This was the end of a horrible Sunday I could've spent with my Family but anyways. I forgave her. Everyone's feeling bad sometimes physically and
she has some serious problems going on sometimes.
I had school the next day so I tried to sleep. You can tell I went to school quite tired. 2 of my Lessons were canceled so I asked Jake if he wanted to come around because I didn't want to be alone. Soph told me that she'll pick me up from school with Jake so we called her to make sure she was ready when he'll come around to pick her up. I just wanted to see her again. There was so much going on in my Mind since that Party.

I wasn't really confident anymore. I didn't know whether I should just be her best friend or still stay in that stupid competition the boys made up. I didn't want to make Soph uncomfortable anymore. I knew how it felt to have like 3 people trying to get to you. And it gets even worse if they start going crazy over each other. Do I take that kiss serious? Was she too drunk to do so? Am I interpreting things differently? Does she think about this stuff too? Am I out of my mind? I was overwhelmed. I am 18, yes but I only let two people get that close to me. I didn't know how much value she puts in the stuff that happened or if she remembers all of it. But as I said. I wanted to be there for her as a "normal" person.
I mean I thought about going to Vinyl Stores with her, one day just go all indie and explore cities at night and feel like we're on top of the world like the Music Video that's linked up below. But before all of that, I wanted to be her safe haven. Be there for her no matter what and if that meant I would have to watch her finding a Boyfriend and being all over and in love with him then so be it. I never thought that I deserved someone's attention more than others and yeah, I still am a Girl and Mike, for example, is a tall guy with a rather muscular Body that has a steady income and is in her preferred Age range. Why should I compete with someone like him? But I can think and talk about this Topic like forever so We'll just cut it here.
Anyways, I waited out school and looked forward to seeing her but when I arrived at Jakes car she wasn't there. I mean I shouldn't put so much weight on this but I was a little disappointed thinking about that I ended the Call before witch "don't let me down" but yeah she simply just wasn't ready.
So we made our way to Mikes House and I stayed in the car thinking that it wouldn't take so long and that she was ready. Well, I waited for half an hour in front of Mikes House since they didn't even start to pack her things.
On the Way to my House I quite quickly noticed something was up because a) she didn't look me in the eyes once and b) she seemed more nervous than
a student who's about to write their A-levels without preparing for them once.
Jake was wrecked tired and I told him to sleep a little in my Bedroom. I closed the door behind him and went outside with her to take photos for
her Project. That was when I asked her if something was wrong for the first time. She told me that everything was alright but I knew that wasn't true.
We finished up taking Photos and moved back inside to my computer and since Photoshop takes AGES to open I had some time to ask her again.
Still, she stated that everything was good and she quickly changed the topic to the Party Evening.
She told me that nothing happened at mikes place except for the Movie watching. I didn't question it in the first place since I trusted her and she already told me 10 times the day before.
It made the whole thing sound like she was trying to convince herself that nothing happened. But I didn't question it since I Trusted her with that and she looked me in the eyes while telling me.
Jake was still asleep and we had some spare alone time. I decided to do something I wanted to do the day before. I took my Guitar, we sat down in my shower and I sang a song for her. It's called "Like Lovers Do" by Madeline Juno. Halfway through the Song, she started crying. I didn't know what happened but she looked so down and broken in that Moment I hurt me to see that. I just sat beside her and Hugged her. I didn't know what to do else.
After some time she tried to form a sentence, her Voice Cracking "I lied to you." I couldn't be mad. How could i. Seeing her this Sad and broken
over this I just wanted her to be happy again.
I asked what she'd done. She told me that as soon as Mike and her were alone he wanted to kiss and touch her. And that she didn't stop it from
happening until it was to late.
I won't lie, this was really fucking with my head. I was DISGUSTED and felt betrayed by Mike and all along Soph lied me in the Face. Like, she looked me in the eyes and lied to me. But i couldn't be Mad. I knew she was drunk. I knew she felt alone and I knew that Mike was exactly her type.
Moreover, I wasn't in the Position to be upset. She's not my Girlfriend. She can do whatever she pleases. But i was hurt by the fact that she was so scared to tell me the Truth that she would lie to me.
But Mike really Disgusted me. He can take some drinks. He was more sober than drunk. I gave Soph the Space she told me she needed,
i wanted her to feel comfortable and he took advantage of that. They met in Real Life for the first time and all he could think about was sleeping with her. That's what he calls "Love."
The Good guys never win. I mean i won't let this take the good out of me. I have a pure conscience. I mean I regret not doing or saying things
as much as other people would but at least I know I didn't do things others would regret.
But there's one thing that I just can't get out of my Head. The Shirt she wore, the shirt Mike probably threw in a dusty corner, I made it.
She was wearing the T-Shirt I embroidered for her. I sat at my desk until 4 am just to get it ready in time.
I wanted to at least keep the interactions between Soph and me for my self. I felt Special. I felt like no one could get as close to her as me.
Well, he destroyed that. He destroyed my Confidence. He destroyed my trust in myself. He destroyed the Magic of that moment.
I hope he's happy now...