(don't cry now)

"I'M NINETY PERCENT SURE PAMELA isn't outside my bedroom door right now."

Madi hummed pensively from the other end of the phone. "Has it ever crossed your mind that you could poke your head out and check?"

"No," Livia deadpanned. "I did not think of that. Wow, you're so smart, Tahiri! How did that never cross my mind? You're such a genius. I really get how you got to your spot now."

"Shush," Madi grumbled. "Stop teasing me, you sarcastic," a pause as Madi scrambled for the right insult, "asshole?"

"You couldn't even come up with a proper rebuttal," Livia huffed as she sat down on her bed. Sunday mornings were supposed to be spent in outside gardens enjoying a nice cup of tea with her friends and family, but here Livia was, locked inside her room, trying to finish another chapter of her book- honestly, somedays, Livia regrets ever getting her book published. The pressure is overwhelming, in her opinion, especially as she has to balance all that on her studies. She got a B for her maths quiz two days ago. Like, Jesus, it was the easiest of stuff!

"Sue me," Madi snorted. "Okay, okay. Your sister is mad?"

"Yes."

"I'm beginning to wonder if she's the right choice for all this," the girl sighed. "Anger is a wonderful fuel, but..."

"I'm about to quote Arya Stark."

"Don't you dare- not let me finish my sentence, damn you."

"You're not finishing it."

"Oh, just shut up, Wong. I meant to say that anger can also blind her to everything else... Which is a pretty bad thing for, y'know, a queen."

"Dearest Madeleine, not all of us can go through life with a smile on their faces."

"You don't have to. Just go through it with a fake smile on your face. Everyone's too busy with their own to notice that yours is just as plastic."

"Have you ever wondered how much easier it would be if everyone acted the way they want to?"

"Have you thought about how high levels of bullying, murder, blackmail and crime would be if that was the case?"

That was a good answer, but Livia didn't want to continue indulging in this conversation.

"Enough philosophical discussion, Tahiri. You never call on Sunday mornings, what's up?"

"You do realise that I could be calling because we're friends, right? And calling each other randomly is what friends do?"

Neither Livia nor Madi were the kind to keep that kind of friends around for long. Or at least they aren't anymore. Madi, toughened by her experiences in a strict hierarchical system, Livia by loss and pain.

Livia's silence must have said it all, as Madi released a soft sigh. "I'm serious. How you've been doing? All we've done is talk about your sister and her school- I'm curious about how you're doing. How have you been coping with being back in Briarville?"

Livia thought for a quiet moment. She thought about lying- it would be so easy, wouldn't it? To sweep all her problems under the carpet until they all remerge in one large swoop, flooding her mind and drowning her in an ocean of her own making? But in that moment, something in Livia snapped.

"I haven't been coping," Livia mumbled as silently as possible. Still, Madi's sharp ears caught on.

"You know you can't just hate them forever."

Somedays, Livia forgets that much like her, Madi has friends everywhere. No doubt she's heard something about Livia's strained relationship with the twins and Sarah- maybe from them themselves. Still, she let out a sigh. "Easier said than done."

"Livia, it really isn't."

"Madi. All your dreams are coming true. You're becoming a pop singer, about to release your debut album, living in London with your groupmates, doing all the things you want- you won't get it."

Livia regretted it the moment those words left her mouth. Much to her surprise, anymore, Madi only let out a laugh, and it wasn't mocking. "The hardship only starts here. In a few years, I'll either be a widely loved figure, one hated by all or an absolute nobody. There is no going back. And I know you still think the games are dumb, but... they're genuinely terrible. Imagine if it's Game of Thrones but it's social suicide instead of death."

"I don't mind."

"You don't, but not everyone can disconnect themselves from their social life as much as you do," Madi chirped. "People aren't static- they change. Everyone is different."

"Is that how you managed to stay queen for so long?"

"I changed with the times. Reinforced and loosened rules. It's honestly not that hard if you set your pride aside once in a while."

"You know I'm terrible at doing that."

Madi huffed. "I know," she grumbled. "This isn't going to do you any good in the long run."

"I'll be out of Briarville in a few months!"

"You'll have to come back during holidays. You're not going to fly to Shanghai every time, especially considering your parents will definitely be residing here. They won't leave until at least Pamela graduates- another year. To be honest, I don't think you'll move at all until your dad retires, and when will that happen? When you're in your thirties? Forties?"

"Thirties, probably," Livia shrugged. "I'll probably take over the company or something. Or at least this branch- really depends on whether or not Remiel wants to step up for the job."

"Remiel, your cousin, right?" Madi hummed, moving across the room. "She's in university?"

"In America, yeah. No idea why she chose to study in America when she could come here, but whatever."

"Haven't you heard?" Livia could practically hear Madi smirk. "Everything exciting happens in the good ole' US of A. If you crave a life of adventure, that's where you go, because apparently every dystopia movie happens in there."

"Technically not true, there are some set in other places, but-"

"Hello? Handmaids' Tale? Hunger Games? Divergent?"

"Didn't the rest of the fucking world die in Hunger Games die except Panem?"

Madi fell quiet. "Did they? I always just thought that Panem was being dumb and locked themselves up. Like Qing dynasty China."

Livia made a face, though Madi wouldn't be able to see it. "Yuck, Qing dynasty China. Can we not talk about that?"

"Fine," Madi shot. "But I swear to god, you better talk this shit out with Sarah and the twins. Oh, please tell James that his recipe for lasagna is absolutely horrifying and that Ms Andrews spent so long trying to clean the kitchen after it all went wrong."

"Why the fuck would you ask James for a recipe? Jack is good at cooking, not James!"

"Look, I forgot, okay?" The girl harrumphed. "Give me a break. The dance sequence for Platinum is killing me."

"Platinum... your debut album's lead single?"

"Yes, and the dance is a nightmare. I have to rap while doing these... ugh, let's just not talk about it."

"I thought Diana was the rapper!"

"They need her to beatbox at that part."

"I thought Alanna beatboxed!" Livia cried out, confused. "Why are you all switching roles now?"

"Alanna has to sing this hella high note immediately after that verse, so they decided Diana could beatbox that. Since neither Helena nor Mikayla can rap very well, that fell to me."

"That is so confusing."

Madi snorted. "You'll have to get used to it- doesn't your sister want to be a model or actor or something?"

"I mean, yeah... Wait, how did you know about that? I thought Anya isn't telling you anything anymore."

"I have eyes and ears other than Anya," Madi grunted. "Don't underestimate me."

"I'm not," Livia pointed out with a frown. "I'm just curious, Tahiri, don't get your knickers in a twist," she said snidely, laying her head against the back of the chair.

"I'm not angry," Madi corrected. "Just statin' facts, my dear Livia- oh, hey there, Helena. Yeah, calling my friend. You need help?"

For the next minute or so, Livia remained quiet, listening to Madi converse with Helena, though she had to guess half the conversation since she could hardly hear the other girl. Keeping it between her shoulder and ear, Livia started typing once more. Pain surged in her neck, causing her to stop with a scowl and pick the phone back up with her hand.

"Sorry 'bout that," the instant clarity of Madi's voice signalled that the girl was back on her phone, "Helena wanted to know where I stored the chips. Where were we?"

"You stating facts, apparently," Livia mocked. If Madi caught on, she didn't comment on it.

"Oh, yeah, also, please tell Victoire McHill to stop wearing blue. The colour looks horrendous on her. She posted a bunch of pictures of her in some lapis blue dress on Instagram and it's terrifying. Her colours are purple and black. Tell her to tell her Asian friend that she needs to add a necklace or two so that she doesn't look so... plain. Oh, and-"

"Are you seriously roasting a bunch of twelve-year-olds for their fashion sense right now?"

"Fashion sense needs to be developed early on in life. You need to figure out what colours you look good in- gold for me, and what colours you don't- orange, apparently."

"Okay, fashionista."

Madi scowled. "Is that supposed to be your attempt at an 'okay, boomer' joke? Because that was absolutely pathetic, my friend."

"Well that's just goddamn rude," Livia mumbled, reaching for a cup of water. "Your humour is way worse."

"Bite me," Madi laughed. Livia rolled her eyes. "Okay, on second thoughts, don't. Your teeth are probably as sharp as Enobaria- it is Enobaria with those teeth, right?"

"Y'know, if you want to keep referencing Hunger Games, maybe you can actually choose to reread-"

"-shush," Madi interrupted. "Look, I don't want to go through the pain of Clove and Cato dying again. Let's be real, those two are way cuter than Katniss and Peeta."

"I know a few really good Clato fanfictions if you want."

Madi gasped, and Livia could literally hear the joy in the girl's voice, "Yes, that would be wonderful! Please! I need Clato content in my life. Like, I don't care if the hunger games continue and a million more children die just let Clato be together- that sounds really wrong, doesn't it?"

"You sound like Technoblade."

"Who?"

"Nevermind."

"Why the hell would someone call themselves Technogay?"

"Blade."

"Oh."

Oh, right, Madi Tahiri doesn't watch Minecraft Mondays- then how the hell did she guess Pewdiepie's almost-nickname for Techno? Weird people. Anyways.

"Technoblade is a stupid name."

"All That Was Gold is a stupid name," Livia frowned. "You don't see me making fun of it."

"How is that a stupid name?"

"Well, the proverb is all that glitters is not gold, not... all that was gold."

"It's just nice, okay? It sounds really elegant and cool and badass-"

"-and dumb."

"You're really mean," Madi grumbled. "Remind me again why I talk to you."

"I don't know, man. Why do you talk to me, Tahiri?" Livia hummed, shifting around in her chair.

"I suppose you're kind of funny in a bad way."

"I thought you said I had poor humour."

"Oh, buzz off, Wong."

"I don't think I will."

"Okay, anyways, I have dance class in a little bit- god, pray for my ankles, Livia, pray for them."

"I don't think I will."

"Oh, stop repeating that!" Tahiri grumbled. "Jesus, you are so annoying sometimes, Wong. Okay, just remember to tell the McHills what I said, got it? Or I'll skin you alive the next time I see you-"

"-yeah, yeah, good luck you twig," Livia sniped. "Break a leg!"

"I swear to god, Livia Wong, I will stra-"

Beep! Livia ended the call, a satisfied smile on her face.

A little while later, Livia found herself sitting downstairs in the living room, sprawled on the couch with her copy of The Raven King in her hand. Ugh, it's such a good book, and Maggie Stiefvater's writing is godly. Livia aspires to be like the women.

The sound of the front door unlocking signalled that Pamela was back. She had chosen to hang out with some of her friends- Anya, who else?- for the weekend, and since her mom was out visiting her friends too, it left Livia alone. Lila and Brie were still uncomfortable with each other, and Livia didn't think it was right to hang out with either at a time like this. So, here she was, alone.

Pamela stayed quiet as she crept upstairs, and Livia didn't bother greeting her sister. Not quite besties, but not quite enemies. It was either the best or worst spot for any relationship, depending on who and what kind of person you are. For Livia, it was slightly painful, since they couldn't let their parents know (though she's ninety-nine percent sure her mom knows something is up). Hence: forced smiles at the dining table, Livia resisting the urge to snort whenever Pamela brings up Bellington (if you don't want anyone poking in your business, don't broadcast your business) and awkward stares when they pass each other in the corridors. At meals, everything would be alright, and afterwards, it was back to normal. Violent and suffocating silence.

Flipping through the thin pages, Livia frowned. It's hardly the first time she's read this book, but it still manages to surprise her every time. Maggie Stiefvater is god.

"Ahem."

Livia sighed, slowly turning her head to face Pamela. Somehow, her younger sister had managed to drag herself upstairs, instantly change and then walk back down. Now, she's standing behind the couch, carefully avoiding Livia's eyes.

"Yes, sister dear?"

"I'd like to apologise for being a megabitch."

"Apology accepted."

Clearly, Pamela hadn't expected it to be this easy, as the girl blinked, nonplussed. "That's it? No 'I told you so'? Just... apology accepted?"

"Do you want me to yell at you? I can arrange that."

Pamela's hand flew up. "No. No thank you. I'm good."

"So why are you still standing here? Shoo. I'm reading."

"I was just thinking."

Livia raised a brow. "Thinking what, my poisonous little ivy?"

"Don't call me that!"

That had been Livia's first nickname for her sister after Pam and Pammy. See, their parents idiotically let it be known that Pamela is named after Poison Ivy- Pamela Isley. For the next two months, all the household heard were DC jokes, and she was pretty sure even Jack, who was and still is a hardcore DC fan wanted to strangle her. At least she thinks he's still a DC fan. Too many people turning their backs on it for fucking Marvel these days. DC's comics and TV shows will forever be superior, and Livia's just waiting for the day that happens.

"What were you thinking about?" Livia pressed when Pamela didn't reply.

"You forgave me- why can't you forgive them?"

Livia didn't need to ask who they were. Still, the question caused her to freeze, until her mouth slowly dropped into a frown. "You're family. Imagine how tough it would be to have to walk out into the dining room every day and see your face."

"James and Jack live down the street- you see all three of them at school every day! You forgave Lila-" Livia decided not to ask how Pamela learnt about that- "and like... everyone except for those three. Why? It's not like James actually killed Melody. Not like Jack was even there. And Sarah has some points and she's going through really tough time."

Livia raised her hand. "This conversation is over."

"No it's not," Pamela frowned. "You don't get to control everything, y'know."

Livia pinched her nose. "You're really getting on my nerves, missy. I'm beginning to regret my decision."

"You said you forgave me because I'm family. Aren't they family too? You chose them-"

"Chose. People change."

"If you ask me, you're the person who changed most out of everyone. They all still act the exact same- albeit a bit more mature. You're the only one shutting them all out."

"Sarah?"

"You're the only one Sarah's shutting out, and that's because you shut her out."

"How does that make sense? She's been rude to me since I stepped foot in Briarville!"

"You shut her out by choosing not to contact her when we were in Shanghai."

"Are you seriously saying it's my fault right now?"

Pamela gave it a thought, as if wondering if Livia would explode. In all fairness, Livia was steaming, so it was a smart choice. Finally, her sister's shoulders sagged as she gave a defeated nod.

"Yep."

"This conversation is officially over."

Livia walked up from her couch, not bothering to spin around to see Pamela's incredulous expression as the girl watched her older sister hike up the stairs. Walking into her room, Livia slammed and locked the door shut, tossing her book onto her bed. Combing her fingers through her tangled hair, Livia threw herself onto the soft mattress as well.

This world sucks.