"A suicide pact?" Elliot butted in. "Are you crazy?"

"I've thought this through and I believe that this is our chance to start anew!" Noah argued.

"I'm in." I was shocked when Ravyn and I agreed at the same time. I couldn't handle what I had done, and there was no way I was bringing Chelsea into this.

Ashley just stared at her boyfriend as if all respect she had for him was replaced with large amounts of confusion. "Noah," she began, "I'm not sure I understand. I can't just leave, I have a life here. And yeah it may suck but it's mine!" 

The next ten minutes of conversation was intense. Elliot begged Ravyn not to take her life, and Ashley kept pacing trying to decide what on earth what she was hearing. Hudson stared at me, terrified. He knew about  my previous suicide attempts. I couldn't make eye contact with him, there was no way I was going to look. I knew he would convince me otherwise. But I knew that if I was dead that the police couldn't punish me, and Chelsea was too young to understand what death was. Besides, no one could convict a six year old girl of murder. It was just best for everyone.

Noah held his heads in his hands as the chaos ensued. When he finally looked up, he shook his head, "Y'all we wouldn't actually be killing ourselves."

That stopped everyone in their tracks, "What?" Ravyn demanded.

"It's a scam. I don't know about you guys but I can't live like this anymore. Most of you don't know how bad the fights have gotten. I was unconscious for four hours today. We'd be faking our deaths. We'd be free." Noah explained.

"Me too. My parent's kicked me out today. I told them and I guess they couldn't see through their beliefs and see that I'm still their little girl." She looked down at the patchy earth below and tried to stop what seemed like tears. I didn't know what to say to her, there was no way I could risk upsetting her more. If there's anything I've learned in the last four years it's that you can't confront Ravyn about her emotions. You just have to wait it out.

Elliot sighed, "Same here. Well not really, I'm not gay. Ethan moved me to the garage again so that his stoner buddy could have a place to stay. And it's getting cold and I don't know if I could do this again."

"I did something really, really bad today." I said. My voice was a little shaky, as if there was a large earthquake in the base of my stomach. Hudson laid a hand on my back and rubbed it supportively.

"What do you mean?" Ash asked. "You do seem very off tonight."

I debated telling them, but I knew if I ever got caught, I wanted to be able to say that they had no idea. It was bad enough that I had brought Hudson into this, I couldn't do it to them too.

"I can't say." I mumbled. "I need you guys to be able to say that you didn't know."

I saw Noah shift in his seat. They were all staring at me with intense worry, so I smiled and tried to play it off.

"Okay," Ashley said confusedly, "Noah, what exactly is your plan here?"

"Gather round, children. You're going to want to see this." He grabbed a broken stick off of the ground and sketched a rough outline of the town. "Here," He slapped the stick on to the poorly drawn barn. "Are we."

"You are awful at drawing." Elliot commented, which made Ravyn giggle.

Noah glared. "Anyways.... Elliot you have the longest until you turn eighteen. A year and two months, right?"

"That's right. And three weeks, two days." None of us were surprised that he counted the days. We all did, we couldn't wait to leave.

"And Ash at seven months, and the rest of us scattered somewhere in between." Noah continued, "How much money do y'all have saved up? I have about $1,090."

"$800." Ashley chimed in.

"Ravyn and I have $2,900 together, thanks to my gardening job." Elliot said.

"$900." Hudson responded. "You?" He turned to me.

"$1,000"

Noah began to scribble a math equation into the dirt while the rest of us watched as he pushed weeds to the side to make room for the larger numbers. "Together we have.... $6,690." 

"Yeah, and?" I questioned. "What are you wanting us to do?"

"A fake suicide pact. We fake our deaths, and live here for the next few months to a year. " He looked up at me. "I know money will be tight, but I think we can make it work for a while."

"I'm in." Ravyn repeated. "Fake or not, I'll take what I can get."

"Me t-" I was interrupted by Hudson.

"What are you going to do with Chelsea?" He leaned in and whispered in my ear. "She doesn't have her parent's anymore."

"I'll bring her with me, she'll be safest with me."

He shook his head. "I know you want to think that would work but I think we both know that you can't take her whole life from her, she still needs her education. You can't take her with you." He told me. "You can't take her with us."

I stood up and bolted out of the barn. I had just sacrificed everything so that my sister would be safe, no one could take her from me. It pissed me off to know that he would even suggest it. I sat against the side of the barn and cried. I was so scared, but god knows what I would do to anyone if they tried to take her from me. The longer I sat there, the sooner I began to realize he was right. I couldn't take a six year old girl into the woods and hold her there. It just wouldn't be fair.

Standing up to walk back into the barn, I ran into Hudson. "I'm sorry." He looked down at his shoes, "I know that was uncalled for but you really do need to consider it. It's not fair to keep her here."

"I know."

He looked shocked that I had come around so quickly, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out something that logical. "Everyone agreed." He filled me in. "You have to decide what to do."

"I have." I knew it wasn't the best plan, but I had to hope it would work. It wasn't foolproof, but if someone found out, hopefully they'd believe I was dead.

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into the barn. "Okay."

"So what's the plan?" I asked the gang.

"Meet at the bridge tomorrow at eleven." Noah answered. "Sneakily." 

I nodded. "Okay, then what?"

"Pack a bag, bring everything you think you might need for the next however long. Bring all of your cash, and whatever else we might need."

"I can bring my hunting gear, save some money on food." Hudson crossed his arms over his chest.

"That's smart." Elliot said, "I also have some seeds I can bring, a few veggies ands stuff like that."

"Okay, so everyone knows the plan?" Noah asked, "If you have any questions, ask in person. We can't leave any digital clues."

"Deal." We answered in unison. 

Ravyn smiled. "Goodbye guys, next time I see you, you'll all be dead."

We laughed. It felt bad to find humor in death, but after what I did today, everything was dark.

I walked home with Hudson at my side, "Why did you agree?" I asked him. His life wasn't too bad. Yes his mom was a raging alcoholic and his dad basically ignored him, but he was happy. I don't know how, but he was.

"Because you did." He turned his head and smiled.

I slapped him. "You did what now?" I yelled, stopping in my tracks.

"Hey, you made me an accomplice in a murder. I can't stay here." Hudson looked straight into my eyes when he said that.

"Oh yeah. I'm so sorry Hudson I should have thought that through." He wiped a tear off of my cheek.

"I'm not angry. I'm glad you told me, I don't want to think about what you might have done without my help."

"I don't either." We walked the rest of the way back in silence. I had so many questions, but I didn't feel ready for the answers. When we got to our street, I began walking towards my house. There was something I needed to do.

"Where are you going?" He asked.

"I need to take care of something." I answered. "It can't wait." He followed me through the back fence and stared at me when I stopped in front of the door. My whole body started shaking, my breathing became heavy and I felt as if I might faint. "I can't-can't breathe." I told him.

"Oakley!" He caught me as I fell. When I woke up, I was in my bed upstairs. Hudson was sitting in my chair. His eyes were dead, as if there was no life left in them. He looked up at me in fear.

"H?" I asked him.

"It was worse than I thought." He told me. "I was expecting a cut, or a single wound. Not a million gashes to the abdomen."

I gasped. He had seen the body. "H, I'm sorry you had to see."

"Don't you think that was overkill?" He yelled at me. "For Christ sake, Oaks, he was still human!"

I began to cry as he yelled. I knew I deserved it. "Please." \

"Don't 'Please' me! You killed him! Did he really deserve that? He wasn't that bad!" Hudson continued to scream before I cut him off.

"Don't you dare try and tell me he wasn't that bad!" I roared. "You were never there, Hudson. Never! Not when he beat me, not when he burned me, and sure as hell not when he touched me."

The color drained from his face. "He-he touched you? How?"

"I'm sure you can guess." I buried my face in my hands out of embarrassment.

"Oakley. How did he touch you?"

"I can't." I sobbed into my hands. "H, I can't"

He climbed into the bed beside me, and held me tight. "It wont change how I look at you. I promise."

I looked up at him. "I don't want you to know."

"It will be okay." He rocked me like a baby. "It will be okay."

And for the first time in forever, despite the circumstances, I actually believed it might be.