So what do you guys think of this story so far? I'm curious to know since most of you have been quiet so far! I hope it's enjoyable even though it hurts!

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(four years ago - Namjoon and Jin)

Jin wakes up in the most painful manner he could ever imagine.

He wakes up to the sound of Namjoon crying.

What makes it the worst is not that he's crying in itself, it's that it sounds agonizing, and he's still asleep.

Jin doesn't need to ask any questions, doesn't need to wonder what the dream - or nightmare, he never really knows - is about, it's always about Y/N, their baby, their lonely baby.

He scoots closer to his crying boyfriend and hugs him tightly, head cradled to his chest as he starts whispering sweet words, his own eyes burning because he can feel Namjoon's pain as if his own, he himself woke up crying in Namjoon's arms just a few days ago after all.

Sometimes, they're good memories, or things they want happening with her, or simple holding hands and kissing. Sometimes, it's making love to her and telling her how much they love her, and other times, it's the day when she left them, or the apartment rotting around her until it swallows her whole. It doesn't matter what it is, they'll cry.

It takes a while, but Namjoon's trembling body eventually tenses and he wakes up through a small sob, startled, despair showing off on his beautiful face because it happened again, yet there's nothing they can do about it, nothing at all.

Jin cups his face, his soul in pieces because of this exhausting morning, he didn't know their everyday life would be so hard even after a year, even after they moved out of the crappy apartment.

They thought maybe things would get better after a while, but they can only come to the conclusion that as long as they don't have her with them, nothing will ever be better, not in the way they need.

"We need to find her, babe, we need her back" Namjoon whispers with a trembling voice as Jin removes the tears from his boyfriend's puffy eyes before nodding his head, accompanied with a kiss to his forehead.

"We will find her, Joonie, I promise you. When we do, we make sure to let her know that she belongs with us and nowhere else. We make her see that her place is with us, but for that to happen, we need to work hard, Joonie, we need to work hard, okay? Can you do it?" he asks the younger man, and when the latter softly hums before breaking into tears again, Jin hugs him tightly, a melody out of his lips to calm the broken man.

"She will be back with us, Joonie, no matter how long it takes us to find her, we were always meant to be together, the three of us. She's near, we just have to catch her before she slips between our fingers again".

(present day)

Walking out of the restroom is the most awkward thing Jin and Namjoon have ever experienced, their eyes red and puffy from tears. They try to at least protect Y/N's dignity by hiding her as they walk back to their table under the scrutinizing gaze of the employee.

When they finally walk behind the wall separating them from the counter, they all relax and groan tiredly, especially Y/N. Goodness, she looks just as adorable as before when she's sleepy, even if it's because she cried.

"Why don't we drive you back home, baby? Tonight has been high in emotions, we can meet again soon" Jin offers, his heart swelling with big fat love when she nods her head with a yawn, she doesn't even bother hiding her mouth as it opens wide before she rubs her eyes.

This would have been the kind of night where they would have cuddled on the couch with her in his arms, he would have caressed her hair until she would fall asleep and he would have admired her until Namjoon would ask him to get in bed because he didn't want to sleep alone.

This scenario might not happen just yet, but he got to kiss her lips again and that is enough to make him patient.

Okay, who is he kidding? Jin is not a patient man when it comes to the people he loves. He wants all that they have to offer whenever he wants. Jin has a lot of love to give, but he requires just as much from them if not more to be satiated.

Luckily, he's always so easy to satisfy, a loving glance, a smile, a light touch to the arm, his love meter fills so easily, so when Y/N stares at him and grins sheepishly with her tired eyes creasing on him, he knows instantly that he's a lost cause all over again, just like when they met her for the first time.

Namjoon hands Jin his coffee before drinking his own, they both need as much of a clear mind as they can get because there's not a chance they're waking up tomorrow morning with a blurry memory of how this night went, they want to remember everything, every little second by heart.

Y/N finishes her hot chocolate too, but she grimaces through it all, "It's cold and so sugary, I'd forgotten that they always put so much sugar in these" she says as she sets the cup down and Namjoon sighs, he had a feeling her answer from earlier wasn't completely honest, so this was why.

"Why didn't you say so earlier, kitten? We could've gotten you something else" he asks her but she simply shrugs before wrapping her arms around one of his own, her sleepy head resting on him while the rest of her body tilts from one side to the other, she looks drunk, it makes Namjoon's chest hurt with how much love the sight causes to burst within him, is it possible to love someone as much as they love her?

Jin smiles and walks to her free side, a hand on one shoulder while the other rests on her back to keep her steady until they make it to the car. "Look at you baby, you look like you're going to fall asleep anytime now, can you hold on until we reach the car?"

She sighs, eyes closed as she struggles to even lift her head up anymore, something Namjoon will not complain about, he looks like he's in heaven with her arms squeezing around his own tightly, her cheek squished against his bicep, Jin can't blame him, he would be the exact same.

"I'm 'wake, le'jgo" she slurs right before her legs give up on her and the two men react quickly to catch her, only to realize that she's now completely gone, her neck bent in half until Jin moves in front of her to pick her up and carry her in his arms, her head now resting on his shoulder where she mumbles lightly before snuggling in as close to his warmth as she can.

They both huff, a smile pulling on their lips because they can't believe it, she's never fallen asleep on them like that before, especially not in a coffee shop, but they guess there has to be a first for everything.

This night has taken them on a literal rollercoaster, they hope it won't get any worse, they're not sure they can handle any other big emotions for now.

"Can you get her phone, Joonie? We should see if we can reach Hoseok or that Yoongi, she won't be able to answer us in that state" Jin asks as they start making their way to the exit, the employee too occupied on their phone to see that two men are walking out with a girl asleep in their arms.

That would make anyone suspicious, Namjoon would actually be very disappointed if he wasn't the one leading said sleeping girl away.

They reach the car and Namjoon opens the front door so that Jin can carefully settle her on the seat, they won't have her at the back again, it doesn't matter if she's sleeping or not, they want her where they can both see her.

"She locked her phone" Namjoon swears as they both get in the car, Jin the one driving as usual.

It's not like Namjoon can't drive, he got his driver's license because of work, he didn't really have much of a choice but when he can avoid it, he does so wholeheartedly, he hates driving.

"Is it a code?" Jin asks as he twists his body to have a look at the screen just as Namjoon shakes his head.

"No, it's a pattern".

"What about face recognition?".

"Oh, try it on her, maybe it works".

The older man accepts the device and gently straightens her face before lifting the phone in front of her and... "Nope, nothing. It does look like an older model... do we go back to the restaurant to tell her friend about her being asleep in person? Can we do that?"

"Well... maybe we can wait in the parking lot outside? We'd just have to keep an eye on the door, ten is approaching so he should be done with work soon after?"

They both click their tongue, they hate not knowing how much liberty they can take with her. If it were up to them, they would've taken her to their house right away, but would she be comfortable waking up there? Without her consent? It's not because they kissed that they're allowed to do whatever they want.

They're about to go with Namjoon's option, it's not like they have anything else they can do at the moment, when suddenly, her phone starts ringing. A look down shows Hoseok's name. Wonderful timing.

Jin quickly accepts the call before it's too late and brings it to his ear. "Oh thank goodness you called, we're currently on a predicament that requires your advice" he says right away and the other side of the line is quiet for a moment before they hear a soft confused noise.

'Which of her two exes am I currently talking to?'

"Kim Seokjin but please call me Jin".

'Jin, right, the tall one with the wide shoulders, right? Yeah, okay, what predicament are we talking about? Did she trip while staring at you and got hurt? Did she crack her skull because she couldn't get enough of you?'

Jin blinks in shock before shaking his head adamantly. "What? No, no, we uh... well she had a panic attack, we helped her through it but she fell asleep and now we're in the car wondering what to do with her".

Silence. 'Oh, shit. Okay, yeah okay, her panic attacks are always rough on her, do you have anything to take notes? I'll give you the apartment's address and my phone number so you can call me, Yoongi is on the way soon to pick me up so we'll be there shortly'.

"Joonie, your phone" Jin says while putting the call on speaker mode, and when Hoseok is told the go ahead, Namjoon writes down the information given before repeating everything to make sure they got it right, after which he saves the note file properly, he's not losing this one.

'Gosh it's really too bad that she fell asleep on you, she must have been overwhelmed. She really wanted to see you two again, you know? Ever since I met her the first time. You know, she even went back to your old apartment a little over three years ago when she was all better to see if you were still there.

'She was heartbroken when she saw a stranger's name instead of yours, especially when no one could tell her where you went, so to suddenly have you appear in front of her like that tonight? I don't think she was quite ready for that possibility. Anyway, like I said, head to the address I gave you and wait there, we won't be long'.

He ends the call before Jin and Namjoon can say anything, and they both take a few seconds to process what they just heard.

Three years ago? When she was better? Namjoon starts running his thumb over his knee, his thoughts all over the place while Jin sets the address in the GPS with a frown.

Did he mean the addictions? When she finally got out of that pattern, is that what he meant by her getting all better? Is that the conditions she talked about earlier? But then why would she have a panic attack after looking like she said something she wasn't supposed to say?

Something doesn't add up here.

"We should've left something behind when we left that place, we should've left a message behind for her" Jin mumbles, angry at himself, they left so quickly when they could finally afford somewhere better, they didn't think of the possibility that she would come looking for them there.

"I know, babe. Let's start by getting her back home safe. Although it pains me that home isn't with us just yet, we found her and that's all that matters for now, we can see how we proceed from there to see her again".

The older man sighs and nods his head, Namjoon is right, they need to focus on the now, she's in their car, fast asleep and that in itself is a big relief.

It almost feels like in the past when they would go on long car drives just to change their mind. Them doing that activity in the middle of the night was always to help her fall asleep, so when she would eventually fall limp with a snore, it was to them a victory.

It makes him smile, he missed this more than he previously thought, could they do this again someday? He wishes so.

The address they were given is not that far so they arrive there pretty fast, and when Jin parks in the clean parking lot, they both take a look at the building with an approving hum, this definitely looks like a nice place for her.

Knowing that her sleeping form can't go anywhere at the moment, Jin turns off the engine and then gets out of the car after lowering the windows a little so she can get some fresh air. He smiles when Namjoon joins him near her door so they can enjoy the calm and quiet night together.

Or so they thought, they sure don't expect it when all of a sudden, a beast jumps at them with a loud bark.

It scares Jin out of his wits and he nearly throws himself over Namjoon, the cop already in position to defend them if he has to until they both find out that said beast is but a puppy which is currently jumping in front of them happily.

It's a big puppy, but a puppy nonetheless.

Someone bursts into laughter and Jin feels himself blush for the second time that night, he can't believe he shrieked like that, did he scream? He probably did.

"Oh you little puppy, you tried to scare these newcomers, huh? What a good boy, com' ere" they hear a naturally shaky voice, and one look sweeping over the area reveals an old lady sitting on a chair by a sliding door that must lead to her apartment, a book in hands with the young dog now sat next to her as she scratches his ears.

The halmeoni stares at them with a frown before speaking up. "You two aren't debt collectors, are you? These young kids are trying so hard to pay on time each months, they're not in trouble, are they?"

The two men look down at their attire, a little perplexed, do they look scary? Debt collectors? Young kids? Does she mean Y/N and her friends?

"No, we're here with Y/N, she fell asleep so we wanted to bring her back home, we got here before Hoseok" Jin explains with what he wants as a reassuring smile, they definitely didn't kidnap her, would they be here if they were bad guys? They should be fine.

"Is that so? That sweet girl, she must've been exhausted then, it's not easy working ten hours a day, I'm honestly so worried about their health, this can't be good for them after what they had to go through, what are your names, boys? Who are you to our sweet kid?"

The two men almost let out a gasp at the information they were given so abruptly, ten hours? Why the hell would she need to work ten hours a day? The halmeoni called them debt collectors, didn't she? Did their baby get in trouble? What the heck happened to her during their absence?

"My name is Kim Namjoon, and this here is my boyfriend, Kim Seokjin" Namjoon answers with a tight jaw, his foot tapping the ground because the more he hears about her, the less he wants to let her go, he feels like there's a disaster hiding behind crumbling walls and he's not sure if he's ready to learn of what it is.

"Oh! You must be her loves then! She must have been so happy when finding you again! Oh, that's such good news, it broke her heart to leave you guys all those years ago but she thought she didn't have a choice, she didn't know she would beat the odds and live past the five years she was given, it's so good to see that you have a second chance after all" she exclaims, unaware that her words are currently acting like earthquakes and tornadoes in Jin and Namjoon's chests, what?

"Yeobo! Come meet these two young boys! They're Y/N's boyfriends, they're back together!" she continues and soon, a man comes out of the parted door to stare at the frozen men who are still trying to comprehend the part about her living past five years, what the fuck is that about?

"You two the boys she left to fight her illness alone? You're lucky her love for you is that strong because if I were her, I would be pissed, you two kids should've gone after her, the poor child, she suffered so much" he grunts with a shake of the head, as if disappointed by them, yet they have no idea what the hell he's talking about and Namjoon is a millimeter away from bursting.

"What do you mean? What are you talking about? What happened to Y/N?" he asks them with his fists clenched, Jin looks like he's just about to lose his balance and fall to the ground if he hears anymore, yet he can't keep his eyes away from the old couple who knows something important that they don't about the love of their life.

"Oh? She didn't tell you? She never told you about her cancer? I was so sure... must be my memory messing with me then, that's my bad, that's what getting older does to you. Sweet Y/N was diagnosed with lung cancer all those years ago, she left and moved in a health center because she didn't want you to see her die, she-"

A door shutting loudly followed by a "Halmeoni, no!" resounds in the open air but it's too late, Namjoon and Jin feel like they got their heart ripped out of their chest only to end up kicked around like soccer balls, their soul dies instantly, a light dimmed out before Jin whimpers, a hand over his mouth before he falls to the ground, no, no no no, no!

Namjoon feels like he can't breathe anymore, he can't move, he can't see, he can't do anything, he can only relive that day in his mind.

The way she had entered the living room looking so lost, the way she'd broke down, her crying one that still fills his nightmares, her trembling body, the bandage on her arm, these would only appear when she'd go under intense stress, her reason for leaving, fuck, they were so fucking blind, so fucking stupid.

"They weren't supposed to know, halmeoni! Y/N didn't want them to know! Fuck!".

"Hobi, you're going to have to explain to me what's going on right now, what did I miss? Who are these guys?"

"Her exes, Yoon, that's what's happening, they met at the restaurant but they weren't supposed to learn of that! Fucking shit".

"And you tell me that now?! Okay, okay, first of all, I'll take care of these two, go inside, make some tea and clean the living room, okay? Make sure her bed is ready, we'll bring her up soon, I'll handle this here. Now Hoseok!"

They barely register as the only man they know in this place rushes to the building and disappears inside with more swears leaving his mouth, all they know is that they're hurting so much it feels like they're being physically assaulted when really, it's their soul that's getting attacked at the moment.

Their emotions are twisting and getting pierced by sharp winds of intense regrets, the very foundation under their feet cracking and breaking until they fall into an empty void filled with her suffering, it's a torment that grows around them and swallows them whole until all they can think about is how fucking bad they were to her.

Cancer? Lung cancer? She left them because she didn't want them to see her die? She was getting ready to die alone without ever letting them know about this? She was fighting a fucking deadly cancer all by herself?

"Did I say something wrong? I-"

"It's okay, halmeoni, it's not your fault. You should get inside, it's getting cold, go with halabuji, it's late".

"Come, trouble, let's go to sleep and let the kids handle this themselves, it's okay".

A hand on Namjoon's shoulder and he crumbles to the ground like a sandcastle getting hit by a wave of water, he feels like he's being crushed into pieces, guilt, anger, sadness, anger, seething anger, towards what? Who?

He doesn't know, he's just so fucking angry, at life maybe, he's angry that she had to be a victim. She had to become prey to misfortune, her of all people, and he wasn't there to keep her safe, he wasn't there by her side, he hates himself for that.

Jin takes in a deep breath to try and calm down, which doesn't do shit, but that's the last of his concern right now, how can he keep calm when he just learned that the love of his life, the life source of his very soul left them to die alone?

He stands up with a grunt before opening the car's door, seat belt undone before cradling her into his chest, after which he sits on the ground again, her warmth in his hold as he shakes around her, as he tries to protect her from a past that he has no power over.

He can't believe she would ever do such a thing, why would she bring such pain upon herself for them?

How strong is her love, that she was ready to suffer all alone, for the sole purpose of saving them an even greater suffering than the one they ended up receiving upon her disappearance. She knew they couldn't handle the possibility of losing her, but what was she expecting? For them to thank her?

Jin feels so angry, saddened, devastated. They could have gotten through this ordeal together, it would have been hard but they would have done everything in their power to help her, to take care of her.

They would have encouraged her, they would have loved her a thousand times more, they would have filled every day of her life with kisses and cuddles to replace her pain, yet she didn't allow them that chance.

She decided of everything by herself and took the most painful road out of any of the available ones, and he's mad at her. He wishes she would've trusted them more, he wishes she would've been selfish. She should have been selfish.

Doesn't she realize that Namjoon and Jin would give away their soul for her? Didn't they do enough to let her know? Or did their love for her end up being exactly why she made the decision she did?

"Come on you two, let's get inside and put her in bed first, we can talk next, sitting on the ground like this won't serve anything and she's going to get cold".

Namjoon wipes his face with the sleeve of his shirt and huffs a few times to get himself back under control, fingers squeezing at his temples before he nods, sitting on the ground won't do anything, the man is right.

He's a living piece of hurting limbs, a recipient of hellfire as it melts over his head and across his skin until he's nothing but a skeleton, but upon seeing Jin holding her so tightly with a look of eternal pain etched onto his face, his normally beautiful and smooth lines distorted as he hurts for her, Namjoon knows that he needs to be the stronger out of them.

He needs to be stronger because right now, Jin is fading from existence and it scares him.

He bypasses the supportive arm offered to him and stumbles his way to the two receiver of his love, the two owners of his heart, where he crouches down to pull Jin's head to his chest for a very needed hug, his hold on the man's neck strong as he tries to communicate without words that it's going to be fine, it's going to be fine, it has to.

Jin eventually sniffles and nods his head against Namjoon's shoulder, a hand over his face to add pressure to his eyes, he wants to stop crying but the tears just won't stop. Still, after a moment of the bigger man rubbing his back soothingly, he manages to get somewhat of a hold of himself, at least enough to bring her to her bed before he breaks again.

"We- we should bring her inside, it's really getting cold" he murmurs, and Namjoon helps him up to his feet with Y/N still cradled to him, no one's taking her away until she's safe and sound in bed, he won't be able to let go of her until then.

The man, Yoongi - it has to be Yoongi right? Namjoon isn't entirely sure, his mind is a mess of jumbled information at this point - comes to them with concerned eyes, takes a good look at them before tilting his head towards the building, after which they start walking, slowly.

The two men are thankful because they don't have the energy to go any faster. They knew, any more and they would crumble, they just didn't expect to have this bomb thrown at them all of a sudden.

They definitely got more than they could handle today, a lot more than they were ready for.