The Story of The Crush: PART XIV

Okay, I'm okay.

This must be the punishment brought by the universe itself.

The text wasn't supposed to be just 'I'm sorry'. It was supposed to be followed by my explanation, but as I type the third sentence, my phone froze. The phonescreen is not responding again.

Panic.

That word couldn't describe what I felt. I'm in depths of it. I was too agitated by what was happening that I had to step on my feet right away, walk towards the other bed, and shake my peaceful roommate to wake him up and borrow his phone. If I could be selfish before, then I should be selfish now. I would do anything to explain to you.

But Jimin hyung pulled my arm and made me sit beside him on his bed instead.

"Calm down, will you? Breathe." He said, putting a hand on my shoulder. "What are the odds that your phone broke at the perfect timing? Maybe you're meant to talk to her in person. I think it's petty to confess to her over phone."

He's right.

"Where are you going?" He asked. His eyes landed on my back as I jolted myself up, walking towards the door.

"To her dorm." I answered, kneeling down to reach for my shoes on the doorway.

"What? You can do it tomorrow."

"What if she's crying right now? I--"

"Exactly!" He exclaimed and that made me paused on my tracks. "How would you clear things up if none of you has the right mind? Besides, it's a ladies' dorm and it's curfew already. How would you approach her tonight?"

Again.

He's right.

Breathe. Think. Talk.

That's what Jimin hyung told me that night. For the first time in forever, I thanked him for being nosy. Things could have been worse if I acted recklessly. Hence I waited for the whole night to pass so I could speak to you the next day.

But what am I thinking exactly? How am I supposed to talk exactly? How should I start the conversation exactly?

Should I admit that you were my rebound first before I confess my developed feelings for you? Or should I confess first? Either way you will always end up hurt for a stupid person like me made fun of your feelings. Either way you will be disgusted--

"Yo, bro. Are you listening?" Eunwoo snapped me from my thoughts. He was probably talking about the upcoming school sports fest as we stand on the corridor. His words were totally unheard but I still nodded nonetheless.

"Y-yeah." I lied and it was probably obvious. My eyes kept looking over his shoulder, focused on you.

You were putting things in your locker. We were six meters apart but I could still hear you sigh. I could hear the sadness that I brought.

Then your eyes caught mine.

The same sadness and disappointment were distinct to your gaze. You really cried last night.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I had to look away.

Okay, I'm ok--

@jiminiepark
Are you a statue
or something?
Seen.

It's been two weeks since the last time we texted, and I couldn't keep you outside my mind, not that I want that to happen though. I miss you. If it wasn't for Jimin hyung's text, I would still remained dazed, thinking about you. Slowly, I came back to reality, pushing my memories aside. I suddenly remember where I actually am. The loudness of the gym hurt my ears again.

It's the first day of school sports fest.

@jiminiepark
Why are you frozen
in the staircase?

@jeon_gguk
i was looking for you.
where are you, jimin?

@jiminiepark
*hyung

@jiminiepark
10 o'clock
Seen.

I looked to my left side, catching him sitting on the west wing of the court. He waved his hands in the air to gain my attention, although my eyes are already on him. I scoffed.

@jeon_gguk
why are you sitting there?
it's too far...tf

@jiminiepark
Look around you,
do you still think
I have a choice?

@jiminiepark
Just go here,
I've saved you a seat
Seen.

I sighed. Like what he said, I look around because that seat of him is probably the worst seat in here. It's the hottest place, and probably stinks in sweat. But the gym is indeed crowded, hence I didn't have my hopes up.

That's until I spot something in front row. What was he saying? I began to walk while still typing on my phone- it's not hard, especially when a person like me has been doing it for years. But I still kept my freehand on the railings for guide nonetheless.

@jeon_gguk
there's one vacant in front,
i'll sit there instead

@jiminiepark
what?

@jiminiepark
wait!

@jiminiepark
I went there earlier,
it's taken

@jeon_gguk
it doesn't look taken to me

@jiminiepark
Trust me, IT'S TAKEN,
JEON JEONGGUK!

@jeon_gguk
Hyung chill,
I just sat down and see?
Nothing happened,
no one complained

@jiminiepark
I wouldn't sit there
if I were you

@jeon_gguk
you are not me,
i am not you

@jiminiepark
You'll regret that, you'll see

@jeon_gguk
eyyyy just enjoy the game

@jiminiepark
oh I think I will, jeon
Seen.

I chortled at his reply and just left him on seen. He sounds so stern when there's nothing to be serious about at all. What's the big deal about sitting on a vacant seat?

The view is good here, I can see the players properly. Maybe he got envious about the spot. That hyung. He can suffer alone in the west wing.

I fixed my gaze on the players before me and I could tell the game is heating up. It becomes more thrilling second by second. It actually distracted me and made me excited to compete in our soccer game tomorrow. The basketball is being chased, passed, chased again, and passed again in a very aggressive way. Everything escalated too quickly.

The next thing I knew the basketball flew to my direction.

I was expecting it to hit me on the head, to hurt me so bad because the impact didn't sound good, but . . .

It just bounced to my feet afterwards.

I did what my pure instinct told me so. I slouched and picked the ball up and threw it back to the players. I sat again to engross myself back to the game, but then I heard a strangled noise over from my side. It made me look to my side almost instantly, and from there . . .

From there . . .

I see you.

Your eyes are squinting, your hand is rubbing the side of your forehead, and the low grunts I once heard were certainly coming from your lips. You're wincing in pain. You were the one who got hit.

"Are you okay?" I asked worriedly. My hands wanted to touch your head, to check upon you, but it slowly curled up instead. I'm scared that you might move away if I move closer.

Then you opened your eyes and looked at me. You went completely blank that I can't read your face. Your gaze felt empty as the movement of your hand slowed its pace. You went silent.

"Hyunji, are you okay?" The silence and the blank expression of your face got me more worried. Are you going to faint? "Does it hurt?"

I was about to get up from my seat and carry you out to the clinic, but then you spoke.

"It doesn't hurt, even a bit." You said. "I'm okay."

For the first time in forever, I didn't want to see your smile.

Your smile was fake.

It was sad.

It was lonely.

And I realized that your words weren't meant for the basketball.

It was meant for me.

I am not okay.

a/n

So this is the end of his point of view.

Which point of view do you prefer? Kim Hyunji's or Jeon Jeongguk's?

There are still few chapters left.

Questions?