(present day)

"Hey bun, wake up, we have work soon".

I sigh, eyes still shut even if I've been awake for a good twenty minutes now. I just wanted to get as much rest as I could, but I guess I've used up all my free time. I sit up slowly and run a heavy hand through my hair with a grunt, what I wouldn't give to stay in bed for one more hour.

A chuckle reaches my ears until hands cup my face, fingers pinching my cheeks to help me up and about.

"Come on, bun, you know the drill. We need to make money if we want to pay those debts, we're lucky enough that we could get a job together for the both of them, don't make me end up alone because you didn't want to get out of bed".

I pout at my best friend, my biggest supporter who stayed by my side for most of the time I remained at the center, a dear friend who I didn't know I needed but now cannot see my life without.

He arrived there a few weeks after I did, liver cancer in the early stage, his life wasn't really in danger but it didn't make the treatments any more fun. We bonded quickly when we ended up in the same room for recovery.

Jung Hoseok, my friend soulmate.

He knows everything about me, about my past, about the two men who still own my heart. There's not a single thing I've kept from him, the times crying because I missed them so much spent in his arms as he hugged me through the pain. He's been a wonderful friend for me.

As for him, well Hoseok didn't really need the same support from me. His boyfriend, Yoongi would come visit him as often as possible so he was never really alone like I was.

Yoongi didn't really care about me at first, he was there for Hoseok and only him, but after a few weeks, when he saw how close we were getting, the man allowed his heart to open up to me as well, so now we're very close.

So close that we in fact all live together. They let me move in with them once I could leave the center, which I am so grateful for. They knew I couldn't just go back to my exes, not when I looked like death. It took a lot of time for me to get a healthy physique back.

We all share the living expenses for a nice apartment, which is really helpful for me, but also for them, so it's a positive situation for all three of us. Yoongi was living in a small room in a public house with Hoseok when he was diagnosed with liver cancer.

They didn't have such a good job at the time and couldn't afford more, and it was unthinkable for Yoongi to make Hoseok live there while going through chemo, which is why they decided to go with the center where he would have better living conditions.

It just really took a toll on them, debts climbed so quickly, and they decrease much slower.

We've been living together for four years now and... we're getting there, slowly but surely, the debts go down and that's all we can ask for.

A pat to my cheeks to get me back to the present, and I grumble as I try to push Hoseok off of me. He giggles before pulling me up to my feet just as my bedroom's door opens to reveal Yoongi with a spatula in hand and a disappointed frown on his face.

"Don't you dare go to the restaurant late. Get dressed quickly and come eat before you leave. You'll have to take the bus to get to work but I'll come pick you up at 22h, okay? Just a little four hours" he encourages before leaving the room, and I offer Hoseok a smile before going along with the eldest's request.

The first year after completing our treatments wasn't fun for Hoseok and I.

He ended up with a new liver after a few months of chemo and the after-effects were rough on him, he was in a lot of pain until he started feeling better. Then there was me, with my inability to walk even a few steps without getting out of breath. Yoongi was a strength that pulled the both of us forward many times, and we owe him a lot.

My surviving the cancer was honestly not even in the cards for me at first.

The first few months weren't very optimistic. I didn't have the will to fight at all, my heart was in crumbles no matter how much my two new friends would try to talk me through it and my health had dropped to a point where the cancer had quickly gained in size, which almost took me out.

It took Yoongi getting mad at me. It took him telling me that if there was the slightest bit of chance that I could survive, then I needed to take it, that it was the price to pay to see my ex-boyfriends again, the overwhelming pain a very hard price to pay, but that if I could get through it, then maybe, just maybe, I could find Jin and Namjoon again.

That possibility... it felt selfish, so very selfish of me to grab onto, I was the one who'd left them after all. Still, I couldn't help but long for their arms around me again, to hear their voices again, their eyes on me, and that could only happen if I kept fighting, so I did.

It's crazy how much your mental state affects your body, because soon, the tumor was shrinking again and getting weaker, and then one day, it was gone.

My rate of survival had climbed from 23% to 78% with a life expectancy that could maybe go beyond five years. Everyone couldn't believe their eyes at first, but the numbers were there and it was a victory for all of us. Hoseok cried tears of joy for me that day. As for Yoongi... he welcomed me home with a nice warm meal on the table and a bedroom furnished and waiting for me.

Hoseok might be my friend soulmate, but Yoongi is my half soulmate. I love them both to bits, I owe them my life today, most definitely.

There was one day when I dared go back to the apartment building where I lived with Namjoon and Jin, Yoongi and Hoseok were with me for mental support, but before I could even enter the building, I had taken one look at our door's number to find a new name besides it.

They had moved out and no one knew where they'd gone. Our old neighbour only knew that they barely packed anything. They looked like dead men when they gave the key to the landlord before driving away.

The ride back to my friends' place had gone with me crying in Hoseok's arms once more until Yoongi had made us stop at an ice cream parlour where he got me my favourite flavour, only after making me promise to stay strong and to not give up.

Needless to say, Yoongi is a very caring man and I feel very lucky that he allowed me into his heart, one that was reserved uniquely for Hoseok.

I step out of my room fully dressed to enter the kitchen where Hoseok is already eating, a plate next to him waiting for me while Yoongi is now nowhere to be seen, he must have gone back to work at the radio station.

I sit on the chair next to him and grab my fork before digging in, a satisfied hum leaving me because he really is such a good cook, not too far behind Jin.

Namjoon though... goodness, the man can't cook a single carrot, I wonder if that's something he worked on. If he can make pastas all by himself... it would be reason enough to celebrate, especially if they're edible.

I smile to myself at the thought, it doesn't hurt nearly as much now, I've learned to accept the life that is currently mine and... who knows, maybe one day we'll cross paths again?

Even if all I get to see is them from afar, I still would be very happy, if only I could see how they are doing, if they're smiling, laughing, loving each other.

"I wonder if one day we'll be able to live normally" Hoseok speaks up all of a sudden.

I look up from my plate to glance at him just as he continues. "We work at the coffee shop during the day, then at the restaurant in the evening. It's ten hours a day. Yoongi works eleven hours. How do we even survive?"

I purse my lips and shrug a little. "We fought cancer, now we have to fight life and debts. Once we're done, maybe we get sick again? It's the cycle of life on this planet, you overwork to keep yourself from sinking, you fall sick, you get debts, you recover, you overwork to keep yourself from sinking. We're right in the middle of it".

Hoseok stares at me with light disgust. "Wow, thank you, Y/N, that's nice, really cheering me up right now".

I grin and wrap my arms around him with a hum. "Hey, it's okay, we've got each other, right? We met because we both got sick at the same time, not everything has to be bad".

He sighs before hugging me back. "Yeah, you're right, but once is enough. I don't want to go through that hell again, I hope those tumors never come back. I don't need a new best friend either. You're all I need".

I rest my head on his shoulder and purse my lips. "No more getting sick, then".

But we both know, even if we never say it directly. We know that it's very possible that the tumors come back one day. It could be anywhere and just as deadly, and what then? Can we handle it a second time? I'm not sure if I want to find out.

That's not the cycle of life we're stuck in, it's the cycle of death, and it follows us everywhere we go, a shadow looming over our heads.

It's just something we have to accept, there's nothing we can do about it. Being alive right now... it's something that needs to be cherished, it's precious, so precious.

---

"More dishes are on the way, Y/N, what the hell are you doing? There are barely any utensils left, the glasses are still dirty, move faster! You're not paid to lounge around!".

I grit my teeth at the manager's comments, because I have not been lounging around, I've been running all over the kitchen and doing my best. I take one minute to breathe because my lungs start to hurt and suddenly, I become a slacker.

That guy is seriously the biggest asshole on earth. Hoseok and I work in what we considered a chic restaurant. We thought we'd be treated well even if the jobs are shit, but no, that was a futile wishing.

No matter where we go, we're still treated like garbage.

I don't respond and instead keep doing what I never really stopped doing, which is putting dishes in the dishwasher after drying the clean ones to put them where they belong continually until the night ends.

"You know that speed is important in this job, so unless you want to lose your job, do better! I don't care what kind of health sickness you have or why it makes you slower, you working here is not a game, am I clear?"

I remain silent, the weight of the others glancing awkwardly my way making me feel like shit, gosh I don't need that kind of crap.

I meet eyes with Hoseok as he prepares the ingredients at the back of the kitchen and discreetly shake my head. I don't want him losing his job because of me, we really need this one, the pay is great even if the job sucks.

A hand on my shoulder and I'm turned around forcefully to face the sick fuck that calls himself our superior.

"I said. Am. I. Clear?"

Breathe, it's okay.

"Yes sir, very clear".

"Good. Now do your job properly" he spits out before spinning around to point at the wandering eyes. "And you lot too! Stop staring at what doesn't concern you and do your job, we're on a rush here and the food won't make itself!"

Just four little hours. Yoongi is right, it's nothing too bad, we just need to get through these four little hours.

I can do this.

Namjoon's POV

Jin and I enter the restaurant we made a reservation at hand in hand, smiles on our lips because it's been a while since the last time we did something like a romantic outing. It hasn't really happened ever since Y/N left us.

Learning to live without her... it was hard, so very hard. We waited a year for her, we waited a year at our shithole before moving out, realization that she was not coming back obvious to us, yet we never really lost hope of finding her again one day.

Finding her as in... we've been looking.

Everywhere we could think of, we went. We asked around, we showed pictures, yet nothing. Not a single hint that could lead us to her.

You'd believe I'd be able to manage something now that I've become a criminal investigator, now that I have contacts who can help me but fuck, she's... transparent, a ghost.

After she left us, Jin and I, we started re-evaluating our way of living. We knew we had fucked up, we let ourselves fall down a pit without seeing how it was hurting her. When she'd said that it wouldn't change anything if she stayed with us, that we had tried to change only to give up at the first bump, she was right, so very right.

So many times she'd tried to push Jin and I to accomplish our dreams. We had started, so why did we stop? Because it was scary. We needed to be clean to make it there and that's exactly what we weren't, yet instead of dropping drugs and all that shit, what did we do? We dropped our dreams.

We dropped her.

Once we could understand that, we took the matter between our own hands and cleaned the apartment, a deep fucking needed cleaning spree. We'd armed ourselves with a trash bag each and we got rid of everything toxic, everything that made her leave us.

Needless to say, the final result had broken us.

Upon seeing the piles of bags in the middle of the living room, we'd cried for what was probably hours. We felt disgusting, like garbage. Just how low we had fallen for the simple reason that it was all we had known growing up.

For that first year, we pitied ourselves a lot. Gosh, we felt so damned empty.

We didn't have Y/N by our side, and the idea of using what had taken her from us to get over her being away from us felt so wrong that we couldn't do it anymore. We were living corpses, even the neighbors would stay away when they'd see us.

It was hard. Then one day, when I came back home from work to see that Jin had gathered every single pictures we had ever taken with her, even those only in our phones, something shifted.

They were all printed out and neatly piled up on the table with dozens of frames on the side, and he was just sat in front setting them up to decorate every surfaces we had. The TV stand, the kitchen counter, the coffee table, our bedside tables, because it served to remind us of what we had, what we had taken for granted.

It's like a flip was switched within us, because instead of continuing to mop around like imbeciles, we used that pain to act and finally go forward with what used to be our dreams.

If we wanted her back, then we needed to show her that we were worth it, we were worth her trust.

So Jin became a model first, he did every little odd jobs he could find, ones that had no exposition at all, and when he saw the opportunity, he moved behind the cameras, he became supervisor, and then he moved to the office where he would come up with ideas for the projects, and now he owns his own modelling agency, and he's so proud of it.

He did all this in such a short amount of time, and he inspired me more than he would ever know.

As for me, I finally contacted the Police Academy and finished my studies there. I worked hard, I made my proof, and suddenly I was promoted to criminal investigator where I now strive. I love my job and the salary is great.

So great that we in fact bought a house, the kind of house that we know she would have loved. The kind of house she would talk about with sparkling eyes in the past, the kind of house in which she would talk about a life as a family, where we could get a dog, or a few dogs.

Cats, bunnies, birds. Gosh, how much her face would brighten up at the sight of animals. She loved them so much.

It came to no surprise to Jin and I when she'd told us the first time that it was her dream to own a farm. It really fit her so well, a job surrounded by animals. I wonder if she made any progress in that direction?

All I know is that we could easily build one behind the house because the land we own is a few acres large. We had to move out of the city for that to happen but it's worth it, the air is cleaner and the sights we now see every morning, they soothe a heart like nothing else can.

"Hello, we have a reservation under Kim Seokjin?" I hear Jin speak up, and I blink in surprise when I take notice that we're now standing right in front of the front desk, the line was so long when we'd first come in but now it's behind us, I've really been out of it, Jin is one patient man.

"Yes, right this way, please" the hostess hums after finding his name in the book, then starts walking in a direction. Jin looks a little surprised when he doesn't have to pull me by the hand to have me move this time.

"Back with me, Joonie?" he muses and I smile sheepishly. "Yeah, sorry babe, just got a little lost in thoughts there".

He chuckles. "A little? Joonie, I had to drag you all the way to the desk and you didn't even notice it" he says before his smile falls a little. "You were thinking about her?"

We thank the hostess once at the table and we sit down face to face before I nod slowly. "Is there ever a time when we don't think about Y/N?"

He smiles softly. "Not really, no. We're obsessed with her, we always were".

That didn't keep her from leaving us. That's what I want to say, but I swallow the thought down because what would it serve? Jin looks like he's in a good mood and I want to cherish this moment, we deserve to relax without having any depressive episode for once.

When a server comes to take our beverage order, Jin and I both order a non-alcoholic drink before looking down to have a look at what we could eat. It's our first time here and we only saw good reviews about the food, so we were pretty excited to try it for ourselves.

Except, a loud crashing noise reaches our ears from what seems to be the kitchen and the room falls silent just as a voice raises in anger.

"What the hell was that?! You- stupid incompetent! Clean this up right now and then go back home, I don't want you here ever again, do you hear me? I don't know why we hired someone like you, that was fucking stupid".

Everyone in the room shares a look with each other, uneasiness crawling up our spine because... that was really harsh. It must have been an accident, so that way of talking is completely unnecessary. I feel bad for whoever lost their job publicly.

"I don't care that you need the money, you're costing us way too much for the help you bring, I've had enough! You! Go back to your post, you're not done with your shift- Hey, did you listen to me? Stop helping that stupid girl and- Jung Hoseok!".

Whoever it is that is speaking right now, they're ruining everyone's night. It's definitely not worthy of such a restaurant, and to hear them speak to those employees like that, it gets the cop in me itching to get up and see for myself what the hell is going on. Maybe I could bring some order back in there, this is getting ridiculous.

"Why don't you go have a look, Joonie? I'm sure they could do with someone like you to watch over them, at least until they make it out of here" Jin says with a smile, easily seeing how restless I'm becoming.

I quickly nod my head before standing up as I grab my badge. One look from the server nearby and then he's leading the way to the kitchen in a hurry, looking almost relieved to see me here. Clearly this isn't the first time this has happened.

A few of the employees step aside when they see me arrive into the doorway, and the first thing I notice is the broken porcelain on the floor with a woman sat in the middle, her back turned to me as she tries to gather the sharp pieces with another man by her side. I can see the way she's shaking in fear and it makes me feel bad, no one should be treated like that.

"And who the hell are you, huh? What are you doing in my kitchen?"

I look up to see a man attempting to tower over me, which he could never achieve considering that I'm a head taller than him. I need only one glance at the guy to know that he's the kind of manager everyone hates, arrogant and cocky.

I show him my badge, watch as his skin pales before he steps back, suddenly looking less intimidating.

"Criminal investigator, Kim Namjoon. I'm here to see the cause of all this screaming. It sounded like something terrible was going on in here, but from what I can see, it's only a broken plate" I state firmly, unaware of the two bodies that freeze at my words, my gaze focused on the man who wilts in front of me with every passing seconds.

"I... uh..."

I ignore him and turn my attention back to the victim still seated in the mess. "Do you have a broom nearby? You should start with that, otherwise you could cut yourself. Come over here" I request, a hand reaching out to help them step out of the circle of destruction. I know from experience that having a shard in the foot is incredibly uncomfortable.

The man, whom I assume is the mentioned Jung Hoseok, nods at me and stands up first before helping his friend out of the area until they both stand slightly in front of me. Their postures seem tensed, and to have the woman so near...

I tilt my head in confusion, something about her that is strangely familiar. My attention is pulled away when someone comes back with a broom to clean the area. I smile at them, thankful, before turning back to the manager who's clearly abusing of his title.

"As for you, you can be sure that I'll be calling the owner of his restaurant to share how a certain... Daniel is screaming at the employees and making everyone uncomfortable. Patrons are leaving because of your outburst, and I'm sure that's a much bigger loss than a simple plate".

He quickly shakes his head with murmured apologies, head bent down in surrender. At least he won't be screaming again for a while.

I motion for him to walk away and after a nod of the head, the employees in the kitchen get back to their task, the sound of chatter starting anew in the dining room, there's at least that part that's now solved.

Before going back to join Jin, I bring my attention to the woman who still has her back turned to me. I sigh deeply, she must still be scared because of what happened.

"What do you two want to do? If you want to get out of here, I can escort you to the door myself, and if you give me your names, I could speak up for you to the owner to make sure you don't get punished for what took place tonight" I offer them, a gesture that I'm more than willing to do if needed from either of them.

The man smiles at me as he wraps an arm around the feminine shoulders, a figure that seems increasingly familiar the more I look.

"That's very nice of you, Investigator Kim. Thank you for helping us on your night out, I'm sorry you had to make use of your job to get us out of trouble" he says with a low bow, to which I shake my head to reassure him, it truly did not bother me.

What bothers me is that woman, and how alike to Y/N she looks. It's making my heart go crazy, it can't be her, can it?

"Your names?" I repeat, not missing how her body tenses up while the man glances at her worryingly.

"Jung Hoseok, and this is... come on bun, this is your chance, isn't it? You'll regret it later on if you don't tell him. Don't mess it up, you've waited so long".

The woman sighs softly with a nod of the head, and my breath hitches in my throat as it dooms on me, reality crashing into me like a strong wind. It curls around me, causes shivers to spread across my skin, from my toes to the tip of my hair, it can't be.

That sigh... I could recognize that sound from anywhere in the world, and suddenly, the very curve from her shoulders to her neck, the ear I can see peeking out from under the hair, the shape of her hips, her thighs, her posture, everything...

"Y/N? K-kitten, is that you?"