Ryan was so angry, and heartbroken. It wasn't fair. He and Olivia would have been great parents. He was tempted to go back to his old ways. He wanted to lash out at someone, but who? Certainly not Olivia. He wanted to smash something. He wanted to put his fist through the wall, but he didn't. He was better than that. He was better because of Olivia, and he had to be strong and hold it together for her.

Olivia's doctor was amazing throughout the entire process. She explained the procedure in detail, in a way that a person who did not have a medical background, like Ryan, would understand. She told them what they could expect over the next few weeks, she explained any and all risks and restrictions. She also talked about how they may be feeling emotionally.

Even though it was a non viable pregnancy, that did not make it any less of a loss. She stressed the importance of taking the time to grieve, to acknowledge that loss.

She reassured them that neither of them did anything wrong and nothing they did could have prevented it.

She explained that it was a fairly common occurrence, and there was no reason why they could not go on and have a healthy baby later on down the road.

She encouraged them to talk openly about the loss. That it was healthy to talk about it. To not grieve in silence. It was okay to lean on others for support.

Ryan heard her words, but he felt so empty inside, yet the pain was there. A deep, gut wrenching pain in the pit of his stomach.

Olivia was clearly going through the motions. She couldn't or wouldn't make eye contact with anyone. She was detached. Closed off from everyone and everything. Her voice was flat and emotionless. Since they found out for certain that they had indeed lost the baby, she had yet to shed a tear.

The procedure was performed. It went fairly quickly, and she was brought to the recovery room to be observed for a couple of hours. The doctor told them everything had gone well and soon they could go home to begin the process of healing.

Ryan watched as she curled herself into a ball. She had not spoken since she was brought into recovery. Her face void of emotion. Perhaps she was in shock, or maybe she was still feeling the effects of the anesthesia.

Finally they were told they could go home. The nurse handed Ryan the discharge papers. He stared at them blankly.

".....doctor in two weeks." Ryan missed the beginning of what the nurse had said. It was probably in the discharge papers anyway.

When they arrived home, Olivia went straight to bed. She was still groggy from the anesthesia, and she had fallen asleep almost immediately.

Ryan went into the living room. He turned on the TV, but just stared at the screen as he downed a glass of whiskey. He poured another from the bottle sitting by his side.

Sturgill climbed on the couch next to him, laid his head on his lap and whined softly. Ryan scratched him behind his ear. "Yeah buddy. Daddy's had a pretty shitty day. Mama especially." He spoke softly to the dog.

Hearing the words daddy, then mama come from his mouth set off a fit of rage. He wasn't going to be a dad. At least not this time. Forgetting his earlier vow not to go back to his old ways, He let his anger momentarily consume him, and he hurled the half empty whiskey glass into the wall. Hearing it shatter gave him no satisfaction at all. He laid his head in his hands and sobbed, while Sturgill whined softly next to him.

*******

Ryan watched over Olivia as she slept. She looked so peaceful, so beautiful. He wanted to wake her up, wrap his arms around her and just let it all out, tell her everything was going to be okay. He knew he needed to be strong for her, but he also remembered what the doctor had said, that they needed to grieve.

He went back to the kitchen to make breakfast. Olivia usually did the majority of the cooking. She was much better at it, and she enjoyed it, but it was his turn to take care of her. She had just gone through a pretty traumatic ordeal. Whatever she needed, he would be there for her.

Olivia's mom had been calling nonstop since yesterday. Ryan finally answered and explained that Olivia was not feeling well and was sleeping. It wasn't entirely untrue, but he know he was only stalling. Sooner or later she was going to have to talk to her mom, and Ryan was unsure how much Olivia had wanted to actually tell her.

He finished the breakfast of slightly over cooked French toast and brought the tray into the bed room. He sat down next to her on the bed, lightly brushing a stray lock of hair off of her face.

Her eyes fluttered open. "Hi." He said softly. He watched as a shadow of sadness passed over her features, then a second later, it was gone.

She sat up and blinked a few times. "I uh. I have to use the bathroom." She said quickly. He stood up to give her room, and she got up and went to the bathroom attached to the bedroom, never making eye contact with him.

She was in there for several minutes, and he was getting concerned. She finally came out. She looked so pale it worried him.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"I'm fine." She replied.

"How are you feeling? Are you in any pain!" He asked again.

"Just some cramps. It's nothing." She still wouldn't look at him.

"I brought you breakfast." He pointed to the tray.

"Thank you, but I'm not hungry. I'm really tired. I think I'm just going to go back to sleep." She said. Her tone was polite, but flat.

"Livvy, you need to eat. You have to keep your strength up." He protested.

"I said I'm not hungry. I'll eat later. Right now I just want to sleep."

The last thing he wanted to do was argue with her or upset her, so he let it go. He hated how she was shutting him out, and now he understood how she must have felt early in their relationship when he had shut her out. They needed to talk. She needed to acknowledge how she was feeling. He needed to let her know how he was feeling. They needed to get it out in order to heal. Maybe now was not the best time since everything was so raw, so he would give her some time. She did need to rest.

"I'll be in the living room if you need anything." He said softly.

She nodded, but did not speak. She climbed into bed, pulled the covers over herself and curled up into a ball, her back to him.

Just give her time. He repeated to himself.

By that evening, Olivia was awake. She was still a little groggy, but she was awake and Ryan had finally gotten her to eat, so that was something.

She finally called her mom. She said she had picked up a nasty bug in Talladega, but she was feeling better and would see them when they returned from Kansas.

Ryan could not believe that she was going to Kansas, and he urged her to take the weekend off.

She protested that she was fine, but he knew she was anything but.

"I need to go Ryan. I need to get back to work. I need to get back to normal." Ryan swore he could see the icy facade she had created begin to crack. As much as he hated to, he need to push her for it to fall away completely.

"What we need is to talk about everything. Get it all out in the open. It's the only way we are going to heal. To get through this." He argued.

"I told you I'm fine." She snapped.

"Livvy..." He watched her face crumble. Tears welled up in her eyes.

"I'm...I'm not fine." She sobbed. Finally unleashing the tears she had been holding in.

Within seconds, he crossed the room, wrapping her in his arms. Her walls crashing down as they both sobbed.

It was heart wrenching, but therapeutic at the same time. Now, maybe they could both begin healing.