Jin holds the door open and smiles at me, a soft motion of the hand for me to walk through, Namjoon close behind before he follows inside the quiet shop, the only sound greeting us one of a coffee machine running in the background and covering the radio that normally plays on the lonely speaker at the counter.

It's certainly not a grand and fancy coffee shop, but it offers the tranquility that the two men wanted as they finally reunite with their missing love, one they suddenly doubt if they can even get back.

It's not easy to remain calm when they have an inner wormhole threatening to make everything disappear in the span of a second.

"Is there anything you would like to drink? It's on us" Namjoon offers with a gentle tone, and I hum as I look at the menu. A hot chocolate can't be that bad, can it? Yoongi makes me one from time to time, he wouldn't if it was something to avoid.

"A hot chocolate would be great, please, thank you".

Shoulders relax at some familiarity, they would've grown foreign limbs if I had ordered some sickening black coffee without the slightest hint of sugar, I can't have changed that much.

"Hot chocolate, of course, yes. What about you, babe? Want something to eat?" he asks next and we both watch as Jin shrugs a little, his appetite completely gone. "I think I'll just take a simple coffee".

Namjoon nods and turns to the counter where someone is being served before it's our turn. "I'll take the same, I don't think I could eat anything right now".

I purse my lips at that. They came to the restaurant to eat, didn't they? If they couldn't eat because of what happened with me, it means they currently have an empty stomach. That makes me feel uncomfortable, big as they are, they need every meals they can get.

"Not even a sandwich? At least share something together, you can't skip dinner" I try, concern on my face as I glance at them both and... maybe they're a little hungry after all.

Yes, you know what? They're very hungry all of a sudden.

"We could take a sandwich each, that one looks good, what do you think, Joonie?" Jin asks as he points at one of the choices behind the glass, I grin to myself when the giant nods his approval, as if that was their plan all along.

"Yeah, it looks good, let's take two of this one".

"That's more like it" I chuckle, unaware that the sound of my voice causes chills to spread over their skin as if my fingers are caressing a trail up to their heart where it tickles, Namjoon even closes his eyes to relish in the feeling, no matter how short it lasts, he needs it.

When comes our time to be served, Jin motions for the sandwiches and even orders an extra pasta salad, one he knows I would enjoy before, just in case.

It's healthy so he's sure to not make me suffer unnecessarily, although he would really like to know the reason as to why I would say a definite no to junk food, that seems pretty drastic to him, once in a while never hurts.

Namjoon then proceeds with the drinks and we wait in silence at the side, a little more relaxed than earlier. Not fully, but better.

They want to jump right in the questions about that man, one who's close enough to pat my butt and kiss me on the nose, they need to know that first, then they want to ask what I've been up to, how I've been living, what I do outside of the restaurant job, what hobbies I have, did I get an animal after all this time? Where do I live? Am I somewhere nice?

They pray that I am, it would break their heart to have made it somewhere great while I'm still struggling in a rat hole all by myself, have I been suffering without them?

They really wonder about that, because they remember that last day as if it happened yesterday, the way I stared at them like they held the universe, the way I so visibly took a mental picture of them to remember them by.

They know I did not leave because I didn't love them anymore, they know I started crying rivers once I made it five steps away from the door, they know because they could hear me, and it hurt them so much to not run after me, more than I could ever believe.

So what is my life like now? They need to know.

"There you go, your orders, two coffees, one hot chocolate, two pesto tomato sandwiches and one chicken and spinach pasta salad, the utensils are right there" the employee informs us with a nod of the chin in the right direction. We thank them before getting the necessities, which is honestly not a lot.

I try to grab something to help the guys but they stubbornly refuse, my arms hanging by my sides when all I manage to hold onto is a fork.

I'll go far with that, the fork holder. I stare down at it with a frown, it makes the two men smile, every hint of the personality they know from me like a ray of sunshine in the current stormy darkness that envelops us.

We sit at a table in a far corner, one in which prying eyes can't reach easily, and I smile a little when Jin offers me the cup of hot chocolate.

It's warm to the touch, and when I take a sip, my eyes narrow slightly at the high sweetness that fills my mouth. Maybe a little bit too much, even. Yoongi must put less sugar in the ones he makes me because this is taking me aback.

Still, it'll have to do for tonight. It can't be that bad.

"Is it good?" Namjoon enquires, his eyes taking in my lack of expression after drinking what used to make me hum in delight, I look up to meet his gaze and nod my head slowly.

"It's good, Namjoon, don't worry. I'm just a little nervous, it's... well... tense, like I can physically feel the five years standing between us, I just need a moment" I admit, they both look down at that, lips bitten in nerves as they keep setting up the table, the pasta salad that I know was taken for me slid closer in a tentative offering.

They can feel it too, but honestly, they just want to jump over those years and act like they never were there in the first place. They feel selfish in desiring such a thing when it's obvious that I'm not handling this so well, but they can't help it.

"We understand, baby. We're not really helping you to be more comfortable right now, and I apologize. It's hard to know how to behave at the moment" Jin says with his soft voice, he looks so dejected that it makes me want to hug him again, gosh how much I want to feel them hug me once more.

"We're all in the same boat, Jin, it's fine" I try to reassure him before using the fork I'm still holding to pick at the pastas and chicken, it looks too good to not eat, the meal calling to me even though I already had dinner. I can see that the sight of me eating is easing them into having their own sandwich, no one is left out and that's important to them.

After a few moments of silence, I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket, and when I take a quick look at it, it's to see a message from Hoseok telling me to not be awkward, that he can feel our silence from where he stands in the restaurant. I chuckle with a shake of the head before putting it back in my pocket.

Seeing that as an opening, Jin and Namjoon both share a look before the latter speaks up.

"Was it... that man? Hoseok?" Namjoon asks in what he wants as a simple question, a light... so what's up? but he knows Jin and himself look too serious for this to be a simple question, they're trying to see if he's a rival.

I nod my head before sipping the drink again, a small shrug before I answer. "Hoseok is my best friend, he was just making sure that I'm not making this more awkward than it needs to be".

Jin fails to keep in his relieved sigh as he nods his head with closed eyes, best friend, he's just a best friend.

I quirk an eyebrow at him, then at Namjoon who sheepishly meets my gaze, he already knows what I'm going to ask and he's afraid that the answer might... he doesn't know, he doesn't really want to find out if he's honest.

"You two thought we were dating, right? Because of earlier in the kitchen?" I ask them, watch as they both duck their head, eyes looking down at the sandwich as if it would become alive and take them out of their misery.

I snort and wave a hand at them in amusement, Hoseok and I, dating? Pah!

"He's way too annoying for me to ever consider dating him, I see how he is with Yoongi and the man's head over heels in love for him, that's the only reason why he tolerates the man's eccentric behavior. I tolerate him as a best friend should, he didn't really give me much of a choice though" I say with a small laugh, he really did start following me all over the place after that particular day.

Jin and Namjoon share a confused look, they feel like there's much more to this that they're missing, our friendship doesn't appear like any regular best friend relationships they could expect from other people.

"Yoongi? Another friend of yours?" Jin asks, and I nod my head with softening eyes, that's just an innate reaction this man has on me, he makes my heart feel all soft and safe, he's like a protective older brother to me.

"Yeah, Hoseok's boyfriend, I live with them, have been for four years now. He takes care of us whenever he can" I hum before taking another bite of the salad, it's really good.

Namjoon stares at me, the words said weird to his detective mind, because... he takes care of us? Why? What kind of taking care do I require from this man he doesn't know? It makes him feel uneasy, a bigger part of the puzzle completely hidden from sight, he doesn't like it.

"What happened to that friend you left to in the first place? Were they not a good help to you?" Jin finds himself asking, his mind taking him in another direction because Hoseok and Yoongi clearly weren't the friends I had mentioned five years ago, not if I've been with them for four years.

Honestly, Jin can't even think of a single person I could've gone to at that time, I wasn't exactly... friendly to strangers. They were an exception because it was love at first sight, but if I had any friends back then, he didn't know of them.

They both don't miss when I tense up, hand frozen over the salad as my heart twists before I force in a breath and a smile. "Yeah, she, uh, she had to move for her job, she's in Canada now" I answer, hoping this would appease them, which it doesn't. How did I come to live with the two men then?

"How did you meet Hoseok and Yoongi? Did you know them before you started living with them?" Namjoon asks, he can only hope he doesn't sound like he's currently working because his work mind is definitely doing its job right now.

I gulp, eyes blinking a little too quickly for comfort as I try to come up with something, anything. Gosh darn it, I should've come up with an answer before, just in case I would ever be confronted to this moment.

"I knew them before I moved in, of course, we met... at work, yes, we met at work. Hoseok and I got close first and when I met his boyfriend, we got close too, so when I told them that I had to move somewhere... they offered me to stay with them" I try to sound confident in my story, not everything is a lie, it's got to count for something, right?

Jin nods his head with a thankful hum. "That was very nice of them, to let you move in with them like that".

Yes, thank you for believing me, Jin!

"What does Yoongi do for a living? Do you live somewhere nice? Is it safe?" Namjoon continues with his questions, he needs to make sure that I'm not in a shithole, I can see the concern in his eyes, it makes me melt, their care has always been enough to make me melt.

"Yoongi works at a radio station, he takes care of the daily playlists, takes the requests to fill in the blanks, that sort of thing. We live in a nice building, it's big enough for the three of us and it's clean" I start before perking up when I think of the old couple who sometimes comes knocking at our door bearing gifts.

"The neighbours are nice, the halmeoni next door sometimes gives us some food and side dishes when she's made too much, and her husband likes to give us clothes from his son's shop. They're very kind, they take care of us like grandparents would, oh and there's a guard dog by the front door outside! You should see the good boy, he's so handsome, he loves ear scratches" I chirp out the end, it makes them smile, hearts endeared, relief flooding them because that's much better than the other alternative they were afraid of.

"That's good, I'm glad that you have those grandparents to watch over you" Namjoon says softly with his husky voice, it makes my heart tingle as I nod my head solemnly.

"Yeah, they're aware of Hoseok and I's conditions so they try to be as helpful as they can, they give Yoongi a hand in taking care of us" I blurt out without thinking, but when I realize what I've done, I quickly look up to find my two exes staring at me with tight jaws.

"Conditions? What conditions, baby? Why do you need these people to take care of you? What happened in our absence, kitten?"

Fuck. Y/N, you stupid girl. Why did you have to blurt that out? Shit. Shit shit shit.

I look away from them, eyes on the restroom's door as my heartbeat becomes painfully fast in my chest. My lungs start burning, and I clench my hands into fists.

I can't let them find out, for fuck's sake. I used to always tell them everything in the past. There wasn't any need for hiding the truth from them. I could always speak what's on my mind without thinking too much, I should've expected that it wouldn't change so easily.

"I'm going to the restroom" I manage to say between two painful inhales. I stand up fast, chair falling down behind me as I rush away from the table. I can't have a panic attack here of all places, not in front of them.

The lull of old pain crawls up my spine and spreads through my rib cage, skin turning sensitive and limbs getting numb, a mind never forgets they say, it's a bitch, chemo pain isn't something I want back when I panic, damn it!

"Y/N, wait" I hear right as I shut the door behind me before sliding over the surface until I'm seated on the floor, a hand grabbing at my lungs. It hurts so much, like I'm reliving all over again the endless sessions that had me crying and throwing up for days.

It makes me want to cry. We had been so careful in avoiding my panic attacks and here I am, messing it all up because I said too much to the very people I never wanted to find out about this part of my life.

I gasp in air, heart thumping with so much strength that it's all I can hear. These panics attack aren't easy because I know that I need to breathe to calm down, yet breathing is exactly what hurts the most.

It brings back so many bad memories, when Hoseok would struggle making me calm down on his own, his tears merging with mine, those were not fun times, yet I still wish he would be here with me right now.

When it feels like my throat contracts on me, when it feels like air barely manages to seep through the small corridor anymore, my lungs become literal lava and I whimper weakly. I just want to live a normal life, I never asked for this, I never asked for any of this so why is it happening to me anyway?

I don't even notice when the door pushes open, when I'm pushed along with it, all I know is that all of a sudden, I'm floating before ending up cradled in a tight embrace, a shaking hand on my head to push it to a neck, lips rough and heavy on my hair.

It's warm, safe and familiar, and the effect is almost instantaneous, the way my heart calms down, the high-pitched noise that kept screeching into my ears dimming slowly until I get to hear his voice.

"I'm here, kitten, I'm here. Jin is here too, we're both here for you, you're alright, breathe for us, baby. I know it's hard but you have to breathe for us, you're safe, we're sorry kitten, so sorry, you're fine, please".

How much different would these five years have been like if I'd never left them in the first place?

It's a thought that has my whole chest clenching before a sob breaks through me, out of pain or out of relief, I'm not sure. I just know that I don't want to let them go again, I can't go through that a second time.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry for leaving you before, please don't leave me, I can't do this again" I plead desperately as I grip on Namjoon's shirt as if that would keep him near, anything to not end up alone once more, anything but that.

His arms relax around me before I feel his large hands on my cheeks to pull me out of his neck, and when our eyes meet, it's to find his sweet, yet sad gaze on me.

"Kitten, we let you go once and that was the biggest mistake of our life. We're not leaving you ever again, you're stuck with us forever" he whispers while running the pad of his thumbs under my eyes softly as I hiccup remnants of tears.

Jin kneels besides us, his eyes just as soft and wet as Namjoon's. "He's right, my love. After you left us, it was hard, but we knew why you left us. You were right baby, so we worked hard to change, we did our best to achieve our dreams, we did everything we could to make you proud baby, we did everything we could so that you would come back to us. We've been searching for so long, how could we ever leave you now that you're here with us?"

He leans in to kiss my cheek when my chin wobbles, right at the corner of my lips. When he sees me close my eyes, my body melting in their hold, he can't resist another one slightly closer to my lips, and when they part for him, how could he resist?

He slowly brings a hand to cradle the back of my head, and he tilts his head until his lips find mine, a meeting that has his heart soaring high in the sky when I let him in, when I welcome his touch greedily.

This feeling, this softness, he missed so dearly, as have I, the plumpness of his thick lips so warm and tender.

It's a simple lips on lips kind of kiss, but he presses with so much desperation, all of his love poured into this contact, forehead meeting mine as he tries to keep it going for as long as he can until breathing becomes most needed. I can only hope I'm doing enough to let him feel my feelings as well, that it's not just him wanting this.

When our hearts feel like they're going to explode, he lets go of my lips but remains otherwise right where he is, nose rubbing against my own. His soul aches so much, getting a taste of what we used to have making him long to get everything that we used to be back right this instant, he knows it's not realistic but he can't help it.

"I love you, baby, I never stopped loving you, not one second. Please come back to us, please" he pleads, his voice cracking as tears finally run down his skin before transferring to my own where they slide down my neck, or are they my tears? Maybe both of ours.

Namjoon's cheek meets mine, one arm around my back while the other wraps around Jin, this feels so precious and to be part of it again... I thought it would only happen in my dreams.

"We've been dreaming of finding you again nearly every night, kitten. Doing anything without you, it never felt complete. Our life without you, it's not the same, we need you with us. It doesn't have to be like before, we can take it slow, but please, we love you so much it hurts, I love you kitten, please give us a chance, stay by our side again?"

Their words feel like a healing balm over my heart, all the emotional pain that filled every nook and crannies of my past soothed, if only for now.

I turn my head to nose lightly at Namjoon's cheek before kissing it, an arm circling over his shoulders and behind his neck. He takes the hint, and he would be cursed if he ever let this chance go, his own face turning to face mine before he too starts kissing me like it's his life source.

He's less stationary than Jin, much more passionate in the way he can't keep himself from taking more and more, the past a nightmare that we can finally forget in this very moment. He will do everything in his power to seal our fate right here, right now. They're not letting me go ever again.

Those are all the things he wants to let me know as his lips move over my own, the way his teeth tug gently on my bottom lip to remind me that I am theirs enough to make me forget about everything else, my previous panic now non-existent, the restroom in which we're seated the last of our worries, because finally, after five long years...

We can start anew, a new beginning for the three of us.