Everything seemed to be going well, Hobi and you stayed in contact no problem. You'd videocall when you both had time, send pictures of your days back and forth and text constantly*.

As weeks went by though, something felt off. His replies were more spaced out, less enthusiastic, sometimes he didn't even answer your questions or commented on your photos.

When you saw each other he looked indifferent and it was kind of hurtful that he couldn't even pretend to care about what you were up to. You tried to listen to him even if you didn't fully understand some more technical things he explained.

“Hob-ah” you called him not being able to help the annoyance in your tone. For the past few minutes he had been looking away, anywhere but the camera.

He looked up from his nails at the screen, triangular pout fixed on his lips. A bored look, you'd figured, after seeing it for days.

“What's the matter?” he asked confused by the displeased sound of your voice. His eyes were big and sad, but if this was an attempt to soften you, it wasn't going to work. You knew that trick.

“It's like you are not even listening” you exclaimed in disbelief with wide eyes, as if it wasn't obvious.

“I am, I've been listening to everything you you've told me, aein” his tone sounded deflated.

Hoseok had indeed been paying close attention to all your messages, all your photos, all your anecdotes and every word you shared about your days.

In the beginning he tried hard not to let anything bother him, but as days passed, he couldn't shake away the thoughts on the back of his mind, the irrational feelings.

Your current job consisted of flying around a group of models to various destinations for shows and promotion. They were all from the same agency which hired you.

At first it was strictly professional, you did your job and then your own thing. After a while, you started hanging out with them and it was friendlier.

Hobi never thought he'd be jealous of other women for getting close to his girlfriend, if he could call you that? He wasn't sure what you were. You hadn't put a name to it.

You were surrounded by all these drop-dead gorgeous models and he felt insecure. Like him, you were open, friendly and charismatic. It took no time for them to warm up to you, you were likeable.

Sometimes you gushed about how beautiful they were, how sexy they looked during their photoshoots. You shared photos with him so he could see it all too.

Their perfect bodies, dolled up faces, skimpy clothes, their lingerie photoshoots and the almost completely naked ones modelling accessories alone.

Normally he'd appreciate the insider look, would be curious about the designer's approach and the clothing style. Yet right now all he could pay attention to was everything he couldn't offer you as a man.

During his solo time, he had even stopped watching girl on girl because now it was difficult to picture you in that as well. It made him all too aware that he was replaceable and not just by other men.

The chances had doubled. It could be anyone.

At some point his fear became stronger than his resolve to not let the irrational feelings take over. History didn't have to repeat itself. It really didn't.

But what if?

He hadn't said anything about your time together being too quiet, too comfortable. It's not that he wouldn't have wanted to do more with you, but he hadn't minded staying in and being lazy with you.

Had you? Were you happy with him? Were you unhappy enough to look elsewhere? Did you need female company? Was it too much of a hassle to be intimate with him?

Hobi thought you were doing fine, but he could hardly trust his own judgement when it came to this. He'd been wrong about the state of things so many times he felt like he had to go about it blindly.

Maybe if he had talked to you about it, made sure you weren't bored with your plans. That he was fine with them didn't mean you were, it was dumb not to bring it up just because he was content.

“Then what's the matter with you? Because lately you barely say much of anything when I share stuff, should I just not bother?”

“I just don't know what to say”

“In the beginning you were excited for me, but then you stopped. Did you get sick of it? I can be less spammy if it bothers you” you thought out loud and felt sort of guilty, but not any less hurt.

“No, I'm not bothered by what you send, it's fine. I care about your day to day” he tried to reassure you, but his words didn't sound sincere. Hobi meant it, but then again they did affect him and he was mad at himself.

This was his problem, not yours, you weren't doing anything wrong. He was scared for no good reason, he knew that, but he couldn't make sense of it when his feelings were so overpowering.

“We are going out for drinks with the girls now, wanna help me pick my outfit?” you chirped and he nodded heavily.

You tried to change topics, maybe he was tired or he didn't have as much time to get back to you. Ignoring your insecurities, you tried to trust his words and move on.

You showed him the outfit you chose from the front and the back and he approved of it. You looked stunning, but worried you'd look off next to the impecably dressed models.

When you were getting ready to leave with him on the phone, his puppy face was replaced with a frown. Although the corners of his mouth were still sharp forming a pout.

“Baby, are you sure you are okay?” he didn't look okay, if there was anything, he hadn't mentioned it.

“Yes, I'll be fine, just go” he replied dryly and you got a bad feeling, but gave him the space he seemed to be demanding.

“Okay, good night” you said goodbye softly and wondered what was wrong with him. Was he bothered by these dynamics? It would be a frequent reality.

“Have fun with all those hot girls” his tone sounded bitter and it reminded you too much of Miyoung's.

Was he really jealous? Did he not want you to hang out with them? The familiar feeling of being held back filled you with anxiety and your chest tightened.

It made you want to bolt and prove your freedom. You'd been caged for too long, as a child, as a teen, by your mother, your grandparents and multiple partners.

You'd rebuilt yourself from the ground and no one would hold you down again. No one would hide you, make you feel undeserving, make you feel less, not worth it.

Hoseok couldn't be this way, could he? He should understand. You were similar in that sense. You were both extroverted and sociable.

The call ended and you sat on the bed for a minute needing to think about it all. You wanted to rebel and go out to prove yourself you could. At the same time, you didn't feel good, the knot in your chest hurt and you were not in the mood anymore.

Why had you given into Hoseok? This couldn’t be happening. Please, no, not again.

A tear fell down your cheek as if squeezed out of you, you hadn't wanted to let it. You were strong, you were tough, you couldn't let this get to you.

It had all been going too well, something was bound to come up, but why did it have to be something you couldn't work on, something you couldn't fix?

-
* It is customary for couples in South Korea to be in contact at all times, to the point it might come off as clingy or controlling to other cultures.

Source: https://www.90daykorean.com/dating-in-korea/