5. The dumb prey and its predator 

His hand ran tenderly through his disheveled hair. “What should I do with you, hmm?”

Wang Yi Bo brushed Xiao Zhan's bangs to the side with his finger and looked fondly at the handsome, relaxed and sleeping face. A little lost in thought, he caressed the warm skin of the reddened cheeks, the sharp jawline and back to the somewhat unruly hair. Xiao Zhan murmured softly and scrunched his nose cutely, but he didn't wake up.

Seeing this, Wang Yi Bo nudged the tip of his nose with his finger and shook his head. The tone of his voice was unusually soft as he spoke, so the scolding in his words entirely lost its effect. “You are so stupid. Why do you have to drink until all the lights are out? How is that even possible? You should take better care of yourself, you know? I still need your di… you at your best, you idiot!"

He had barely finished speaking when he found himself laughing at his own words. He sighed and slapped his cheek. Priorities. Libido obviously tried to take over his thoughts again. He huffed and squeezed Xiao Zhan's scrunched nose a bit. “Originally, I was going to leave you here, you fool. It's your fault anyway. But how can I? If you get sick, I would have to nurse you back to health. And we both know how that ends.”

Xiao Zhan slowly moved his head, seemingly trying to free his maltreated nose. The corner of his mouth started twitching, but it went unnoticed by Wang Yi Bo as he was busy ranting about the last time Xiao Zhan had been sick and how he was probably the worst patient ever on this planet. According to him - a literal pain in the ass in the truest sense of the word. Well, he must know… 

"By the way, I brought your idiot brother into the guest room. Dude, if he pukes in there, I swear I will lock you up until you have cleaned it.” He added when he remembered that and why he was angry at his husband. 

Without him noticing, his hand ran through the loose strands of hair a little more forcefully. He sighed again when, to his surprise, he received no response. His eyes slowly wandered over the soft and now calm facial features. It was hard to believe this angel was one of the deadliest weapons he could imagine. After a while of just observing and combing, his eyes became thoughtful.

“Xu Kai told me something, and it made me think… Always putting your loved ones before you, he said. I mean, I know that much, but… You stupid idiot, who told you to do that!? According to him, you're too good for this world, you know? I really don't know how he came to that conclusion, you shameless prick, but he seems to mean what he said. Honestly, you both are the same. Your self-perception is strange as fuck and far from reality. Maybe that's why I love you. Ugh, that sounds so cliché… You hear me? Ah, no, your brain is buried under too much alcohol right now. My foolish idiot.” With a soft smile, Wang Yi Bo dipped down and kissed Xiao Zhan's forehead while reaching for a blanket. There was no way he could carry him upstairs. 

“Baby, why do you only say such lovely things when I'm asleep?” Xiao Zhan slowly “woke up” and twisted his mouth into a pout. His amused, glinting eyes seemed a little glassy, ​​the only sign apart from his red face that he had consumed a significant amount of alcohol. 

Wang Yi Bo's head snapped back, and he lost his balance, falling on his butt. “How long have you been awake?!” He squealed loudly and in panic. A beautiful blush immediately spread across his cheeks.

"Since you took my beloved little brother out of the living room so carefully..." Xiao Zhan raised an eyebrow and grinned broadly. "You were so tender that I almost felt sorry for him, hehe.”

Wang Yi Bo puffed out his cheeks in embarrassment, the slight blush darkening as his anger grew. “You idiot! Why can't you just act like a normal drunk?” 

“I’m not normal.”

“Yeah, no kidding…”  The young Chicken, I mean Officer, remained seated on the ground, totally forgetting that one of his hands was still entangled within Xiao Zhan's hair and raking through it. 

Xiao Zhan, obviously enjoying the treatment, suddenly mischievously grinned and leaned in his Baby's direction. “Want me to show you how much I love you?” 

“You're drunk, you fool.”

“You think I can't satisfy you when I'm drunk?”

“I didn't say that.” 

“I satisfied you with a gunshot wound.”

“Is that emotional blackmail?” 

“But I really did. You even agreed to marry me after that.” 

“Are you proud of that?!”

“Yes!” 

‘Why am I even asking?’ 

Libido: So we are not going to fuck? That's a disappointment.

‘Not you again…' 

Guilty conscience: He's drunk, and we can't take advantage of him! 

Good sense: I wouldn't say it like that…but…

Libido: But we are not getting cock tonight?? I remember we had agreed on a different plan!

“The answer is NO. Sleep off your intoxication first.” 

Xiao Zhan sighed extensively and cast his gaze to the floor.

Libido: I hate you, traitor!

‘That's a mutual feeling, my friend.’

Libido:... 

“What a shame. Baby, I'm sad but docile. Let's go to bed and sleep. It was a long day anyway.”

Wang Yi Bo blinked his eyes twice in pleasant surprise, as Xiao Zhan usually never gave in so easily on this matter. Rather, the opposite. However, his keen mind quickly kicked in and got him on track. He concluded that the high alcohol content in Xiao Zhan's brain played its part here, sparing him the trouble of a heated battle. What a naive little Chicken... Xiao Zhan wouldn't be Xiao Zhan if he had just given up like that. Even you should have figured that out by now.

So, in order to carry out his plan, the experienced predator (Xiao Zhan) needs approximately four stages to achieve victory. (The following descriptions are used for educational purposes only.)

Stage one: deception. After unexpectedly encountering great reluctance, the predator has to resort to acting like a well-mannered, drunken husband being taken to bed by his wi… husband.

Stage two: false security. Once the predator appears to be snuggled up under the blanket, he closes his eyes and pretends to fall asleep to give his chosen prey (Chicken) a feeling of security.

Stage three: preparation. The predator must be patient. He waits until he recognizes the victim's weakness and finds the best time to attack him. Given the extensive experience, it shouldn't take too long.

Stage four: blackmail. The predator doesn't use senseless violence. No, he uses emotional blackmail. The success rate is exceptionally high for this particular pair.

The Execution: The dumb chicken, feeling completely safe, had just returned to his bedroom after showering and lay down next to Xiao Zhan, who he thought was sleeping peacefully. He couldn't help but smile arrogantly at his triumph. He turned off the lights, closed his eyes, and enjoyed the rare moment of silence as fatigue took hold of him. With a contented sigh, he rolled onto his side and foolishly turned his back to the man beside him. And just then, when he just was about to fall asleep, his senses were no longer able to register their surroundings, the inevitable happened. Without warning and making any sound, a warm hand quickly wrapped itself around his defenseless waist and stroked the exposed skin in circular, enticing movements. A warm, muscular body pressed against his. Then, a quiet whisper, silky and sweet as honey, right into his ear. It made his soul literally shoot out of his body.

“You know… I took a bullet for you…”

Wang Yi Bo was absolutely certain that he saw his ancestors waving to him and screamed loudly like a bitten piglet, making the walls shake. "You devious, treacherous bastard!!" With a jerk, he tried to escape the source of evil but failed bitterly. Well, my dear, that trap was sprung a long time ago.

After the initial attack was considered a complete success, the superior Predator now prepared for its next strategic move. “I took a bullet for you. My life was hanging by a thread, yet you deny me every little wish…” Heartbreakingly, emphasizing every single word, he rubbed himself against the trembling body. His voice was broken and full of sadness. The show was perfect. Because what Wang Yi Bo couldn't see: the victorious grin on Xiao Zhan's lips and his shining eyes.

“That's emotional blackmail! Again!” The little piglet, who was about to become a midnight snack, complained indignantly.

“Is it working?” The nonchalant response. 

“You asshole!” 

“You have a pretty asshole!” 

Wang Yi Bo's face turned from deathly pale to deep red in two seconds. And his traitorous body, much to his annoyance, was beginning to show signs of growing excitement. Goosebumps covered his skin, and his pants seemed a bit tight. Though, in his mind, he was resisting with everything he had, which wasn't much to be clear, but Wang Yi Bo found it harder to withstand the hot touches with every stroke and each fondling he received.  Since he has always been weak to Xiao Zhan's touches, the honest reaction of certain parts of his body did not go unnoticed. Nevertheless, he tried one last poor attempt at defense. “How can an asshole even be pretty?”

“Come on, baby, Where's your focus?” Xiao Zhan's voice switched to a deeper tune, luring and promising. He smelled his success an inch away and, therefore, intensified his efforts. His hand went between his Baby's squeezed legs and scratched along the hot, sweaty skin until it reached its desired destination. 

Wang Yi Bo let out a pleasured whimper as the fingers enclosed the bulge through the fabrics of his underwear, kneading the meat hidden underneath. 

“Oh fuck…” 

“With pleasure.” 

Mission accomplished.

Libido: Thank me later. 

The next morning arrived faster than all of them would have liked. Though for different reasons. Despite staying sober throughout the night, Wang Yi Bo was exhausted. Like really exhausted. To the point that he thought that he had more resemblance to a panda than a human being. His barely recollected soul almost suffered a heart attack when he looked in the mirror after crawling into the bathroom in the morning. And another one when his husband suddenly came in literally floating, of course, freshly as the morning dew, and dragged him under the shower for some “morning re-energizing“. The Officer barely made it out alive, and when he did after 45 minutes of blissful torture, the sight of his destroyed apartment brought back the memories of the night before with a vengeance. 

Wang Yi Bo groaned at his misfortune, gathered his last remains of willpower and slowly, very slowly, made his way to the kitchen, studiously doing his best to ignore his surroundings. Coffee. He desperately needed coffee, or else someone might die. 

One would assume that the two thoroughly wasted special agents would have just simply slept off their intoxication, just like normal people would do in this state. But no, it became clear once again that Xiao Zhan, just like his brother, obviously didn't want to fit into the "normal person" mold. Which really was nothing new, but he hated it that they always felt the need to prove that. 

He let out a sigh of relief when he finally arrived at the kitchen, the lifesaving black brew almost within reach. If there wasn't that tiny little detail, he had forgotten and basically was slapped into his face the moment he opened the door. He instantly started hyperventilating and trembling violently. If not for Xiao Zhan appearing right at this particular moment, he would have fainted and ungracefully kissed the floor. The Agent, with his otherworldly reflexes, grabbed his dangerously tumbling Baby and quickly closed the door. He smiled sheepishly at him with a mixture of amusement and understanding. “We shouldn't go in there for the meantime.” He coughed and carried him into the living area. 

With a loud “thud,” Wang Yi Bo dropped his head onto the dining table after slumping down onto a chair, too exhausted to even be angry. “I'm going to castrate him. I should protect humanity from his descendants.” He constantly mumbled.

“Ah, baby, that's a little too harsh, don't you think?” Xiao Zhan, who had just returned from the ‘kitchen’, placed a steaming cup of coffee in front of Wang Yi Bo, hoping to divert his attention from his brother's potential offspring. 

“One more word, and your dick is next in line!” 

“Considering your satisfied cries from last night, I highly doubt you would do anything close to that to your favorite toy.”

Wang Yi Bo raised his head and shot him a look of disapproval. “I hate you.” 

“I know, my Baby. Come on, drink your coffee and eat your breakfast. I prepared a light one for you. See, I am a super attentive, handsome husband, right?” Xiao Zhan chuckled and smiled softly while tenderly ruffling his husband's hair before turning around to take care of his guest. 

Wang Yi Bo rolled his eyes and sat up. Only then did the mentally and physically tormented chicken notice the delicious smell of his favorite dishes emanating from a few plates in front of him. “When and how did you even prepare this?” He gasped in astonishment. His mouth was literally watering, and he quickly grabbed his chopsticks. As soon as the first bite hit his tongue, his apocalyptic mood was appeased to the fullest. Even a small smile appeared on his lips.

So what even happened? In the middle of the night, after he had partially recovered from Xiao Zhan's husband's performance, several loud crashes threw the comatose Wang Yi Bo from his bed. In a fit of panic, he rushed to the source of the disturbance. But when he saw it, he almost exploded like an atomic bomb. Because Xu Kai, drunk as he was, was on his best way to burn down the kitchen because he was hungry. Drunk and hungry. Do you need more details? I don't think I need to tell you more. Just know that Wang Yi Bo's post-coitus relaxation was the only reason for the frying pan waving and 'For Odin! Valhalla is coming!' screaming agent to survive that moment and that the said pan didn't hit a certain head that threw him back to the Viking Age.

Not to mention that every time the pan was waved, several kitchen utensils were thrown from their place. To sum up, the kitchen was a mess, and so was Wang Yi Bo's mental stability.

As Wang Yi Bo happily chewed on his food and thought back to the scurrilous scene, he vowed to never leave these two idiots alone in their apartment with alcohol again. He had already thought about the most painful ways he would make them clean the mess they created. That will be fun… 

And as if on cue, both men appeared in the living room right at this moment. To Wang Yi Bo's absolute dismay, Xu Kai looked as energetic as his idiot husband. No sign of tiredness or hangover could be seen on the handsome, flawless face or his posture. 

“Yo, good morning, dearest sis in law! Did you sleep well? I had such a lovely night … Hey, what's that kinda hostile look on your face? WOAH!!” Xu Kai exclaimed cheerfully until he saw the black aura surrounding his opponent and had to duck.

There was a buzzing in the air, and a chopstick got stuck in the wall, shaking violently, not even an inch away from where his head was a second ago. 

“NICE SHOT, BABY!!” Xiao Zhan rejoiced and clapped his hands in utmost excitement. He ran over to congratulate his husband with a smoochy kiss on his cheek - and ignored the menacing growl that came out of his throat as soon as he stepped into his personal space.

“No, what is that, baby? It's such a beautiful morning!” He stroked the younger until his anger subsided significantly.

On the other hand, Xu Kai, despite being an experienced agent who had seen the darkest places in the world, sat on the ground, pale as snow and fearful for his beloved life.

“Wow, sister, so fierce! This is really a boost for my blood pressure…”

When Xiao Zhan saw his baby pick up his other chopstick, he quickly intervened and took it away from him in a well-practiced movement. “Baby, we don’t want to do anything we might regret later, okay? By the way, we should concentrate on more important things for now.” He smiled at the angry-looking officer who was trying his best to get his stick back.

“And what could that be?!” Wang Yi Bo snarled, not leaving Xu Kai out of his sight, as if saying: We settle this later! 

“T called a while ago from the precinct. Seems like we can have a talk with the Chief now. The office is a mess, and they took everything they could get their hands on. She was pretty upset. I assume they found her betting tablet and money…” 

“What a sad loss…” Wang Yi Bo sighed.

“It is, indeed! I had my money set on myself!” 

“Narcissist! Who would seriously bet on himself?!” 

“I just know how good my chances for winning are, so it was a logical decision.  But let's not argue about such insignificant things. We have something for the Chief. Let's get ready and bring the good news!” Xiao Zhan flashed his brightest signature smile, which almost blinded the totally annoyed and confused Chicken. 

“What great news? What did I miss?” 

“You didn't miss anything, Baby. But our agency's contacts tracked down a building from which the pictures were sent. We need to check that.” 

“You were drunk. When did you even manage to do that?” Wang Yi Bo was more than skeptical, considering the state he found them both in yesterday. 

Two pairs of eyes blinked at him.

Xu Kai, his pride hurt, snorted incredulously. “It might sound unbelievable to you, but there was indeed a moment when we were sober. Besides, even while drunk, I bet my handsome ass that I would still do a better job than you. Bucket killer!” 

“Asshole!” Wang Yi Bo bit out, blushing intensely at the unwanted memories. Xiao Zhan, you traitor!

“Chicken!” Xu Kai sneered.

“Parasitic side existence!”

“Fuck you!” 

“Sorry to butt in, but that would be my job…” Xiao Zhan giggled.

“Who asked you?!” The other both said in unison before shooting daggers through their eyes at each other. 

An eyebrow started twitching on Xiao Zhan's face. Just a little, and for the untrained eye, indiscernible.

Yeah, Wang Yi Bo would think of something very special for Xu Kai and the kitchen… And Xiao Zhan would think of something for both brawlers. 

-To be continued-