Music: omake pfadlib

By Hiroyuki Sawano

The cold steel of the metal pipe is freezing my cheek. I turn the head on the other side. I sigh. No matter the position I choose, it's disagreeable. The sun set hours ago, yet I can't find sleep. I am exhausted, but I can't sleep. All my thoughts are directed to him. For nine years there is only one place in the world where I feel home. Happy. Entire. The rest of the world is nothing but hell. A cruel one. In my heart, there is only one island, emerging from an ocean of pain. And right now, I'm not there. I am drowning in this ocean, struggling to stay at the surface, trying not to lose sight of this island which seems to inexorably move away. I remember his face, his eyes, shining of generosity, his smile that always brings mine... and I wonder if I will ever see them again.

In my cell, I try to listen to any sound, any whisper, whatever it is, that a crew member could murmur, and that could inform me about the situation out of those four walls that lock me up.

But nothing happens. I hear nothing but the sound of the waves beating the hull in rhythm. The hours pass and I'm still alone, imprisoned and chained up to the same iron bar in the same moist hold... And still no information about the situation, no sign of life. I know nothing. I tell myself that he is safe, that he will survive no matter what. But I know it's not true. He may die. Disappear from my life, leaving me alone. Especially if I'm not here to prevent that. A question, a terrible one, keeps repeating in my mind: "What if he needs me, right now, and I can't do anything?... What if he doesn't survive this time, because I'm not there to help him?"

And this simple idea is tearing me apart. I have already lost him like that. My whole being had been shattered then. This time, I wouldn't survive. My heart would have been broken too many times to heal.

I am ready to endure anything... I am ready to sacrifice anything... I am ready to accomplish anything... Yet it's not enough. I am powerless. Submitted. How long will this last?... I start feeling this all too familiar feeling... Why does destiny strive to tear us apart?

This wait can't last forever. Something will happen, sooner or later... But it could rekindle my hope... as well as well as put it out. I wait anxiously. The seconds pass slowly, one by one, all so identical that I lose the notion of time. Nothing. Still nothing. All I know is that men were send to land on the shore. They were personally designed by Viktor and received the order not to come back until they have fulfilled their duty. They have not come back yet. But it may be just a matter of time. A merciless man hunt must take place outside, and Eren is the prey... This is freaking me out, and brings me back to my worse nightmares. Eren is strong, incredibly strong, way stronger than me, I know it... And yet the worst could still happen. No matter how strong you are, this world will always know how to oppose you an even stronger enemy.

All of a sudden, contrasting in the night silence, a gunfire thunders. A distant, muffled one, but still sinister. The sound of death. I only can hope that it didn't reach its target. Other gunshots sound successively, resounding everywhere in the plain, filling the air with an oppressive tension. I can feel this baleful noise sounding through my body, as a grim presage. This time, the fight begins. The die is cast. Linking the gesture to my thoughts, I bury my nose in my scarf, by habit, but only find an empty space. My heart sinks a little deeper.

The sound of boots pounding the metallic floor of the deck rises. Voices shout orders. What's going on? Footsteps rhythmically come near the close door. A lock sound, and the door opens. I don't even have the time to see the newcomers' face before they blindfold me with another piece of tight cloth. I feel my hands being released. I just got untied from my chains. But the next second, I get unchained again. I was just released from the metal bar. But to go where? I guess I'll find this out soon...

I get unceremoniously dragged by two men, and pulled up. I struggle to stay straight on my stiff legs. After a few steps, I am forced to kneel to the floor again. I can hear the crew all around me, which must likely be entirely gathered. A dense a noisy crowd, from which exclamations and angry or interrogative screams are shouted. With this clothe on my eyes, I can't know precisely how many men are present here. But there are many. Much more than I expected, much more than I could see before. I am becoming more and more anxious. They are preparing something...

An imperious throat clearing is heard.

"SILENCE!" Viktor orders.

Every man immediately stops talking. All the group waits for him to continue in a docile silence.

"Good." he says. "As you must have noticed, our current situation, is somehow... complicated. Marley's "first importance" mission is a failure, we will all agree on that. In the past three years, seventeen warships have been sent to Paradise Island... to end up in hell. Many of our fellow comrades who came with us had the same fate. That's why our goal has changed. From now on, we don't fight for some military cause anymore, nor for Marley. We fight to survive. It's the only thing that matters now. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. You think that we're all gonna die, just like many did before us, and that there is no way we'll escape since our only ship is immobilized here."

He stops his speech for a short moment. I guess no one here can contradict him, and the silence approves his words. This man is clearly made to be a leader. And not only because of his natural authority. He knows how to use the words for manipulation, he masters the art of rhetoric and knows how to speak to the troops. After a few seconds, he goes on:

"And I understand. I know how hard it is, for everybody here, to hold on in such moments. Nonetheless... Everything is not finished yet. The engineer Karl and I have thought all the time since what happened the other day. And, after a long reflection, we might have found some hope. A really tangible one. So we elaborated a strategy implying all of us. Listen to me. Is our doubts turn out to be true, we will be able to make it back home."

All around me, voices rise, either galvanized or doubtful, but always intrigued.

A man who seemed hopeless rises his voice above the others: "How dare you? You're trying to make us believe in a victory you know is impossible! We have abandoned the fight. We accepted the defeat, that our lives will end here. I refuse to die a second time. So, please, don't give us fake hopes. It's hard enough like this."

"Shut up. I don't wanna hear anything. These words are a weakling's. I can't accept defeatism! No one is dead yet. I'm gonna prove it here and now, we are not dead! You gave up. But I'll save you all. I won't let anyone die. I thought all night long. And after long ruminations, I found a way to get out of this mess. Yes. I know how we'll survive. Think about your family. Think about your motherland. Your home. Here, in front of you, I promise you: You'll see them again. We'll crush our enemy in our hands, and we will come back victorious!!"

A stunned silence punctuates this answer.

"So... What are we gonna do? When do we take action?..."

"The operation "Retreat from Paradise Island"... has already begun. The first part of the plan is taking place right now, as I'm speaking to you. We have no time to waste. I give you all five minutes to pack your stuff. Take your weapons, munitions, water and food for several days. You'll need shovels, ropes, flexible pipes, lanterns and all types of tools. As well as... explosives. In five minutes precisely, you must be ready to go. We're leaving the ship. Today is the real beginning of our fight for survival."

A silence subsists for a few seconds after this declaration. Then, in a very loud crowd noise, everybody rush out of the deck.

"By the way..." Viktor adds. "Instead of covering her eyes... Gag her. She won't try to call for help."

As soon as he says it, the fabric gets removed. I then recover my sight, but I feel it pass between my teeth to get tied up around my neck, forcefully immobilizing my jaw.

So, it starts now. We're gonna leave. A fight, whatever its nature, is awaits us, and my fate and that of Eren will depend on it.

And I have more fears than ever. For the first time, I feel like Viktor knows precisely  where he's leading his men. If what he said is true, he knows exactly how to beat us... How to know what he is planning? He looks so confident... I am truly scared of what they could do. Those men would be able to do anything to survive. They would kill me if they had to. As for me, I want to live with Eren forever. And for that unique purpose I would not hesitate to slain them all.