Phil decided he was done with being on his own. He was done obsessing over Dan like he was some school crush. He had a chance to be with the dreamy boy and yet he was hesitant.

The fatal marks of his last relationship still were fresh, reminding him of what falling too fast and too easily leads too.

It leads to having to change your name and run away and dye your hair.

But Dan seemed different. He seemed so nice and adorable and had the most astonishing brown eyes that couldn't even hold an ounce of hatred. He was innocent in its fullest meaning. And Phil was far from.

Phil often drowned in his own cruelties. They would stay just at the start of Phil's mouth threatening to suffocate him but not quite, mocking him almost.  The water was thick and heavy washing over his chest and arms and legs. Sometimes Phil would trip and find himself under the surface. That was the worst. When he worked so hard to push them away, almost to the point of livable. Then just the next moment he was gasping to only be greeted by water. Often Phil would allow this and sit at the bottom of the water watching the air above him wondering what it feels like to breath again. It takes a lot to accept that he needs to stop feeling self-pity and grow up. So he would resurface and wait for it to start again.

Phil got out his phone and let it fall through his fingers, catching it at the last moment several times trying to build up the courage to call Dan. 

This is dumb, call him.

So Phil dialed his number and waited anxiously for Dan to pick up. 

He smiled when he heard the familiar sound of Dans voice, "Phil?"

"Hey Dan."  Phil said while looking out of his window, "I wanted to talk about last night."

"Oh."  Dans voice dropped.

"Nothing bad."  Phil smiled, "I just wanted to clarify a few things."

"Go ahead." Dan mumbled and Phil couldn't help but imagine those lips curling at each word.  How it would slip out gracefully somehow, no matter what was said.  He imagined their warmth pressed against his own li-,"Phil?"

"Yeah, sorry."  Phil snapped back into it, "I just wanted to ask you if you truly do feel something here?"

"Yes."  Dan said and Phil felt a tug of relief.

Phil nodded, "okay good because I do too and I just wanted to make sure."

"It's okay, Phil."  Dan laughed lowly into the phone.

"What does this make us?" Phil sighed the question, "I hate asking this but I just need to know."

"Would it be far fetched if we went out?"

Phil felt his stomach clench, "no."

"Then let's go out and see where this goes."

"Come over."  Phil blurred.

"Okay."

Dan clicked off and Phil tossed his phone on the couch.  The television was running old American shows.  Phil paced the apartment trying to pass the time before Dan arrived. 

He didn't live that far away, did he?

Phil realized he didn't even know.  It just seems he shows up at the coffee place all the time, certainly that means that it's easy to get here?

Letting his eyes fall onto the painting Dan made, Phil smiled at it.  He let his fingers glide over the edges and nooks again, this time feeling like it was apart of him.  That in this moment Phil was just-

A knocking at the door interrupted his thoughts and Phil walked slowly to it not wanting to seem too needy. 

"Hello."  Phil looked down at the boy, "I wa-"

Dan didn't even let him finish his sentence before kissing him, pushing the two in Phil's apartment wholly, slamming the door behind him.

Phil melted into the kiss and just enjoyed the feeling of Dans hands on his shoulders digging under his shirt.  Once Phil was conscious of what was going on he slammed Dan against the door and broke away eyeing him up.

"Daniel."  Phil whispered breathlessly.

Dan couldn't keep his hands of Phil's chest despite the twos lack of kissing, "I've been wanting to kiss you for so long I don't want to wait another moment."

"You kissed me last night?"  Phil dragged on the conversation making Dan antsy.

"You kissed me."

"Debatable."  Phil shrugged.

"Now can you just continue."  Dan begged his eyes turned up in an adorable manner.

Phil placed his hands on either side of Dan, "don't you want to talk? I'm more than lips."  He knew where Dan was coming from because Phil wanted the same thing.  It was just more fun this way.

"We can talk after, just kiss me."  Dan whimpered.

"I guess."  Phil shrugged and grabbed Dans shoulders pushing hard onto his lips the intensity rising.  They moved their lips in sync, Dan being pretty inexperienced, sloppy almost. 

Phil broke away from Dans lips and let his hands drop to his thighs.  Phil kissed his neck quite hard making Dan throw his head back to allow more room.  Phil continued to bite at his neck and collarbones holding the younger boy against the door.

Dan let a few small whimpers escape his mouth. Phil breathed against Dans neck and cheek, "are you okay?"

"More than." Dan chocked out closing his eyes.

Phil wrapped his hands under Dans shirt feeling tingles shoot through his arms at his warmth. He let them fall and trail at his hip bones that jutted out attractively.

Breaking away with a sigh Phil let Dan cool down walking to get a glass of water. He didn't need to go any further.

"Phil?" Dan called from the door.

Phil took out a glass, "you thirsty?"

"What the fuck, Phil?" Dan crossed his arms, "Why'd you stop?"

"Because we got tons of time for that." Phil turned on the tap, "plus if I'm correct that was only your second kiss?"

"Yeah." Dan rolled his eyes, "I didn't expect you to be one to take things so slow."

Phil felt a pang from his past ripple through his mind. Taking a drink of his water Phil had hoped Dan didn't see the wince. He shrugged.

"So what do you want to do?" Dan asked a bit of anger still coated his friendly tone.

"Order in maybe? Pizza or Chinese? Or maybe you want more of my amazing pasta."

"Chinese is good."  Dan laughs, "I loved your pasta though."

"Better have." Phil placed his glass down.

"I could go pick it up, it's down the street."  Dan smiled, "and you can set up a movie or something here?"

Phil nodded, "alright, surprise me." And with that Dan walked out the door.  Phil couldn't help but let his eyes wander over his lower half. 

Smirking he saw the red marks already appearing on the younger boys neck. 

Phil turned away and looked at his apartment his arms folded and eyes squinted in concentration. 

Moving to the couch he pushed it into the other corner grunting at its weight.  Phil really wasn't in shape at all. 

Going into his room Phil stripped off all of the covers and slid the mattress on to its side heaving it into the living room.  Letting it fall out of his hands it bounced a few times before settling.

Grabbing the blankets he threw them back on the mattress that was now facing the small television.  Turning it on he flipped through the channels trying to find something half decent to watch.

He settled on some cheesy rom com and paused it turning off all the lights besides the bathroom to allow some light in the room. 

Sitting down on the mattress Phil looked out onto the town and shuttered at the growing darkness.  He recently decided to grow a pesky fear of the dark.  He didn't want to be afraid of it- wanted to be strong enough to not have a dumb childish fear.  But it didn't matter because it was still there.

That's the consequence of trauma Phil assumes.

Caught up in his thoughts, the movie of his life replaying.  The horror of it rewinding in his brain.  His hands clenched in and out of fists, he was on the verge of another episode.

Just then a hand lays on his shoulder and he stands up pushing the person back, "what the hell."  Phil screams.

A small blinking Dan looked up at him his face full of shock.  Phil relaxed his shoulders and began to thaw out of his fear, "Phil?"  Dans voice was shaky.

"Sorry."  Phil's heart broke to see the trembling boy beneath him, scared of Phil.  Scared of what was inside of him.  The same things scared Phil just as much, "I'm so so sorry."  Phil spluttered trying to stop his voice from wavering with no success.

"Are you okay?"  Dan stands up as Phil looks down at his feet, not wanting to look up at him.

"Yeah. I'm sorry."  Phil focused on his bare feet curling over the wooden floor.

Dan sighed, "I got the food."

Phil looked up to see Dan messing around with crates of Chinese on the table, "thanks."

"I like what you did here."  Dans voice was light, airy. 

Phil looked over Dans body and smiled.  Grabbing two forks from the kitchen the two settled in next to each other in the mattress, their arms grazing.

"What movie are we watching?"  Dan asks with a mouth full of rice and chicken.

"Don't know."  Phil shrugged, "whatever my limited supply of channels offered." 

"Oh well."  Dan leaned over and grabbed some of Phil's food, "whatever it will be, I'm sure it'll be good."

So the two started the movie and ate their Chinese food.  Snuggled close to each other Phil tried to enjoy himself. 

Soon they put their food down and laid down, their arms and legs tangled.  Phil let Dans head rest on his chest his one arm curled around Phil's shoulder, the other tucked by his torso.   

Phil wanted to enjoy the moment but his mind wouldn't allow that.

You're going to end up hurting him.

He doesn't deserve to be dragged into your messy life.

You did hurt him today.  You saw the pain in his eyes when you pushed him to the floor.

What's going to happen next? How will you hurt him next.

His breath hitching Phil looked down at the almost sleeping Dan and let his dangerous hand slip around his innocent body, pulling him closer.  Tears dotted his eyes as he prayed for the two.  Prayed to whatever was out there that Phil wouldn't end up hurting this poor boy in front of him.

An: ahh school started so that's why I didn't upload every day.  I h8 school.