"I will become THE best. I will kill. Or I'll die trying. Take your pick, Jumoke."

***
The whole school was in a frenzy!

Jumoke Adegoke. Dead. Stabbed with so much fury and left to die in her room, in a pool of her own blood.

It was the gossip of the year. The most tantalising thing to ever happen in the history of Honours Prep. Sure, students had committed "suicides", had disappeared without traces, or had mysteriously fell and died. No one had been so blatantly and obviously murdered before. It was... exciting.

Oh, the students knew what they were capable of alright. They knew that the school was haunted by ghosts of past students who had stepped on the wrong toes. But Jumoke Adegoke? The Queen? The one who did the stepping of toes without so much as a dent on her face, the one who could make a junior cry with just a look, the one whose offenders suddenly disappeared without a trace? That  Jumoke Adegoke? She was untouchable. But they knew exactly who did it.

It was Faith Okafor of course! The best friend always did it. The best friend was the one you watched out for.

How do I know? The stories I have heard, the things I have seen. Look here, these students have been trained to be cruel from primary school. They attended Summer schools on how to be Queen bees. These students were experts in these things. I had much to learn indeed.

Their eyes followed me everywhere. The principal's office, the debate club, even the toilet. These people were hungry, hungry for a slip up. Like the one that had happened when I was still in ss2. When Jumoke was still alive.

Prom night. The night before the  graduation ceremony. The night were alcohol had no prohibition. Tongues became loose, walls came tumbling down and buried secrets clawed their way out to the surface. Honour students lived for prom night.

As usual, I was in a corner as everyone fawned over Jumoke.

"Oh, are those new diamond earrings?"

"The new Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses? Girl, these came out like... yesterday!"

"Wait, I saw that dress Faith's wearing on you last week! Oh... Must be another, I guess."

"Faith!! I did not see you there."

They never saw me. They only saw Jumoke. Normally I would have ignored it but the alcohol made hatred swirl inside me like a heady drug. I eyed the girl that had said the last sentence before I started to walk away.

"Faith, babe! Where you going, na?" I looked back and saw Jumoke slightly narrowing her eyes at me. I was supposed to ask for permission before I went anywhere. It made her "less worried" about my well being.

"Going to the bathroom," I muttered, needing to get away from her and the hungry eyes that were attempting to look at anywhere but us. Pretending that they were not interested in the tension that had begun to accumulate between us.

"You could have told me, number two," Jumoke's voice was frosty and she was getting angry, trying to bait me by calling me a nickname she knew that I hated.

Normally, I would have acted like the bigger person, refusing to clutch the bait. But this time, alcohol o, I clutched hardly. Bit the bait in fact.

"Don't ever call me that again! And you're only number one for a little while, Jumoke. Watch your fucking back! Watch it."

I remember that I had gone to apologized the next morning. She had accepted my plea begrudgingly but she still called me number two throughout the whole day.

The whole school had witnessed our row though, and I could not help but wonder if the incident was going through their mind now, if they thought that I had finally snapped and killed my best friend.

I held on to a wall discreetly as a wave of nausea washed through me. I realised, with a startle, that a part of me had wanted to kill Jumoke that night. I had wanted to strangle her with my bare hands. And... I almost did...

No, I would not think about The Happening. I wouldn't. I might have had dark thoughts before but I was better now. I would never kill Jumoke. I did not kill Jumoke.

I looked around and the students were still looking at me with odd expressions on their faces. Could they not even try to whisper?

I fixed an haughty expression on my face as I walked to the assembly hall while trying to keep my nerves at bay. The students at Honours Prep could not see me break. Hell, they could not even see so much as a crack. They would sink their teeth into me and rip me. They would do anything to get into get into the spot I was. What had Jumoke called it? That's right; kill or be killed.

Honours prep had a lovely exterior, let me tell you, even the president of Nigeria had graced our school with his presence on one occasion. But on the interior was a toxic decaying environment that you could only see when you were already in, when it was too late.

I had only thought I wanted the top spot, how untrue that was. The top spot was terrifying and deadly.

The assembly hall was already packed with students, the big room was electrified with loud whispers. As I entered, a hush fell across the room and all eyes turned to me, drinking me in.

Oh, to be an alleged murderer.

Taking a calming breath, I walked to the podium where all the other prefects stood, waiting for me.

Hold on. Waiting? For me? Faith Okafor?

"Ah, Miss Okafor," Principal Olaitan smiled as I stood next to him, making sure to curtsey. The Yorubas liked that. "So glad the head girl could join us. She must have been held up by something."

I smiled but it soon dimmed when his words registered in my head: Head girl? Jumoke was head girl, not me. God, what had I done?

Trust me, I did not kill my best friend. Could not. I can't stand blood. But I can't help but wonder if I had jinxed her with my bad thoughts because I thought that I wanted what she had. I did not. These sea of eyes of me were too much.

Too much. Too much. I felt faint.

"... is so sad what happened but I believe that God will take control," Principal Olaitan was saying. "The counselor is available for all today and I would urge the students to meet with him and talk out their feelings. Any feelings that they might have."

I snorted inwardly. He did not mean that. Honours Prep was all about saying things that you did not mean.

"Faithy, have you prepared a speech?"

I turned and trying to hide my groan when I saw that it was Zainab Danjuma speaking to me. She was a bit jumpy and...fake in my opinion. Even Jumoke always called her weird but I think she just meant fat.

"Speech? I did not even know I was head girl till now," I turned away from her, trying to give her the hint that I did not want to talk.

But this girl, she would not take it.

She laughed, "Oh Faithy. Who else would be head girl? I mean, you were the assistant. It's only right that you would take over after... May her soul rest in peace. I can't imagine how you're feeling."

Tears pooled in my eyes at her words. No, she couldn't. She could not imagine the sadness and guilt making me weak in the knees, making me feel faint. The emptiness. Jumoke might have been bitchy but at least, she was mine. She was my best friend.

"That's right, Zainab. You can't." She opened her mouth to speak but I quickly interrupted her. "I also do not want to talk to you right now. Go stay at your post."

She looked shocked for a moment as if she could not believe that I had spoken to her with such venom, but she nodded and walked away.

What did I tell you? It is lonely at the top, very lonely.

"Miss Okafor?" Principal Olaitan was saying. "Do you have a speech for us? I know it's last minute but it's tradition for the head girl to give a speech on the first day after a long holiday."

I wanted to say no. The word was already at the tip of my tongue. Why couldn't I just say it? Why could I not even step down from the post of the head girl when I know that my heart could not handle what it entailed?

The answer? I would get crushed to pieces. I had only made it this far because Jumoke was protecting me, now that she was gone... How long would I manage to be a nobody before somebody set eyes on me? Set their mind on me to destroy me? I would be forced to leave Honours Prep and I could not do that. I would die before that happened. For reasons best known to me. Two reasons, but we are not ready for that conversation.

"Yes sir. I'll improvise."

I smiled as I took the mic from him. Outside, I tried to make my face impassive as I stared at the students who stared right back at me, trying to figure me out. They couldn't. I would not allow that.

"Distinguished students of Honours Preparatory Academy, I am pleased to see all of you again. For my new students, you should be glad. You're enrolled to the best school in Nigeria," My voice shook as I said that last part. Yes, it was the best but was it worth it? "Today is a sad day for all of us. Just day before yesterday, my best friend and your head girl was murdered. It has been a loss for us all. Am I right?"

A murmur went to the crowd as everyone talked amongst themselves. If Jumoke was here, they would not even dare.

"I said," I made my voice stronger, harder and louder. I had to. "Am I right?"

Silence and then, "Yes, Senior Faith."

I nodded, trying to think about my words before they came out in a jumble.

"Just because Jumoke Adegoke isn't here does not give you the pass to act so barbaric. We all miss her, we will always miss her but she's gone and we have to get adjusted to that." No stupid tears, not now!

"Students of Honours Prep.... This is a new era. A new era for all of us."

Maybe I was a murderer. Maybe I did kill Jumoke.

Sigh, a new era indeed.