The Story of The Lover: PART XI

I am not okay.

"Bitch, be honest." Hana said, making me flinch as she hit my head with her wooden chopsticks. "Are you dating Jeongguk?" She asked, putting the chopsticks back to her ramyun cup noodles. She then pinched some noodles and shoved it in her mouth using the same chopsticks that touched my unwashed hair seconds earlier.

"Gross." I scrunched my nose. I was talking about the utensil.

"Just answer me!" Her words are almost inaudible as she continued to munch her noodles.

I sighed, averting my gaze from her back to the street view. "No." I muttered under my breath. It's Sunday evening, and we decided to have dinner in our all-time favorite hangout, Seven Eleven. We sat in front the glass window. We are both broke college students so we decided to eat ramyun, rather than a proper meal. "How can I date him when he doesn't have any intention to begin with?"

Hana wanted to scoff so badly in response, but her mouth is still full, she ended up choking instead. She then snapped at me after clearing her throat. "Are you okay? How can you call that as not dating?"

I spared her a confused glance before bringing back my attention to my cup. "What do you mean?" I mumbled, poking the noodles with my chopsticks.

"He texts you every night, and would apologize if he wasn't able to do so. He always eat with you at the school cafeteria, join you at the library, and walk you home. Isn't that dating?"

"We're just friends."

"You're really not okay." She huffed in frustration, shaking her head as she picked up another strands of noodles. "You're head . . . it's empty."

"Why would he date me when there's someone like Ara?"

"Oh Ara?" Hana got caught off guard after hearing her name for some reason. She dipped the chopsticks back to the cup, unable to take it in.

"Yeah." My chest rose and fell as I let out a sigh. I shrugged. "She's probably the most beautiful girl in the campus, and she's always there whenever I'm with Jeongguk. I don't know, she makes me feel insecure."

Hana went mute. She only hummed in response, slightly nodding her head as she planted her eyes in the styrofoam cup. I admit there are times I wanted to her be silent, but not like this. I wanted to hear her opinions about it. Her quietness made me feel uneasy apparently. Something is holding her words back.

"Yah." I nudged her upper arm with my elbow. My eyelids narrowed to slits as I eyed her skeptically. "What are you thinking?"

"N-nothing." She started to avoid our eye-contact.

"I know you." I laughed, "You're not supposed to ran out of words." I gave her another nudge, then another one, and two, before she looked back to me and spoke.

"He's using you." It was the first time she looked at me with serious pity.

And I froze.

What?

"W-what?" My voice stuttered because of laughter. Her words sounded so ridiculous that I find it really funny.

"Hyunji." I got more surprised when her voice became calm and low, opposing her usual cheerful tone. It's scaring me. "I don't want you to get hurt, but I think you should know . . ."

This time I'm the one who turned silent. I let her talk. I let her enlighten me. I let her get rid of the confusion she brought. The food is almost completely forgotten.

"Jeongguk and Ara . . ." She pauses, seeking appropriate words in her head, too afraid she would hurt me as she speaks. But she decided to go straightforward. "I once heard a rumor about them, that they dated last summer, and Ara broke up with him through texts before the school year started. I didn't tell you that because I thought it was irrelevant." She lowered her gaze, ducking her head and facing the ground. "I'm sorry."

"How is he using me then?"

"Actually, I'm just being paranoid." She jerked her head up, anchoring her attention back to her ramyun. "Let's just eat--"

"Tell me more." Our eyes met again. I let my eyes show how eager I am to hear her thoughts, no matter what outcome there is, I want to hear everything. "Hana, tell me more."

She pursed her lips and pinched her nose, before nodding. "Okay." She softly spoke, "I think Jeongguk is the one showing up when there's Ara, not the other way around."

My heart clenched.

"Our classroom is next to hers. She always eat at the school cafeteria during lunch. You can often see her at the library, and she's living in our dormitory too. If you think about it, when did Jeongguk talk to you when she's not around?"

Chats. He talked to me through chats.

"You can fake your affection through internet, Hyunji." Hana talked as if she could read my mind. "Like what he did to the soaps, he melted you using text messages so you could stick to him."

And I remained speechless.

"I think he's using you to make Ara jealous."

I am not okay.