Music suggestion: 進撃 St20130629 巨人

By Hiroyuki Sawano

Busy with the last preparations on their armament, the soldiers mechanically coordinate their movements. This scene has become a deafening symphony, echoing all around me. Metal rattling noises from rifle chargers being armed. Sounds of steel tinkling while filling the cartridge belts. Sounds of blades hissing slipping in the leather. The war machine is in motion.

No erratic gestures, just a sinister choreography, adjusted to the millimeter by years of experience and military standardization. In war, men become machines. Machines make no mistake. They have no feelings either. They are easily corrupted by ideas that subjugate and enslave them. They have no bad or good moods. The human beings to whom they give death are nothing to them. And they do not hesitate to face danger, they do not feel fear... Then, this silent cacophony becomes a heavy unease. Stoic masks shiver. A faulty tear managed to slip through an iron face, a discreet witness to the true general feeling of the troops. Men never completely become machines... They are scared. Those faces that struggle to keep an imperturbable expression are familiar to me. I see the same thing constantly with my comrades, and way too often when I look at myself in a mirror. Everyone hides his emotions as well as possible, but the reality remains the same. They know that in a few minutes, they will have to survive on their own, alone, and that death, hidden, could find them at each step they make. Their worst nightmare, a titan, was there, hidden somewhere, and each of these men pray not to be the one to face him.

Viktor nods. His troops turn around and walk away in rhythm, without turning back. Following the instructions, they leave from the central group, dispersing themselves in every direction, only with their thoughts and their own loneliness. Only a few men remain still around me. The lucky ones, it seemed...

"Well ..." Viktor muttered as he watched the silhouettes fade away. With that done... We'll be able to get going. But before that... "

He pauses, and turns his head towards me, very slowly, getting me out of my state of simple observer of the action with a chilling glance. He smiles falsely kindly and walks quietly in my direction.

"... I have a little promise to keep," he finishes. "I told you I was not done with you yet, right? ... Well here it is. I have a proposition for you. Something honest. Karl, tell her. "

At the same time, he unties my gag. I move my sore jaw. Karl comes close to me and speaks in a low tone:

"All the crew you saw, my companions ... We have only one goal: go back home. We want to see again our families, our children ... That would be just, wouldn't it? Who could claim to have the right to stop us? "

He pauses. I am disconcerted by this change of speech. Is he really trying to convince me to get my pity? Substituting for Viktor in order to question me will not change anything. I have no pity to give, especially not to an enemy who hates me so devotedly and shows it to me in every way possible. Nevertheless, I am curious about what their "proposition" could be.

"And that's precisely where we have a problem" he continues with an embarrassed look. "Your comrade, the holder of the Original Titan ... He is the only obstacle to our survival. And not a little one... But there is a way we could avoid ending in a bloodbath... If you cooperate with us, we can ensure that no one will perish. You must help us capture him. If you do that, nothing will happen to you, and we will let go freely. You know that's good for everyone. What do you say about that?"

'What about Eren? I reply, extremely doubtful. "I imagine you do not intend to release him afterwards?"

"I can't promise anything about the Titan," Karl said. "After what he has done, we cannot take any risks. But if it can reassure you, he is precious for us as well..."

"Liar, I spit. You will kill him. You will kill him just like you have killed others. devoured alive in a bloody sacrifice, only to serve your inhuman quest for power!"

I have almost screamed, tears coming to my eyes. All the pressure accumulated begins to make me lose my calm. How dare these monsters to ask me to betray him...

"We have no choice!" he replied. "Either the enemy holds the power and we die, or we have it and survive. That's how war has always been... As long as the Titan is hostile to us, this fight will keep going..."

"We are not the ones who attacked you!" I interrupted, letting out all my resentment. "You did, you are the cause of all of this. You deprived us of our freedom for more than a century, but that was not enough for you! You have made our lives become a hell, and even today you come back to torment us! You are dispossessing us of the little we have left, you will annihilate us mercilessly until there is nothing left of us... "

All my rage and hatred has flooded up in me. These men are the enemy. I have just realized what it really means. This unspeakable suffering that we have gone through all these years ... They are the cause of it. And now that I can tell them face to face, I cannot hold back my words.

"You ... you are tyrants. You are inhuman. You are ... monsters. "

At that moment I receive a violent blow behind my legs, forcing me to kneel. Viktor follows up with a brutal kick in my stomach, taking my breath away. His hand grips my jaw and forces me look up at him.

"I think you don't really understand the situation you're in right now." he hisses between his clenched teeth. "You're not in the right position to judge us. You know nothing about us. We have nothing to justify to Eldians, to the plague of humanity that has ever only brought wars and destruction. We'll do what we must to end his war. And at the moment, you are our prisoner, and you will submit to our orders. Whether you want it or not "

At these words, he unsheathes a military knife. I see its tip coming closer and closer to my eye, slowly... I try not to show any fear, but I know I am not invincible. As the tip nearly reaches my eye, Viktor moves it away. I sigh involuntarily, relieved. With a swift movement, Viktor brings the blade back close to my face and thrusts it deeply into my right cheek, exactly where my scar is. Silent tears run down my cheeks. A double pain has rekindled: the one on my cheek, unbearable, and the other one, harder to contain, on my heart ... The memories which resurface only make the suffering more infernal.

"Well, well..." he whispers. "I was right, it seems. Could this wound be particularly ... sensitive?"

At these words, he twists slightly his blade, further exacerbating my pain. Yet, I can feel that I am still far from giving up against this torture. I now know the feeling of pain too well to let it break me. I clench my teeth and articulate:

"You... You're wrong to ask me to collaborate with you. But you can't understand that. You don't know what 've been through. Because you don't even realize the extent of your crimes. You've killed millions of people in the most abominable ways. Men, women and children, devoured alive. Families torn apart. I've seen all of this. I lived it myself. What you are doing, anything you could try to do is nothing in comparison. So, don't expect anything from me. You'll get nothing, even under torture. For nothing in the world would I betray him... Even if my life depended on it... "

He freezes for a few seconds before releasing his grip.

"I see." he says, nonchalantly wiping his blade on his sleeve. "Well, we'll see about that."

He has a nervous laugh. That worries me. He is unstable, sometimes cold-blooded and concentrated, sometimes hot-tempered and mad. This makes it even more unpredictable. A hot liquid is flowing from my bruised wound, dripping from my chin to form a scarlet spot on my knees. Karl steps in front of me as Viktor walks away. He sighs.

"I'm sorry about what just happened. Viktor is kinda... Impulsive. But... he has reasons, believe me. In fact... I would like to tell you something else. As I told you, we are only looking for one thing: returning home. We have nothing left to do here. Our fleet was destroyed. The only thing we can do is to try to save our lives. We do not need to attack you. For us, having you as a prisoner is only a means of pressure against Eren. If you make it possible for us to go home, we will free you. And, of course, we will not harm your comrade either. In order to do this, we need important information, which you probably know, and which will determine all of us' fates... In total, during the last three years, seventeen Marleyan warships have been sent to this island. What have they become?"

How is this information so important? I don't understand why he wants so badly to ask me such a question. Then, while thinking about the answer, I understand. I understand what was going on silently with the Marleyans' mysterious schemes. For the first time since my capture, I realize that they can really win. And I am simply terrified.