(drowned spirits)

ANOTHER WEEK.

And then the invitation dropped.

Her mom was the one who broke the news, over dinner one night.

"Jessica just sent me a message. She's going to visit Melody's grave in a few days, and put down some flowers. She told me she's moved out of the city and apparently, she and Matteo are getting a divorce."

Jessica is Melody's mother. Matteo her father.

Livia swallowed down her foot, not meeting her mother's eyes.

"And why is she telling us this?" Pamela asked, cocking her head.

"Jessica invited us to go with her."

Oh. Oh. While Livia was dying to go, to see her best friend's final resting place, she wanted to go alone. One thing Livia Wong has never liked is showing weakness (albeit it be crying, or even generally showing hurt from someone's words). Hiding a grimace, her head lowered and facing the table, her mother continued:

"I think we should go. We haven't paid our respects to Melody yet, and Jessica seems really distressed." A moment of silence from her mother's side. "We should be there for her during this time. She's always been a true friend."

Her father nodded. "It's only right for us to do so. I know this is hard for you two-" his eyes were on Livia, kind, but she couldn't help but feel they were trapping, "-but it's what we should do. It's respectful and we should repay the Martinez for what they have done for us."

Livia wanted to argue that considering her mother mentioned Melody's parents were divorcing, she wasn't a Martinez anymore, but she kept her mouth shut.

Pamela nodded, and she did too.

A small smile was all she got from her parents, before her mother said, "Alright. I'll tell Jessica later. She'll be going on Saturday morning. I'll tell her to send us the address and we'll meet here there."

Livia felt almost as if she was floating in the air, unsure of the time that passed as she picked at her food, feeling light-headed and dizzy. She barely realised what she was doing as she walked up to her room, closing behind her.

It was all so simple. When she was younger, she always saw death as some kind of momentous thing that affected everyone. Livia hadn't been surrounded by death when she was younger. Her grandpa died before she was even born. Everyone else was healthy. The one relative she knew who died had been so old they had all been expecting it for years, and she was never close to her either. But when she actually saw it happen to people she cared about, it was nothing more than a simple ceremony. Some words of sadness, a few tears and then it was as if nothing had ever happened, like no one had lost someone important in their lives.

It happened all within the blink of an eye, and it made her sick. It shouldn't go by so fast. The entire world should mourn. Everyone shouldn't be able to move on so fast.

But two people die every second. Does that mean the entire world should stop and mourn for them? The world would be paralysed that way.

She knew it was unreasonable. Selfish, even, but Livia Wong couldn't help it. The world should not be able to smile and laugh and move on when someone died every second, that someone lost people close to them every second, but the rest of the world don't see anything except the updates on stats and analytics at the end of the year, nothing but some numbers that don't matter. Nameless people who came and went, people who no one remembered the name of after a few days.

When she was a child, she was convinced she'd grow old with all her friends. Maybe they'll live close to each other, maybe some of them would even marry each other, and they'll all be together and happy, and their children will be friends and their grandchildren after. But the chances of those childhood dreams that they fantasized upon every night happening grew dimmer and dimmer as they grew older. That was life, and Livia loathed it with every inch of her existence.

She would sell her soul to be able to turn back time, to when they were all young, happy and thought their friendship would last forever, and that the knots they formed between them wouldn't loosen or be cut as time washed upon it again and again like the waves in the sea against the sandcastles they built during that beach trip when they were seven.

But Melody deserved their respects. Melody deserved to be surrounded by her friends and family even when she's gone. Livia deserves to see Melody one last time, even if it's just a stone with her name on it.

And so, that Saturday, Livia got into her father's car and the family of four drove out.

Fairhill Cemetery is a small place. Eerily quiet, but very well tended to. It's no surprise the Martinez chose this place to bury Melody. It was the closest to Briarville, and no one was ever really around. It provided them with the privacy they wanted.

Livia was the first to spy Jessica Martinez. She shared Melody's bronze skin, the dark hair. Melody Martinez was a splitting image of her mother. Jessica's eyes, however, were puffy red, as if she had been crying before she came- Livia couldn't blame her. She had to stop herself from doing the same.

When Melody was alive, she and Jessica didn't have the best of relationships. Melody never liked either of her parents much. Whenever Livia swung by their house, she could almost hear them screaming. But she still felt bad for Jessica. Melody had been her only daughter, and all of them lost someone special that night. How did Jessica feel, to lose her own blood?

Family wasn't just blood. Family was by choice, too. Melody was Livia's family. Jessica was like her mother. It hurt her to see her like this, dishevelled and crying, but forced to crack a smile when she saw the Wongs.

"Hong Nan, Zi Lin."

Jessica Martinez had always insisted on calling them by their Chinese names. Livia could never understand why, but they played along with it. Never questioned it. Especially not now.

And then, her eyes moved to the two girls, and her eyes crowded. Livia knew what the woman saw. A perfect family (even though all of them knew better). Something she couldn't have again.

"Jia Yin," and to Pamela, "Jia Rui."

"Oh, Jessica, I wish we could have been there for you!" Livia's mother wrapped her arms around the woman, who suddenly looked so small.

Two mothers. Two survivors.

A pained smile from Livia, and a much more convincing one from her sister, though Pamela's eyes were filled with pity. Livia wasn't very sure what to feel. Livia had never been particularly good at comforting people. She herself was the type of person who preferred not to be comforted, to be left alone to her own devices. She just always seemed to say the wrong thing, unable to hold back her tongue. So she remained quiet.

"It's ok," Jessica said, patting Livia's mother on the shoulder. "Come on, follow me, I'll bring you there.

"Life has been hard without her around. Matteo has been... distant. I think both of us need time by ourselves. I'm starting to understand what you felt those years ago." They let her talk. They had nothing to add, nothing to say to make the woman feel better. "It's strange, how much one person leaving can have this much of an impact. I... I never thought I'd be the kind of person to grieve so much for someone."

"No one does," Livia murmured under her breath. Jessica offered her a small smile, though her parents and sister said nothing.

"I chose a nice spot for her. There's a patch of roses there. Briarville. Roses. And Melody always did like the colour."

Livia nodded. Pamela's eyes remained solely on the ground.

"Are you going to be going to the Hepburn's dinner tomorrow?"

Livia's body tensed, wired for a fight. Her eyes darted to her mother, who offered a small shrug. "Sorry. They called yesterday. We'll be going."

So her mother wasn't so clueless about Livia and Sarah's little spat after all, from the way her eyes dwindled on her daughter's expression as if she could see right through her blank face. Dinner at Hepburns'. Which meant dealing with Sarah, on her home turf. She didn't like the idea much, but did she have much of a choice?

"The Hepburns have been very helpful. You know, since their son..."

Alec Hepburn had cancer. Leukemia, to be exact. The Hepburns had practically been preparing for the death of their only boy since he was very young. Sometimes, Livia wanted to feel bad for Sarah just for that. She had always been close to her little brother, but she couldn't.

"Here we are."

It was simple. Livia could spot the patch of roses Jessica talked about. Nonplussed, she blinked a few times. Now that she was actually here, it felt so easy. Just another gravestone, just another name, year and some flowers. It made her uncomfortable, her eyes darting around before landing on Jessica Martinez. Melody's mother had her eyes on the floor, as if her daughter would suddenly reappear and tell them all that it's okay, that it was all just a bad dream and nothing had ever happened. Maybe just a cruel prank, and she'll pat Livia's shoulders in that way she always did and tell her, "you always fell for my pranks," and Livia would laugh along with her.

"I miss her," Jessica managed, tears streaming down her face. Livia's mother looped an arm around the woman, whispering some words of comfort under her breath. Her father remained quiet. Pamela just stared.

They all missed her. They all lost someone on that fateful day. A daughter, a best friend, a sister. Just like that, she was gone, just another number on annual government reports, and no one would ever bother learning her name, no one would mourn for what could have been.

A nearby tree casted a shadow on the five, adding to the gloominess. Livia's eyes moved up, as she stared at the sky in something that might have been fascination. Was Melody up there watching them? When Melody's grandmother had died, the girl had pointed at the sky to Livia, whispering, "there she is, watching over me."

Maybe Melody was watching over them now. Maybe the birds that flew over at that moment were signs of that. Or maybe even the shadow from the tree. Perhaps she just was overthinking things, like she always did.

"Hi Melody," Pamela opened her mouth, a small smile on her face. "I hope you're okay... wherever you are. Probably heaven, if heaven exists. You're nice enough for that. We're fine, in case you're wondering." It was odd watching her sister have a one-sided conversation with a gravestone, but Livia said nothing. "We finally came back! We're going to be sticking around this time, well, until Livia and I go off to college."

Jessica had a ghost of a smile on her face as she regarded her sister, Livia's stony face and the spot the two were staring at.

They stood there for a long time.

*

"Now we have some... closure."

Jessica Martinez had refused the Wong's offer to eat lunch together, almost vanishing the moment they had left the graveyard. Her parents looked a bit concerned about the woman, but neither said anything. The Wongs drove back home, changing before heading to the mall. They finally found themselves in that one Chinese restaurant, even though Livia knew her mother would just start complaining about the subpar standards of the food served here.

She wasn't in the mood to eat. Visiting your best friend's grave does that to you. Livia picked at her char siu rice, thoughts bouncing around in her mind like clumsy atoms ricocheting off of each other, moving too fast for her to catch onto any of them. Blinking, she looked up, staring at her mother, waiting for her to continue.

"I hope Jessica is okay."

Who wouldn't? It felt as if her mother was trying to start whatever conversation she could, even if it meant saying the most awkward things. Livia shied away from her gaze, staring at her food once again. Next to her, Pamela inspected her xiao long bao, wrinkling her nose as she placed it on a spoon, watching as the sauce inside dribbled out.

"She'll be fine. Jessica is a tough woman."

Is she, though? Perhaps she could have managed the death of her only child, but throw that in with a divorce from her husband... could she really soldier through that? Livia doubted it, to be honest.

"Hopefully," was all Livia said, her voice drowned by the clattering of shoes, porcelain plates smashing against one another and the chattering of those all around them. Pushing her tongue against her teeth, Livia shut her eyes before opening them slowly, sucking in a deep inhale.

"She just looks like she's mourning," Pammy interjected. "She'll be fine in a while. I'm sure of it."

Livia didn't look convinced, but her parents simply nodded, so she didn't bother arguing. It would be a waste of breath, anyways. They wouldn't listen, just brand her a pessimist- no, Livia was a realist. Instead of looking at the world through candy-coated sunglasses like Toire, Pamela and the others, she looked at it head-on, even through the harsh sunlight that scorched the Earth.

A person shouldn't mourn for two years. That applies to both her and Jessica. When Melody died, it broke some part of the two of them. One girl lost her sister in all but blood, the other lost a part of herself. If anyone would understand Livia, it would be Jessica.

She wondered what the woman thought about the McHills. She'll see. If they're invited to the Hepburns, the McHills would be too. She'll be able to see how this plays out.

Her stomach rolled from the thought of having to be in a room with all of them again. Suddenly, she wanted to vomit, pushing away her food and mustering a tight smile, "I'm full."

The bowl was half-empty. Her father frowned but said nothing. If he wanted to chastise her for wasting food, it would not be right now. Not when Livia has enveloped herself with glass shards and blades threatening to cut whoever came too close, pushing everyone around her away and away and away until she's all alone. Livia has always liked to suffer alone. Maybe it wasn't healthy, but she always preferred it. She never liked showing weakness to other people, never dared to let her guard down.

Your shows of weakness can be used against you. Pamela would know.

In the last week or so, Livia had decided to take Pamela's vagueness about her school life into her own hands. She called some of the people she knew who studied at Bellington- Madeleine Tahiri, Ian Briggs. Madi didn't study at the school anymore, of course, but she still had an idea of what went on in the marble halls of the school; Ian had much more information. What she learned shocked her.. It felt right out of a movie, but it was Pamela's life, Pamela's choices. Livia would let her do whatever she wanted to as long as it didn't get actually dangerous.

Her mother ignored her. "We'll be heading to the Hepburn's tomorrow."

And now, Livia fixed her mother with an accusatory glare. "Why didn't you tell us earlier? I literally just learned about it just now. Were you planning on not telling us until tomorrow night?"

"Actually." Her mother pursed her lips. "I was planning on telling you right now, but Jessica beat me to it. I didn't want to tell you until we finished visiting Melody."

She talked like Melody was still alive. It made Livia sick. Her stomach rumbled.

"I don't want to go."

Her mother's eyes jumped to her, before releasing a quick sigh. "I know you don't want to, Livia, I'm aware you're not getting along well with Sarah. But please, Livia. We need to be polite. Besides, I want to be there for Jessica."

Livia pushed her tongue against her teeth, trying to fight back the strong words she had in mind. After a moment of mental debate, she sighed as well, "Whatever." Livia Wong would admit defeat today, but only because she really isn't in the mood to start a fight.

Her mother beamed, and Livia felt annoyance prickling under her skin. She hates losing. Even more when the other flaunts it in her face, no matter how unconsciously. Livia looks away.

"Are we finished here?" Her father asked, staring at the empty plates. They all nodded, so her father paid the bill and the four started on their journey back home. Pamela seemed awfully quiet now, but Livia was too, so she couldn't complain. The trip was extremely awkward, her mother and father trying to start conversations until they all inevitably gave up. When they arrived, Livia just went to her room after taking a bath and stayed there until dinner.

Dinner was even more painful. Livia didn't eat much either, walking back to her room almost immediately after. She could hear the crackle of the TV from the second floor, and Pamela's giggles at some comedian's joke.

Livia Wong was not in the mood to laugh.

*

She was right here.

Livia could see her. Translucent as she may be, glimmering like a ghost in the moonlight- maybe she was a ghost. She had to be seeing things.

Suddenly, Livia wasn't in her bedroom anymore.

She had to be dreaming. Had to be. Where was she? She's in some kind of maze, what-

The scene changed again.

Now she was in the middle of a busy street. She recognised this place. Amber Way. The place where- the place where Melody died.

Her eyes, widened and confused, shifted around the street as she turned her head. Her feet were stuck in place, so heavy she couldn't move them. She was blinking, but her hands and feet were chained down. Livia couldn't breathe.

Then, her eyes flickered to the other side of the street. A restaurant. No, a cafe. A cafe, and Melody was there. Next to her, James. When did this happen? Where was she? What was she seeing? Oh. Then it hit her.

She started to cry.

Melody was screaming. The entire cafe's eyes were on her. James, waving his hands, frantically trying to calm her down. Melody wouldn't listen. She stomped her foot. Livia tried to edge forward, to just catch a word of what they were saying, but the world around her was quiet. So quiet. Not even the cars that went by made a sound. The cars, the cars, the cars...

She saw it happening before it happened.

Melody snapped something, before grabbing her purse. She moved towards the door, her last few steps. The door slammed behind her, as she rushed out to the streets. James followed, running behind her, screaming, but no sound came out. Melody screamed. The entire street had their eyes on her.

Melody didn't dare. She screeched something again.

And then she turned and ran.

James hollered behind her, running out, but his eyes moved to the end of the street, where a car was barrelling through. His eyes widened in horror, and Livia knew that he saw what was going to happen too.

She was back in her bedroom. Melody was stood by the balcony, a sad smile on her face.

"It had to happen."

Livia bolted awake.

Her pillow was wet. Tears or sweat, she couldn't tell. She didn't bother. She was shaking, but she wasn't cold. She was scared. Livia Wong doesn't like being scared.

Climbing out of her bed, Livia snuck out of her room. She could hear Pamela turning in her room, her snores making the air gutter and tremble. Livia tried to be as quiet as possible. Throughout her life, Livia hasn't always been the most considerate of people, but she isn't selfish enough to wake her family with trampling footsteps in the middle of the night.

The night air was crisp cold. Livia sucked in an inhale, her slippers clicking against the stairs of the house as she descended to the first floor. Livia needed water. Maybe she should wash her face. Anything to take her mind off the nightmare.

Livia had already deemed it as such. How else would she view a dream that basically showed her her best friend's death?

The kitchen's table was cold, she noted, hissing when her skin came in contact with it. Reaching for the jar of water, she grabbed a cup. When she was done, Livia pulled out a chair from the dining table and sat down, lost in thought.

Outside, the creatures of the night hooted and screeched. Livia paid them no attention. Occasionally, she heard the sound of a car come back. She blocked out the sound. That was what Melody had heard before her life was taken from her.

Once upon a time, she sat right here. With Melody, James, Jack and the others, enjoying a birthday cake. Or maybe playing card games. Now, she sat with no one but her own shadows in the dead of the night, a twilit kitchen while the entire world was asleep.

She placed the cup down, eyes flickering from the table to the archway that showed the living room. She would have sat there, too, playing video games with them or maybe watching television. She'd be laughing, her hands looped around Melody's shoulders, her eyes glued firmly on the screen. Her eyes moved to the window, as she regarded the lawn with a cold stare. She would have played there, running around and laughing like when they were kids. Best friends. Forever, and ever and ever. Livia Wong had realised all promises were empty a bit too late. Maybe had she realised earlier, it wouldn't hurt so much. She should have been prepared for it.

However, it was also a good lesson. One that was excruciatingly painful and cruel, but a good lesson. She learnt a lot. She learnt never to trust anyone again, and that everyone left someday, even if they promised they never would, because life is something that cannot be predicted and tamed. You never know when the Fates may decide to snip your string. You had to live every day to the fullest. But was Livia really doing that?

No, she decided. Livia's living for the past. Livia is living for the life Melody should have. She's living for Melody. Vengeance is what she's after now. Not for herself, not for the bright future she should have had in front of her, now clouded by the deaths of those who were gone, but for Melody Martinez, the girl who was taken away much too soon and so unfairly.

She finished the cup of water. Standing up, she placed it in the sink, scrubbing it for a moment before leaving it there. She'll do the actual cleaning up tomorrow. It was much too late for that.

Like a ghost, Livia glided up the stairs and slid back into her room, shutting the door behind her. For a moment, she regarded her bedroom- her eyes flickered from her bed to the balcony, from the balcony to her desk and the bookshelves around it. The room didn't feel the same. The room didn't feel like what it felt like a few hours ago. A few minutes ago.

It felt so strange.

But Livia was too tired to do anything about it, frowning as she slid across the room and crawled into her bed, pulling up the sheets. The pillow was still wet, but she didn't care. She forced her eyes shut and told herself to sleep.