(past perfect)

LIFE'S A BITCH, THEN YOU DIE. Or so said Courtney from the classic Jawbreaker movie.

In Livia's case, it was life smacks you in the face a few thousands times until you can barely stand up, then it kills you off and laughs in your face.

She still remembered the first time she met the twins. She was five, a pair of wide eyes on a pale face who was terrified of everything in the world. Always angry that her sister seemed to get more attention than her, throwing tantrums daily and crying until she felt like her eyes would fall out.

The two were the exact same then. There was no way to tell them apart. Sandy blonde, two mirroring smiling faces. Hauntingly striking blue eyes that seemed to pierce through her soul and read her mind. Boys envied them, girls, even as children, found them handsome. Livia seemed to sometimes be the only thing keeping them away.

"You make a deal with the devil, you sometimes might just get a guard dog," they used to laugh, patting Livia on the head and messing up her hair. Livia was the violent one, even then. The one who didn't hesitate to stand up for herself, the one picking fights and ending them.

When they turned fifteen, James started dating his first girlfriend. Eleanora Kim, her family of old money from Korea, five feet of black hair and pale skin. Livia thought she looked like a doll, and was never particularly fond of her. Still, she treated her civillaly but always shy of a friend. Acquaintances. Shortly after, Livia began to "date" Alvin Hershall, a boy in their Maths class. It was never romantic, and sometimes, Livia wondered why she had dated the boy in the first place. She broke up with him a month after dating. James broke up with Eleanora a week after Livia. Three weeks later, she had moved back. Two weeks after, Melody died.

Livia considered that period the worst period of time in her life. She shut herself off. Any new friends she had immediately made, she lost them. She lost herself and almost became a new person. She cried herself to sleep, and everywhere she looked, she saw Melody. It took her three months before she could properly function once again.

For three months, Livia Wong didn't exist. She was still able to put up a good front for her parents and sister, but any other time, she was a sobbing mess.

Pain became an daily occurrence, and Livia allotted a time of day just to grieving and crying, as if that made it any better. Eating felt like a chore, drinking a torture, until finally, even breathing felt unnecessary. That was when Livia realised she was going mad.

When she was a child, Livia had always been violent. Her parents got her to channel whatever rage she felt into Thai boxing, but she stopped when she moved. The rage came back, a scorching sea of fire that refused to back down until it demolished everything in its path and nothing could stop it. Livia was old enough to know what was socially acceptable and what was not, but a part of her still snapped. She held nothing back. She unleashed her bloody fury on the world and didn't for once give a damn about the consequences.

Livia isn't a good person. Morally grey, the mortal incarnate of Eris as she left a trail of destruction and death in her wake, tear stains unwiped and dried, placed on display like proud trophies as she exposed every part of herself. Even when her skin burned, her muscles screaming in agony as she stood tall, she stayed because leaving would mean showing weakness. Livia Wong could not afford to show weakness. Ever and ever and ever.

Staring at the white ceiling, resisting the urge to splatter red paint on it or punch through its flawlessness, Livia couldn't sleep. Sarah's words, even if Livia would rather set herself on fire and the world with her before admitting it, did affect her.

Only seventeen, acting like your a goddess on Earth. Livia was no picture perfect goddess. She was chaos, she was sadness, she was imperfection.

Pretending like you're practically perfect in every way, trying to make yourself flawless by pushing the blame on everyone else. Sarah was doing the exact same thing, wasn't she?

Livia, get a reality check. You're not the good guy here. None of us is. So stop trying to act like you are the hero, the victim, you aren't.

What did Sarah Hepburn know about being the good guy? What did Sarah Hepburn know about being anyone special? Nothing. Sarah Hepburn knew less than Jon Snow, her only prowess pretending like she did. Sarah could rant for days about subjects she knew nothing about and made it seem like she was an expert, only for someone to point out the inconsistencies and lies in her words afterwards. She could fool anyone if she wished to, a slippery snake who could never get caught.

Flexing her fingers as she watched the shadow it casted on the far wall, Livia clenched her fists and released.

What was underneath it, she wondered? Flesh and bone? Or was her very soul rotting from all the lies she fed herself, swallowing them all without a single thought?

Her hand dropped beside her, her eyes as blank as ever as she pushed herself up. Her sheets laid messy on her bed, the moonlight glimmering on it like a light show as she scrambled for the lightswitch. Pamela's room was far enough to not for her sleeping sister to be affected by the lights. Reaching for a coat, Livia draped it over her shoulders as she pushed open the balcony door, the cold air washing over her.

Briarville was a ghost town at three in the morning, only the street lamps providing the slightest illumination for the quiet roads. Glancing down the street, Livia's eyes bore into the house farthest down.

At this time of the day, the entire McHill clan is usually asleep. They have a baby, for god's sake. Of course they're usually asleep at this ungodly hour. But tonight, one of the rooms remained as bright as the stars in the sky. At the balcony, the silhouette of a boy remained as clear as day against the dark backdrop.

James McHill must have had trouble sleeping, as he watched the quiet streets, his head travelling with the occasional car. Snorting, Livia pulled herself back inside, casting the boy one last look before she pulled the curtains shut.

They would be another problem for another day. Like when her parents inevitably throw that dinner party to gather up all their friends and family nearby.

Livia could keep on delaying those headaches and nightmares. But will she?

--

A short one before the bloody chaos that will be the next few chapters.