Chapter Thirty-Four:

"Paleface, never have I sampled better buttered bread." Comanche said with a smile before shoving half a piece of it in his mouth. Frankie rolled her eyes.

"I have to get this tea and muffin back to Miss Charlotte." Silas stated as stepped into the dining room from the kitchen. "She'll be thinking I got lost somewhere.'

Suddenly the train began to slow, there was the screeching of the brakes engaging and every pair of eyes in the dining car glanced around them with confusion.

"It's raining and we're in the middle of nowhere. Why in the world would Colt and Jedidiah stop the train?" Evangeline questioned.

"I will go find out." Comanche said as he stood up. Before he could exit the dining room, Jedidiah came racing in, his breathing rushed and his eyes wide.

"What's wrong?" Rachel demanded, rushing forward and taking Jedidiah's hands in hers.

"Something bad is going to happen....." Jedidiah whispered. Comanche took a step back as Colt came striding into the room with rage contorting his features.

"Dammit, old man, I warned you not to be pulling this future seeing shit and having everybody half scared to death!" Colt growled as he grabbed Jedidiah by the back of the shirt and spun him around.

"What the hell's goin' on?" Frankie asked with curiosity form her table top perch.

"Colt, let go of Jedidiah...." Evangeline urged as she stepped forward and laid her hand on his arm, though Comanche noticed that Colt's grip did not lessen.

"I want to hear what he has to say." Silas spoke up. "What's going to happen, Jedidah?"

Jedidiah's eyes were sad as they locked on Silas. "Death of the little one."

The dining car fell silent. The tea sloshing over the side of the tiny cup Silas held, was the only indication of what the man was feeling as his hands shook. Comanche looked at Frankie but she was staring hard at Jedidiah.

"Dammit, I warned you!" Colt roared as his fist drew back. Jedidiah's eyes closed, obviously preparing himself for the hit, but Colt's arm froze in place when Ox burst into the dining car.

"Silas!" he exclaimed, panting and out of breath.

"Little Grace? Charlotte?" Silas whispered and Ox rubbed at neck and shifted his feet.

"Charlotte's okay but Grace... Grace has a fever."

The dining room fell silent. No one moved. No one blinked. Comanche swallowed hard. A fever. Fevers had been bad in the old world; they were worse in this one. Had the girl been bitten? Was she turning?

Silas was the first to come out of his daze, the tea cup and muffin fell to the floor and he ran from the dining car. Comanche watched with surprise as Colt was the next to chase after him, followed by Evangeline and Ox.

"Should we go?" Frankie asked, sounding confused. Comanche put his arm around her shoulders and kissed her dark hair.

"I see nothing we could do to help." He replied.

"There is nothing anyone can do." Jedidiah offered sadly. "I saw her death."

"Just like you saw the train but left out the rabid infested part?" Frankie spat. "I don't exactly have perfect faith in your abilities."

"You are welcome to leave if you don't believe in Jedidiah!" Rachel urged. "We wouldn't even have this train if not for him."

"No, we have this train because Colt came up with a good plan and all of us kicked some rabid ass. That's why we have this train." Frankie countered angrily.

Comanche reached out and took her hand, giving it a squeeze. "Paleface, perhaps fighting now is not the best use of our minds. I think prayers are needed."

Once again silence fell over the dining room as everyone sat there lost in thoughts and hoping against hope that Grace would be okay.

***

Colt stepped into that bedroom and glanced over Charlotte as she stood at the window with her arms crossed tight over her chest, tears streaking her cheeks. Silas sat on the edge of the bed with the bag of doctor supplies. Stethoscope, syringes, needles....

Colt's eyes landed then on Grace and deja' vue so powerful it stole his breath washed over him. He gripped the wall to keep from falling as he took in the sight of her glassy, fevered eyes. Her mouth was wide open as she struggled to breath and Colt could see her tiny ribs heaving up and down as her lungs struggled to breath.

Loralie. And image of his baby girl, his miracle, his angel, came so vividly to Colt's mind that he nearly cried out from the pain of it and his fists clenched tightly.

Silas sighed heavily as he shoved his stethoscope back into the leather bag and then slowly bundled the tiny infant back up. She was agitated and whimpering and he hummed quietly as he lifted her into his arms and kissed her brow.

"What's wrong with her?" Charlotte whispered. "She's going to be fine, right?"

"Miss Charlotte..." Silas began, his voice thick with emotion. Charlotte cried out then and grabbed Grace from his arms, clutching the infant desperately against her breast. Colt turned, he had to get out of here.

In the hall he ran into Ox and Katherine first. "What's going on?" Katherine asked him but Colt was in no mood to speak. He just wanted to go. Go. Go. Go. Tears were coming. That breakdown he couldn't have, didn't have time to have, was about to rear its head if he didn't get away.

Grace began to cry then. Her voice raspy and her lungs wheezing as she wailed and coughed at the same time.

"No! Silas! No!" Charlotte called out from within the bedroom. "You just promised the three of us would be happy always! No! Not my Grace!"

"Colt, are you okay?" Evangeline asked, stepping between Ox and Katherine, but Colt didn't hear her. His mind was in the past.

"Colt, what if your past comes back to haunt us? What if someone came and....."

Colt pulled Loralie's covers up over her back and then turned to his wife, taking her hands in his and smiling down at her. "Sarah, I can't say that nothing bad will ever happen but I can say this, no one will ever take you and Loralie away from me. As long as I have a breath left in my body no one will ever touch either one of you."

"Promise?" Sarah whispered and then she laughed lightly, ruefully. "What a silly thing to ask." She scolded herself.

Colt smiled and wrapped her in a hug. "I promise."

But he had failed. He was still breathing and his family was dead. He had shot his wife and he had left his daughter... Grace's wails grew louder and Colt covered his ears with his hands trying desperately to block out the sound.

Loralie was bleeding in his arms as he walked to the window and looked outside to see the monsters closing in. He heard that moaning behind him and he turned to see his beautiful wife, her eyes gray and lifeless just before she lunged at him.....

Colt turned and ran. He ran as fast as he could. He ran outside and jumped off the parked train. The warm rain hit his face but he didn't care. He had known all along that having a baby around was a mistake! Babies died. Babies died and Colt was no good at keeping them safe.

His thoughts were irrational and completely uncharacteristic as he slipped in the mud and fell to the ground. So this is what a mental break felt like.

So many thoughts jumbled up together and Colt couldn't make sense of any of them. Images flashes. Happy times with his family and then that damned night! Loralie's tears. Loralie's fever. Her labored breaths. Her shaking. Her lifeless eyes staring up at him as she snarled and gnashed her jaws together, eager to sink her teeth into his flesh.

Colt got to his knees and vomited on the grass and mud before crawling forward several feet and then collapsing onto his side. Tears streamed down his face, mixing with the raindrops, making it impossible to tell which was which. In that moment all Colt wanted was to be left alone to die.

Footsteps sounded in the mud behind him and he caught the swishing of brown skirts in his peripheral vision just before Evangeline's face suddenly appeared only about a foot above his own.

"This seems a ridiculous thing to ask given the situation and the state you're in but, are you okay?" she asked quietly.

"Just fine." Colt replied, sitting up quickly and swiping his arm across his face, only to realize he'd accomplished nothing other than to spread mud across his skin.

"No you're not." Evangeline countered as she stood up straight and crossed her arms over her chest, her green eyes looking him up and down. "You look a fright."

Colt grunted and thought about getting to his feet only to think better of it when his head swam. "Go on back to the train now, Evangeline. You don't need to be out in this rain."

"And neither do you." Evangeline agreed pointedly.

"I'll be fine. It's a warm rain."

"My thoughts exactly." Evangeline looked around her and Colt was sure he saw her nose curl just before she sat down in the mud across from him.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Getting comfortable. It seems like we may be here for a while." Evangeline replied, her voice tight, making it clear she was not happy in the least to be sitting in mud.

"You're a spoiled little girl." Colt shook his head. "Get on back to the train and I'll be along."

"No. You made the rules, I'm following them. No one goes out alone, remember?"

"I'm the leader. I don't have to follow the rules." Colt grumbled.

"I'll go back when you go back. If you don't have to follow rules than neither do I."

Colt glared at Evangeline. It was clear she was used to getting her way and not being questioned often. "Honestly?" he demanded. "Are you five years old?"

"Give or take seventeen years." Evangeline replied with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "The way I see it we have three choices. We can either sit out here and continue with our back and forth bantering , or you can tell me what's wrong, or we can just sit out here nice and quiet until you're ready to go in. You tell me."

Colt's first instinct was to tell her to get lost since that's what he would say to anyone trying to pry into his life and emotions. Hell he had never opened up about a thing in his life to anyone. He hadn't opened up to the men in his gang, to his friend that had gotten him the pardon, to his wife.... Colt was the single most closed off son of a bitch that he knew, but for Evangeline........ Hell for her Colt was realizing that he'd do just about any damn thing the intriguing, quick witted woman wanted.

"What's wrong with Grace?" he asked.

"Silas was not positive." Evangeline replied, biting her lip and looking incredibly sad. "But he thinks it's pneumonia."

"Shit." Colt rubbed at his soaking wet hair, having lost his hat when he'd fallen down. Pneumonia? They'd been so damn worried about rabid for so damn long that no one had given a second thought to all the other ways people could die. Pneumonia and babies were a bad combination. A deadly combination.

"Is there anything he can do?"

Evangeline didn't speak, just shook her head and picked at her wet skirt as the rain continued to fall on them. Colt watched the rivers of water running down her cheeks and her neck before slipping into the front of her dress. Her dark hair was plastered to her head and she looked like a drowned damn rat but she was still the most beautiful woman that Colt had ever laid his eyes on.

"Maybe she'll pull through..." Colt offered.

"Maybe."

"Shit!" Colt slammed his fist into the mud, sending it splattering across Evangeline's skirts and blouse. A droplet even plopped onto her cheek. "Sorry." He mumbled.

"I hear it's very good for your complexion." Evangeline shifted and tilted her head as her eyes caught and held his. "What's wrong, Colt? What had you running out of there so scared?"

"When I saw Grace like that and heard Charlotte reminding Silas that he was supposed to keep her safe, it reminded me of...." Colts jaw tensed and he rubbed at it painfully. Opening up hurt. "Of my daughter and of my wife."

Evangeline's wet hand reached out and laid gently against Colt's arm. The heat of her touch, scorching him and the comfort he felt in his soul something new he had never felt before.

"What were their names?"

"I don't talk about this with anybody."

"Is that what I am? Anybody?"

Colt drew in a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh. "No, Evangeline. No you're not just anybody."

"Then tell me." She urged softly, scooting closer to him, their legs brushing together. "What were their names?"

"My wife's name was Sarah. She was a stern women and set in her ways. She didn't like me very much because we came from two pretty damn different ways of thinkin'. But together we made little Loralie and while we weren't madly in love there was a love that grew out of mutual respect and acceptance." Colt paused and reached out to wipe the dot of mud from Evangeline's cheek with his thumb, a ghost of a smile curving his lips when she leaned into his touch. He didn't even think she realized she was doing so.

"Loralie was the light of my life. She was everything to me. I lived and breathed just to get to hold that little girl at the end of a hard day of farming. It's been about two months since they were taken from me by those monsters. They came at night and I didn't know what they were--All I saw was a man in my barn eating my horse. I was busy with him and I heard Sarah scream for me and dammit, I tried to get in time...."

"Of course you did, Colt." Evangeline comforted, laying her hand against his cheek. "You don't have to say anything else..."

"I want to. I need to and you're the one I want to do this with."

"Okay."

"By the time I got in the house, Sarah was already as good as dead. The rabid was ripping chunks out of her chest, shoulders and neck. I killed him and I turned to get my daughter... I just knew she'd be safe in her crib... she wasn't. One of those bastards was in there with her. She was only seven months old for Christ's sake! Why her?"

Evangeline was about to speak but Colt shook his head and continued. "The monster bit her leg and I shot it and scooped her up in my arms. I remember feeling so relieved that it was just her leg. I knew she'd be fine just so long as I got the wound cleaned up. She was crying so I shushed her and comforted her the best I knew how. I could see out the window that there was a whole herd of them things coming and so I knew I'd have to take Loralie out the back.... That's when I heard the moaning behind me.... It was Sarah, but it wasn't Sarah. She lunged for us and I had to protect Loralie so I shot her in the head. I shot my wife in the head. Honor, love and protect kinda leaves your memory when somebody's trying to eat you."

"What happened to Loralie?" Evangeline asked gently and Colt closed his eyes, replaying the scene in his head for the millionth time. He knew he had tears falling from his eyes but he hoped that with the raindrops, Evangeline wouldn't notice.

"I ran out the back of the cabin. I just ran and ran. I'd gone a good short distance and she was burning up with fever against me and shaking something horrible. I didn't know what from. I didn't really understand. Then suddenly she stopped. Hell it wasn't like she even had time to die all the way, or at least it didn't seem like she did, before she was turning her head and looking up at me... Her eyes were the only thing she got from me. They were deep, dark blue just like mine. But when she looked at me they weren't my eyes anymore..... "

"Oh my God, Colt......" Evangeline gasped as she shook her head and covered her mouth with her hand.

"I'm ashamed of what I did next. A good man, a good father, would have ended his daughter's suffering but not me. I laid her on the ground and I left her there. I couldn't kill my sunshine. I called her that sometimes. 'Daddies Little Sunshine' I'd say and she'd smile up at me and laugh. So I pulled my gun and I ran back to the cabin to kill every damn monster I could before they killed me.... Frankie saved my life that night. And I hated her for a while afterward."

"Colt.. I can't imagine how hard it's been for you to be around Grace at all after what you went through...."

"I wasn't sure I could but that other man they had with them..."

"J.B.?"

"Yeah him. I knew he'd hurt 'em all if I didn't keep an eye on them. I guess since I failed my family I wanted to protect theirs... Looks like I failed again."

"Colt, what is wrong with that little girl is not your fault, do you hear me?" Evangeline demanded and Colt was surprised at the anger in her voice. He shook his head.

"You just don't understand. You're only a...."

"If you call me a little girl again I will personally smack you upside your fool head."

"Fool head?! Dammit woman I just got done reliving the worst damn night of my life with you and you're going to call me a fool?'

She put her hands on his cheeks. "Yes I most certainly am. You're a fool for blaming yourself for things that weren't your fault! You tried to save them, Colt! You tried! None of us knew what in the world was going on when this all started! I killed my mother. I chopped her head off with my father's saber! Now granted that's not as terrible as what happened with your little girl but now you gotta quit blaming yourself. "

"Why, because you say so?" Colt questioned ruefully and Evangeline shrugged one dainty shoulder.

"Isn't that reason enough?"

"Thank you, Evangeline."

"For what?" she asked, her hands still firmly on his cheeks.

"For letting me fall apart and not making me feel like a weakling for it."

"We all have to fall apart sometimes, Colt. That doesn't make us weak, just human." Evangeline let go of him and then rose to her feet, holding out her hand to help him up.

Colt took her hand in his but then gripped it tighter once he was standing and she tried to let go. "I'm not quite ready to let go yet." He admitted.

A blush colored Evangeline's cheeks and she nodded and pushed some soaked strands of hair from her face. "Let's get back to the train, Colt. I would say it is going to be a very hard couple of days and I for one would like to at least have a dry backside before I begin to tackle them."

Colt chuckled, something he would have thought impossible after the pain he had just felt and the story he had just told. "A dry backside sounds real good to me, ma'am."