After that weekend she grew more and more distant. She Stopped reacting to my flirts, she didn't respond to my little "<3"s in
the several games we were playing and while Playing Coop or Multiplayer Games Mike became her go-to partner. I didn't quite know what to do or
say. I mean how could I? I thought whatever was happening between us was real. Our Incredible team plays, the combination of our persuasiveness and
cockiness in talk-based games, the invincibility of whatever we had going on between us etc. But it just took Mike half a day to make all of it fall apart slowly. I really don't know what it was about him that flashed her all that much after everything that happened. I don't know if it was that false self-confidence of his. He always had to show everyone how manly he was, showing off his "masculinity" quite often. Choosing the manliest characters in every game, trying to stand up for Soph every time in any given game when someone actually insulted anyone else quite miserably and childish. It felt like he wanted everyone to know how Masculine and Strong he was, leaving his loyalty and ability to actually play as a team behind.
From this weekend on the Respect, he gave me was non-existent. Every time I told him not to flirt with Soph like I did all the time before he would just laugh it off and don't really care.
I had to watch her slip away more and more day by day. I wasn't even sad anymore. I was curious. I was curious how someone like him, the literal Stereotype of "you can't tell me anything, and I'll break your heart in a week" could break the Bond I was working on for Months now. I was there for her, Wrote a song because she felt bad, drew pictures and never went to sleep without making her laugh or smile with a nice sentence or compliment. It was so easy for her to leave me all alone because the boys wanted to play games I didn't own with her but when I wanted to play the game he doesn't own she was like "we can't just leave him out."
I didn't demand to have more attention than him, I really didn't. If he's a better friend to her it's great she found him for herself.
I demanded ANY time at all. Days went by and I got left out more and more. They would play without even asking me and if they asked they were like "well now that mike is gone you can join if you want" and when I complained I was either met with a Day of being ignored or a "We have a connection, I don't hate you."

The longer I waited, the longer I watched them have fun without me, the more I started doubting whether said connection was actually going both ways or if she simply isn't sure what she wants or doesn't want to break my heart by telling me that whatever we had was over. I do understand that the situation is really tiring and stressful for her and I don't hate her, I really don't. But seeing how easily she can just erase me out of her daily life and ignore me fully for DAYS just leaves me asking myself if everything she said to me was actually true or something else. I'm not saying she's lying but not sure about her feelings.

Now that writing every 10 Minutes and playing every eve turned to Not really playing or talking for 2 Weeks ongoing.

'I actually might love you' every once in a while and Flirts every 5 mins turned into simply 'don't worry I don't hate you'

'I would never leave you alone' turned into something like 'well you'll be alone for weeks but I don't want you to play with your friends or complain about the fact that you're hurt'

The at least 20 Daily good night texts, cause we couldn't stop talking turned into unanswered single "good night"s sent by me
And every Conversation turns into a fight I can't even see the glowing bond we had in all that darkness. I am happy that she can release her anger but reflecting her Anger like this on me because I actually give a fuck about our relationship is not the right way.
She locked me out again. The 100 Walls I had to break through to get to her are up again, higher and thicker than ever. And Mike is already two-thirds of the way through and he has taken my position by changing his behavior around her. Listening to her music with her and all that stuff I used to do with her so naturally.
I feel like I'm stuck in a Submarine that's running out of air and is still sinking.
I won't complain tho, I'll keep my feelings to myself, slowly suffocating. I won't ever annoy her with my shit again.
For this group of people, I will always feel good. I am pretty good at lying when it comes to someone asking how I feel.
I am fine. I am Good.
I don't know what to believe in anymore but I'll hold on just a little longer. It's always darkest before the light.