things aren't the same as they were

i'm flowing between the two erratically

back and forth and back

we are the same human being, the same glob of matter

and slice!

it's gone

everything has been chopped up

and all hat is left is the part of me that wax cursed to have the conscious

and i walk

i walk and i smile and i scream and i laugh and i scream and i joke and i scream

and i am alone

because i am not whole

all that is left is the negative

and i am alone

it's ridiculous to think that someone whole would want someone not

and i am alone and a fraction of what i was

and i will never be what i am again

and i will never be the perfect child

the great reader

the funny kid

the one who never struggled in school

someone effortlessly meeting standards

i will never be that child

or a child

or an adult or a teenager or a human

again