I couldn't save her.

Over and over, the thought kept coursing through my head.

Her blood over my hands, staining the snow beneath them.

Her eyes boring down in mine, unforgiving.

I kept telling myself that that was the only way to save her. She was already lost; this was my way of freeing her. Release her soul to the gods.

But of course, the clearest path to hell was the one paved with best intentions.

Now she haunted me in my dreams, always there, always lurking. Dragging her sword against the cracked stone I ran on, waiting for me to stop. 

I've never been afraid of the shadows, for I was well aware of what usually lurked there. It didn't matter that I couldn't see. That in these dreams, tendrils of darkness reached out for me while voices screamed and yelled their grievances.

No, it was the thought of facing her that always had me running, always had her chasing. Sometimes she'd catch me with a blade through my back. 

Other times she caught me with her hands wrapped around my throat.

I tried not to fight her in those cases. I wouldn't hurt her any more than I already had.

But damn, dying never got any easier.

"Are you free, Wrenva? Do you think you'll ever be free?"

I took in a deep, strangled gasp, feeling her pinning me to the ground, her knees pressed against my sides while her fingers dug into my windpipe. I could never outrun her. Flat on my stomach, my arms remained frozen next to me. I felt her lean forward, strands of her dark hair brushing against my cheek.

"I'm coming," she hissed in my ear. "I'm right at your heels."

Which wouldn't be so bad if she'd intended on killing me, first.

I took in a breath. I deserved this. 

I couldn't save her. I could never save her-

"Songbird. Songbird, wake up."

I knew I was laying down, but that didn't stop the spinning motion circling around my head. I opened my mouth to say something, confused at why my chest was as tight as it was.

The voice from earlier swore.

"Breathe, you idiot."

Right. Still, my body somehow forgot how to draw in air, and it took a solid thump! of Bogdan heaving down on my chest for me to gasp out in pain. I turned on my side, coughing, wondering how the hell I always seemed to find myself in these situations.

Aching and sore all over the place, I eased back down on the mat, about to close my eyes before I realized that my body was about to fall back asleep.

I forced myself into a sitting motion fast enough to almost make me vomit, but I didn't care. Anything to keep from falling unconscious again. Speaking of which.

"Bogdan, what the actual hell was that?" I seethed, passing a hand over my face. My head felt like someone was trying to expand my skull.

"You talking about me or the voices in your head?" Always speaking in that sardonic tone of his, he was.

"I'm talking about you!" I spat, awkwardly stumbling to my feet. I had to raise out my arms to keep from falling, and I pointedly ignored my freshly wrapped injured arm. Or how I was wearing a clean tunic, even if it was on backwards. "I told you not to touch me!"

"Like you'd have been able to sow your arm up, yourself."

"It was still my choice."

"Technically, it's mine."

I stiffened, glaring at him as he shoved himself off the wall. He appeared a bit more solid today than he had hours ago, so I could clearly see the anger flaring across his shadowy eyes - anger that fazed me little, even when he shoved his face inches from my own.

"Or have you forgotten?" he pushed. I inched forward.

"You are bonded to me," I said through narrowed eyes.

"And I report everything back to the Circle." He closed the gap between us, our noses just shy from touching. "I run your dealings with them. I'm the one that gets you permission. Somehow, I don't think they'd enjoy hearing about how often you curse the gods you claim to serve."

I scoffed. 

"You haven't already told them?"

"Saving it for a rainy day," he replied just as stiffly.

"I have one more contract after this, Bogdan," I snarled, although really, my heart was hammering in my chest. All this time, I'd thought the Reftin Circle simply passed a blind eye over my grumblings. If Bogdan kept it to himself after all these years . . . "Do you really want to increase that to another hundred? Be stuck with me for another year?"

Because I wasn't sure I could take another year of contracts. I was barely able to hold my own, anymore.

He only had to faintly breathe his next words. They were enough to send a tightening fear around my chest.

"We both know that it won't be more contracts they'd punish you with. You would be better to let Rhoe have you."

A screaming man covered in ugly, horrible black boils; his ribs being forced downwards by a cruel parasite from within.

I forced a thin, tight smile to curl at my lips.

"You do that, and I will drag every cursed soul down with me," I promised.

"If you throw another round of ruwelt at me, it would be well worth it."

No one said anything about Bogdan caring about others.

I leaned back, studying him, giving myself a moment to think before I said something I'd later regret.

I'm just so, so tired.

"Don't force my body to mend itself, and we won't have a problem."

Bogdan retreated a step. I didn't have to be incredibly alert to know he was staring at my face, at the hollow cheeks and the heavy, dark bags beneath a pair of sunken eyes.

He wanted me to sleep. He also knew why I couldn't.

Glaring at him, I dug a hand into the satchel still hanging at my side, pulling out a small metal tube. Without looking away, I pulled the cap off, tilting the container over until a single bean spilled into my palm.

A bean that was ultimately going to be the death of me if I couldn't break free from the Reftin Circle.

Its blueish yellow surface was oddly soft against my callused hand, and I did not hesitate to pop it in my mouth, slightly crushing it between my teeth before swallowing it. 

The taste was unpleasant, but my body otherwise didn't react. That was the frightening thing about this particular drug; no one really felt its affects until way later, if they felt anything at all. Hence, the chances of overdosing were high. Luckily, I hadn't had too much of a problem - I wasn't taking it to enhance my senses, like what most would do. Even as my body gradually became immune to the nicer side effects, the one thing it'd still manage to accomplish is stave off the exhaustion for another twelve-ish hours - and that was all I needed.

Bogdan scoffed, finally looking away.

"I need to go to Canden," I said when he remained silent. His lips curled in a sneer.

"You want to use the wayfolds to get another dose?"

"That's where my contractor is," I snapped.

"That's also where Bruu lives."

I turned my back on him, moving to get my tunic on the right way. I still needed to change.

"Do you even have the money for Bruu?"

"I'll get it once I see the contractor."

"You haven't completed the contract."

"Igna is dead." I straightened, striding forward to grab my discarded vest and cloak. "The contract said to kill a rogue nymph targeting people's horses. Killing her mistress is a personal matter."

Of course, I was also hoping to negotiate the terms of the contract; tell the farmer lead that'd hired me to begin with that she had been controlled by a nymphtan, and tell him that the horses Igna had been stealing were meant for a darker, eviler scheme that could cause them all a good amount of trouble. I wouldn't be able to count it as my final contract; however, at least I would be getting paid more. Either way, I made a promise to a girl I'd stabbed in the back. The least I could do was fulfill it before moving on to finding another contract. I didn't like leaving things unfinished.

Bogdan, on the other hand, seemed to disagree with my motives.

"So you don't intend to visit Bruu?"

"Never said that." I put the metal tube back in my worn satchel. I'd taken my last one, but I didn't want Bogdan to know that, either. He knew why I took it. Knew what would happen should my body give out before I was done with the deal I'd made with the organization we both served. Despite knowing, I wouldn't put it past him to stall long enough for the drug's effects to fade. He never wanted me to start taking it to begin with.

Nevermind that it was my choice, not his - that I would be the one suffering the consequences when my body delves into a full sleeping state. 

You almost did, just a few minutes ago.

I broke away from Bogdan's sharp gaze, glancing down at my bandaged arm. A part of me was thankful that I didn't have to drag a needle through the sensitive skin. As familiar with the task as I was, I could never quite accustom myself to the stinging, sharp sensations that came with pulling ripped, open skin back together with metal and thread. It weirded me out, and doing it with one hand made it all the more challenging.

If only Bogdan's help didn't mean forcing my body into overdrive, focusing all of its energy strictly on my arm. 

You are going to fail. Twenty years going through hell and back, and I wasn't going to succeed finishing what I'd originally started. 

Abruptly, I turned around so that Bogdan couldn't see the sudden panic I so clearly felt in my chest. I made a show of studying my things, trying to focus on the next course of action while my thoughts whirled around in my head.

You should have let the grayvers get you.

You know why I couldn't.

Perhaps. Would they have been able to keep you with hellhounds guarding your soul?

"What do you expect to do after the Circle frees you, Songbird?" Bogdan demanded. "Do you think that'll stop her?"

I barely heard him, my hands clenching into fists. A dull, aching pain shot up my injured forearm.

I need to finish this.

You won't.

Then I'll die trying.

You'll just be thrown into centuries' long servitude.

"She'll still catch you, Wrenva." If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was pleading with me. Such strange dynamics we had, us two. He'd just tried drowning me not two hours prior, and now he was acting as if he was scared for me.

A pair of bloodshot eyes reflected back at me from a face of a woman around my age, her nose swollen from having it slammed against a wall. She cradled a lifeless bundle in her torn, bleeding arms, but she'd long since ran out of tears to cry.

I relaxed my hands, slightly moving my head so that I could see Bogdan's legs.

"Let her."

The gods knew I'd deserved worse.

~ 1931 Words ~