he feels will only make things complicated. Marami na nga itong iniisip.

"Just shut up if you see her." Abe closes the take-out container and wipes his hand on a lone tissue that came with it. "She's a close friend. Ayaw kong. . . ayaw kong pati 'yon mawala."

Anthony rolls his eyes heavenward and leans back on his seat. "Okay. Friend. Close friend. But don't say I didn't encourage you!"

He winces at his loud voice. Kahit saan talaga magpunta ang kaibigan ay lagi malakas ang boses nito. Maybe that's why he's the rep for their block.

"Oh, maalala ko, sa'n tayo sa birthday mo? Two weeks na lang. Nagtatanong na sina Vincent. Gusto yata mag outing no'ng mga 'yon after prelims."

"Ayan na naman kayo sa outing," Abe shakes his head. The last time they went on an outing, with just the boys, sobrang shit-faced nila na si Abe na lang humarap sa front desk for all the ruckus they made the night before. "Kung gano'n lang gagawin, 'wag na. I'm the one pulling you all up by morning. Hassle kaya."

"Only because you don't join us!"

"Join you saan? Uminom ako, ah?" He defends himself dahil totoo naman. He knows he didn't have to at hindi rin naman mapilit ang mga kaibigan niya kung wala siya sa mood, but for the sake of fun, he actually did. And because he didn't want to think of anything else. Iyon nga lang, mabilis din nawala ang tama niya dahil sa mga kaibigan. He was too worried that they'd do something embarrassing.

"If I remember correctly, may nag-aya sa 'yo do'n umalis sa table ah?" Anthony wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

He sighs and says, "For the nth time, wala ngang nangyari. Ang kulit mo." Abe didn't want a repeat of what happened almost a month ago. He didn't like the thought of doing something inside a public comfort room where all kinds of bacteria live, so he politely turned the woman down. Wala namang naging kaso sa babae at itong mga kaibigan lang niya ang nag-iisip ng kung ano ano.

"Fiiiine, but you do have plans, right? Ayaw na naming mag-isa ka na namang nagse-celebrate."

Abe's phone pings as a new message comes through. "I'll just decide next week." For now, his mind is still pre-occupied by this particular orange haired beauty who happens to just send him a message now.

Mila
I'm boreeeeed
Do you have PS5?
Or Switch

Abe
Wala, pero may extra iPad ako. Nasa right hand night table. Pinakababa na drawer.

Mila doesn't reply for a moment, so he follows up.

Abe
Does it work?

Mila
Oops, sorry
Nawili na ako magpipindot 🤪
It does work

Abe chuckles, picturing her hunched over his iPad, busy with whatever game she found there.

Abe
Thank you for the food.

Mila
Welcome ☺️
Reminder na lagi ka dapat kumain. Being busy is not an excuse. Mauuna ka pang maging pasyente kesa maging doktor.

Abe
Okay
I will

Mila
Oh, inaya ko pala si Fatima lumabas mamaya. I didn't tell her na sa bahay mo ako tumutuloy pero I'm sure she'll figure it out.

Abe
Lalabas kayo for dinner?

Mila
Yesss
Girl time :)

Abe
Okay, enjoy. Take care of her.

Mila
What? How about me? 🤨 Ako kaya laging pinagagalitan no'n.

Abe
99% of the time, it's because she already warned you not to do what you did.

Mila
🚶🏻‍♀️‍➡️

Tinulak ni Abe si Anthony dahil kanina pa ito sumisilip sa phone niya at inaya na itong lumabas dahil matatapos na ang vacant nila.

⚘

By the time Abe decides to go home, halos mag-a-alas onse na ng gabi. He yawns and lifts his wrist to check his watch. Gabi na naman siya natapos sa pagbabasa and thankfully, the library was still open at may ibang kasama pa siyang nag-aaral. He wraps a hand over his upper shoulders and massages it a little dahil kanina pa ito masakit.

Napatingin siya sa phone niya nang tumunog ito. His heart lurches when he sees the name. A text from Mila. Nagsabi itong aalis na ito kanina habang nasa klase siya and by the time he replied, it was already past 9 PM at hindi na ito sumagot.

Mila
psuwi na
pauwo
pauwi!

Then, a message from Fatima came through.

Fatima
Can you drive sa bahay niyo? Mila is so drunk.
Sinabi niya sakin, btw. That she stays with you.

Technically, she isn't. And he did a pretty damn good job of resisting the urge to ask if she wanted his company in that godforsaken house.

Abe
For some reason, that worries me.

Fatima
Okay lang naman sakin. I trust you.

Abe
Thanks
And I'm on my way.

He drives as fast as the normal speed limit allows him and just as he parks on the curbside of his house, nakita niyang palabas ng sasakyan ni Rigo, and Fatima at Mila were standing outside the main gate. Rigo waves at him nang makababa siya.

"I swear, ito talaga susi!" Mila cries in frustration, pushing the key on the hole clumsily. "Ugh!"

Rigo nods at her when Abe stopped in front of them. "Kanina pa niya pinipilit na kaya niya. Ayaw ibigay sakin susi." For some reason, Rigo didn't seem too bothered by the fact that Mila is staying in his house, even though Abe thought he was the one who'd react rather strongly.

Abe clicks his tongue and approaches her. "Ako na, 'di mo malusot kasi madilim." He says to her softly, wrapping his hand around hers. She lifts her head at nagtama ang tingin nila, before she sighs, like she was relieved of something.

Mabilis na binuksan ni Abe ang gate at agad namang pumasok si Mila, waving at Fatima and Rigo. "Thank youuuuu." She drags the last letter, obviously still out of it.

Abe turns to the two with a sheepish smile. Rigo had both his hands on his hips, while Fatima stood beside him, a hand under her baby bump. "I promise, she's safe here."

Mahinang natawa si Rigo. "Hay, tama talaga pakiramdam ko sa 'yo."

Kumunot ang noo ni Abe. "What?"

His friend turns away and waves his hand. "Wala. Uuwi na kami ni Fatima. Ikaw na bahala kay Mila, ah?" Rigo bids him goodbye, his arm automatically wrapping around Fatima's shoulders. Inalalayan nito si Fatima na makababa sa steps ng gate. As if we're not the same, Abe argues in his head. Pareho lang naman sila ni Rigo.

Fatima nods and waves at him, a familiar glint in her eyes apparent. It was the look that he always got from her, assuring him that she's okay with whatever decision they make.

After closing the door, Abe follows Mila inside the house. Hindi nito nabuksan ang ilaw sa sala kaya madilim pa nang makarating siya. But she laid on the couch, face planted on the cushion at halatang bagsak na. He stands beside the couch for a while, contemplating whether he should carry her up the stairs to his room (now hers) or just get a blanket and let her sleep on the couch.

In the end, napagdesisyunan niyang kumuha na lang ng kumot para hindi na maistorbo ang tulog nito. He grabs the comfiest blanket he had and places it on the arm of the couch. Tapos ay dahan dahan siyang lumuhod sa paanan ni Mila para tanggalin ang sapatos nito, thankfully it was just a slip on so he didn't have to untie anything. He touches her leg that was hanging off the couch and pushes it gingerly para hindi ito mahulog.

Mila turns to her side and groans, holding on to her stomach. The movement pushes her hair to cascade down on her face in an orange tangled mess. It made Abe smile and for a moment, he wanted to get his camera and take a photo, but quickly scolds himself that it wasn't proper nor that he had any right to capture such a vulnerable moment.

So instead of capturing it with his camera, he decides to do it with his eyes.

Like he always did.

Kahit na akala nito ay walang nakatingin sa kanya, he was always looking at her. He was looking at her when Jachin was taking her photo in that aquarium. He was looking at her when she surprised Jachin on his birthday, her eyes alight with fondness. He was looking at her even when he knew he didn't have the right.

He folds his legs and sits on the ground next to the couch, keeping his eyes on her. Ayaw niyang makagawa ng ingay para magising ito. Then, he gently touches the clump of hair that fell on her face and moves it out of the way so he had a clear view of her face.

Mila turned her head to the direction of his touch, her cheek grazing his palm. He swallows hard, their close proximity forcing him to retract his hand. Hindi niya pa rin inaalis ang tingin dito, committing to memory the way her lips part as she breathes out and the rise and fall of her chest. He even loves the way she sleeps. She looks peaceful and unguarded—like he has successfully scaled her walls and was rewarded with this view—this moment.

Parang ayaw na niyang matapos. Ayaw na niyang bumalik sila sa nakagawian. Because returning to normal meant he couldn't stare at her like this for hours, returning to normal meant he had to stomp on his heart repeatedly to stop himself from hoping; for clinging on that thin strand of attention.

So he sits there until his back aches from slouching. Basta malapit lang kay Mila.

He sits there until she stirs and murmurs something so low his ears barely catches it. Barely. But he did.

"Jachin, I—I'm sorry," she says, her voice shaking. Her chin quivers as she repeats those three words over and over again, and each time Abe hears it, he silently begs for her to stop.

Please.

His gut twists in a painful knot, knowing that even in her peaceful slumber—even in her alcohol intoxicated state—his name is the only one she knows.

#omtlwp