I wake up with some shifting in the room, as my eyes adjust to the light, I realize that I'm not in my room.
The events of last night wash over my mind like a horrible wave and my heart drops to my stomach, leaving an empty space in its place.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you up" Mason looks at me, taking out his clothes, his face clearly lacking something.
Maybe just the most beautiful part, his positivity.

"No you didn't, I'll just go into my room and let you pack" I get up

"Uh- w-what time is the flight Amna?" He stutters

"7pm" I answer, not knowing what else to say.
Should I tell him that I love him?
NO!
I twist the doorknob to leave but I stop to ask him something else

"Are you okay Mason?" I clear my throat

"No" he shrugs, not even looking at me and I quietly nod

"I wouldn't expect you to be" I whisper, my frown deepening.

I can really see the hurt in his eyes, all the light just vanishing and that really hurts my heart. I don't want the one positive thing in my life to go the wrong way, he's too precious for that.

I brush my teeth and just sit back in my bed. I really don't wanna go downstairs and face Kim and Rose. I just want to wallow in solidarity.

Everything feels so dull, just like when I went through my first heart break, and I really don't want to go through a second one.

I don't want the sun to stop burning.

I put my headphones on and just drift off to the place that never disappoints me.

------------------------

I'm woken up quite gently and my eyes flutter open to see Rose and Kim standing above me.

I have no idea when I fell asleep listening to songs. I check the time and see that it has been quite long.

"Hey" Kim smiles and I smile back.

What in the world?

"Amna you might wanna go and you know- like- Mason is leaving so you might wanna go talk to him" Rose awkwardly says

"Yeah I know. I just- I don't know what to say" I confess

"Whatever you want to say just say it, look we don't mean to be pessimists here but who knows what situation you guys will be in after he goes away and if, God forbid, something happens to his mother...." Kim says

As much as I wouldn't like to, I have to agree to what she's saying. I am very certainly not going to tell him what I feel about him because I don't want to make it difficult for him to go away.

I'm not being over confident here but I would be extremely dumb if I said that I didn't know whether he liked me or not.

I think he does like me but the difference here is that I'm not sure if he loves me.

I know I do.

But maybe for him it's just a crush. I don't want to let my thoughts get to me because they always ruin everything for me.
Act on your instincts, Amna.

Why does this always have to happen to us?
I know he has to leave and he should go for his mom but I just don't want him to. I really just wanna shout at the world, at everyone and also at both of us.

Why can't we just let it go and be happy?
Apparently because life happens to us at the best moments.

"I'll go talk to him" I say and get up.

While I'm getting up, my feet get stuck in the headphone wire so I roughly pull it out, releasing the voice of the songs. I have no freaking idea what song is playing, it could just probably change the whole situation upside down.

Imagine, that I'm talking seriously to him and 'Sorry not sorry' by Demi starts playing, talk about weird.

Anyway, I'm too busy and caught up in my feeling to notice what song is playing.

I shakily open the doorknob and see him folding his clothes.

God! Will I ever even see this again?

I, being the dumb person I am and having no idea what to do, just go and help him pack.

I take a shirt, fold it and throw it into his suitcase

"Amna" he whispers like I'm out of my mind and my tears are set free when I hear his voice.

Will I ever hear his voice again?

"Amna please stop and talk to me. You're probably going to hurt my clothes at this rate" he tries to lighten the mood but it just worsens when I don't laugh.

When the tears get too much, I take a deep breathe before continuing.

I'm not going to look up at him
Don't look
Don't look
Don't - "Amna,look up" - Oh crap! 

I sigh and my ears adjust to the sounds coming out of my phone and guess what song is playing?

All I Ask
By Adele

Now you see, this is everything I can't put into words right now and everything I need to say, minus him holding me because that would be inappropriate although I do want that to be us.

"I guess the song says all I want to say" I look up at him and barely whisper while he just sighs and rubs his temple but when realization hits him, his eyes widen.

Just this one sentence
It shook our relationship to the core Knowing that we mean something else to each other.

I never thought I'd be capable of this. I never thought I would love or be loved

"Say something, Mason. Please" I plead.

"Amna-I- I don't know what to say" he shrugs

"Honestly, me neither" I shrug too

We just stare at each other for some moments while our fondest memories play in my mind. I want to hug him and never leave him. I don't want my Mason to go. I want him to stay here until we're old and have like twenty grandchildren.

Why the hell does this all feel like the ending?
None of us is dying, for heavens sake.

He just sniffs and picks up his suitcase from the bed.
It's happening
He's leaving
And I really don't want him to.

He steps forwards, standing just inches apart and I want to step backwards but- bloody hell - my feet seem frozen to the ground.

It's like his intoxicating personality is holding me with an invisible strength.

I want him to say something, something that will calm down this stupid heart of mine, that will take away this despondent feeling. He brings his lips closer to my forehead before something changes in his expression and he quickly steps away.

We both sigh, silently praying that this is a dream.

A tear makes it down his face and I close my eyes, trying to remain strong.

Please explain why I'm not screaming at him? Why I'm not tearing everything apart?
Fucking hell!
My life is turning into a legitimate movie.

He passes by me to leave and there is nothing I can do. I can just feel my heart shattering and my soul crushing.
In this moment, I realize that I really do have self control because the urge to just pull him back and tell him how much I love him is too strong.

I hear the door opening but then he comes back.

I don't turn my head to look at him because I know that I will lose the little bit of sanity that I have left.
I stare ahead, transfixed

He whispers something into my ear and walks out again.

Something that knocks me off my feet and my world turns upside down in a matter of seconds.

NO! NO! NO!
He doesn't get to do this. He can't do this.

I love you

The word replays itself in my mind like a melody that you want to get rid off.
I run towards the door but my hands give in, they don't move. They don't even have enough power to turn the doorknob. I rest my head against the wall and my pain is unbearable and unexplainable.

"Come back. My love, please come back. Mason I need you. Please" I whisper and pound on the door.
I can't pound harder, I don't have the strength.

"Please please please"
I can't seem to stop saying that word today.

His mom needs him
My subconscious tells me
What kind of a horrible person am I?
Christina needs her son more than I need Mason.

But my heart. Oh but my heart!

It won't stop hurting. It wants to stop beating.

Tears silently pour down my face. There is a spark of hope in my heart that maybe he is outside and he is listening to me.
That he will come back and he will ask me to be his and I will say yes.

I wait, I can hear my heartbeat in my ears.

He isn't coming back. I'm probably never going to see him again. He will never know that I loved him.
Scratch that, I REALLY REALLY loved him.
And what if...what if, I actually don't love again?

My legs lose their balance and I fall down to the floor. My hands rest on something soft and I realize it's his hoodie.

I look at the hoodie and talk to it, stupid stupid lunatic me
"Come back. Please. Mason, I love you. Come back to me" I say

I hug it to my chest, inhaling it's scent and wanting this to be him. My tears are set free and I let my sobs escape the prison of my throat.

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Please forgive me :(
Please vote and comment. I will be taking a week's break before I upload the third part which will be the shortest one.