It was Hobi's birthday and the band, their girls and you two were gathered at his place to celebrate. He wasn't in the mood for it really, but he did want to see them.

He had been thinking a lot about the statement the company had to make, what his parents had said and then about what this whole thing would mean for everyone around him.

It wasn't just a matter of his personal life. To the public, they were mostly a unit, they were Bangtan Sonyeondan. Anything he chose to do would impact multiple people whether he liked it or not.

For one, the company would be automatically backing him up as they chose to release this statement. Then the band approving of it would mean he was supported by all members in his decision.

They were only months away from their contract with Big Hit Music ending and he didn't want it all to end with a massive nation-wide scandal. In the worst case scenario, the reception would be incredibly negative and it would mark the last few months of the band.

Even if they were not truly 'disbanding', they had plans to continue in a more relaxed way that's more common for Western bands, the media would make sure no one forgot how the band's last year went.

Some old bands were remembered by their scandals and he didn't want to be responsible for discrediting all their hard work along the years. Being in the spotlight, his life was not his anymore in a sense and he had to think at a larger scale. They all did.

If the matter wasn't as controversial, he could have probably got away with it. But the country still had a long way to go*² when it came to inclusion and equality. As much as he wanted to contribute to a better future, he knew it would be wishful thinking if he went ahead expecting to singlehandedly end all prejudice.

A conservative society like theirs couldn't just get over their core views and their religious beliefs*³ because he had a big influence. He wasn't going to deny the band held a fair amount of power, but it would be egotistical of him to believe he could change it all on his own.

Hoseok knew he wanted to make a statement regarding his relationship, but he didn't think it was necessary to air out your sexuality or whether the picture circulating was or wasn't you. That didn't mean sooner or later people wouldn't find out and find irrefutable proof.

If he announced he was happy in a relationship, they could speculate about the rest until the rumors died down. Vagueness played in his favor. If he didn't pay attention to what was circulating, eventually the public would have to let it go.

Giving all the details was a bad idea, he was sure. It was his and your personal lives and you didn't owe anyone any explanations. All he wanted was to confirm what mattered so they could all move on and refocus their attention back to the plans for the upcoming months.

They were swamped with work, but they all agreed they wanted to give their everything to ARMY before they slowed down. There were local concerts, lots of exclusive content being filmed and photographed, one last season of Bon Voyage and the last season of Run to shoot too so their fans wouldn't feel lost for a while even after the year was over.

It was going to be tough without him making things harder for everyone else. Even if they wouldn't separate, it was all inevitably going to change and they were all uneasy and feeling down about it. It was going to be a huge change and they weren't sure how it would turn out.

"Are you alright, birthday boy?" you teased him laying your elbow on his shoulder and side-smiling at him. He lifted his glass of champagne and nodded without much conviction.

"Ah, alcohol's hitting you hard*, baby?" you commented and a mischevous spark lit in your eyes. You leaned closer to his ear and whispered.

"I still don't know how you could power through our first romp in bed when you are so quiet and gone after a few drinks."

Hobi side-glanced at you looking rather unamused, but he had wondered too. To be fair, he had been beyond wound up by the eternal cat and mouse game you'd played for months on end. Plus he'd never been so sexually frustrated in his life before.

If you hadn't claimed you had to sleep early to fly the next day and he hadn't had any alcohol in his system, he was sure he could have gone on all night without an issue. But you didn't need to know that, specially not at such an inappropriate moment as the present one.

His mind was on more important matters at the moment so he didn't entertain your comment. You nuzzled his neck and he laid his head on yours with a pitiful sigh and a sharp pout. He blinked sluggishly as he stared at nothing ahead of him.

"Yah, Hobi, I know something's bothering you. Why don't you let it out?" you murmured squeezing his knee and he considered it.

Bringing it all up during his party wasn't the most festive and he had been trying to avoid it, but he had them all here now. Special dates were not that special when the line between personal and work lives blurred. It wasn't the best, but it was a sacrifice they chose to make.

They were away from home working for dates like their birthdays or their loved one's, missed special ocassions of friends and family and holidays which usually brought relatives together. It was the usual.

Talking about this on this day shouldn't be such a big deal at this point, so he decided to listen to your suggestion and go for it. See if it would make him feel any better.

"Guys, I wanted to talk to you about how we want to go about announcing our relationship. I know Bang-nim should probably be present as well, but I was hoping we could discuss this first. Just us as a team,"

"Sure, it's your birthday though, do you really want to talk about it now?" Namjoon commented furrowing his eyebrows.

"I've been thinking about it a lot and while nothing other than the fact that we are in a relationship will be confirmed...it involves all of you guys."

"And we are more than happy for both of you" Jimin said with a wide smile and made eye contact with both of you.

Hoseok fell silent trying to decide how to word his explanation, so you chimed in.

"If people were to find out about me being bi, that would surely bring a lot of negative attention towards the band and the company. Things could get out of hand and overshadow all your efforts," you commented and Hobi looked at you filled with guilt.

Everything seemed to revolve around your sexuality lately and he felt terrible about it. Unfortunately, you were used to being reduced to it, but he couldn't help but be mad at the unfairness of this whole situation.

He wished people would leave you alone and let you live. He didn't want you to hide and blend in, but if you freely went about everything like you weren't his girlfriend, you'd be criticized tenfold just by being associated to him.

Releasing this statement meant everyone would know you were with him, it would bring a lot more attention to you and he was basically asking you to be extra careful for the remaining ten months of the contract.

Hoseok couldn't help but feel like he was keeping you as a shameful secret. He was not ashamed of you at all, you knew this, he had talked to you about his fears regarding it all. There was a lot at stake and he had to make this decision keeping a lot of people in mind.

It was a relationship of two, yet it didn't feel like it. You were understanding beyond belief, you told him you understood the implications and you wanted them to enjoy their last year under this contract.

It made him anxious, however, to think that ten months was an awfully long time and you'd get sick of being caged. Sick of watching your every move in case someone could catch you in a compromising situation.

And what could be compromising? Not passing as straight enough while hanging out with your queer friends? Someone overhearing your conversation and it giving away you were not heterosexual?

It was just stupid when you were such a nice and harmless person.

"To avoid any sort of controversy and so that everything can go smoothly, we figured that it is best to only confirm we are dating. Then the other details will be up for speculation, but hopefully those rumors will die down once ARMY can see we are doing just fine,"

"Sounds like the right move. Knowing things are okay between you two, people will assume they got it wrong and you weren't wronged. People might even wonder whether the picture was real following that. Then with it the questioning of Bodi being gay would die down," Taehyung thought out loud and they all nodded in agreement.

"What's making you anxious, Hob-ah? Can we help somehow?" Yoongi asked seeing the frown on his face hadn't relaxed after sharing all this.

"It's all really stressful, it'll be fine. I just don't want anyone being under fire because of this" Hobi turned his head to look at you in the eye. You knew what he meant, but he couldn't tell the others.

He knew this decision you'd both made could put not only the band and the company at risk, but you too. The weight on his shoulders was way too heavy and he was crushing under it.

Yet he couldn't tell them he was anxious about the homophobic hate crimes, about ruining the band's plans, about this affecting the company's reputation, the other bands signed under it, their revenue, putting off their investors.

So much was at risk because you loved each other and it made him mad. All you did was be thoughtful and caring and all you got was judgement and intolerance in return.

"I know it's a delicate topic, but you have all of our support no matter what happens, Hoseok-ah" Jin added with a comforting smile and a reassuring nod.

As the hyung of the group, he knew his words would add to the leader's. Hopefully that would ease the younger's anxiety. They had all talked about this before, they had known about you since the very beginning and they hadn't encouraged you to get together to then oppose to it becoming serious.

They wanted Hoseok to be happy with whomever he loved. No matter who they were, where they came from, their skin color or gender identity*⁴. The words they had professed along the years were not empty, they truly wanted to use their influence for positive change.

"It will be fine, baby. I will be okay" you murmured and caressed his cheek as you wrapped an arm around him and held him close. He looked so deflated, felt limp in your arms, and it broke your heart.

You'd be passing off as straight all your life, not because you weren't proud of who you were, but because sometimes it was required for your safety.

It was not him that was holding you back, society was and you'd tried to tell him, but he refused to accept he wasn't part of the problem. Wiping off heteronormativity*⁵ overnight would be nice, but it wasn't going to happen.

You had already been as mindful as you could with him, so keeping it up for another ten months wouldn't be a problem to you. Hoseok didn't want to keep up with this forever, he wanted you to freely be yourself without thinking about how that would affect him.

He had made it clear that he loved you and he didn't care what people thought, he was used to getting hate apart from all the love. So once he wasn't bound by contract, he promised he'd properly support you as your boyfriend and try to make a difference as a true ally.

Hobi just hoped you could get through it all to make it to that moment. A lot was about to be unloaded on you just for being his girlfriend and you were blissfully unaware of what that meant.

You were tough, he trusted you could withstand it. The question was whether you'd want to only because of him. Was he a good enough reason to put up with it all?

If you struggled on your own, by being put in the spotlight it would be much worse. It would be agreeing to receive a lot more hate than you bargained for. You did not deserve it in the slightest either.

Hoseok knew he came with a lot of baggage and he couldn't ask you to carry it with him. Not unless you wanted to, he felt awful for putting you through this. He felt selfish, whoever came into his life had to accept him, not only as Jung Hoseok.

Now it was time to face what it was like to date J-Hope and this part of him was non-negotiable. It had limitations and was more inflexible because it was part of a group of seven.

-
How are you guys finding the story? Now that we are near the end, I'm second guessing everything. I don't want this to drag, but I also don't want it to feel rushed or oversimplified.

I'd appreciate your input, even if you usually read silently 💜

* I keep referencing this interview, but it was great, hehe. This was just cute. At 5:33 https://youtu.be/nw1qH6vR-8o

*² About resisting change in South Korea:

https://m.koreatimes.co.kr/pages/article.amp.asp?newsIdx=329369

https://m.koreaherald.com/amp/view.php?ud=20210913000758

https://10mag.com/being-gay-in-korea/

*³ About the influence of the Confucian values and religious beliefs:

https://thediplomat.com/2019/03/whats-behind-south-koreas-persistent-lgbt-intolerance/

https://asia.nikkei.com/Politics/How-religion-spurs-homophobia-in-South-Korean-politics

*⁴ Namjoon's speech at the UN:

*⁵ https://www.shape.com/lifestyle/mind-and-body/what-is-heteronormativity