Hoseok spent weeks going through all the photos and videos he had taken of you two these last few months you were together and then finding extra content from the tour.

Even if it had been a little over six months together, it felt like forever for some strange reason. There was an astounding number of pictures and each and every single one brought up memories in Hobi's head.

For your 200 day anniversary* he had decided to put together a scrapbook of all the moments you had shared in hopes you'd be reminded of the good times you'd had.

It felt like a desperate attempt to keep you around, the break up seemed to be imminent and he didn't know if there was anything he could do to stop it. Realistically, it was the natural course of things and guilt filled him at the thought of actually trying to avoid the inevitable end.

There was no way he was not going to let this run its course, he wasn't good enough and he was the last thing you needed on top of everything you dealt with.

You'd spent a fair amount of time in your apartment rather than his lately and when you were together you weren't ever in the mood to go out. If you had gone out for a ride on your bike, he hadn't heard of it.

While he didn't mind staying in and hanging out, it was unlike you to be so quiet and serious. You were not the daring and fun-loving girl Hoseok had got to know, that dragged him around from one place to another to enjoy every little bit of free time you had.

If he was at fault, he had to set you free. He knew that, but he refused to accept it. The more pictures of you both being happy he saw, the more he hurt, the more anxious he got.

What if you broke up before the anniversary? Was there a point in giving you everything he was preparing? In a way he needed to do it for himself as well, to prove he had really tried to make it work despite having let you down.

The day of your anniversary you didn't wake up next to him as he would have wanted, but he didn't insist. You refused to meet him until it was time to go out for dinner and he felt worse than he thought was possible.

Hoseok tended to selectively pick and choose what was convenient for his state of mind. Positivity turned into foolishness when it came to denying reality in favor of the show going on without a hitch.

Was spending time with him really that awful? While he wanted to be with you while you were in Seoul, he couldn't force you to do it. He felt responsible for your being distanced even if it was not his choice.

After all, he was sure it was one of the consequences of his choices. If you were suffering, he was the one putting you through it. No matter how much you tried to hide your pain, he was aware of it. He was in every detail.

Hobi nervously walked up to your door at the set time. All ready to go, he didn't want to keep you waiting. He had been ready for hours, as if he could be late and disappoint you in yet another way.

Tonight he was going to be a perfect gentleman to make up for every minute you hadn't spent together. Even if he was an anxious mess inside.

You opened the door for him and there was your boyfriend, with an odd feeling deep inside him. This felt awkward, almost like a first date in which you have to prove yourself somehow.

That's how complicated things had been lately, you didn't know each other anymore in a way. You were both problematic to read and failed to talk things out out of fear.

Hobi had gone for a smarter look to go out considering he'd chosen a more elegant restaurant for the occasion. Just a plain black silk shirt, beige slacks and a rimmed beret.

"A skirt" your boyfriend said so surprised he didn't even greet you before pointing it out.

It was long and fitted, but the second you extended your leg to show off, he saw a lot more skin than you usually showed through the slit on the side. It opened all the way down starting from just a little above the knee.

"Wow, feeling daring, I see" he chuckled softly.

Before he could look up in your eyes, you turned around and showed him the open back of your lamp sleeved silk shirt. A pretty bow tied it at the waist, but only your shoulders held the sides up.

This was a first to go outside, you were much more reserved in public. All that skin was usually saved for the privacy of your homes.

"You look beautiful, aein" he whispered as he wrapped his arms around your waist and snuggled up close to you.

Every touch could be the last, his heart ached instead of fluttered these days. He loved you so much it hurt, but not in the good sense, it was agonizing.

With his face up close to yours, he noticed a dark spot on your cheek and reflexively reached out with his thumb and wiped it to reveal a gash* across your cheekbone.

His eyes widened and he pulled back shocked as you turned around to face him. Holding onto your shoulders, he stared at it with parted lips and his eyes glazed over.

"W-what is that?" he stuttered feeling his body shake with a mix of fear and anger. You could easily feel it through his hold.

"It's nothing, Hobi. Just give me a minute to fix my make up and we can go, alright?" you answered with a tired smile and dull voice and he stared hoping for a better answer than that.

He didn't let go immediately to let you freshen up and you patiently waited for his questions you had been avoiding since the incident took place.

"Was it because of our relationship?" it couldn't have been an accident, there was intent there.

"Hoseok-ah" your tone was sad as you looked back at him as if done with everything already and he swallowed hard needing no more for a confirmation.

"Where was your bodyguard?" your boyfriend demanded protectively scowling as he squeezed your shoulders a little tighter.

"It was all too fast, he was right there, but not close enough to stop the person right away,"

"That's unacceptable" he muttered shaking his head anxiously and staring blankly.

"Ssh, baby, please. Just let me cover this up, let's enjoy our night," you reached out to him and placed your hand on his agitated chest. Fingerpads tapping the skin exposed by the couple buttons he had left undone.

Your eyes begged for him to let it go and Hoseok nodded with a pout and a hard expression on his face and released you.

As you walked away, his heart quivered.

This was starting to feel like a prisoner's last meal. Before the night was over, he was sure you'd be over. It was simply too much, no one had physically hurt any of the guys' girls before. Not while their security depended on them.

Of all things, he couldn't even keep his promise to keep you safe.

For months he had pushed for the company to find out who invaded your privacy and took those harmful pictures of you that lead to this disaster and he couldn't even sort that out.

The one thing he was determined to do for you, his one way of trying to help, had been fruitless. He had failed you in every sense and he was crushed.

When you came back from retouching your make up, you found Hobi sitting on the couch, curled up on himself, arms propped on his knees and face resting on his palms.

"Hobi, baby? I'm ready" you called out to him from the threshold and he straightened up and looked back at you as he got up.

He looked terrible, but he didn't say anything and, afraid of digging deeper, you didn't ask. You were determined not to put a damp on your anniversary night.

Walking out of the living room after you, he followed you to the door and hurried to open it before you. Then wrapped his arm around your waist and walked you out the door, down to the garage and to his car.

The drive was quiet, with small talk here and there. His hand safely wrapped yours in between the seats and the music was soft and romantic. It was uncomfortable, it didn't seem to be working.

Hobi still wanted to make this night special, no matter how he felt, so at least you'd have the celebration you deserved before you walked away. This was so frustrating.

Without taking his eyes off the road ahead, he brought your hand to his lips and kissed it softly. When you turned your eyes to look at him, you smiled softly and then looked down at your lap as the corners of your lips drooped.

This was incredibly difficult, so hard to deal with, and you could see the physical signs of how it was ripping him apart. Both of you, really. You needed so much time apart it just wasn't the same.

Dinner was quiet as well, Hoseok could barely swallow his food*. He felt uneasy and his stomach was in knots. His sullen demeanor and hollowed cheeks gave away the weight he'd lost stressing over this.

You observed his thin, delicate wrist as your couple's bracelet hung from it. It looked so boney and fragile it was worrisome.

"Is your food not good, Hoseok-ah?" you asked with a frown.

"It is, how's yours?" he checked stirring his bowl needlessly* with his chopsticks before picking some food up and shoving it in his mouth to please you.

"It's really good, wanna try some?" you offered with an innocent smile and he smiled softly in return. His eyes still sparkled when you looked into them.

You felt terrible about what you were doing to him, you didn't want to hurt him this much. In fact, you stayed away not to let it get to him and it still did.

As you fed each other, Hobi relaxed a bit and managed to eat some more. His mood improved slightly, he smiled a little more, a little wider.

Nevertheless, the air was thick between you, something just didn't sit right and you could both feel it. Something was coming for you both and it was only a matter of when you'd find out what it was.

"Wait here" Hobi announced making you sit on his couch and running off to his extra room where he kept his present so you wouldn't come across it.

The book was thick and heavy from all what he had gathered and he was equal times excited and apprehensive to show you what he had put together.

As he walked back to the living room, he could feel the back of his neck sweating, his hands shaking. His heart was about to be slaughtered and he couldn't help the way his feet dragged.

Hobi took a deep breath before crossing the threshold, a small smile now adorning his face.

"What is that?" you asked looking at the bible sized book your boyfriend carried with him.

"I made this for you, of all 200 of our days together" he explained softly as he handed it to you to then take a seat by your side. He nervously rubbed his hands on his pants.

You caressed the soft material of the cover, decorated with a few cutesy stickers and a small frame with the first picture he had of you two. The smile that drew itself on your face provided him with the tiniest bit of relief.

Back then you weren't together, it was at the party before his enlistment and at that time he had no idea he was smiling at someone who would lift his spirits up sky high to then let his heart freefall from that same terrifying height.

Hoseok had always been afraid of heights and without him realizing, you had lead him up and up until he found himself at the edge of the abyss unknowingly.

He had been blindsided, it was right there, but looking in your eyes he wasn't scared. In fact he didn't even notice until the chance of falling became way too real for it to be ignored.

While he knew it wasn't his fault entirely, he felt like a coward. A fucking coward who wouldn't do anything for the one he loved. Just idly stood by watching them suffer.

Of course he didn't deserve you, of course he wasn't good enough. How had he not seen it before? Sometimes his positive attitude pissed him off, like he tried to ignore the obvious in favor of making himself feel better.

It was all a lie and he was lying to himself because it felt good. He felt good.

"Hobi, baby...are you crying?" by the time he turned to you your hand was holding his cheek with the softest of touches and he so badly wanted to lean onto it.

A coward was what he was so, instead, he denied it.

"Pfft, crying?! No!" he empathized way too artificially* with a little laugh.

"I know you, Hoseok-ah. Why are you lying to me?" you questioned in a soft whisper.

Hobi hadn't noticed the tears silently falling down his cheeks while you went through the countless pages of photos. As he saw each one again, his heart went over everything he felt in those moments*.

All the while beating himself up about everything he didn't do and should have done so this wouldn't be happening.

It was going to happen anyway, like it always does.

"We had a good time, didn't we?" he sniffled looking into your eyes.

Your eyebrows furrowed and he could tell you were gnawing on your inner lip nervously by the way you subtly sucked it in.

"W-We have, I've loved every minute of it" you stuttered losing some of your nerve and your boyfriend read you like a book once you started crumbling.

All those little things about you that he had observed, they all confirmed something was wrong.

"You did?" Hobi smiled genuinely despite feeling like he was dying inside. At least you had good memories, that was some consolation.

"Absolutely, these few months with you, they feel like a lifetime. Yet it's like I was waiting for forever for someone like you. It's like you aren't even real,"

"But..." he started reluctanctly, encouraging you to continue the pretty words that usually came before he got stabbed in the chest with everything he had done.

"We are breaking up..." you muttered and brought a hand to your mouth and started crying in front of him like you never had.

He hadn't seen you shed a single tear since your mother called you out of nowhere and he was frozen in place and staring feeling helpless. What was he supposed to do?

"I'm sorry" Hobi muttered before pulling you into a hug. He didn't know another way to comfort you, it was all he could think of and right now he couldn't afford to find another way.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be the one you needed when you needed me the most. I'm sorry they insulted you and cut your pretty face, I really truly am but I know nothing I say will really express how awful I feel inside,"

"Baby, no," you pulled back with a pout and looked in his watery eyes intently. He stared right back*, as bravely as never.

"It's not your fault, I get it. It's all too much and you've been amazing, my baby," of course this would be the one time he wouldn't contradict you. Was it silly that you wanted him to fight back like he always did?

You tilted your head with a sad smile and pecked his lips. An invitation to register their taste, the way they felt on his, the slight difference in temperature that was just right to feel your lips melding together without losing the feeling of each other.

"I loved you, I really did, aein" he said against your lips before you continued to kiss each other hungrily after a short breather.

🔞"Oh, haven't seen you in a while" you said walking with your fingers following the curve beneath his pants and he laughed feeling only partially embarrassed.

Just like his emotional state, he had been deflated. He didn't feel hungry, he was stressed out of his mind and more often than not he wasn't up for it.

So not even in that front he was giving you enough of him. He felt like a failure all over, like utter shit. However, if this might be the last time, he was grateful he got one thing right at least.

One hand squeezed your thigh up high going in through the slit of your skirt and the other wrapped you close to him. His arm fiercely held you around your back and against him. Fingertips digging into the flesh of your breast as he gripped your side.🔞

Your phone started vibrating on the coffee table and you stopped abruptly to look at it just as your ringtone went off.

"Don't pick up," Hobi pleaded looking at you disheartened. He didn't want this to be interrupted, it was now or never.

Goddamn cockblock of a cellphone.

There was absolutely no way you could resume this and there would be no next time. He couldn't fuck around, he couldn't be the kind of friend Miyoung had been to you. This couldn't be the end.

Hoseok's ragged breathing warmed your neck as you looked back and forth between him and the untimely device.

"What if they want to book a flight? You know I haven't been getting many calls," you doubted now looking at him with a concerned frown and his chest tightened.

You were right and he was to blame for that too, he was getting in the way of what you loved to do. You had sworn you wouldn't stop one another. Yet there was no other time than the present time and, for once, he erred on the side of imprudence.

"Whatever you'd charge them, I'll pay double" he offered bluntly and you were shocked. Of all things he could say, you didn't imagine that would be it.

"Excuse me?!"

Your back straightened as you adopted an alarmed position. One of your eyebrows shot up defiantly and he swallowed thickly, eyes widening at your hardening expression.

He fucked up. He ruined it like it was meant to be ruined all along, he knew it couldn't be saved.

One last moment, that was all he had wanted, just one last time with you.

-

I am much more satisfied with this chapter than the previous one, but I'll still owe you the gif and the footnotes as I'm still struggling to write these.

It takes a while, but at least it seems to be getting easier. I think the issue is my mind is so overloaded these days it's hard to clear it to sit down, write and actually get into it.