"I'm sick."

I feigned a cough into my balled up hand. I sat on my bed, tissues all around me not from snot as if I was actually sick, but rather from drying my tears. My sheets were all messy, which was unusual for me. I had thrown all my pillows onto the floor in a fit of rage. My phone laid beside me untouched for most of the night, which I could not sleep. I had a book propped open next to me which I had attempted to read but I couldn't focus on the pages. My face was sticky from dry tears from when I had stopped bothering with the tissues. I was sure that my eyes were red and ugly from the crying. I was shaky as it was cold, but it was just nerves. I had my arms wrapped around myself, trying to pretend like I was freezing from a fever. Mom carefully stepped into my room and walked over to me. She sat next to me on the bed and placed her hand on my forehead.

She tsked. "You don't feel warm, Sammy."

I made my eyes as big as possible, trying to will the tears to come back. "Please Mom, I really don't feel good right now."

She sighed. Her eyes were tired from the night shift she worked the night before after my dad had given her a lift. I could see the worry in her eyes. Whether she was worried about me, or her own predicament with her car, I couldn't tell.

"Okay Sammy, I know things are tough right now. I'll give you one day, okay ?"

I nodded solemnly, allowing my body to flop back onto the bed. I forgot I had thrown my pillows off, so I kind of hit my head on the headboard and the mattress. She left without another word. A part of me wished she would stay, and a part of me was glad she left.

As tears filled my eyes and I stared up at the ceiling, my phone started to buzz. It was an incoming call from Paige. I press the decline button. I didn't have the energy to deal with either of my friends at the moment. Maybe I was a little bit harsh in leaving them the day before, and they could be angry at me if they wanted to. But they didn't know how I felt. They didn't have their car stolen just to murder someone with it, and then have yourself blamed. They didn't have their moms car burst in the flames in front of their eyes. They didn't know how it felt. They didn't know how I felt. No one understood how I felt, and I was going to stay in my bed and not leave it for as long as possible. Lindsay couldn't hurt me if I didn't leave my room. And hopefully she would leave my mom alone, and my dad, and everyone else. I wondered if she had anything up her sleeves for Alex and Paige. And then I felt rude and stupid. What if something had happened to them the day before? I had left them to their own defenses and hadn't even considered that Lindsay could be taking revenge on them too.

Reluctantly, I picked up my phone and called Paige. The line rang about three times until her preppy voice answered.

"Sammy, how are you doing today? Do you need me to come pick you up for school?"

I shook my head before realizing that she couldn't see me. Was she serious? She sounded so preppy and happy and not at all at odds with the world.

I responded, "Nothing happened to you yesterday?"

"Oh...no."I could hear the frown in her voice. She always did this really ugly, exaggerated frown when she was thinking hard, or when she was confused about something.

"Nothing happened to Alex yesterday? Have you talked to her?"I waited a few moments for her response, taking the time to put her on speaker so that I could scroll through my phone. I had a few text messages from acquaintances from school, some asking me about my car. I had a few Instagram notifications, a few likes on my newest post. Nothing serious, nothing really worth my attention.

"No, nothing happened to her. Why, are you still worried about Lindsay? She probably just went crazy one day. It's okay , the cops will be able to get her and everything will be fine. Just stop worrying, okay?"

I wanted to scream, yell, and throw my phone across the room. I should've never called her. Of course she didn't understand. She wouldn't understand. Neither of them would. I added Alex to the call with Paige rambling on. I wasn't really paying attention to what she was saying until Alex picked up. They both started talking to each other, and again I wasn't paying much attention.

Finally, I snapped. "She set my mom's car on fire! It blew up right in front of me while she was on her way to work! And y'all think that nothing else is going to happen? Why is she targeting me? Why is it just me?" I think I was asking the last question more to myself than to them. Of course they wouldn't know, but I want to know why she was targeting me. I hadn't done anything. It was more Alex and Paige that wanted to get her kicked out of the group if anything. It wasn't really fair to me.

"Sam, are you sure it was Lindsay? Are you sure that something didn't just go on with her wiring or something?" This was Alex. The tone of her voice infuriated me.

"No, there's no way. It's too close to the other incidents to be a coincidence. Why don't y'all understand that my life and my livelihood is in jeopardy here?"

There was silence on both ends of the line for a few moments before Paige spoke. "It's okay Sam, it's going to be okay. I think you just need to relax."

I laughed bitterly "Relax? Relax. Yeah, you can just relax because this isn't happening to you. This isn't your life on the line! Nothing's happening to your parents. Nothing has happened to your cars. You aren't being targeted by a crazy psychotic ex best friend. I am. I am not going to school today. I'm staying home and I don't want anyone to bother me. I wish everyone would just go away." With that, I hung up the phone, threw it on the floor, and buried my head in my pillow.

~~

I must have fallen asleep, because when I woke the sun was in a different position streaming through the window, and my door was creaking open. It was my mother checking on me. I hastily closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. I heard the door shut again before I opened my eyes. I checked my phone, more out of habit than anything else. I had a few missed text calls from Alex and Paige, but I was going to ignore them. I couldn't deal with them anymore. I wanted to sleep the whole day away. It was only 10 o'clock, and I didn't feel like sleeping anymore. I decided that I would go on a walk. So, I got dressed in some regular sweatpants and a tank top. It was really nothing special, I didn't care how I looked at this point. I just need to get a breath of fresh air. I didn't even bother to brush my hair, I just put it in a messy bun and called it a day.

I shoved my phone in my pocket, popped some earbuds in, and walked out of my room. As I walked down the stairs, neither of my parents were around. If they had any questions they could just call me anyway. I didn't even bother to alert them that I was leaving. I just walked to the front door and kept going down the sidewalk. It was a nice day, a gentle breeze playing with my hair. The sun was shining, and it would probably give me a little bit of a tan as I walked in since I was so pale. I could hear some birds chirping in the trees on either side of the road. The leaves were gently swaying in the breeze. A few cars drove up and down the road, I heard laughter of children that were playing on the other side of the street. There was a guy riding his bike down the road. Overall, it was a day that was meant to be enjoyed, but I couldn't enjoy it. No, there was too much going on in my life at the moment for me to be able to enjoy it.

My head swam with thoughts, and I thought I might have a panic attack just walking. Everything came rushing back. My car, my mothers car. I had to do something about Lindsay. I just didn't know what I was going to do. As I kept walking, I walked by Shelby's house. I knew it was a longshot that she would also be home from school, but it ended up walking up to her door. I knocked on the red wooden door as she didn't have a doorbell. I waited for what seemed like eternity, and I was surprised to see that Shelby herself open the door. She didn't look too good, she had dark circles under her eyes and her nose was red.

"Hi, Sam," she said a little bit warily. We weren't really on terms to be randomly showing up at each other's houses uninvited.

"Hey, how are you doing?" it was a stupid thing to say, but I didn't really know what else to say. I didn't really know why I had stopped by her house. Maybe I just needed someone to talk to.

"Oh I'm sick. I have a cold so I'm home from school."

I nodded absentmindedly, looking behind her into the house. An abundance of flowers everywhere. They had a flower wallpaper, flowers in pots on the floor, and one flower pot even hanging from the ceiling. "I just, can I come in?" I said stupidly.

She stepped aside and I walked in, following her into the house. We walked past all the flowers and into a spacious living room. We sat on the brown, L-shaped couch. It was very cozy and soft. I looked up at the TV and saw a rerun of a show I knew was playing. I couldn't remember the name, but I knew it was popular with people my age.

Shelby saet a little distance away, probably trying not to give me her cold. I could care less about a cold at this point.

We sat in silence for a little bit until I blurted out "My life is falling apart and I don't know what to do."

She stared at me for a little bit before she said "Shouldn't that be a problem for your best friends. You know, not your neighbor?"She was right of course but I said, "I'm not really talking to them right now. It's complicated. " and I began my spiel about everything that happened the past two days, including my fight, or maybe one-sided fight because they didn't seem to understand, with Alex and Paige. She listened intently. She already knew about my car because she was at my party when it happened, and the whole school knew. She was very shocked to hear about my mothers car, even more so that I was fighting with my best friends. I guess we made it seem like everything was always perfect between us and that we would never have any disagreements. I realized that appearances could be deceiving.

After a while of silence more, Shelby said "Honestly Sam, you're not the nicest person. And your group isn't known for kindness. I'm not saying what Lindsay did was right, but I understand her hurt. You use people, trample all over them and think it's okay because you're popular and you're well known. Yeah, we're neighbors, and we're sort of friends, but really I just tolerate you. Used to be so nice when we were younger. I just don't understand what changed." I was stunned. I really didn't know what to say to that. I mean, I knew some people didn't care that much from my group and I, and even thought that we were a little bit rude. I just didn't think that we were that bad. Then again, we were known for mocking people in the hallways. But it was just in good fun right? I mean, it was just a joke. I wasn't trying to hurt anyone. I couldn't speak for my friends, but I really didn't think I was hurting anyone. But here Shelby was, telling me that I was just awful person. I didn't think I was, but I never really heard this perspective either. I had always tried to not care what people said about me. However, it hurt To be talked about like this, like my old bullies were. Speaking with her nose, Shelby said, " you're a bully, Sam. "

I didn't know what to say. A part of me thought, maybe she's right. But the other part of me thought, no. Because to be a bully, you had to mean it, right? You had to mean to hurt people. I didn't really want to hurt anyone. I just thought everything was in good fun. I just wanted Paige and Alex to like me. And that's when it hit me, settled in, like a flame burning and rising in my chest. A thought flickered, brought to life by the flame of Shelby's words. All my life, I had just wanted to be accepted. I just wanted people to notice me in a good way. I just wanted people to accept me and love me and well, just like me. And then here I was, befriending the two most popular girls in school and I thought wow,I really made it. I thought I was top dog. I thought I had everything that I could ever want because I was popular in high school. But then I got to thinking. Was Shelby right, that I was hurting people? I didn't want to. The thought of being like my old bullies made my heart sink to my chest and break into little pieces little splinters. I looked at her, and I hadn't realized my eyes were glassy up until this point.

"How do I make her stop? I don't want my parents to suffer for this. Maybe I can make it right with her. Maybe I can make things right. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I just thought it was all fun and games, you know? I thought she embarrassed the group so she had to go. That's just a circle of life, popularity and all that. I just thought I was just having fun and living my life and being someone for once. " I said the last part softly, like I was scared to voice it. I had my hands clenched together in my lap. I look3 down at them, tears rolling down my cheeks. I looked up slightly, and Shelby's look changed. At first, she looked guarded and upset, but now she looked a little sad. For me. I never wanted anyone to feel sad for me ever again. Because I was never supposed to be pathetic. I was supposed to be loved and adored. That's all I ever wanted, and now here she was feeling bad for me because I was realizing that maybe life wasn'r everything that I'd thought it was. But no, Alex and Paige were my best friends. They knew what was best for me. And they probably didn't want to hurt anyone either.

"Sam, you do hurt people. It's not funny and it's not a joke. These are real people that you're messing with, and they're gonna remember this for the rest of their lives. You might be having fun, but the rest of us aren't. "

We sat in silence for a little while longer until I finally stood up. "Sam, I'm sorry that she did that to you. No matter what you've done, it doesn't justify that. That was terrible and sick and twisted and no one deserves that. And your mom didn't deserve that. So I'm really sorry, but I really don't know how you can make it right with her. Maybe try texting her."

I shook my head. "No, I'm pretty sure she has me blocked on everything, my phone number included."

Silently and wordlessly, she pulled out her phone, pulled something up, and handed it to me. It was Lindsey's contact. I didn't ask how Shelby had gotten it, but I pressed the call button and waited. The line trilled endlessly, and I felt my heart sink lower and lower every time the dial tone continued. I stared at the phone, smaller than mine and wrapped in a sparkly pink case. It was a different software too. I waited, and she didn't answer. It went straight to voicemail. My heart finished it's descent to my feet.

After her voicemail said to leave a message after the beep, I said "Lindsey, I'm sorry if I ever hurt you. I just want you to know that I never took it that serious, you know? And I'm kind of starting to realize now, and get a different perspective on things and I really just wanted to apologize. I just, please don't hurt my family. I don't want other people to take responsibility for me and my actions and what I've done. But I just don't think I hurt you that bad for all this to happen. I mean, why did you have to kill that guy? He was innocent and he had nothing to do with any of this. I think we just need to talk and stop all this childishness. I think-" an automated voice cut me off and informed me that my message was too long. I groaned and ended the call before handing the phone back to Shelby.

"Don't call her childish if you want her to forgive you and stop trying to murder you."

I stood off the couch and made a move for the door. Without looking back I said, "I don't think she's trying to murder me. She's just trying to make my life a little bit more miserable."

I walked out without another word, and she didn't offer any either. I kept on walking down the sidewalk, walking and walking until my legs hurt. Walking seemed to be the only thing that I could do right. It hurt my soul with everything that was going on. Really got me thinking of whether I really deserved all this or not.

As I was walking, a gray van pulled up beside me. It was a newer looking car, with shiny paint and tinted windows. And I kept walking along, handa shoved deep into my pockets, feeling for my phone. But all too soon and swiftly, the door to the van opened as it drove beside me. It came to a halt, and before I could even think someone jumped out and wrapped their arms around me. I tried to scream but they placed their hand over my mouth. I tried to bite their hand and kick my feet as they dragged me to the van/ My adrenaline was pumping, and all I could think was that this was gonna be the way I went. I couldn't die with everything on the rocks. I screamed, but it was muffled, and there was really no one around anyway. None of the neighbors were out watering their lawns or anything, and the man with a bicycle seemed to be gone, and I guess the kids were playing anymore. Or maybe no one cared that I was being abducted. Maybe I just wasn't that important. I had learned something called a bystander effect: how everyone thinks someone else would do something so everyone ends up doing nothing and the situation just ends up really bad.

My mind was just a jumble of thoughts. I was thinking 'I have school lessons' of all things while I was being dragged to the back of his van. I knew that I was in serious trouble. I felt my body hit a seat cushion, and I jerked back against the seat as the car sped into motion. There was still a hand over my mouth, and I wiggled an arm free and tried to punch the man behind me.

I froze when something cold and sharp was held to my neck.

"Don't move or I'll cut you"

Ice filled my veins. I tried to look around but a blindfold was swiftly tied around my eyes.

After a while, the vehicle stopped. There were no voices speaking, nothing. Just the sound of driving, and the tires on the ground, and a honk of a horn that came from some angry driver somewhere. And the worst was the wind because it was really windy that day, that's all I really remember. And then I think I was dragged into the trunk because there was no longer a seat cushion, but some kind of carpet under me. It was a little more spacious and I could stretch out my legs. But I couldn't see. I was just thinking that these people must've been pretty strong to lift me. I mean, I couldn't think of myself going and lifting another person while holding a knife to them. Well, come to think of it, I couldn't really think of myself abducting anyone. I mean, I had no need to abduct anyone. Why these people have the need to abduct me, I didn't know. And I really didn't wanna know because it was probably some sinister motive. I mean, I had had all those lectures as a kid of what to do whenever you were abducted, but none of the information really came to mind. People can lecture you about things a million times you're not gonna remember when you're actually in the situation. It's kind of like when there's a fire, like there was a small kitchen fire when I was five and the fire alarm went off. You're taught to stop, drop, and roll. But I didn't remember any of that. I just ran out of the kitchen screaming. I didn't even remember that you're supposed to dial 911. And that's the thing about emergencies, they make you go stupid. And in this situation I truly felt stupid and useless like there was nothing else left for me.

I thought I was gonna truly die in the back of some silver van at the hands of some unknown man with a blindfold over my eyes. I could see a little bit, kind of just blurry figures. The black fabric in front of my eyes ws stretched thin. I heard voices then, they were talking but my brain wasn't really registering what they were saying. And then all of a sudden, the blindfold was ripped off me and I was met with two muscular men I'd never seen before. But what really hurt my heart and my soul was seeing the third person, to the left trying to hide in the corner and pretend like he wasn't there, was Smith. Smith, who I had exchanged numbers with the day before and was trying to turn a new leaf with. Smith, who had been my friend since childhood. Smith, who I had never really been that good to, and maybe he had a right to be angry at me. Smith, someone who I never thought would be involved in my abduction because he was a pretty nice guy. Before I could open my mouth, a hand was grabbing my pants. And you see, this is when all the survival instincts kicked in. There were two men, and I really didn't get their description because I wasn't paying attention to that. I was paying attention to Smith's face, and to the large, gruff hand reaching for my pants. I was terrified, and I think I was screaming. I think I was screaming "No No No No!" begging them "Please please please please don't do this". My pants were halfway off, and both of the men were behind me. But I stared a Smith the whole time, and his face was devoid of emotion.

I tried to punch out, but I forgot about the knife and it dug a little bit into my skin. I felt warm blood down my neck.

"Move or scream again, and I'll cut you!" The voice was gruff Aand harsh. I pursed my lips and squeezed my eyes shut. Maybe if I took myself somewhere else mentally, it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe I could just fantasize about something else while they took what they wanted, and I could still go back home to my parents. My pants were off, and I remembered that I wore my Hello Kitty underwear that day and I wanted to laugh at how stupid that was because it wasn't like it really mattered at this point. They weren't going to stop and look at my Hello Kitty underwear and be like "Oh, maybe we shouldn't assault her."

All of a sudden, a voice shouted "Stop! " and the hand stopped.

"We really don't have to do this. I think we scared her enough. I think this will teach her enough of a lesson. " it was Smith's voice. I almost felt relieved, but then I remembered he was there and he was about to watch these men rape me in the back of a van. \The gruff voice said, "Why, you got cold feet all of a sudden or something? " I heard some shuffling.

"I just can't watch this. It's not right. I can't watch this. Let's just let her go."

I heard someone mutter and curse under their breath. "I guess we get paid either way, right?" I heard voices murmur in agreement. And then I heard something opening, maybe the hatch to the trunk. And I felt myself floating, flying, or just not being on a solid surface. And then I hit the gravel face first. I winced at the pain.

I realized my arms weren't bound, so I quickly took my blindfold off while sitting up. Touching at my face, I felt blood, probably from the loose gravel. I looked behind me and the van had already sped off. My pants were at my ankles and I hastily pulled them up. I crawled my way to the sidewalk because I couldn't trust my feet. I turned to the grass on someone's lawn and threw up. I threw up until I was dry heaving and gagging and there was nothing left to come out. And I scream, loud and psychotic like I belong in a screaming opera. Then I lie there, on my back and face up and staring at the clouds in the sky. Puffy clouds and the bright su. I squeezed my eyes and thought "How do you damn me and save me at the same time, Smith?"

When I finally felt stable enough to get oup, I swiped at my mouth with the back of my hand. I stood on shaky legs and walked back in the direction I came. I knew the neighborhoods well, so I wouldn't have trouble getting home. I remembered my phone but didn't bother to call the police. The only person I knew was Smith, and I couldn't even prove he was there. I couldn't even prove any of it happened to me, and I remember them saying that they were paid to do this. And one name popped into my head, a name I knew all too well. And I remembered the voicemail I had left her saying I was sorry. Maybe I felt bad for her and what we had done and how I was probably not the best person in the world. But her doing this, this was crossing a line. To me, this was crossing a line even more than setting my mom's car on fire, or murdering someone in my car. She was trying to traumatize me, brutally. She paid people to brutalize me, and she involved my old childhood friend in this. Well, I would never trust Smith again. I would make sure that he was at the very bottom, like dumpster bottom, of the social ladder.

And then I realized, I was doing it again. I was thinking about social status in high school and my level in all of this. And maybe the best revenge wouldn't be to have everyone hate Smith and Lindsey for what they had done. Maybe I had to get creative. Maybe I had to get creative and think beyond the social scope of things in order to save myself. Because this wasn't an issue I could just go and run to mommy and daddy and cry about it and they would protect me and save me. I wasn't a little kid anymore. And my parents couldn't solve all the world's problems anymore. And I realized this was three days of horrible things happening to me and only me. Not Alex and Paige. They tried to make it an 'us' problem. I realized that if I wanted to save myself, I had to rely on myself.