You sat in bed at the hotel in NYC on Monday night with your laptop on your lap, back resting on the headboard. Thankfully you had booked a different hotel to Mr. Kang and Mirae, so you felt more at ease.

“Aein, I have to tell you something” Hobi began a little nervously, but you had discussed this before so it should come as no surprise.

“Sure, baby. What is it?”

You were trying to decide whether you should tell him about Mirae. With how upset he was with the models of the last trip, you weren’t sure if it was a good idea. You actually had a connection this time so it might make him feel worse.

Nothing was going to happen, you had no desire to even hang out with her, so not paying it any mind could be the best way to go, for his own sake. Maybe once you were back and the trip was over, you could mention it in passing.

“There seem to be some pictures going around online of us walking around Seoul. Of course people noticed the rings, the bracelets, but we were holding hands so it was bound to happen” you nodded calmly at his words.

Sooner or later the public was gonna find out and you had both agreed you didn’t want to have to hide and sneak around.

Now that he was in his thirties, it was less shocking than when they were younger and fully dedicated to their career. While they had no dating ban, they were very mindful and very busy in their twenties. They still were, but they had a lot more freedom and managed their time differently.

“What does this mean?” you asked curiously. You knew eventually a statement had to be released, but it was early in the relationship and you weren’t sure what Hobi would want to do.

“I guess we wait and see. I was thinking you should probably meet my parents before anything, I don’t want them to find out officially through the media. Right now it’s rumors and blurry photos, but I know ARMY will find out the truth. They know us so well, it always amazes me.”

“That makes sense, I want you to meet my friends. They are the closest thing I have to a family. I’m a little worried though,”

“Worried about me meeting them?” he was still anxious about that. He didn’t want to say or do something that would not sit well with them.

“No, worried about your parents thinking like my mother and her family. I know they are very important to you and if they don’t like me…” you trailed off looking down at your fingers twiddling on your lap.

“Jiwoo noona and I will be with you, but I think what matters is that you are a good person and you make me happy. They’ll come round eventually if they have any reservations,”

“And if they don’t?” you choked a little.

All those memories you kept in the back of your mind had come up to the surface with Mirae showing up and they were all so fresh and painful, like a re-opened wound.

“It’s going to be okay, naekkeo” Hobi tried to comfort you, but words didn’t seem like enough. That’s all he could offer when you were on the other side of the world. You nodded still looking down and sighed.

“Do you have any plans for tomorrow?” he changed topics hoping you could leave this behind for now. You could talk more about it once you were back in Seoul.

“Yes. Mr. Kang insisted I have dinner with him and his wife” you were conflicted not telling him that you knew who she was.

“Oh, that’s nice. What’s wrong?” he thought you looked off after saying that. You didn’t have to be excited about it, but you seemed to be troubled.

“I just…I went to high school with his wife and I wasn’t expecting to come across her. I’m anxious about that. I haven’t even heard from her since” you swallowed looking up at him worriedly, with the smallest unintended pout.

“I’m sure it’s going to be fine, aein. If you feel uncomfortable just take it as a business dinner and leave as early as you think is appropriate. Just tell them you promised to call me at a certain time tomorrow night. Blame it on me, I don’t care” Hobi laughed at the suggestion, but it didn’t seem to be that big of a deal.

“Thank you, Hobi. I’ll tell them it’s all your fault” you teased him and offered a small smile.

“Sounds good to me. I told you I would be responsible for you,”

“I thought it was just my tears,”

“Well, I don’t want to make you cry. What am I supposed to be responsible for then?” he asked pressing his lips together, holding his chin up and furrowing his eyebrows with the silliest resolute expression.

You smiled widely at him, you didn’t think words where needed or knew what they would be if they were. Hoseok was simply the most caring and thoughtful boyfriend you’d ever had and he was responsible for making you feel like the happiest, most cared-for woman.

“I think my sleeping pills are starting to kick in.”

Your eyes kept closing and they were starting to burn. Talking to Hobi before bed always helped you keep your thoughts in check, then you got to relax and fell asleep more easily.

When you got too anxious, the pills simply didn’t help. You just stayed awake past their effect and had to manage to find a different way to fall asleep. These night-calls seemed to work well enough.

“Alright, have a good night. I will go back to work” he offered a lip smile, poking his dimples since you couldn't, and you blew him a kiss after returning the sentiment.

“We were so corny just now” he scrunched his nose and made a face*. You just looked at him questioningly, why did he keep resisting?

The following day it was nice out. You walked around the city and visited some popular cafés. You shared pictures with Hobi here and there. Of your outfit, of yourself at landmarks, of your food, basically all your activities.

To remain professional, you preferred to separate work from your personal life, so you did not hang out with Hangyeol and Chaewon often when you were abroad. It was mostly you on your own so you were happy to have someone to show everything to.

You had visited so many places on your trips, experienced so many things, but had rarely had anyone to share that with. Hoseok seemed to enjoy the updates, so you happily took lots of pictures for him.

It had not been the case with Miyoung, she got whiny and talked about how much she missed you. Which wouldn't be a bad thing if she didn't do it every single time you shared something with her. She could just be happy for you, but no, she had to make a big deal out of it and it made you feel guilty.

After a nice hot shower, you changed into something a little more formal. A sand colored turtle neck, high waisted ivory pants with a matching belt and a long tartan blue and beige coat. Hobi complimented you and reassured you.

You didn't want to overdo it, but you also didn't want to wear anything that was less than sober to meet your ex-girlfriend. She was just so eager to see you and you felt unsure.

The only reason why you had agreed was because they insisted and you didn't want things to be more awkward than they already were. It was one night, then you'd be able to turn down their invitation if it came up again.

The evening dragged. Mirae seemed to have a whole story in her head to cover up every bit of reality about her past life. It probably was from years of pretending, you could now clearly tell she still denied her sexuality. It was astonishing how naturally she talked bullshit.

You felt bad, Mr. Kang ate all that up. He really seemed to be fond of her. He was an older man in his fourties, maybe close to his fifties. Maybe it was an arranged marriage, you didn't want to ask further.

“Are you married, gijang-nim?” he asked curiously and you felt Mirae's eyes on you even if you were looking up at him.

“No, I'm not. I'm in a commited relationship” there was no need to disclose whether you were seeing someone, but you felt like you needed to put that out there with the way your ex-girlfriend got too close for comfort.

She kept treating you like you'd never stopped seeing each other and it had been so long. It didn't feel natural to you anymore, it was awkward and uncomfortable.

“I should get going, it's getting late and I arranged a call with my partner” you announced once dessert was done and you could finally leave.

“It's daytime in Korea, I'm sure he could wait. If you let him know you are catching up with an old friend…” Mirae didn't want you to leave and insisted like with this dinner.

“I'm really sorry, but he's a busy man. He makes time for these calls and he can't push them back” you explained nervously and Mr. Kang nodded and tried to comfort his wife understanding what that was like.

As you headed outside of the hotel's restaurant towards the lobby, you heard Mirae calling after you. You only quickened your pace and pretended not to hear.

That was until she grabbed your arm and walked in front of you.

“Can we talk? Just the two of us?” she said you felt like you had no choice.

Perhaps she'd finally leave you alone if she got everything out of her chest. What if she wanted to apologize, though you weren't expecting anything from her after all this time.

You agreed and you both walked aside. The hall was empty as everyone was seated and no one was waiting for a table. The hostess wasn't even there anymore, at least not all the time.

“I was so glad to see you, I've missed you so much. I've thought a lot about you since you left Busan. It's been hell, no one understands what it's like. I had to get married for my family, but I'm so unhappy,”

“Mirae-ssi, you broke up with me in the middle of the courtyard knowing I wouldn't be the kind of person to out you like that. You left me to rot when my parents sent me off to Seoul to be ‘corrected’, my grandparents literally tried to beat the gay out of me,”

You couldn't believe her words, she didn't ever reach out to you and now she wanted to pretend like no harm was done. It was so long ago, you had no interest in letting her back into your life now.

“I'm sorry, you know how my parents are. I had no choice, I had to keep pretending. They would never accept it if I told them,”

“I've suffered because I chose to be myself, you know. You never faced the consequences of that day and you chose to live with this. I get it's not easy, but please understand I want to keep this strictly professional,” you had no sympathy for her.

She had hurt you so badly when you had been nothing but understanding. Back then she had no sympathy for you, she didn't think about how you'd deal with everything. Never reached out to ask how you were holding on. Again she was ignoring what you wanted in favor of what she did.

“Please, no one has to know. We can keep it between us like we used to. Now that we are both in Seoul, we—” your eyes widened and you just had to interrupt her.

“Ireon sesange, I'm not going to help you cheat on your husband because you are not happy with what you got yourself into,” you were outraged.

You'd never do that to the poor man, she clearly didn't even care for him. More importantly, you'd never do that to Hoseok. Not ever, you wouldn't ruin your happiness. You were choosing yourself for once.

“Jagiya” she whispered after looking around and stepped closer to you.

“Mirae-ssi, we haven't seen each other in over a decade! Stop treating me like you know me. Don't call me that!” your heart was booming anxiously in your chest. You shouldn't have let her get you alone.

Suddenly her hands were on your waist, her lips crashed on yours as she pulled you close. One hand slid in your coat and down to your bottom and the other up to the side of your breast.

In those milliseconds you were frozen in shock, you had flashbacks to another time. Mirae's lips felt as soft as they used to and even somehow tasted the same way you remembered. However, the feelings weren't there anymore, you knew this. All you felt for her was rejection and tears brimmed in your eyes at the thought of your boyfriend.

You pushed her back forcefully, her grip on you hurting you, but you couldn't care.

“What do you think you are doing?! I don't want this, Mirae! I have a boyfriend and I'm happy with him” you spat out furious as tears ran down your cheeks. You hadn't wanted to rub it in her face, it didn't feel right, but you were freaking out now.

“I thought maybe if we kissed again you'd realize that—” she started explaining herself as she tried to pull you closer by your waist. You didn't want anything to do with her.

“No! Leave me alone!” you pushed her harder and then turned around and ran away as fast as you could to make sure she couldn't get a hold of you again. Tuning out every sound around you.

You ran and ran without going anywhere until you couldn't anymore. Sitting on the steps of a random apartment, you tried to calm down and find a way back to your hotel.

-

* Hobi used to show himself as a lot tougher when he was a rookie. I swear I saw a video of him saying he didn't like doing aegyo, like it wasn't manly. But I can't find the receipt for that, so again, don't take my word for it.

He used to make disgusted faces quite often back then, there's plenty of gifs of younger Hobi doing those. I wanted something more recent so the one above should do.

If you think about it, it was Hobi who said "Jimin you no fun", Namjoon merely translated it to "Jimin you've got no jam (fun in Korean)". As I've explained, this can translate to 'lame' or 'corny' in certain contexts. So, in conclusion for this TED talk, Hobi said they had no jams just now and it was on brand, lol.