I head to the kitchen without even thinking. I open and fridge and stuff Maryann's pot brownies in my mouth. They're delicious. They're going to be even more delicious in a while when it hits. I love food. My lovely little feel-good coping mechanism. And, oh, wait, I'm pregnant. Fuck. I'm still chewing the brownie. Should I spit it out? Before I can google whether or not it's safe to eat pot brownies while pregnant, Hughes' head pops into the kitchen. He looks unsurprisingly normal. A little flushed, but it's cold outside.

"Where should I keep these?" He asks, holding up the HomeBox paper baggie.

"Give me it." I say in a muffled voice. I'm still chewing.

"Are those brownies?" Hughes enters the kitchen. He grabs one or two and eats them in one move before I can even begin to speak.

I start laughing. "What?" Hughes asks.

"Everything." I say. I'm cackling. "I can't fucking believe my life."

"Are you guys eating my pot brownies?" Maryann appears into the kitchen.

"There's pot in this?" Hughes asks, eyebrow arched.

"Yeah. Why else would I make brownies." Maryann deadpans.

"Right." Hughes says. He looks at me. "Did you eat some, too?"

"Yeah." I giggle.

Hughes laughs, but sarcastically. He looks to Maryann. "Okay. Sure. Hey, did you know she's pregnant?"

"I'm pregarnant." I repeat.

"Actually, I'd forgotten." Maryann says to Hughes. "And I wish you hadn't reminded me."

"Well, it's really good news, isn't it?" Hughes smiles in a way that looks like he's going to tear up.

"I don't know." Maryann says.

"It is." I nod. "I love babies."

"They're literal parasites." Maryann says.

"But they're so cute." I gush. "With their round, fat faces, and big, shiny eyes – "

"And the baby sounds they make." Hughes adds. We both gush. Maryann looks disgusted.

"Even if you don't come live with me, you have to bring the baby over regularly." Hughes says.

"Oh, woah, wait, what?" Maryann interjects.

"Hughes, stop talking about me living with you." I say.

"But it's such a good idea."

"It's not." I say emphatically, shaking my head to add to my point. I take another brownie. No one stops me from eating it. Hughes takes another one, too.

"I agree. It's not." Maryann says.

Hughes gives Maryann a dirty look. She gives him an even dirtier one in response.

"I'll steal your cat." Hughes says.

"I'll have you murdered by a contract killer." Maryann says brightly.

"Okay, break it up." I say. "And why are we still in the kitchen?"

"I don't fucken' know." Maryann says. "I'm going to bed. I'm done." She promptly turns around and leaves. Then she pops back in for a quick threat, to Hughes, something about picking him up and snapping in half if he came near Aristo.

"Jeez, I was kidding." Hughes murmurs after Maryann has walked away.

"Don't. Not about Aristo." I say gravely.

"Sabine." Hughes grabs my hand. "Why won't you stay with me?"

"Brother..." I say.

"Will you tell me why, at least?" Hughes says plaintively.

"Because it's not normal, Hughes." I say slowly. "We lost touch years ago. Then I find you here, god knows how, and everything's weird. I can't move in with you. We're not a thing. We're not dating."

"Why do we have to be?" Hughes says. "We're best friends, aren't we?"

"Oh." I say. "We are?"

"Yeah." Hughes shrugs. "You've always been my best friend."

"Aw." I say, smiling slowly. "Wait, wait." I let go of his hand. "You kissed me."

Hughes' eyes dart away for a second. "Yes. I did. So what?"

"So?" I echo. "Does that not mean anything to you?"

"I don't know, Sabine." Hughes says. "I kissed you just to kiss you. I didn't think about it."

Something in my heart melts.

Hughes is looking at me so earnestly. His words play in my head of their own accord. I kissed you just to kiss you.

I reach up and wrap my arms around him, pulling him into a hug. He returns it unreservedly, and I let out a small sigh as I relish the feel of his strong arms close around me.

*

We end up in the hall, sitting on the couch together, facing one another. We talk for a really long time. He worries about missing work, and I tell him to shut up, because he's not driving back home while high. He asks me about Benji, and why I broke up with him, I tell him it's the same reason I've broken up with everyone I've ever dated. I lost interest. Then we're quiet for a while. I ask him about who he has dated. He says he hasn't been able to make time for dating in a while since he has been so busy with work, but before that ...

"And Aria, Jacklyn, Maia – oh, and Cath, Jisa, and,"

"Okay, okay." I laugh. "I get the picture."

"In terms of my love life, not much has changed since high school." Hughes admits sheepishly.

"So we both have the same problem, then? We can't stay interested in someone for too long."

Hughes nods, then scrunches his nose. "It's more like, I can't be bothered. You know what I mean? Whoever I date, at some point, we start growing apart, and then I move on. Really easily."

"Maybe you just haven't found the one yet." I suggest, moving my eyebrows suggestively.

Hughes laughs. "Stop that." He points at my wiggling eyebrows. "I don't know if I believe in 'the one' and all that."

"All that? What do you mean by all that?" I sit up straight.

"Fate, destiny, karma – all that. I used to. But then I grew out of it, I guess."

"Hughes." I chuckle. "If it wasn't fate, how else did the both of us end up here, at the same place out of everywhere else in the world, at the same time?"

"Okay, this isn't just some place." Hughes laughs. "The headquarters of one of the world's biggest companies is here. People come here to work."

I hit him with a cushion. "Will you have a little bit of faith, you asshole?"

Hughes sighs. He looks at me with his head leaned back. "I'm not like you, Sabine."

"No one's like me." I say impishly.

Hughes grins. "Yeah, you're 3000 times more annoying than anyone else. You're so unique that way."

"Yeah, they just don't make 'em like me anymore." I say sympathetically.

Hughes breaks into a drowsy half-laugh. He closes his eyes. I observe his resting form. He has got such a charming face. He's sitting with his long legs crossed at the ankles, his hands resting in his lap. Hughes has the shittiest nails I've ever seen on anyone. They're more than just bitten down. They're absolutely horrid. I tried to paint his nails once and I almost threw the bottle at the wall in frustration.

"Sabine, I want you to seriously consider moving in with me." Hughes says, his eyes suddenly open again.

"Not this again." I roll my eyes.

"Just until you can get back on your feet, Sabine. 'Till you can figure out what's your plan."

I shake my head. "No."

"But why not? Give me one valid reason why."

"Because." I say, mentally flailing about, trying to find the right words to say; the perfect sentence that would adequately express the years of angst this man has put me through.

"Because?"

"Fuck, Hughes. You and me?" I point between us. "We're dysfunctional as fuck. And I'm not gonna bring my kid anywhere near all this ... angst, and dysfunctionality, and messiness."

"Okay, now I'm hurt." Hughes says in a factual tone.

"Yeah, exactly. I can't tell you how I feel because it'll hurt you. And I can't not feel those feelings, so I keep feeling hurt, and there's just no peaceful resolution for this problem."

Hughes turns to me. "What problem?" He asks, dark eyes open and honest. "I love you. You love me. We have this insanely strong connection. You said it yourself, didn't you? It's fated or whatever. Then why does that always freak you out? Why are you always running from me?"

I shift uncomfortably. I don't like talking about this.

"What do you want from me, Sabine?" Hughes presses further.

"I don't want to fuck you, that's for sure."

"Okay." Hughes says, holding his hands out. "That's cleared up. Then what is it?"

"Um,"

"Come on, Sabine. Just get it out with. Whatever it is."

I can't make myself utter a single word. I can't believe this is happening right now. This confrontation that took a decade to occur, and I'm still not prepared for it.

"Okay, shall I tell you what I want from you?" He asks. I nod.

"I want to be in your life. I want to have a consistent, stable relationship with you. Because you're one of my favorite people. I seriously enjoy being around you. You're smart, and funny, and caring, and I just feel happierwhen you're around."

"Okay." I take a deep breath. "I feel the exact same way about you." I say. Hughes nods, encouraging me to go on. "But it's more complicated than that." I turn my entire body towards him.

"Since we first met, I've liked you. A lot. And then I've loved you. And I'm not lying when I say I still love you the most. I think that's why none of my relationships last. Because none of them measure up to how I feel about you. And it's not about sex, I promise. I don't want that with you. That's, um, gross. Ew. But ..."

Hughes still doesn't say a word, just nods encouragingly.

"I sort of want you around me all the time." I mutter. "But that's not possible. And that – I don't know how to explain it. It's like I'm insanely attached to you. To a point that it's creepy. And I don't know how to deal with it. So I just stay away – stayed away from you. Because that was easier."

Hughes nods slowly. The wrinkle in his forehead reappears. "That makes sense."

"Does it?" I chuckle weakly.

"It does." Hughes assures me. His dark eyes are so comforting to look at. Like endless oceans condensed into two irises. "I also like being around you all the time, honey. Just stop trying to cut me off, okay? I really hate it."

I nod slowly.

I feel completely drained. I've been waiting to get that off my chest for fucking years. I've spoken about it to hundreds of other people, except for Hughes. And now that it's finally done, I feel like I'm floating. Literally, my body feels like air. Hughes looks a vision. He's turned towards me, but his eyes are looking downward. His long, dark lashes softly contrast with his skin. I find myself reaching out to him, and taking his hand. He lets me. I let my eyelids flutter shut; Hughes fading in and out of my vision, holding my hand, looking oh so pretty.