November 15, 2016

Hi, Vladislav Namestnikov here again with another story to tell. So my team is on the road and tonight we're stopping in my hometown - kind of - Detroit! Okay, the Red Wings are the team I grew up watching and I think you know who my childhood favorite player to watch is...Steve Yzerman! Our General Manager, of course!

But since Yzerman's left them, they've really gone downhill. I mean, Dylan Larkin is the only breath of fresh air the team can bring. And they are so dirty and they cheat. Granted they aren't as bad as Montreal, but they certainly could be.

But now Dylan's in Washington as you all know...so things are REALLY bad.

Little do I know...just how dirty they really are!

After meeting Spacey the Panther, Florida's Yzerchuk, owned by the trio of Reilly Smith, Aleksander Barkov and Jonathan Marchessault, I didn't think things could get more confusing, but then we are sitting in the "meal room" of Joe Louis Arena.

I had just scored a nice goal after not having one in a few games - man it felt like 100 - and my personal chef, Ondrej Palat, drops a large bowl full of string cheese in front of me, followed by sliced cheese, cheese cubes, melted cheese on top of cheese quesadillas, and finally Nachos. "Thanks Pally."

"This is only because you scored last night. Don't get used to it!" Pally grumbles.

I clap my hands and dig into the Nachos first getting cheese all over my fingers, I soon glance up, spotting Pally deliver Kuch's ten plates of cookies to him and then ten bags of Arby's food to Cally [Ryan Callahan]. Then the Czech player sighs and takes a seat with TJ, where there is a group of Olive Garden food for the two of them to dine on.

Across from me, my captain, Stammer, is munching on Ketchup Chips, while Boyler [Brian Boyle] is eating/playing with a basket full of chicken wings and Stralsy [Anton Stralman ]has his fancy chicken, pasta, salad and salmon mix, sitting with Heddy [Victor Hedman], his Swedish partner. Stammer glances over at me and laughingly says, "Easy on the cheese bud, you know what happened the last time..."

"Yeah...I got it!" I say, before digging into the other stuff and jamming a cheese-covered cheese quesadilla and two string cheesesticks into my mouth. "Yum-yum!" I swallow them and smile.

Stammer shakes his head, unable to keep from smiling. "You're something else, Vladislav Namestnikov."

"Your mom is something else, Stammer!" Jo [Jonathan Drouin] remarks from his table with Cally and Ceddy [Cedric Paquette].

Brayden Point sits down at his table with Slater Koekkoek, who is covering his face with his hands. Brayden cocks his head, before there is a snapping sound and a pie zooms upward and smashes into the rookie's face, smearing cream all over him. Brayden gasps and feels his face flush under the white cream.

Cally bursts out in laughter after biting and swallowing a curly fry. "Ha-ha-ha! That pie shot was on POINT!"

Brayden breaks down into tears, wiping the cream off his face. "Not funny, Cally."

"HEY GUYS!" Boyler's voice rings out as he lifts up a chicken wing before his face. "This is what I'm gonna do to Abdelkader tonight!" He then angrily bites into it, tearing the outside from the meat.

"OMG! You're gonna EAT him?" TJ questions with a gasp.

Suddenly the lights flash off, plunging the room into darkness. I hear Stammer get up and race over to me, obviously my captain is thinking the worst, before I feel something slimy wrap around my left wrist. Did cheese get there? I attempt to lift my arm and check, when suddenly my other wrist is halted. Okay, this isn't cheese...

"Stammer!" I whisper-yell.

Then I am yanked backward from my chair, smashing into the same sliminess. And that's when my heart pounds and my gut tells me something isn't right. "STAMMER!!" I shout out before my mouth is covered and I realize that it is a tentacle.

But I am pulled out of the room and into the hallway, where there is more light and I look back into the room to see Stammer lying on the ground. I turn to see that a giant purple octopus has a hold of me. It zooms away with astounding speed with me and takes me to the Red Wings' locker room. I struggle in place, trying to scream for my teammates, but the tentacle over my mouth prevents that from occurring.

Finally I am dumped onto the ground at the feet of Justin Abdelkader. I brush the slime off of me and look up at him as he sneers, "Good work, Abdelsyuk!"

"You have no right to treat me like that!" I snap at him.

Abdelkader snickers and rounds me. "Where's Yzerchuk, blondie?"

I shake my head. "I won't tell you!"

"Then it shall be forced out of you!" Abdelkader remarks.

I tense up, prepared for an attack, but the octopus, Abdelsyuk wraps two tentacles around my wrists and holds me still. I grunt in distress, not liking this octopus guy. And then it hits me! But how did they--get an 'Yzerchuk?'

"I know you're probably thinking, 'how did we, the Red Wings, the dirty Red Wing bastards, get Abdelsyuk?' Are you not?"

I shoot Abdelkader a glare.

"I know you are, so that cute little glare is a yes. You can thank Gary Bettman." Abdelkader smirks.

I gasp. No! The commissioner of the NHL did this? But why?

"That's right, Vladdy. Abdelsuyk, fetch Yzerchuk, please!" Abdelkader snaps the order.

My arms are released once more, but before I can react to the freedom, I am quickly swarmed by Niklas Kronwall and two other Red Wings, who grab me and restrain me in place. Abdelsyuk returns, holding a Nexus One hockey stick with 'Namestnikov' engraved on the shaft.

"Yzerchuk, no!" I gasp, struggling in place. "Ah! Let me go!"

Abdelkader takes Yzerchuk from the octopus. "We'll just be keeping this here with us tonight and you as well!" He strokes Yzerchuk's taped blade with a gloved hand, smirking sinisterly. "Tie him up and gag him!"

"NO!" I jerk forward. "You can't do this!"

"The way I see it, I can!" Abdelkader snarls at me.

Kronwall then binds my wrists together with stick tape behind my back and then wraps it around my head, muffling my cries as I try to scream out for Stammer and my friends to come and save me once again. I kick out and nail Kronwall in the knee, making him yelp in pain momentarily, before he fights through it.

Abdelkader then steps forward and ruffles my hair. "Don't worry, after the game, we MIGHT allow you to go back to your buddies." He laughs and shoves me backward. "Now get him and this stupid stick out of my sight!"

Kronwall snatches Yzerchuk and the other two Wings drag me out of the locker room to a cackling Abdelkader. I kick and scream, putting up a valiant effort but before long I am forced into this cold, dark room and forced to sit down in the corner. Then Yzerchuk is thrown at me, hitting me in the face, which stings.

It's not Yzerchuk's fault. Nor is it him hurting me!

But the door is slammed shut, locking me inside. I try to work the tape pinning my arms back, but it hurts. It's like my skin is being peeled off of me. I choke back on the pain and look up at the ceiling. How the hell am I getting out of here? Tears suddenly come to my eyes as I realize that I won't be able to get out...but also that all that cheese is going to waste!! The poor cheese!

After a few moments though, the door handle jiggles. I scream into the tape, hoping maybe it's Stammer here to rescue me! The door finally creaks open and a small man with brunette hair peeks in. Crap! It's Dylan Larkin! But what's he doing here in Detroit?

Dylan spots me and seems to sigh in relief. He then walks in, closing the door silently behind him. "I was hoping I'd find you in here. I'm so sorry that my ex-team is full of giant jerks who are jealous. I'll get you free and out of here and return you to your team at once!" He smiles sweetly at me. "You're lucky that I had to come back here."

If there was a camera to look into, now would be the moment where I'd look into the camera and break the fourth wall. But I'm just so confused, I mean why is an ex-rookie from Detroit caring about me?

Dylan carefully removes the tape from my mouth and wrists and then helps me to my feet. He then grabs Yzerchuk and hands the hockey stick to me.

"Thanks Dylan...?"

"It's my pleasure. I can't stand when Abdelkader thinks kidnapping you and forcing you and Yzerchuk to remain out of the game isn't cheating!? This team doesn't deserve his leadership or that octopus." He looks to the ground. "I so sorry again."

I put a hand on Dylan's shoulder, grasping Yzerchuk in the other hand. "It's okay, man. I owe you one, thanks...but maybe if you can get control of Abdelsyuk or maybe teach someone to, you can turn things around for Detroit. They deserve a hero like you."

"I can't, cause I'm with Washington, remember? But maybe Manth or Athens can?" Dylan remarks. "I'm trying to sway them. But it's ultimately up to them."  

And just like that, I return to find that Stammer is okay, along with the rest of my team. I tell them about how Dylan had come back and rescued me (right place at the right time for my luck) and Abdelkader and Abdelsyuk the octopus. Stammer is a little miffed that Abdelkader tried to hurt me, but is glad I am alright.

Within moments it is gametime and I am able to at least salvage one cheesestick from my earlier feast, though still heartbroken over the fact that the rest is...(I am wiping away a tear here) gone in the trash.

Oh, and let me just also say that I know Boyler's going to REALLY light up Abdelkader tonight for what he did. It's nice to have friends to have your back and give bullies a piece of their mind!