Once they fully fell back into the routine, Hoseok and Jin finally had some time to go out for drinks. The oldest had been insiting, but they never seemed to have time for it.

They made their way to a small table in a random bar somewhere in a quiet neighbourhood where hopefully they'd have their privacy.

As they went through their menus trying to pick some food to accompany their drink, a waitress approached them.

"Hello gentlemen" she said with a big smile, glancing over at Seokjin, but ultimately directing her smile at Hobi. Jin smiled to himself as he noticed her whole body was unconsciously facing his dongsaeng.

"Good evening" the youngest said briefly looking at the woman and then fixing eyes with his hyung. "Do you know what you are having?" he was completely oblivious to the attention he was getting.

"Yes. I'll have somaek* to drink. Wanna share some fried chicken?"

"Sure. I'll have the same to drink, please" Hobi said with a tight smile and a little nod looking at the server once more. She bowed quickly and bashfully rushed to get their order.

"Hoseok-ah, lighten up a bit" Jin teased him and he looked at him, his lips parted and eyebrows furrowed. A bemused expression on his face.

"The waitress, she seemed to be really into you. You were pretty dry."

"Oh, was I?" Hobi was just trying to be polite, he didn't think he did anything different to any other customer.

"Well, you were fine, but try to be more friendly?" he was not following what Jin was trying to say, he turned his chin up reluctanctly

"Hyung, what is with you?" he laughed softly, his cheeks slightly colored in embarrassment.

"Just flirt a little, get the feel of it. It doesn't have to mean anything, she doesn't have to be the one" Hobi rolled his eyes at the little amused smirk that drew itself on Jin's face.

His thoughts had been caught up in the idea of going back into the dating scene, but he was apprehensive and wasn't sure if he felt ready for the heartbreak. Having time away from it had been far too good, just not having to worry about all that.

But it was different now that they were back to their normal life. At the base you didn't have an option, the possibility wouldn't even cross your mind, it was comforting in a sense to Hoseok.

"Easy for you to say when you are in a relationship" he shot back slightly miffed just when the woman came back with their beers and soju to mix.

"Thank you" Hobi offered a shy side smile, showing his teeth a little as opposed to his stiff one from earlier. She offered the tight smile this time round, cheeks blushing at the friendlier response.

"You are welcome, handsome" she boldly replied as she put down the bottles in front of him after giving Jin's his. "I'll have your food ready in a few minutes" she added and turned around with a little extra shake of her hips, making her skirt twirl teasingly.

"There you go, much better! A little goes a long way" Jin commented with a wide smile and Hobi just laughed not knowing what to do with himself. This was much too awkward.

"Stop it, hyung. I'm never going out for drinks with you again if you keep doing this to me"

"Oh, come on!" Jin laughed lightheartedly, he was indeed a lot more relaxed than Hobi was.

The server watched from the other side of the bar, wiping the much too clean surface to have an excuse to look at her favorite idol. She didn't expect to be remembered by him, it would have been wishful thinking.

After HYBE having casually booked the venue where she used to work, she never thought she would get to see J-Hope up close again. Yet here he was and this time she would shoot her shots and be bolder. Maybe she'd get a little more attention, an even bigger smile.

"Here's your fried chicken. Let me know if you need any more spice to go with it" the overly friendly server said with a little wink and Hobi looked down at his plate and covered his mouth trying to stop himself from giggling. The little shoulder shrug*² gave him away though.

He couldn't tell anymore, whether he felt embarrassed, uncomfortable or just bashful with this interaction. It certainly felt forced, but he had to listen to his hyung and at least try to let loosen up a bit.

Hoseok was usually more chill when he had his head in it, but honestly he was feeling observed and pressured to get in a mindset he wasn't in at the moment.

"Look, listen to your hyung's words of wisdom now" Jin started with a mischievous smirk when the woman walked away, "I know it's awkward, I didn't have faith in myself, but you are quiet the ladies' man."

Hobi's eyes widened and he looked taken aback, he didn't think his own brother would think that of him. Did he really give off that vibe?

"No, hyung" he said with a little forced chuckle, "you don't understand."

"Tell me about it then" Jin's voice softened and with a little nod he encouraged him to let it all out. He didn't believe for a second he was a philanderer, it wouldn't be like him, but with a some prodding maybe he'd finally share his thoughts with someone.

"I don't choose different women, not really. More like they just choose different men" he said quietly dipping a chicken finger in sauce while quickly looking around, making sure no one that sat close by could hear. Jin nodded not wanting to interrupt, pressing his lips together at his words.

"I know it looks bad when once in a while it's a different name, a new face,"

"So you don't go about changing them as frequently as your underwear" Seokjin offered humorously and Hobi slammed his hand playfully on the table looking offended. Probably he really felt that way, at least a bit, though he wouldn't admit it.

"Is that really what you think of me, Jin hyung?" his tone sounded a little hurt and the older just started laughing and shaking his head.

"You know I'm playing with you, I know you better than that, Hob-ah" his hyung added now being completely serious so there was no room for doubt or he'd end up pushing him too hard and once more he'd retreat.

Hoseok had always been the stoic type, when he assumed his role being the hope and light of others, he took on a huge responsibility. He didn't take it lightly, he put a lot on his shoulders, but he truly wanted to make it his mission.

And at some point he even refused to admit it was hard for him to the members*³, just a few years back he had been able to accept it was okay to be himself and his persona. The fact that he didn't always feel cheerful wasn't a dark secret he should be ashamed of.

He worked hard, he supported and uplifted his bandmates and while the members tried to be there for him like he was for them, it was not quite the same. There was only one Hoseok, one member who could make them laugh and relax like no other.

Making him laugh was a coveted title*⁴ that some of them even fought for, when it came to his every day life, he was just like any other man. On stage, however, he just knew it was show time and he was bright as ever. It's not like he was fake, all his worries were sent to the back of his head and he focused on radiating that positive energy.

"Everyone's got so lucky" Hoseok commented with a little unconscious pout as he traced the top of his glass with one finger pensively. "It's only me who seems to bump into all the wrong women" he didn't dare say he was not worth sticking around for, it would have been way too revealing of his buried feelings.

"That's not true, some got lucky, I admit. I mean, Yoongi's was a freaky situation. Live for work and sleep to then go out once and bump into your future wife" Jin was clearly exaggerating to lighten the tense atmosphere, it wasn't as easy as that, but his was a peculiar case.

"You know Jimin, Taehyung, me...we've all struggled to find someone with what comes with being in the spotlight, with earning as much as we do, with everything this job entails. Exhaustion, little time off, a holiday once every few years, important dates spent away from our family, losing friends*⁵ and significant others,"

"I'm not expecting for someone to show up without making an effort, but the more I date, the harder it gets. Shouldn't it get easier?" he didn't mean to get all philosophical about it, it was his thing though, to get deep in his thoughts, his feelings. It didn't mean, however, that he shared it all.

"We grow older, took me long enough, and there's no guarantee things will last. It makes sense though, with how life is for us all. Doesn't mean that there isn't that clock ticking in our heads. You are 32 years old, it's understandable. I think most of us expected to have it all sorted out by 35*⁶"

"Am I really that old*⁷?" Hobi looked confused for a second as he did the maths in his head, then sighed defeated.

"I guess you are right, hyung. It's just that—" Hobi still couldn't seem to bring himself to say this in a way that didn't sound like he was putting himself down. He didn't want to make him worry or give him the wrong idea.

"You know you can trust me, Hoseok-ah" Seokjin placed a hand on his shoulder from across the table. Hobi felt bad that his hyung thought it was about him, it was about his own limitations, not anyone else's.

"I can't seem to find balance, like I'm not made for it. I've heard it all: I don't have enough time, I'm not affectionate enough, I don't communicate enough, I share too much, I'm away for too long, I work too much, I don't give enough attention, I get too much attention. I truly have been trying my best" but who could put up with that much just for him.

He couldn't give it up altogether, it was his dream, his life and whoever he ended up with needed to embrace him and J-Hope. The right person would, supposedly, but as years had gone by that had felt more and more like a fantasy to him. That's not how real life works, that's not how relationships last.

"Don't forget those who fall in love with the money and the image," Jin commented with a bitter smirk. Of course, those fake ones that want the superficial part of you, that fool you when you are weak or pretend to be someone they are not until their mask falls off.

"Oh, I can spot those from a mile away" Hobi had experience with every possible situation under the sun when it came to dating. He didn't know if he should be ashamed or grateful for that at this point. His truth was his consolation, but Jin's joking for a moment had him internally panicking.

"Too many fall in love with the idea of it, until they learn we are human too and very real. Not perfect, not full of confidence and devoid of insecurities. The best and worst of both worlds, in a sense, would they have at least given us a chance otherwise?"

"Hyung..." his dongsaeng looked at him as he looked away unable to hold eye contact. Jin inhaled deeply to try to compose himself as the younger one could have sworn his eyes became glassy.

"Are things okay with you?" Hoseok asked worriedly. He knew this was a touchy topic for all, specially the older members, but Jin had seemed to be doing better than ever when it came to his romantic life.

"Oh, yeah, it's great. Sometimes I forget we are not normal*⁸" he chuckled trying to brush the awkwardness of the moment away.

"She's a good one, hyung" Hobi said with a smile and Jin nodded enthusiastically, sniffling and laughing a little embarrassed about his own reaction to his words.

"I'll be fine, hyung" he found himself comforting him like he couldn't seem to do for himself.

"You will be! For all we know it could be the waitress" Jin said smiling widely as he looked away and made Hoseok turn around to see her coming their way.

This time they both laughed a little more carelessly, feeling a little lighter than they did before they had a talk that both of them seemed to need more than they figured.

Hobi was less guarded, offering bright smiles and soft chuckles to the server as she brought the receipt for them. Just being nice and enjoying himself more than he had when the night started and he was in desperate need to disconnect his mind from stress.

Just as Jin dropped him off at his building and he waved goodbye as he pulled out, a much too familiar sleek red and black motorcycle pulled over to a side of the path up to the complex's garage.

His neighbor pulled off her helmet and placed it on her lap as she turned around and proceeded to remove the one of her girlfriend. Or so Hoseok had assumed. He gasped as they leaned into one another's lips.

He turned around immediately and started walking fast, pretending he hadn't been looking for a second too long. Eyebrows furrowed and jaw clenched, he couldn't believe what he had just witnessed and his stomach dropped for poor Miyoung.

-

* Somaek (소맥) is a cocktail made with soju and beer. The beer used is typically a lager-style. It is a syllabic abbreviation of the two Korean words, soju (소주) and maekju (맥주, "beer").

*²

*³ I will have to get back to you on this when I find the interview. It's an old one in which the guys ask Hobi if it's hard to keep up with the happy attitude all the time and he feels pressured to answer, but clearly doesn't want to admit he can't be like that all the time.

*⁴ https://youtube.com/shorts/ZCjvqKAkzxE?feature=share

*⁵ https://www.koreaboo.com/news/bts-jin-break-silence-episode-3-losing-friends/

*⁶ https://www.pinkvilla.com/entertainment/hollywood/bts-rewind-jimin-v-jungkook-and-others-reveal-when-they-want-get-married-518831

*⁷ https://youtube.com/shorts/_Mfsnn4HBFE?feature=share

*⁸ During his interview for Weverse Jin said that he usually cracked jokes to get past the awkward moment of being a celebrity or people would get uncomfortable even if he's still the same guy he's always been. I also remember he mentioned coming across an old colleage and saying hi first, the girl said she didn't say hello because now he was famous so it was different and he assured her he was no different. The point of his line above is that they are not really "normal" as much as they want to be https://magazine.weverse.io/article/view?lang=en&num=211