Alex found Dick flying, as per usual.

She hadn't realised how much she missed watching him fly in the months he'd been gone. Now, sitting on the rock of the mountain's covered outcrop she stared up at him, soaring through the air, dropping into the net, scurrying up again only to fly once more.

Eventually he grabbed a drink of water, breathing heavily, and stared at her from his place.

"what are you doing here?" he asked.

Alex shrugged, sitting up straight, "I wanted to talk to you."

"about what?" Dick asked, walking over.

"fish lad. Aqua boy. Saltwater. Whatever you want to call him."

Dick raised an eyebrow, "why?"

Alex gestured to the space beside her. Dick sighed and sat next to her.

"what's this about?"

"I was not listening to your conversation with him last night."

"good."

"but," Alex said, "I didn't have to."

Dick sighed, "get to it, Alex."

Alex groaned, "why do you make my job as a sister so hard?"

"sorry," Dick snickered, "I could make it easier if you told me what this is about."

Alex looked at him, "take a guess."

"what do you mean?"

"when I say the name Kaldur'Ahm, what's you first thought?"

Dick swallowed and looked away, "Uhhhhh."

"exactly."

"shut up."

Alex poked him in the side, grinning, "Dickie's got a cruuuuuuuuuush."

"I swear to god, Alex, don't-"

"Dick and Kaldur sittin' in a tree."

"stop."

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G."

"Alex please."

"first comes-"

Dick pushed her over, "stooooooooop."

Alex giggled, poking him in the side, "nooooo, I will not stop till you say it."

Dick hit away her hands but she kept poking him and tickling, giggling all the while.

"Alex stop acting like a school girl!"

She grabbed him in the most violent hug Dick had ever been given, still laughing.

"you're such an idiot, Dick," Alex chuckled, "the biggest fucking idiot."

"please let go of me," he said.

"nah."

"Alex why."

"because you've got a cru~ush," Alex said, holding back more giggles, "and you have no idea what to do about it so," she looked over at the trapeze, "here you are."

"that is not what's happening."

"it is," Alex said, "oh, you silly little boy."

"I'm twenty two."

"then stop acting like a child about this and face your feelings," Alex said, smiling.

"no."

"then I guess you're stuck here forever," Alex said, "what a shame, you'll never be able to kiss Aquaboy again."

"It's Aqualad," Dick corrected, "and you said you weren't listening."

"I lied," Alex grinned, "are you surprised?"

"not in the slightest." He sighed, "will you let go of me now?"

"don't know," Alex asked, "where are Dick and Kaldur?"

"no."

"sitting in a tree?"

"stop."

"sing it."

Dick groaned, then said dead pan, "K-I-S-S-I-N-G."

"you bet they fucking are," Alex said, letting him go, "you wanna go get lunch at the café?"

Dick sighed, "yeah, okay."

Alfred had had children of his own, a long time ago.

He'd lost two in childbirth. One in a car crash. His wife passed not long after. That was when he'd left the secret service. He'd remembered working for a Thomas Wayne in the war and thus had asked the man if he was in need of someone to work for him. his answer was 'not the kind of work you'd do, unless you're suddenly interested in cleaning and looking after my son'.

Alfred said he was interested in anything, as long as he could get out of London.

And now, years later, he was still working for the Wayne family. he was quite sure he'd earned more grey hair from Bruce and his gaggle of children than he ever had in the war.

But, now he could say that he was a grandfather. So that was a plus.

If only this family he'd found had a better track record of living past their teen years.

That morning he'd woken up early, as per usual. He'd put the water jug on first, read the paper while waiting for it to boil, then made his tea. The sun was no where near rising as of yet. He put the coffee pot on, knowing everyone in the manor liked their coffee better when it had had a chance to brew.

After that it was the tasks he liked to do before people woke up, cleaning the fine china cabinet most importantly.

Once the sun started peeking above the horizon he set about making everyone breakfast, expecting none of them to be awake for another hour.

"would you like a hand?"

Alfred looked to the doorway.

"Miss Barbara," he greeted, "up early. I didn't know you'd stayed the night."

"yes, I... had something to talk to Tim about," she said, sitting at the breakfast bar in the centre of the kitchen.

"I suppose it went well?" Alfred asked, busying himself about the kitchen.

"well," Barbara said, "better than I believe the same conversation will go with you."

Alfred turned from the counter, "whatever do you mean, Miss Barbara?"

Barbara sighed, "Alfred, could you maybe sit down?"

Alfred frowned, "I should think not, Miss Barbara, I have work to do," he said, "what is it you must tell me?"

Barbara smiled.

"Jason's alive."

Alfred frowned, "what?"

Barbara nodded, "he's alive."

Alfred gaped, put down the utensil in his hand and sat down opposite Barbara at the breakfast bar.

"Dick is also alive, but that was never in question."

Alfred blinked, "I- Miss Barbara..." he was looking in her expression for a speck of something, but everything about her expression said it was the truth, "how do you know?"

She smiled, "I'll start at the beginning for you."

"so," Artemis asked, "back in the office, one man down."

Kaldur leaned against his desk, "let's not think on it too much, we have work to do."

"right, yeah," Artemis smiled, "hey, out of curiosity, how'd your conversation with Dick go?"

Kaldur sighed, "Artemis-"

"no, come on, I haven't been able to participate in gossip in forever," Artemis whined, "give me something."

Kaldur laughed, looking at the ground. He schooled his features, "no." he walked around to sit behind his desk, "we have work to do."

Artemis sighed, but smiled.

"time to hit the ground running."

Batman was, above all else, a professional. In times of crisis he could cut out the feelings till everything was handled and then sit down and address everything he'd bottled up in that time.

He was well aware that wasn't the definition of the word professional, but it was what he thought of himself.

But even he could feel extremely and utterly bored.

When not in the middle of trial he and the rest of the leaguers with him were stuck sitting in holding, with absolutely nothing to do. He had none of his gear, which meant he couldn't muddle away at case files on his computer. He couldn't sharpen his batarangs. Couldn't rifle through his stuff to make sure it was all functional. He was stuck occupying himself with his mind.

Unless he wanted to talk to the other five leaguers he was locked up with. That was a non-starter.

"I know that face."

Batman looked up.

"feeling grumpy, ol' man?" Canary grinned.

"I'm glad you can find some humour in this situation," Batman said. Grumpily.

"we'll work this out, Bruce," Superman said, "we always do."

"right," said Batman, "and while we work this out we've left the Light and Reach to be dealt with entirely by the team, alone."

"I trust them," Hawkwoman said, "just you wait, when we get back, they'll have handled everything."

Batman remained staring straight ahead.

"don't bother," Martian Manhunter said, "he's in one of his pessimistic moods."

Batman glared at him.

"am I wrong?" Manhunter said, raising an... well raising the area above his eye where his brows would be.

"let's just say the sooner we're back on Earth the happier I'll be."

Dick stared at the syringe in his hand, eyes sad.

"you said you were doing better," he muttered.

Alex shrugged, "better is contextual."

"that it is," Dick said, putting the syringe on the ground next to him, "finished your water?"

She moved her head a bit "yeppers."

Dick got up and filled her glass half way again, grabbed a muesli bar for her and a chocolate bar for himself, then padded back to her room silently. He pretended he didn't see Thalia peeking her head out of a hallway in the corner of his eye. He wondered if she'd been pulling the nightly watch on Alex for the months he was away.

By the time he'd sat down again, made sure Alex was only taking sips and got half way through his chocolate bar he'd gotten tired of wondering.

"how'd you do without me?"

She looked at him confused.

"I only left for the mission with Kaldur without a fight because I thought you'd be okay," he said, staring at her, hair falling in front of his eyes, "I'm starting to wish I stayed."

"no," she said, poking him with her foot, "then you wouldn't have started a sparking romance with Fish lad."

Dick snorted, "oh yeah, the sparking romance I'm too scared to pursue."

"nah," Alex smiled, "you'll get there."

"yeah," Dick said, "if I live past the summit meeting."

"I'll come with," Alex said, "you know, watch your back."

Dick smiled, "thanks."

"yeah, we gotta have... what's the word? Contin..." she frowned, "contingencies."

"yeah..." Dick said, eyes widening as a thought occurred to him, "yeah, we do."

"oh no," Alex said, "no, that's your master plan face, the one that means you're thinking things that are bad ideas."

"it's not a bad idea, it's a smart idea," he said, glancing at the syringe next to him, "a very smart idea."

"okay, so do it," Alex said, "see? You're not doing it, must be stupid. Don't do it."

Dick snickered, "I'll do it tomorrow-"

"it is tomorrow," Alex said, smiling, "it is now 4:30."

"whatever, I'll do it when you're less high."

"ugh, I hate being less high."

"no you don't," Dick said, "it hurts less."

The pits looked the exact same as they did that night and yet completely different.

His memories were whispering at the back of his mind. he wanted to run away, he was terrified of this place, and yet he had to be here.

The summit meeting was a week away, Dick had no idea how this was going to go. He'd run a few errands for Kaldur, making sure they had all their evidence together. Now they just had to show up and hope that Slade only fake killed Kaldur and Artemis.

But there were too many variables. Too many possibilities. Dick couldn't live with he idea that maybe that meeting could be the end. They were putting all the heroes in one place, ready for the light to kill them. If they didn't win then there was no one left to take down the light. No one left to save the day.

So he needed assurance.

he was falling back on Robin and the irony of that did not allude him.

Batman had taught him to always have a plan Z, for when plans A through Y fail. So here he was, collecting plan Z.

"the pits are not meant to be stored in syringes, my boy," Ra's said, "at least not in it's pure form."

Dick sighed, standing and securing the lid of the syringe before he put it in his belt.

"I know, sir," he said, "it's a long story."

"I suppose it has to do with this insane plan of yours," Ra's said, "to rebel at the summit meeting."

"will you do it?" Dick asked, turning around. Ra's stood, leaning on his cane, staring at the pits.

"I'm not entirely sure."

"how are your talks with Savage going, about emancipating?"

"not well."

"that's what's our other option?"

Ra's thought on it, letting out a long breath, "it is a risky move."

"I know."

"we could be putting our people in danger."

"if we don't do it they'll be in danger from the reach," Dick said, "the JLA needs us."

Ra's nodded, "yes, indeed they do."

"do we have a reason not to help?"

"no."

Dick held his arms out as if to say, 'so why not?'

"it doesn't just come down to why not," Ra's said, gripping his cane, "it also comes to why at all."

"why? Why does it have to?"

"that's just how the world works."

Dick smiled, laughed, "yeah, of course."

Ra's raised an eyebrow, "what do you mean, my boy?"

Dick stuffed his hands in his pockets, "I'm sick of 'that's just how the world works', really, so sick of it." he shook his head, laughing, "it's a coward's way out, it's what you say when you can't be bothered to dig in and get to work."

"how dare you-"

"no, I'm sorry Ra's, I appreciate all you've done for me the past six years, really, I do," he said, "but I am going to do something to stop our planet from being invaded by a bunch of insane beetle-hybrid aliens!" He held his hands out, "with or without you. Because I don't want the reach knocking on our door and enslaving our people. So I'll do what I have to do, and damn how the world works!"

"you could die, you're friends and family could die."

"they're gonna die anyway, if that's how the world works!" Dick hissed, "so I think it comes down to this; the world is screwed, can I do something about it? yes. Whether it changes anything much in the end doesn't matter, but I'm not gonna sit here and do nothing when there's a chance I could make a difference!" He waited for Ra's to speak, to yell at him, he said nothing, "what's the verdict?"

Ra's made a face of consideration and took his cane, hanging it on his arm to free his hands. He stood straight.

And applauded.

Dick gaped.

"bravo, my boy," Ra's said, hands finishing their applause with one final clap, he folded them over his cane once more, "bravo."

"what?"

"I have been waiting for an outburst like that for six years," Ra's said, leaning forward, "to be honest I was beginning to think it would never happen."

Dick blinked, staring confused, "what?"

Ra's chuckled, stepping forward, "ah, my boy," he smiled and patted a hand on his shoulder, "I'm glad to see you've decided to give up on not ruffling feathers."

"hang on," Dick held up a finger, frowning, "wait, you're... glad?"

"very," Ra's said, still smiling.

"I..." he stared, "uh... why?"

"I remember," Ra's said, looking into the distance as if nostalgic, "when your father came to me asking to leave the league. He said, 'Ra's, I'm tired of watching my fellow assassins make lives for themselves here while I just sit around guarding your snooty ass, I want to go follow my own goals instead of helping you follow yours' and I said 'John'-" Ra's smiled and looked at Dick.

"I know what you said, you said he could leave as long as Alex stayed, yadda yadda."

"no," Ra's laughed, "I said, 'John, it's time for you to face the demons of the world and laugh at them'." He shrugged, "well, at the end of the conversation, after the terms and conditions, but that's the important part."

Dick smiled, "you... wait, what?"

Ra's sighed, "Dick, you showed up on our doorstep looking for answers and purpose, but you stayed because we gave them to you," he smiled, and for a moment he was just the ruler of Nanda Parbat, the man responsible for keeping thousands of lives safe and comfortable, not the assassin king, "for six years I've waited for you to grow tired of what we've given you and make something for yourself, just as you always had intended, but..." he shrugged, "I assume we were just too nice, gave you too much support," he laughed, "I'm surprised there's such a thing, and that we of all people could do it. but I suppose we managed it."

"so you're going to... stop giving support?" Dick frowned, "I don't know where you're going with this."

Ra's sighed, "unfortunately I do," he patted him on the shoulder again, "you've got to face the world's demons, but that is difficult when you can't face your own demons, but so far you've had some issues getting yourself to do that, so," he moved his hand to Dick's chest, "I'll give you a push."

Dick was about to speak but Ra's pushed and he stumbled back, falling.

Falling, falling, falling.

Right into the pits.

Dick woke up in a new mindscape.

He was lying down, looking up at the ceiling, which was red and white, convex. Like the centre of a big top held up by an invisible pole. It seemed backlit on one side and the other dark, as if the sun was at its brightest to the left but by the time it reached the right side of the sky it was nothing but moon and stars.

Dick frowned, staring at it. he sat up, quickly, staring at the nothing before him in confusion.

The last thing he remembered was Ra's pushing him in the pits. This wasn't the pits.

Unless they'd driven him insane and this was a hallucination. Or he'd blacked out and whatever happened he'd been left here to wake up.

He took in the rest of the room. The walls were plain white and cracking at the edges near the top, just like the walls of the orphanage he'd stayed at before Bruce took him in. they slowly bled into grand wallpaper, pictures and paintings filling the walls. At the far end of the room was a giant two-side staircase that curved around to the middle onto a balcony, no doors or arches, just solid wall. The floor was the carpeting of the Nanda Parbat Palace's halls. The windows were thick laminated glass rimmed with steel, bolted in, like the windows of Manta's subs.

There weren't any lights, the whole place seemed dark with just enough light for him to see everything. He saw, from his place in the middle of the giant high-ceilinged room, out one of the windows a dark city skyline. Out another was a long stretch of grass. Another the lounge area of mount justice. Another the bat cave. The streets of Kabul. The coffin chamber of the court of owls. The inside of his family's old train cart. His bedroom at Nanda Parbat. Kaldur's office on the submarine. The view from the trapeze Alex and Thalia had given him.

"it'd be fantastic if you could fuckin' choose one."

Dick looked over, sitting in the middle of the room, a blank circle of white cut into the carpet, was a boy. About twelve, black hair, blue eyes, nails bitten down to the nub. He was wearing red converse, fraying a bit, the laces too loose, with checkered socks. Black skinny jeans, the knees grey, a maroon t shirt and a thick black watch. The circle of white he sat on wasn't a rug or a table, it was just... white. The carpet stopped and there was just white.

"oh, is it weird?" he asked, looking down at it, "I don't like this whole rocky horror picture show thing you've got going on, prefer not to touch it," he said. He waved his hand and a yellow blanket appeared in it, he spread it out beneath him and sat cross-ankled on it, hands clasped together with his elbows on his knees.

"who the hell are you?" Dick asked.

The boy frowned, "you, but like," he shrugged, "without the contradictory mess inside."

"what, before everything hit the fan?" Dick asked, "shouldn't you be younger?"

"uh," he made one of those over-exaggerated considering faces, "I guess you unconsciously figured you'd take a twelve year old more seriously than an eight year old."

"wow," Dick muttered, "go subconscious me."

"don't be a prick, you've only got you to blame," tiny him said, "look at this mess, it's a wonder your brain works at all, you can't find anything round here."

Dick huffed a laugh, "what is this, an intervention?"

"sure, if that's what you want to call it," he said, "you're life's fucked, dude, hurry up and pick one of these stupid paths and move on."

"what?"

"pick a life, you're living, like, ten at he same time. You can't be Robin, Dick, Renegade, all at once. You can't be all the personas and characters at once, pick one, move on."

"why?"

"because!" younger him scowled, "look at this, it's ridiculous, everything's all over the place."

"it's not that bad."

"it's dysfunctional," young him said, "you can't be the assassin and the hero. You can only be one."

Dick rolled his eyes, "and what would you know?"

"I'm you."

"yeah, and I'm fucking stupid," Dick said, "why would I listen to me? Especially twelve year old me, that's just asking for trouble."

"well how about I change, then?" young him said, smiling.

The air shifted, as if it were hot, and young him became Bruce.

"what about now?"

"really?" Dick scowled, standing, "I'm more likely to punch him in the face."

Bruce rolled his eyes, shifted into Superman, "now? He's cool, you know, in a boy scout way."

"yeah and I hate him cause he made superboy feel bad."

"you don't hate him."

"no, but I won't listen to him, try again, give me some guilt or something."

Superman sighed, shoulders sagging. He shifted into Canary, "how about the therapist."

"Dinah is more than a therapist, she's a bad ass," Dick said, "but also, righteous hero."

Canary shifted into Cobb, "not righteous."

Dick glared, "too far from righteous."

Cobb groaned, standing, "god you're picky aren't you, Jesus," he shifted and became Ra's.

"closer?" he asked.

"he's an assassin king. Also he pushed me into the pits."

Ra's threw his head back and shouted in frustration, kicking the floor in annoyance, "come ooooooooooon, this is ridiculous."

"I guess you don't know me, you can't find someone I'll listen to."

Ra's pointed at him, "oh, wait, yeah I do," he laughed and did finger guns, shifting once more.

Into Kaldur.

"how's this?" he asked, doing a spin, "woooooow, he's so muscley, oh my god," he grinned and felt at his arms, "wow. And his voice is so regal, oh my." he rolled his neck, "no, yeah, I get it, he's like the best of everything, smart, funny and a beefcake."

"I'm really starting to worry about my subconscious."

"oh, shut up," fake Kaldur grinned, "anyway, I've hit the spot, bravo me, now get your act together."

"okay, but like, you're not actually Kaldur," Dick shrugged, "gonna take more than the guy I like's face to get me to listen."

"sure, whatever you say jack ass," fake Kaldur laughed, "look, you're at a crossroads, last time that happened you stuck your head in the sand and went with what everyone was telling you to do because you were tired of fighting destiny or whatever, you can't do that again, dude."

"right, sure, okay," Dick sighed, "let's say I go all out, go back to the hero gig, do you think that's gonna make me any less fucked up here?" Dick laughed, pointing to his skull, "I haven't been a functional person since I watched my parents die."

"hey, you were pretty good there at fifteen," Kaldur said, "then Zuko was released, you killed him, you found out about your family history and you've been on a roller coaster to fuck-ville ever since."

"wow, okay," Dick rubbed at his face, "words can hurt."

"oh shut up," fake Kaldur scoffed. "look, you go back to the hero gig and that's that, go find a new name and suit and city, don't come back to Kabul, forget all of this."

Dick stared at fake Kaldur, "what?"

"you heard," he said, "or, you can prioritise your blood family, remain an assassin here in Nanda Parbat, but no more fraternising with the enemy. You go to the summit meeting and you leave with Ra's."

"what kind of choice is that?" Dick scowled.

"hey, there's always option number three," fake Kaldur shrugged, "not a hero? Not Renegade? Go be a civilian."

"disgusting, never."

"well then, two options. Unless you wanna be some random wanderer through the world stopping where you want with no direction."

"who says?" Dick scoffed, "who made these rules? Who came up with these choices?"

Fake Kaldur made a face, "uh, you did?"

"no I didn't."

"yeah, ever time you worry over what to fucking do with your life it's always like 'help the heroes! No wait, I love my Family. stay with your family! no wait, I need to save the world'." Kaldur was trying for an impression, but it was sightly too nasally and his body language was off, "You're the one who's sitting here saying you can't be both, idiot."

"yeah, well," Dick scowled, "fuck you."

"well," fake Kaldur said, "choose one and move on."

Dick stared at him. at the pieces of the room he was in. if he became the assassin would this mindscape become the palace? If he chose the hero gig would it become the manor? If he became a civilian would it morph into Haley's circus? He didn't know, couldn't guess. He kind of didn't want to. He didn't understand his fake mental Guru, he liked the chaos. It was like a scrapbook, all the important and interesting and impactful parts of his life cut out of a magazine and taped together at the edges to make a picture. His life. His life, a mess, but it was kind of supposed to be. It was what he made of it. who needed the ideal glossy scrap book of perfectly aesthetic photos with filters and touch ups? Not him.

He preferred this stitched together amalgamation of everything he cared about. His family, his home(s), his history. Hell, even the court stuff was there, because he cared about it in a bad way. He didn't care as in motherly figure, he cared as in it was important and he wouldn't be who he was today without it. in the end, he probably wouldn't give up his healing factor, it gave him an edge. As long as he didn't let it control him.

"I can't choose one," Dick said.

"you have to."

"I don't."

"you do."

"I don't."

"you do!"

"I don't!"

"yes!" fake Kaldur screamed, and his face cracked, the skin slowly turning to ash on the wind, peeling into the air in layers, "you do!"

Kaldur became Ra's, then Cobb, then Canary. Slowly the layers were peeling away.

The room shook. The tent ceiling billowed, as if the pole had been taken away, and fell in on itself, the ceiling high enough that it was able to sag without reaching the top of Dick's head. the pictures and paintings fell, crashing into the ground, old oil paint smudged along the carpet, the paint spreading into mould that slowly ate at the floor till it was dark and damp and gross.

Canary became Superman, superman became Bruce, Bruce became tiny Dick.

The windows cracked, splitting into fragments. The places outside filled over with water, dark, screaming to be let in.

"stop it!" Dick yelled at his younger self, "stop!"

"PICK!" he screeched, tears cascading down his cheeks, red under his eyes, nose dribbling, mouth twisted in a pout.

"stop this!" Dick screamed back, and he was quite sure his face was the same as his younger self as he stared at the slowly forming streams of water dripping in from the windows.

The big top ceiling ripped apart, torn to shreds. Water cascaded in over the sides of the walls, crashing against the floor like rocks. Dick clapped his hands over his ears watching as the water started to rise up his legs, lapping at his ankles.

"stop!" Dick tried once more to order his younger self.

"NO!" he screamed back.

"stop! PLEASE STOP THIS!"

"NO!"

Dick was shaking, watching hopelessly as the water rose up to his knees.

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND, I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING!"

"STOP THIS!"

"I CAN'T!"

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND!"

"STOP!"

Dick ran for his younger self, tackling him. he disappeared in his arms, Dick was left grabbing the yellow blanket he'd sat on, the water rushing over his head. he kicked for the surface but couldn't find it, he jerked around looking for an escape, everything was dark. Bubbles appeared before his mouth as he breathed out. The pressure on his ears popped, he felt as if water were rushing in, bursting through his ears into his brain, up his nose, down his throat, into his lungs, his stomach, his heart, filling him up from the inside.

He couldn't breathe, couldn't breathe, couldn't breathe.

He tried anyway and cold water surged down his windpipe, cold, so cold, freezing and endlessly harsh.

He was dying. He would die in the endless black.

"pick one."

The voice whispered, echoing.

"just pick a side, pick a path."

He closed his eyes, fighting back a sob.

"you're running out of time."

Dick sobbed, crying and holding himself in a ball, the water pressing against every side, every piece of skin was clung to by water.

It was his younger self's voice. And Bruce's. and Superman's. and Canary's. Cobb's. ra's.

And Kaldur's.

"just pick," he said, voice at the edge of his vision, whispering against his ear, "just pick."

Dick sobbed. He wanted to. He wanted to be able to say he was a hero. He wanted to say he was an assassin. He wanted to pick one and move on. He wanted to say he was Renegade. He was Robin. He was Dick. He was Richard.

He wanted to say he'd pick which ever one meant he could be with Kaldur. He wanted to say he'd pick the one where he stayed with his family in Nanda Parbat. He wanted to pick the one where he made up with Wally and everyone else and could be friends with them again.

He wanted them all. He wanted all of them. Why did he have to pick?

"You're the one who's sitting here saying you can't be both."

It was Kaldur's voice, but this time it was Dick who was remembering it, not the echoes of expectations. This time he was trying to think of what the real Kaldur would say. What the real Alex would say. What the real Wally would say. What the real Artemis would say.

"People can forgive and move on, you dummy."

"Dick you should do whatever you want to, need to, to become who you want to be in life. It doesn't matter who's side, what country, which friends, I'll always be here."

"stop worrying about having 'betrayed' the JLA, we can forgive and move on."

Dick opened his eyes, staring at the endless black.

This wasn't real, it wasn't. everything he'd been told by this stupid hallucination was fake.

He remembered Kaldur's mind scape.

"not real," he said into the water, the mutter of sound against endless liquid all he heard.

"not real," he repeated.

And he readied himself and took a deep breath.

He panicked, thrashing. Eyes blown wide. It felt so damn real, it felt like the pits all over again.

But it wasn't real, it wasn't real, it wasn't real.

He could see Cobb before him, could feel him slitting his throat, could feel the blood pooling past his skin onto the concrete.

No, he killed Cobb.

He opened the box and it was a sunstone, Luthor's little commentary, his remark. Dick was an assassin, a cut throat killer, nothing in him but the barbaric ability to kill another human.

No, he was not a monster.

He was standing in that meeting, taking hits from Wally and Barbara, standing awkwardly. This was a whole new world.

It didn't matter.

Dick took another breath and this time there was no choke, no feel of water in his lungs, no panic. He breathed out and there were no bubbles.

"it's not real," Dick said, voice stronger, staring into the dark, "It's not real."

The water disappeared, the dark receded, Dick crashed onto the floor, sputtering and gasping for breath, clothes sodden.

He stood, staring at the sagging, torn big top.

"I choose my life!" he shouted, waiting for his hallucinated friend, "I choose what I want! I want my family, my friends! I want to save the people around me!" he turned around in a circle, waiting for someone to turn against him.

"I choose what I want!" Dick shouted, and the words echoed around in the building, "and that's just life isn't it!" he raised his arms and dropped them, letting them slap against his thighs, "that's just how the world works," he said, smiling, "it's just a bunch of humans fighting for what they want, succeeding in varying degrees."

"you can't," came the smallest voice, a tiny little peep of worry.

"I can," Dick said, "to hell with the consequences, I want my life and I want to live it my way," he hissed, "no more sticking my head in the sand and doing what's expected of me."

His sopping wet clothes dried, the windows righted themselves, the ceiling became fixed. The dark and the cracks and the dust and the shadows disappeared. The floor was new, bright, the manor walls just as perfect. The pictures and paintings were a mix of his life, a scrapbook, a mess.

Just how he liked it, just how he wanted it.

"but what will you do?" whispered that voice, growing ever quieter.

Dick glared into the distance, imagining that voice being squashed beneath his boot, hidden away in the smallest painting, infinitely halved till it became almost nothing.

"I'm gonna save people," Dick said, shrugging, "I'm gonna make small differences, I'm gonna live my life." He smiled at the paintings and pictures, "I'll keep my family, thanks, and I'll make up with Wally and Barbara and everyone else, and I'll chase Kaldur down and ask him for another kiss, because I'm gonna do what I want with my life, cause it's mine."

Dick squared his jaw, took a deep breath, "it always will be."

And he yanked himself into the land of consciousness.

He woke up in his room, shooting up to a sitting position and breathing deeply, staring at his sheets before him in shock.

"wow there, tiger!" Alex laughed, pushing him back down, "get the light show in your eyes under control, take a breath, then sit up."

Dick took a deep breath, he felt his shock slowly slip away and with it his electrum, which had activated in his Lazarus induced panic. He sat up.

"how you feeling?" Alex asked, "want a glass of water?"

"I'm good," Dick laughed, swinging out of bed.

"wow, someone's chipper," she said, eyebrows raised.

"had some enlightenments?" Ra's asked.

Dick looked over at him, sitting on one of the chairs in the centre of the room, "that's one way to say it."

He smiled and nodded, "good," he said, and stood up, "I would like it to be known that I will fulfill the favour your hero friends have asked for."

Alex stared, gaping in shock. Dick smiled, laughing. He ran over and enveloped Ra's in a hug. Alex continued to gape, jaw hitting the ground.

Dick broke the hug, "what made you?"

"something you said, in your little rant," Ra's said "about the excuse I used. 'it's a coward's way out, it's what you say when you can't be bothered to dig in and get to work,' I find myself agreeing."

"you... said that?" Alex asked, staring, she turned to Ra's, "he said that?"

Dick laughed, "I got angry."

"yes," Ra's said, "you're lucky you're family or you'd be in holding over night for that."

Alex rolled her eyes, "right, cause we're such a dictatorship."

"I mean, it's technically a monarchy-"

"shut up, Dick."

As the two siblings laughed Ra's rolled his shoulders and moved towards the door.

"I'll tell Thalia and Damian you've woken, they got worried after the fifth hour."

"wait, what?" Dick asked, turning from Ra's as he left the room, "how long was I out?"

"uh, a good day and a half," Alex shrugged.

"that explains why I'm so hungry," Dick said.

Alex smiled and stood, "well I can fix that, come on."

"oh hell yeah, can we break into the liquor cabinet?"