By the time we made it back to town, it was already dark out. We had spent a while at the diner before we started driving back to town. Saint and Mia had spotted a strawberry farm on the way back and insisted we went strawberry picking, since the rain had calmed down by that point. So, our day went by pretty quickly. 

We had all agreed to meet up in a few days for brunch before they all move back home. I dropped them all off, hugging them goodbye and set off to my own house. I was absolutely shattered and looking forward to a hot shower and bed. I decided to head to Daxx's, since my mum would freak out if I showed up in the middle of the night alone. 

As I pulled into Daxx's street, however, I knew my plans of a hot shower and bed were ruined. 

I had never seen a party quite like this. It seemed more like a demolition site than a party. Jimmy's mother was going to be ballistic when she sees the state of her garden; the once green grass was littered with alcohol bottles, furniture and toilet paper. Not to mention, somebody had spray painted the word 'fag' in black on the path, grass and front door. 

I slowed down my car, my jaw hanging open. This was bad. People were everywhere- it looked as if the whole town had turned up for this party. I suppose everyone was done with exams and had nothing else to do. The music was deafeningly loud and I knew the police would be called soon, if they hadn't already that is. 

I pulled over and parked along the street full of cars, taking in a deep breath. I felt like I was going to have a panic attack, but I knew I had to go in. This was my worse nightmare: a party full of homophobes kids from my high school, after dark and unsupervised. I knew, however, that Jimmy needed me. I was his only real friend at the moment, after all. If I were in this situation I would call Felix, so I had to help Jimmy. Be his Felix. 

It took all of my willpower to open the car door and climb out, feeling unsteady and slightly dizzy. I felt sick to my stomach, feeling worse with every step I took. I really just wanted to sprint off up the hill, but I knew I couldn't abandon him right now. I took a deep breath in, ignoring the looks that were sent my way by a few people I vaguely recognised from school. 

I pushed my way past the people who were smashing plant pots in the garden, inside the house. The main goal was to find Jimmy. I also needed to get these people out of his house, before they do some more permanent damage like breaking a window or something. I heard a smash, followed by a crowd of whooping. I spoke too soon. I received several glares, but I hadn't bumped into any jocks yet, which I was grateful for. 

I hadn't been here since I was a kid, so I didn't really know my way around, so I just followed the sound of the whooping to get to the kitchen. The further away from the front room I got, the quieter it became, but it was still deafening. I didn't even want to look at the front room. I couldn't believe that this many people even live in our town. 

All of a sudden, I was slammed up against the hallway wall roughly. I gasped on impact, my head hitting the concrete pretty hard. I groaned, fixing a glare on the goon in front of me. Just my luck. The hundreds of people at this party and I manage to bump into a goon within a few minutes of being here? Fantastic. 

"Come to visit your boyfriend?" The goon snarled, his spit flying across my face as he snarled, "I bet you thought you'd seen the last of us. Thought wrong." 

I could barely hear him over the music, so he was practically screaming in my face. He looked wild. Imagine having the energy to hate somebody this much for just being what they were born to be. Why even both with it? I'm definitely not worth all this effort; it's not like it's going to change who I am.

I didn't respond to him. Usually I'd pull out a smart ass comment, but I was too worried about Jimmy and trying to focus on not hyperventilating. I simple blinked at him and this seemed to make him angrier, pulling me forward before shoving me back into the wall again: hard. 

"What the fuck? Hey, Andy, are you okay?" A voice came from the left of me. 

The goon and I both looked over to see a bunch of concerned college kids who had been at my party. Two of them pulled the goon off of me and another checked me over to see if I was okay. I simply blinked, surprised they would intervene. 

"Thanks. I'm fine." I nodded, watching the goon argue with the two guys. 

"I'm not sure it's safe here, Andy. Did you see what was sprayed outside? It seems pretty violent. We were just about to leave with a bunch of others- do you want us to walk you home or something? The vibe is really horrible, everyone's uncomfortable." The guy shook his head, scrunching up his nose at the vandalism. 

"I actually know the guy who lives here. I'm trying to find him- have you seen him? His name's Jimmy." I asked, wishing I could just leave with them.

"I know the guy, but I haven't seen him tonight. I just went looking for the bathroom upstairs, went into every room searching and didn't see him in any. Sorry. Do you want us to help you look? Is it serious?" The guy asked, his face pure concern. 

"That's really nice of you, but I'll be fine. Thanks, though." I smiled, thanking the other two guys who had sent the goons on his way. 

I headed into the kitchen, cringing at the smell of tobacco and alcohol. It smelt stronger than a club smoking area in here; i'm pretty sure it singed off my nose hairs. I scanned the whole room, but I couldn't spot Jimmy. I asked a few familiar faces- college people- but none of them had seen him. I was feeling really worried now. 

I pulled out my phone, trying to call him, but it just went straight to voicemail. I sent a text, anyway- just in case he sees it. I continued to search, with no luck. I spotted a whole group of goons just entering the kitchen- probably in pursuit of me- so I made myself disappear. I moved quick, slipping out the nearest door to where I was stood.

 I ended up outside, the chilly air nipping at my bare legs. I certainly regret wearing shorts this morning. First the rain and now this? Tragic. Only a few people had ventured out into the garden- mainly to smoke. They were the more considerate ones, the rest had just started smoking indoors, so I didn't have to worry about them.

I felt less tense than before. I had been so scared about walking into this cesspit at first, but for every goon that want to kill me, there was a college kid willing to stick up for me because I threw a good party. That comforted me and I felt a little better about the situation I was in. I took a seat on one of the wooden benches, trying to gather my thoughts and guess where jimmy could possibly be. I had checked the kitchen and that guy said he wasn't upstairs, so my next bet would be the living room?

I tried calling him again, but it went straight to voicemail. This is a nightmare. 

My eyes wandered around the garden, admiring the neat flower beds. For a woman who's never home for her son, she certainly kept on top of her flowers. I spotted a slightly imperfect bush amongst the prim, green garden and my jaw dropped. Was that what I thought it was? 

I rushed to my feet, crossing the garden. My fingers reached out, grazing against the barely noticeable crack in the bushes. It was tiny, child sized, but I knew exactly what it was. I crouched down, forcing my way through the gap. It was certainly not made for an adult sized male- the twigs and branches were poking my skin and trying to stop me from forcing my way through. 

It was extremely dark in here. The only light was coming from the moon, peaking through the odd gap in the sticks and barely illuminating my hand in front of me. I came out at the other side of the clearing and instantly heard sobbing. My heart melted and I made my way towards the shadowy figure, knowing only one other person that would notice the slight imperfection in the hedge. 

"Jimmy?" I asked softly, startling him. 

When he looked at me, the moon illuminated his tear stained face and my heart broke for him. I wrapped him in a tight hug, holding him to me. He clung to me, burying his face in my chest as we sat in the small clearing in the bushes. It seemed so much larger when we were kids. I rocked Jimmy and I back and forth until his tears turned into snivels. 

"I thought you were gone until tomorrow?" Jimmy asked quietly, "Is everything okay?" 

"I'm fine- it rained so we came back early. Are you okay?" I whispered back, it not feeling right to talk at normal volumes.

From here, the loud noises from the house party were still audible, but less in your face. We could talk at quieter volumes and not have to scream, which I was grateful for. It felt good to whisper when the whole party was screaming. Plus, I already had a headache from the shit music they were playing. 

"I heard a window break... How bad's the damage?" Jimmy asked hesitantly, sitting up but pulling me into his chest now for a hug, reluctant to let go.

"If I'm honest? Really bad, Jimmy. You need to get them all out. Your parents are going to murder you." I shook my head, remembering the absolute state of the house, "If we work from now until the morning, we might be able to get most of it clean?" 

"Don't bother." Jimmy shrugged, laying back against the floor of the clearing with me on his chest, "I'm done with it all. She only keeps the garden tidy because the neighbours can see. They're selling the house because of the divorce, anyway."

"Jimmy, they painted homophobic slurs on the front of the house." I whispered, not really wanting to tell him. 

He went quiet at that, squeeing me closer. I squeezed him back, feeling awful for him. This was a really difficult situation. I was sort of out of my depth with what to say or suggest, since I had never been put in this situation; I was fortunate enough to have an accepting family. 

"That's okay." He eventually said, "I was going to tell them when they got back anyway. I had a long conversation with Daxx earlier, over the phone, and he said he didn't advise it and to wait until I was financially stable. Eventually he said to do what I was comfortable with, though, so if I knew it was time then it was time." 

"Are you sure?" 

"I'm sure, Andy. Dad's always away on business or sleeping with his mistresses and Mum's drowning her sorrows with wine at her friend's until she passes out every night of the week. There's not a lot of difference that this is going to make. I'm alone now and I'll be alone then, too." 

"You're not alone. I'm here." I reassured him.

"Promise?" 

"Pinky promise." 

He extended his finger and I sat up, wrapping mine around it. He smiled softly and kissed our fingers, sealing the promise. We settled into a comfortable silence, listening to the party goers destroy his house. It wasn't uncomfortable: just reflective. We both had a lot to think about right now. 

"Andy, you be the patient." He joked, making me blush.

"I can't believe you lured me in here to trick me into kissing you." I teased him, making him roll his eyes.

"I don't think I had to trick you in the cabin, though. Or that time in your bed..." He pointed out, making me blush again. God damn it red cheeks. 

My eyes had adjusted to the low light levels now and I could make out more of his face. From what the moonlight showed me, he wasn't that joking anymore. You could cut the sexual tension with a knife. No matter how hard I tried to just be his friend, we always ended up back in this situation. Both of us in very close proximity, wanting nothing more than to attack his lips. God, he looks hot. 

"I want to. You want to..." Jimmy started, making my mouth go dry as I thought about kissing him, "But I don't think it's a good idea. You said you wanted to be friends. I respect that.  Plus, that Oliver guy and everything... I don't want to mess it up. I need you." 

My heart softened at that. He seemed so panicked at the idea of me leaving him. I know he really needs the support right now, enough to suppress whatever we have going on romantically. 

"Oli and I are nothing. Never have been. Plus, you were the one who suggested being friends." I teased, opening my arms for a hug, "I'm not gonna leave you... I pinky promised."

"I'm not going to leave you either, Andy." Jimmy said suddenly, his expression growing darker, "You need somebody just as much as I do... We still haven't spoken about what happened on the balcony that night."

I shuddered. I knew I couldn't avoid it any longer. I had been putting off talking about this problem with anyone for years. For the most part, nobody knew. Sure, Conor had seen me on the balcony a few times, but he hadn't ever suspected anything more than me being careless. It was time to talk about it- I knew that, but it was so damn hard.

"It's okay, take your time." He reassured me, rubbing my back.

I nodded and took one more deep breath: ready to tell him everything.