Hoseok was done for the day at work and he sat at his studio staring at his phone as he nervously played with it in his hands.

As well as talking to you about this meeting more in depth, he had decided to call his parents to prepare them. He was hoping they wouldn't react in a way that could make you uncomfortable if they knew you were bi beforehand.

To you it felt like coming out* to his parents in a sense, to a new family, and you were so scared of being rejected. The fact that he promised to stick to your side relieved part of the anxiety, but not all.

You didn't want his parents to hate you, you didn't want to complicate his relationship with his family, but he was sure of what he wanted to do. It would not be your fault if it didn't go well, he had insisted multiple times.

Hobi didn't feel prepared for whatever was to come, especially from his father, but he had to be brave. He looked up his home's contact and called without overthinking.

"Yeoboseyo*²" his mother picked up and he sighed.

"Good evening, eomma" he was relieved it was her.

"Hoseok-ah! Have you eaten*³?"

"Yes, thank you. Is everything alright over there?"

"Everything's fine, your father and I are doing well, son" she shared softly.

"Do you and appa have a minute to talk?" he asked holding the phone to his ear tightly.

"Of course, what is it you want to talk about? Is everything okay?" she got up from the armchair where she was sitting and Hobi heard her steps as she walked around the house looking for his dad.

"Don't worry, eomma. It's been great these last few months, actually. I've been seeing someone, that's what I wanted to talk to you about,"

"Oh, really? That's great news, son!" she answered warmly and he smiled to himself. This was the easiest part.

"Yeobo, Hoseok is on the phone, he wants to talk to both of us" she pressed the speaker button after Hobi explained how and they both sat in his home office.

"Good evening, appa. I was telling mom I have some news for you. I have met someone, we've known each other for about a year and four months. The relationship itself is more recent,"

"Good evening, son. That's is good news indeed. How did you meet her?" his father answered and he could hear the smile as he talked.

"She is a private pilot. We worked with her on our last tour" he commented still smiling as well.

"A female pilot? There aren't many of those*⁴, good for her" his mother commented proudly.

"She is out of town often because of her job, but she's very understanding of our times and busy schedules thanks to her own experience. She's the perfect partner for me and she makes me really happy,"

"That's good, I'm glad she can see that and support you still" his father replied.

"I would like you to meet her, but I wanted to talk to you about it first," Hobi added now trying to get to the point.

"Are you planning to marry*⁵ her?" they both asked seriously and he giggled nervously.

"No...not at the moment, that's not what this is about. There's rumors going around and I wanted you to hear it from me first,"

"We appreciate it, son, but we understand that these things are out of your control sometimes," his father was very understanding, but Hobi didn't know how to approach the real issue.

"She's...not like other girlfriends I've had and I hope you can accept her for who she is. I truly love her and she loves me back,"

"We want you to be happy, son. I'm sure she's a very nice girl if you started dating her," his mother tried to comfort him.

She believed she had raised him well enough so that he was able to appreciate what truly mattered in other people. He wouldn't be reckless.

"She's beautiful and elegant in her own way. She's sweet and loving, she's got poise and can be really cute too. She's not the typically*⁶ delicate and super feminine woman though,"

"She sounds lovely" his mother complimented and he swallowed nervously. If they were to see the picture of you and your ex, they'd be shocked, so he couldn't not bring up your sexuality.

"Is she a malgwalryangi?*⁷" his father asked and he sighed. He had been trying hard not to reference stereotypes.

You were very much a woman, but were not defined by people's expectations. There was a certain type most older generations expected*⁸ that was worth marrying and you didn't fit that mold.

"In a sense, I suppose, but that's not all she is. She rides a motorcycle, she feels more comfortable wearing clothes that are not traditionally feminine, she likes exotic pets and she's dated men and women," Hobi described you spilling everything at once anxiously or he wouldn't get it done.

The silence was deafening as his parents tried to process what they had just been told. The first part was surprising, but they were not prepared for the shock of the last bit.

"She's in a relationship with another woman?" his mom asked confused.

"No, eomma. She's my girlfriend, she dated a woman before she was with me though,"

"I don't understand," his mother confessed, voice filled with concern.

"She's bisexual, eomma. She's been in relationships with both men and women in the past,"

"Both?" she questioned.

"I can't say I support this, son. You've worked so hard to be where you are. Are you going to throw all that away for women? Have we not taught you better than that?" his father said in disbelief.

"Women? Appa, she's my one girlfriend. We are committed to each other only, just the two of us,"

"And what are you going to do if the public finds out she used to be homosexual, Hoseok-ah? This is not simply advocating for minorities, it's not supporting a cause by donating, buying products or speaking up for equality*⁹. I know you've gone out of your way to make a difference with the boys. However, getting involved directly is a different story."

"The fact that we are in a relationship does not mean she's not attracted to women anymore, she didn't use to be gay and she's not straight now either,"

Hoseok was struggling to explain this, he wasn't sure how when his words kept being interpreted in ways he hadn't thought of.

"Are you sure about this, son?" his mom asked worriedly.

"There will be big consequences*¹⁰ when this becomes official. This could affect your career, son. You've got to think about this very carefully. Is it really worth risking everything for this woman? I know we haven't seen eye to eye in the past, but I love you, Hoseok-ah and I want the best for you,"

"Please give her a chance, she's a good person. She's hurt no one, she's committed no crime. She's a hardworking, honest person with upright values. Shouldn't that be all that matters?

I truly love her and I think giving up on her because of her orientation is not right. Jiwoo noona has even met her and they got along just fine. She's no different than any of us,"

"You know it's not that simple, son. If you go out there and you are slandered, there's no going back. We can not help you," his dad countered.

"We can try to be accepting of her, but that doesn't mean everyone will," his mother was making an effort to understand so he tried to be patient with them.

"At this point, with how far the band has come, I think I could make a difference without it costing me my career. Maybe I can help create a ripple*¹¹ by speaking up about this issue in the process."

"That's a great responsibility, Hoseok-ah," Hobi's mom shared as a warning, but didn't oppose.

"It is your choice, son, and I hope that you will make the best decision. To me, it feels like it is too soon to risk everything for such a person, but you are your own man,"

His father's words hurt, but he was expecting both intended and unintended homophobia coming from his parents. Him implying the 'type of person' you were was not worth it, purely basing himself on your sexuality, made him feel so discouraged.

Was he even willing to get to know you for real before being so judgemental?

"If you are willing to meet her, I'd come down to Gwangju," Hoseok offered swallowing thickly.

"What do her parents think of your relationship? Do they know yet?" his heart clenched at his mother's words.

"She's not in good terms with them, she rarely talks to her father and hasn't heard from her mother in years after she found out she had been dating a woman,"

"Oh, I see" she sounded more serious and Hobi was concerned.

Did she not like the idea that you were not in contact with your own family?

"Please, eomma, appa. If you met her and got to know her, it would mean so much to me,"

"Once you've thought about this carefully and are sure of what your decision is, I would agree to meet her, Hoseok-ah. But remember my words, you are all grown now and your mother and I have worked hard for you. You've worked hard to be where you are for years as well, made us proud.

I hope you know what you are doing and that I'm wrong about this like I was about you dancing*¹². You know I support your career wholeheartedly nowadays, but I can't say the same about this right now,"

"I don't understand it entirely, but we trust you, son," his mother added.

"Thank you for keeping an open-mind. I'm grateful that you are willing to give her a chance at least. I promise I'll think carefully about it all then. Or if you have any more questions, I'll do my best to answer,"

"Alright, son. Is there anything else? Are you gay?" his mother asked still a little confused.

"No, eomma, her being bisexual doesn't change my sexuality," he explained and she made a sound signaling she understood.

"The media has caught on to our relationship and I wanted to talk about this before any sort of public statement was released or any action was taken. I know what they are going to make of it is likely to be very different from our reality. I didn't want that to be how you found out about this,"

"That's appreciated, Hoseok-ah," his dad replied pensively.

"Thank you again, for always listening to me and supporting me in what I do,"

"Of course. We love you, Hoseok-ah. You are a good son," his mom said with a kind tone.

"I love both of you too. I'll continue to make you proud. I need to head home, I'm still at work,"

"Okay, please stay healthy. Don't forget to eat and take care now that it's colder out!"

"I won't. Good bye, we will talk soon."

"Good bye, Hoseok-ah." they both answered before ending the call.

Hobi took a deep breath after hanging up. Considering how things were, this was not the worst outcome. At least they would try to understand and would accept whatever his final decision was.

This was only the first step, a significant but relatively small one in comparison to what was to come for you and him.

-

* Coming out to Asian parents is different than coming out to Western parents, their cultures heavily influence them:

https://www.verygoodlight.com/2017/10/10/korean-american-coming-out/

https://www.yesmagazine.org/opinion/2021/10/14/coming-out-asian-family-lgbtq

On the pros and cons of coming out in South Korea, a sad reality: https://www.reddit.com/r/korea/comments/8oo8vu/coming_out_to_korean_parents_and_colleagues/

*² http://organickorean.com/the-real-meaning-of-%EC%97%AC%EB%B3%B4%EC%84%B8%EC%9A%94/

*³ https://thesoulofseoul.net/2015/11/23/conversations-with-koreans-have-you-eaten/

*⁴ Old article, but the ratio is still low: https://www.donga.com/en/article/all/20130302/405779/1

*⁵ Usually meeting the parents in South Korea means the relationship is serious and you either have plans to get engaged or married. It is the norm, but obviously it doesn't apply to everyone. This is just going by tradition or cultural rules

Source: https://www.quora.com/Why-wont-my-Korean-introduce-me-to-his-parents-Is-it-a-cultural-thing

*⁶ https://asiasociety.org/education/value-and-meaning-korean-family

*⁷ Malgwalryangi (말괄량이) means "tomboy" but the definition is not exactly what it is for Western people. A "tomboy" is someone who doesn't fit traditional ideas of femininity, who is not the "ideal" Korean girl: long haired, thin, cute, girly, delicate and poised. You don't have to be overly masculine or be into "guy things", just being a little out there and non-complying makes you atypical. Here are some examples of "tomboys":

https://www.koreaboo.com/stories/8-female-idols-pass-male-idols/

A good example for the stereotype of the Korean tomboy is the song "Tomboy" by G-IDLE. Many Western people didn't think the song made sense, the aesthetic is very feminine, but it does fit their definition (which is closer to their hyperfeminine and delicate ideal). The song basically talks about strong women who can take care of themselves:

*⁸ https://berkleycenter.georgetown.edu/posts/femininity-and-identity-in-korea

*⁹ BTS have supported the LGBTQ+ community on multiple occasions, in their speeches, suggesting books and movies that depict different genders/sexualities, singing inclusive songs, wearing brands that are by people in the community orthat donate to causes related, etc. They constantly talk about equality in all aspects, from race to identity. Here's just one example of a designer they've worn pieces of:

*¹⁰ The South Korean society is very conservative and a good number of the population think homosexuality is unnatural and strays from their cultural and religious values. Openly LGBTQ+ people have been judged and attacked and many live closeted fearing for their safety.

https://igg-geo.org/?p=2041&lang=en

https://edition.cnn.com/2020/01/25/asia/k-pop-gay-star-intl-hnk/index.html

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-49751410

*¹¹ At 43:48 as he talked about = (Equal Sign) https://youtu.be/KoHfeIcZDfI

*¹² https://www.koreaboo.com/stories/bts-jhope-dad-father-disapprove-dance-studying/