you already know what i'm doing when i should be writing an essay

•••

kevin: i have good news and bad news! good news, i'm still cute. bad news, there's a huge problem

•••

arnold: when life gives you lemonade, make lemons! life will be all like "what??"

•••

kevin: con, you're a tough one to figure out. you say you don't trust bad boys, and yet you're dating one. *daintily puts on a minnie mouse hat*

•••

kevin, closing the fridge: once again, i'm
the only snack in the house

•••

kevin, shooting finger guns: lookin' good, mckinley!

mckinley: we've been married for three years, why do you still refer to me by my last name??

kevin: i'm talking to myself :/

•••

mckinley, watching the news: jesus christ, some dumbass tried to fight a goose at the park today—

kevin, covered in goose feathers and bites: well MAYBE the goose was being a DICK did you ever think of that??

•••

arnold: kevin has,,,,,, no survival or self preservation instincts. i think he was born without them??

nabulungi: what? that can't be right.

arnold: watch this

arnold, calling over his shoulder: hey kev! race you downstairs!

kevin, getting a running start to jump out of a four story window: bet

•••

mckinley: next week has been exhausting

•••

kevin: *walks into the bathroom*

arnold: oh, hey! what're you doing here?

kevin: everyone's being mean. what're you doing here?

arnold: eating a poptart and avoiding confrontation!

•••

mckinley, right after price shows up: well, welcome to district nine, my gay!

mckinley: **guy

mckinley, curing up the music to turn it off: eh same difference!

•••

kevin: CHECK IT i just bought a hundred pairs of fake vampire fangs!!

mckinley: wh— are you gonna help us use funds to y'know keep us alive????

kevin, putting in fangs: what are fundth

•••

nabulungi: you don't have to narrate everything anyone does

kevin: her mouth would move, but i would not listen.

•••

arnold: wait, why'd you break up with her? did you just have different interests??

kevin: nah, we kinda had one really similar interest. guys

•••

kevin: id die for you!

mckinley: yesterday you said you'd die for half a potato chip, i don't feel very special

kevin: i'd,,,,,, live for you?????

•••

nabulungi: i'm in love with you!

arnold: okay

arnold: ...like, romantically?? not platonically. you're actually in love with me??????

nabulungi: yeah!

arnold: oH!

arnold: ...why

•••

kevin, sitting down next to mckinley: oh, why're you doing paperwork? don't you have more important stuff to do?

mckinley: ...if i pull down the zipper on that hoodie would the shirt say 'i'm important stuff'

kevin, tugging up his zipper higher and crossing his arms: what? no. that's ridiculous. i wouldn't spend forty dollars making and printing a custom shirt and buying a hoodie for a stupid pickup line that'd be stupid i'm not stupid

mckinley:

mckinley: forty bucks, huh?

•••

kevin: y'know, some people think i'm gay? it's not true. i'm not gay! i'd really appreciate it if people would stop saying i'm gay when i'm not

kevin, waking up from his hell dream: GUYS, I JUST FOUND OUT, THE RUMORS ARE TRUE, IM GAY????

•••

kevin: if i nearly drowned and had to be given mouth to mouth, would you do it?

mckinley: yeah! i'd do it anyway. hell, i'll do it right now!

kevin:

kevin: what?

mckinley: i said no, gross

•••

arnold: you...... have a face!

nabulungi: um. yes i do

arnold; no!! no, a NICE face. i meant a nice face

nabulungi: oh. thanks? i think???

arnold, crying: please accept my attempts at flirting i don't know what i'm doing

•••

poptarts: the world is ending

church: you just dropped your poptart and it landed frosting-down. just go get another

poptarts, tearing up: its too late

•••

kevin, getting a paper cut: oW! son a of a b—

arnold: swearings against the rules??

kevin: —iscuit. that's what i said.

arnold: nice save!

kevin: FUCKIN NAILED IT

•••

kevin: hey you want a quickie?

mckinley, choking on his drink: what???

kevin: a quickie. y'know, one of those egg things

arnold, screaming from the other room: ITS PRONOUNCED QUICHE

•••

kevin: i've got one foot in hell and the other in a hello kitty roller skate

•••

nabulungi, shaking her head: kevin's gonna lose his edge and panic.

arnold: yeah, that's why i've never tried developing an edge. i can't lose what i don't have!