The Story of The Lover: PART XIV

I'm am not okay.

You made me hate myself.

I hate myself for waiting for your honest explanation-- for you. I know that I didn't ask for it word by word, but I know that you knew I want more answers.

Why were you sorry?

Did you really use me?

But looking at you at the corridor where we first spoke to each other, I learned I wouldn't be able to get those answers. You're so closed, yet so far. You're just chatting with your friends right in front of me, like nothing happened. I made my presence clear to you, walking then and there just meters away from you, but you just brushes me off.

I know you can see me, Jeon. I caught your eyes.

But all I could do was to scoff and endure this pain in my chest as we kept passing by each other.

It went on for a day.

Then another day.

Until I lost count.

And now I hate myself more.

I hate myself even for I couldn't get mad at you. I couldn't confront you for I have no reason to get mad at you.

Because I just realized that you never confessed to me.

You never told me that you like me like the way I like you.

But you knew that I like you more than a friend, right? It was clear to you, right? It was clear that I thought we had something somehow, right?

But there's this voice in my head.

It tells me that it's all imagination. That all of this is only in my head. That you approached me because you only wanted a new friend. That you thought I am treating you as a sweet friend too. That I made you really uncomfortable with my last text, that it drove yourself away from me.

Is that why you're ignoring me?

Is it because me, the new friend of yours, made you uncomfortable? Because I accused you of using me?

Did you apologise because I misunderstand your kindness and you feel sorry about it?

Should I be the one who should apologise?

But Jeongguk, please answer me.

Why were you sorry?

Did you really use me?

Or I misunderstood your feelings all this time?

I am not okay.