7. Hold me

Wang Yi Bo leaned back in the passenger seat, lost in thought and a little worried. His gaze alternately wandered out the window and over to his concentrated driving husband. Since he was hastily dragged out of the old building without any reasonable explanation, neither had spoken a word. The silence made the young officer increasingly nervous, and it would be a lie if he said he still had much patience left. The sudden strange behavior and Xiao Zhan's troubled expression from before didn't leave him alone. A whole series of questions accumulated in his head.

He sighed heavily and tried to calm himself down. He had no idea how to broach the subject to Xiao Zhan in a sensible, not-too-prying way, and he suspected that if he pushed too hard, he wouldn't get the answers he wanted. Xiao Zhan still seemed very tense, even though they had now moved a considerable distance away from the area. He thought about what to do next for a moment. He needed some answers now. Wang Yi Bo readied himself and turned to look at Xiao Zhan. The agent fixed his eyes on the road and skillfully steered them through the increasingly dense rows of cars towards the city of Beijing.

“So, can you tell me now?” Wang Yi Bo said carefully as if to test the waters.

Xiao Zhan sighed and seemed to think about how to answer or what he should say. You could easily see the inner battle he was fighting with himself, and that was something that made Wang Yi Bo even more worried.

“Let's say someone left me a message…”

“A message? Who? What is this all about?”

“They are an underground group called Golden Peony Syndicate. I had… business with them long ago."

“What kind of business?”

Before Xiao Zhan could answer, a loud crash shook the car strongly, abruptly ending their conversation. The impact almost caused the vehicle to slide uncontrollably off the road had it not been for Xiao Zhan's quick reflexes. He swerved and managed to keep them on the track without hitting another car.

Xiao Zhan slammed the steering wheel with the palm of his hand and swore loudly. Wang Yi Bo, visibly startled by the sudden impact, grabbed whatever he could to hold himself in the seat. His face was pale and full of confusion.

"What was that?" He shouted with a trembling voice, still digesting the shock.

Instead of answering, Xiao Zhan narrowed his eyes and glanced through the rearview mirror. "Faster than expected." He murmured calmly, more to himself than to his terrified passenger.

"What did you say?" Wang Yi Bo slowly regained his composure. But when he didn't get answers to his questions, he became angry. "Hey! I'm talking to..." Half his words were caught in his throat because Xiao Zhan quickly grabbed his neck with one hand and pushed his head towards his knees. "Stay down!" He ordered as he accelerated dangerously, maneuvering them through traffic like a madman.

Wang Yi Bo was about to scream in anger at this treatment when a series of loud shots hit their car. The noise was deafening, and each bang caused violent vibrations.

"What the hell is that?!" He screamed, trying to get up. Xiao Zhan prevented it with force, though.

More and more bullets hit, leaving cracks and craters in the armored glass, as well as dents and holes on all sides of the car. Xiao Zhan's full concentration was on the road, focused on steering them safely through the traffic despite the speed.

His face was tense as he raced through the city in the middle of the crossfire. Between the rows of cars, three black limousines tried to catch up with them, ignoring all reason and pushing through the crowds. Loud honking, the screeching of brakes and other crashing noises filled the air as the first vehicles were shoved off the road into ditches or barriers.

Although Wang Yi Bo couldn't see what was going on outside, his imagination was still enough. He incessantly prayed that no one was seriously injured. The more time passed, the more his patience was exhausted. As much as he appreciated what Xiao Zhan did for him, it was enough. He pushed his hand away with a forceful movement and sat up. The moment his eyes fell on the mess outside, grasping the full extent of the destruction, they widened in horror, especially when the limousines came into view.

However, he had no time to put his thoughts into words as Xiao Zhan grabbed him again and brought his face back to his knees. “Just stay there!”

“Dammit, Xiao Zhan, let go! I can look after myself!" Wang Yi Bo growled, enraged.

"NO! You can't! Stay where you are!" Xiao Zhan replied vehemently, his voice rough and strained. In the same breath, he had to dodge one of the black limousines as it tried to ram him from behind. Even though he could avoid most of it, they still received a hard blow on the left flank. Xiao Zhan's jeep began to sway dangerously. It took a lot of willpower for him to get the car back under control, and when he did, the next attack was already coming. Suddenly, a black SUV appeared on a side street, speeding towards them. A heavy metal bar was attached to the grille, making its intention quite clear.

Xiao Zhan's thoughts raced, frantically searching for a solution. In a fit, he suddenly slammed on the brakes, which caused the tires to start smoking. The loud squealing sound made their ears ring painfully. The pursuers behind them obviously didn't expect this reaction and had to swerve abruptly, turning to both sides and colliding with a passing truck. The truck began to sway and tipped to the side, burying one of the limousines beneath it.

Fortunately, the attacking SUV missed its target by a few centimeters. Nevertheless, it crossed the street far too quickly and without braking. As a result, it crashed into a wall on the opposite side.

A path of destruction stretched through the city. In the distance, they could hear the first sirens wailing. Xiao Zhan looked through the mirrors to check the scope. Two cars out, two vehicles left.

He couldn't find the remaining obstacles in the chaos for a moment, but then he saw them racing through the rows of damaged cars. He didn't waste any additional seconds, accelerated and left the main street. He planned to shake them off in the network of countless small alleys.

Shot after shot hit the car, causing both occupants to curse loudly. Due to Xiao Zhan's reckless, merciless driving, Wang Yi Bo had difficulty not constantly bumping into something.

“Xiao Zhan! Damn it, let me go!! It's enough!”

To his surprise, this time, the hand disappeared. Wang Yi Bo sat up and looked around hectically. What he saw horrified him. The damage was incredible. It was almost impossible to see through the windshield. For him, it was a miracle that Xiao Zhan still managed to drive so quickly and safely.

“Brace yourself!” Xiao Zhan suddenly said.

Wang Yi Bo stared out of the window but could hardly see anything. However, the unmistakable loud honking of an approaching train alerted him. "What are you up to?!" He shouted in panic.

Xiao Zhan didn't react and pushed the accelerator pedal all the way down. At full speed and under full fire, they sped towards a railway crossing, the train only a few meters away. Wang Yi Bo clutched his hands in his seat and closed his eyes.

At the very last moment, the Jeep crossed the tracks and managed to throw off their pursuers. Without stopping or even slowing down, they drove back and forth through the city's streets until they finally arrived at their apartment building.

They both exhaled.

With a quick, abrupt movement, Xiao Zhan parked the car in the farthest corner of the parking lot that belonged to their apartment building. There was only a little lighting, so most of his and Wang Yi Bo's features remained unseen in the dark. For a few moments, it was only quiet, and just their heavy breathing echoed through the car. Outwardly, the Agent appeared calm and collected, but his firm grip on the steering wheel gave him away. Through the dim light, Wang Yi Bo noticed the veins on his hand's skin bulging, but he was too upset to pay enough attention.

"Who are they? The Golden Peony?" He shouted as soon as the engine stopped.

“They don’t like me.” Xiao Zhan leaned back in his seat and quickly unbuckled his seatbelt. He answered casually but without looking at him. His hands were shaking lightly.

"Oh, really?! How did you come up with this crazy idea?” Wang Yi Bo growled angrily. He also loosened his belt and tried to calm his irregularly beating heart. Whether he had been a police officer for years or not, he never wanted to experience that again. His gaze fell on the damaged windshield, the round craters in which the bullets had hit but luckily did not penetrate. He didn't even want to know what the rest of the car looked like. Inwardly, he thanked the gods for taking Xiao Zhan's armored car and not his own.

"Just a hunch." Xiao Zhan finally turned to face his partner, a smug smile on his mouth. However, if looking closely, you could detect a slight flicker in his eyes.

"Stop stalling and stop trying to distract me with your bedroom stare. That's not going to work!" The Officer rolled his eyes and folded his arms in front of his chest. He was too preoccupied with being angry to see the small changes in Xiao Zhan's expression and posture.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes? What's wrong with you!? You can't possibly think about sex now?”

"What's wrong with having sex after almost facing death?" Though he still smiled, there was something in Xiao Zhan's voice that made Wang Yi Bo's ears finally perk up. Yet he couldn't grasp the meaning of it.

"Stop it and tell me what you know! Or else I declare this…” he pointed at his butt ".. to No entry zone!"

“Baby…” Xiao Zhan said warningly. He balled his shaking hands into fists and pressed them onto his lap. Even his breathing got heavier again. But since Wang Yi Bo couldn't see him clearly, the younger man missed this important detail.

“No, not with me! You owe me some explanations!” He declared instead.

“Let's have sex. Please.” Xiao Zhan's voice became dark and somehow dangerous. It was rough and strained.

“Why are you so stubbornly insisting on….” Wang Yi Bo was about to snap angrily, but then he saw the pleading stare.

“FUCK, I NEED YOU!” Xiao Zhan shouted and quickly got out of the car. He slammed the door shut and strode to the elevator without looking back.

Wang Yi Bo was dumbfounded but immediately ran after him. Throughout the ride, Xiao Zhan said nothing. He just stood in a corner, staring at the door with an increasingly upset face.

Wang Yi Bo paled and stared, shocked at his beloved. The last time Xiao Zhan had lost his composure this severely was during their fight. Even earlier, during the horrifying car chase, he managed to keep his cool to a certain extent and brought them home level-headed.

But right now, Xiao Zhan's whole body language alarmed him gravely. The Agent was visibly nervous, to the point where his hands began to shake uncontrollably. Every muscle in his body seemed tense to breaking point. Wang Yi Bo's concern grew as his gaze fell on the rapid, irregular breathing and the jerky rise and fall of Xiao Zhan's chest.

He realized his lover was in danger of slipping away from him, so he quickly grabbed his shaking hands and ran his thumbs soothingly over their backs. Xiao Zhan didn't seem to notice it, though. His eyes darted frantically into all directions as if to search for something. Wang Yi Bo tried to make eye contact, but Xiao Zhan vehemently avoided him. He cursed himself for not seeing that coming earlier. Xiao Zhan had been on edge ever since they stepped into the abandoned building. He should have paid more attention.

When the elevator reached their floor, Wang Yi Bo gently pulled him out and led them to their apartment. As they got inside, he worriedly squeezed the cold, quavering hands. “Stay with me, I’m here. Tell me what's on your mind. I won't judge. I'll listen to you. I love you. Whatever it is, I'm here for you!" Wang Yi Bo's voice was deep and urgent. He spoke very slowly to make sure his words reached their destination and emphasized each word.

“You will hate me.” Xiao Zhan's voice was barely audible and trembled more and more with every word squeezed out.

Wang Yi Bo breathed a sigh of relief when he finally got a response. He leaned closer reassuringly, letting his head drop on his husband's broad shoulder. "I could never hate you. Never. I'm sorry for not noticing your state of mind.”

He could feel a wave of tremors rolling through Xiao Zhan's body as he took in a labored breath. The next words seemed to take a lot of effort for him.

“I worked for them.” Xiao Zhan confessed.

Wang Yi Bo blinked twice, thinking he hadn't heard correctly. As far as he knew, Xiao Zhan had been trained to be an agent since he was a child. He was a man with a great sense of justice. He couldn't even imagine that he would do anything remotely shady. It never once occurred to him. And that wasn't the case now, either. “You mean doing your job as an agent?”

Xiao Zhan didn't answer, but Wang Yi Bo felt him nodding. The trembling fingers tried to grasp his own. So he quickly intertwined them tightly. He noticed that the tension eased slightly, calming them both a little.

“But that's different.” The Officer whispered confidently.

"No. I used to tell myself the same, but it's not.” Xiao Zhan shook his head in disagreement.

“You didn't work for them in that sense. Your motive was different.”

“That doesn't change the… things I… did.” Xiao Zhan's voice became louder and more angry. Wang Yi Bo had to let go of his hands and instead place them soothingly on his lover's cheeks. His eyes searched for Xiao Zhan's before he spoke.

“I’m sure you had no choice. You are a good person, Zhan Zhan. I know whatever happened wasn't because you had bad intentions." He stroked the pale skin beneath his fingers and smiled softly. "Come with me. Sit down and tell me what happened. I want to understand. But know that I will be there for you."

Xiao Zhan hesitated for a moment but then slowly sank onto the cushions of their couch, pulling Wang Yi Bo with him. As soon as he sat down, his hands immediately sought out Wang Yi Bo's again and closed around them.

“It was about ten years ago.” Xiao Zhan began but stopped for a moment as if recollecting what he still remembered so vividly. “Our Agency got intel about an underground group that was committing child trafficking on a large scale. Preferably young children, barely reaching adolescence… I don't think I need to tell you what they did with them.”

Xiao Zhan paused again, absentmindedly running his fingers over Wang Yi Bo's. The Officer nodded, acknowledging and waiting for him to continue.

“My father had some contacts that allowed us to infiltrate the group. I was only twenty years old, and it was my first big job on my own. I did my best. I really did. My mission was to locate the children's buyers so we could find and rescue them. I was supposed to identify them and find enough evidence to bring them to justice. The same was true for the traffickers. But it was like looking for a needle in a haystack.” Xiao Zhan exhaled sharply. Wang Yi Bo freed one hand and let it run in circles over his back, giving him a little break to sort his thoughts.

“They had a wide network. It was almost impossible to find the superiors, the real masterminds, let alone establish contact with them without raising suspicions… During that time… I saw things… I did things I loathe myself for… I couldn't do anything for the kids… But I couldn't blow my cover either. There was so much at stake. It was our only chance.”

Wang Yi Bo swallowed but didn't know what to say. It would have been a blunt lie if he stated he could imagine what Xiao Zhan must feel because he simply couldn't. “How long have you been there?” He finally asked.

“About two years. Two years of hell, nightmares and pain.” He balled his hands to fists, the knuckles turning white. He had his eyes closed tightly as if trying to unsee what he had seen long ago.

“Two years…” Wang Yi Bo gasped, his eyes widening in horror. Whatever happened during that time must have left Xiao Zhan deeply scarred. Knowing this would explain a lot.

“...Those big, broken, innocent eyes will haunt me forever… I see them going numb… as the drugs keep kicking in… the horror of being sold to some old men... I knew exactly for what purposes...” Xiao Zhan’s voice broke, and he couldn’t continue speaking. Wang Yi Bo wrapped his arms around him and just hugged him tightly for a long time.

“I thought they were gone for good after… after…”

At some point, Xiao Zhan slowly leaned back and just stared at him. Somehow, judging by the anguished look in his eyes, Wang Yi Bo knew that wasn't the whole story. But he thought it was enough for today. Before he could say anything, Xiao Zhan whispered pleadingly.

“Let me hold you, please.”

+++++++

They both lay on the bed, tightly intertwined. In contrast to their usual post-sex behavior, Xiao Zhan rested his head on Wang Yi Bo's chest while his husband ran his fingers through his disheveled hair.

"Are you okay?" Wang Yi Bo whispered in Xiao Zhan's ear.

The Agent sighed tiredly and hid his face in the crook of Wang Yi Bo's neck as if seeking comfort. His arm wrapped around the lithe body beneath him, holding him in place. "I am."

“Why didn’t they attack us when we were in this building?”

“They are probably afraid of a one-on-one fight against me. They tried that once, and it didn’t end well for them.”

“Would you stop being so megalomaniacal?” Wang Yi Bo half-heartedly patted Xiao Zhan on the shoulder. A smile crept onto his lips, and he felt that Xiao Zhan was slowly becoming himself again.

"But it's true. There was a situation... Um... Let's not talk about it now, please."

“Of course, Zhan Zhan. Whenever you want to tell me, I’m ready to listen.”

They continued teasing each other for a while, their inner tension easing and soon making them forget a little about their terror. Until, at some point, the tiredness took its toll, lulling them into a deep sleep.

However, it took Wang Yi Bo a moment longer because his troubled thoughts kept him awake. Xiao Zhan's revelations struck him deeply and filled him with worry and fear. The danger was real, and he feared that Xiao Zhan would lose this time. The mere thought of his lover getting hurt made his heart clench painfully.

Today's events made one thing clear to him once again. He had to stop being deceived by Xiao Zhan's facade in order to best support him. And he had to become stronger. Xu Kai’s words came back to his mind. He promised himself that he would ask him for advice because no one knew Xiao Zhan better than him.